Premonition of Peace (Her Immortal Monsters #3)

Chapter 5

five

LUCIFER

I felt a sharp zinging jolt, like being yanked backward through a narrow tunnel. My eyes snapped open, and the library I had been in had vanished, replaced now by the familiar confines of her bedroom. I wasn’t sure how to make sense of what I’d seen. It was her, but multiple. Each dressed differently and they were talking to each other.

Nathalie’s light brown eyes swirled with a mix of confusion and rage. I looked at her and she stared at me like animals caught in a challenge of who would move first, neither of us wanting to be the one to do it.

“What was that?” she finally asked, her voice tight with defensiveness. I had clearly struck a chord. One I didn’t even know existed.

“I’m not even sure,” I admitted. I’d been sitting on the guest bed, mourning my intended role as her guardian-stalker when I was suddenly transported elsewhere. To a library so large it rivaled The Library of Alexandria.

Nathalie’s eyes narrowed, her arms crossing over her chest as it heaved in angry breaths. “How did you do that? How did you enter my mind?”

Her mind? It made sense. In a completely insane way. But if I wasn’t in her mind, where else would I see multiple versions of my little witch, all dressed like caricatures of her personality? I’d been there for a few moments, stunned into silence, as I listened to them debate.

“I’m telling you, little witch, I truly don’t know.” I held my hands up in surrender under the power of her angry, wild glare. “I was sitting in the guest room one minute, and in that library the next.”

She looked away and muttered, seemingly to herself. “This makes no sense. I created the loci. He shouldn’t be able to enter it. Something’s not right.”

I wanted badly to ask questions, but it didn’t take a genius to know she was deeply happy about this turn of events. I could see the vulnerability in her face, the rawness of having her most private sanctuary invaded. After we just had a conversation about privacy and space, I can only guess how thoroughly I’d crossed a boundary I hadn’t known about.

“Little witch,” I said softly, getting her to look at me. “I’m sorry for startling you. I didn’t mean to do that.”

“What exactly did you see?” she asked, still on edge.

“Versions of you,” I said slowly, not wanting to spook her even more. “A library. Some back and forth about searching through childhood memories.” The whole thing was unexpected to say the least.

She muttered some more to herself, looking away once again. Weighing my options, I decided to push just a little bit. See if I could get even a few answers.

“May I ask,” I proceeded cautiously, “what it was that I found myself in?”

“No, you may not,” she said with a glare. I wanted to fight it. To snatch her up and demand answers because my obsession with her knew no bounds. But she wasn’t in a place to share, and I wasn’t jeopardizing anything. I would learn all about this place in her mind soon enough.

“Understood.” I dipped my chin, making a show of washing my hands of it. “I will let it be.”

She scoffed. “That’s it? You’re just going to magically drop it?”

I nodded. “I just told you we had nothing but time. It’s clear you need it. I’m not pushing this.” I turned to leave her room.

“Wait.” Nathalie sighed, running a hand through her hair.

“Yes?”

“I call it my memory loci,” she said reluctantly, wrapping her arms defensively around her body.

“And what purpose does it serve?” I asked, keeping my tone gentle. Well, gentle for me.

“I have an eidetic memory, and that can be overwhelming at times. All the time, really.” She watched me carefully, monitoring my reaction. “I never forget a single thing I see, hear, or experience. I needed a way to organize my thoughts, or I’d go insane. That’s where the memory loci came to exist. This is my way of organizing.”

“And the different versions of you?” I prodded, encouraging her to keep talking. I had Nathalie when it came to her body. She came undone for me in the sweetest ways, but I wanted more. I wanted to know her inside and out and I had a feeling this new discovery was something close to who she was at her core.

And I wanted it. Bad.

She shot me a sharp look. “What about them?”

“Where do they come from?”

“Why? Hoping you can fuck them?”

“Nathalie.” I fixed her with a look. “I’m your familiar—like it or not—and there’s a reason our psyches were close enough to push me into your mind in the first place. Is it such a far reach to be curious about these other versions of you?”

“Maybe that speaks more to how pushy you are than to how close we are.”

I sighed, leveling her with a stare that begged her to be honest.

“Look at me like that all you want. You still didn’t answer my question.”

“I wasn’t thinking about fucking them,” I answered. But I am now. Nope, not going to say that. I could only imagine how poorly that would go. Which is why even if the thought now occurred to me, I wouldn’t be acting on it.

“Fine,” she grumbled, glancing away as she explained. “Each version of me represents a different aspect of my personality. I’m known as the Prime because I’m the main self and the one calling the shots. Ann is the analytical side of me. The Warden is the protector. Peace is the part of me that wants to bury my head in the sand and just live—without taking care of everyone else. Caretaker is her opposite. She’s the nurturer. Bad Nat is the uninhibited one, and . . . that’s it.”

“So, when you disappear into your head, you’re quite literally inside this memory loci, and what? Discussing things with them?” She seemed embarrassed but gave me confirmation with a single nod.

“I know it’s weird that I talk with myself but . . . yeah.”

“I wouldn’t call it weird.” I gave her an appraising look, seeing her more clearly. “I wouldn’t know what having a photographic memory is like, but I have lived for a very long time. Existence like that . . . you have to forget in order to keep moving. I can’t imagine remembering every facet of life in perfect clarity.”

She flashed me an almost grateful look. As I absorbed her words, the pieces clicked together in my mind.

“So, that’s where you go when you stare off into space,” I said, more to myself than to her.

She pressed her lips together, a slight blush coloring her cheeks. “It helps me process everything. But it’s supposed to be private.”

I stepped closer, my expression softening. “I won’t tell anyone, little witch. Your secret is safe with me.”

Nathalie’s eyes searched mine, looking for any hint of deception. Finding none, she finally nodded, a small, relieved smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “Thank you, Luci.”

“What were you doing in there just now?” Cocking my head, I reached out and rubbed a tense spot in her shoulder. “If you tell me, maybe I can help too.”

She groaned as I worked at the tense spots, but didn’t say anything for a bit. I kept massaging, hoping that she would let me in. Breaking through her walls was not going to be easy. It seemed since being back in the flesh, it might have actually gotten harder. Finally though, she spoke.

“I need everyone to go through my childhood memories to find anyone with chaos magic. I won’t say more than that,” she admitted before giving a shake of her head. “I’m not planting a seed in anyone’s head.”

“You have a suspect.”

“It’s speculation.”

“Is it? You can see their magic. What color was it?”

She pressed her lips together tightly, nostrils flaring. “I don’t know. Not-Sasha camouflaged it.” It was clear from the worry lines between her brows that she’d been thinking about this from the moment she realized it.

“That’s . . . unfortunate.” And cause for considerably more concern.

“Isn’t it?” She sighed and shook her head again. “If I’m wrong, people could die.”

“People might die either way. You can’t take that on yourself.”

“Sure, but if I’m wrong and we make certain assumptions, it could kill a lot of people. Besides, that’s not the only thing we were going to discuss. We’re still trying to figure out these murders, and where Katherine is now. Also a way to save Marcel . . .” Her face twisted in phantom pain for a moment before clearing. “It’s a lot I’m trying to sort through, honestly.”

“You know that you don’t have to be the only one who figures out the plan to save the world,” I reminded her, moving my hand to cup the back of her neck. I pulled her closer and her breath caught in her throat.

“Maybe not, but in this case, it feels like a personal attack that I need to defend,” she confessed, eyes flittering away from mine for a split second, seemingly needing an escape from the intensity of my gaze.

“Let others help you,” I urged softly, my eyes flickering from hers to her lips and back again. “Let me help you.”

“Luci,” she murmured, her voice trailing off. I leaned forward and brushed my lips against her. I told myself I just wanted a little taste. But as it always was when it came to this woman, a little wasn’t nearly enough to satiate me. Still, I held back, not wanting to push her any further tonight.

I might be the devil, but I wasn’t stupid. I could recognize she was pushed to her metaphorical edge.

Pulling back, I added, “Also, you need to get some actual sleep. You can’t save the world if you crash. Go get some rest. Not just retreat into the loci. Everything will still be there when you wake up in the morning.”

She made a sound of agreement and began to leave. Unable to help it, I gripped her tighter for a second longer and then I let go, allowing her to walk away. Reluctantly, I might add—but I knew my place with her was fragile right now. Everything was happening quickly, between Samhain and somehow entering her most private space—she was bound to run if I pushed too hard or pushed too far. My little witch was not the kind of woman you could force into a position she did not want to be in. Out of the bedroom, anyway. I bit back a smile at the thought.

I turned to leave her room heading back to the guest room that might as well be a doghouse.

“Goodnight, Lucifer.” Her soft whisper broke the silence, and it took everything for me not to go back to her.

“Goodnight, Nathalie,” I said, inhaling her heady juniper and lilac scent as I closed the door behind me.

For a moment, I stood there, gathering my thoughts. Already I could hear her tiny, soft snore and even breathing as she fell into an immediate sleep.

I groaned, wishing I could turn around and go back to her. Nathalie was my only weakness. I’d give her anything she wanted, just to be near her for the rest of my life. She could ask me to relinquish my title as the devil, and if that is what her heart desired, I would do it. For her. She truly didn’t understand the pull she had over me.

That simple fact put us both in danger. Probably more than I was willing to admit.