Primal Kill (The Order of Vampires #5)

Chapter 38

CHAPTER 38

“ C an’t sleep?”

Dane’s eyes jolted from the book to the door. “You startled me.”

“Sorry. Immortal habit.” Lazarus crossed the study and looked down at the desk where Dane had been hunched for hours. Pulling the old book across the leather surface, he turned the cover to read the spine. “You’re looking for information on the shadow-wolf?”

Dane sat back with a huff. “Unsuccessfully.”

“Their lore is very guarded. Even seasoned immortals cannot enter the mind of a shadow-wolf unless welcomed in. And there is no hope for reading them once in wolf form.”

“All these rules,” Dane grumbled, picking at his fingernail. “Everything’s so absolute until it’s not.”

“Life is full of exceptions, son.”

He sagged in defeat. “And never good ones.”

Lazarus lowered into the wingback chair across from the desk. “Don’t shortchange yourself. You’re still young. Others would be foolish to underestimate you.”

“Because I’m draugr ?” He turned his face in shame. “I hate that he’s still a part of me.”

“We all come from something, Dane. No one gets to choose. But understanding our genealogy can unlock many secrets.”

“Like what a monster I am?—”

“Enough,” Lazarus snapped, surprising Dane. “We’re all capable of becoming monsters. It’s our self-control that determines the outcome more than anything else—including whatever our DNA claims. You’ve only just become a man. Give yourself time to unravel what that means.”

“It means nothing.”

“Doesn’t it? You have a half-brother.”

“So?”

“Christian is also part draugr. ”

“Yeah, and he’s a total asshole. Now, I see why.”

Lazarus cocked a brow, looking unimpressed. “Trust me when I tell you, Dane, the draugen are often haunted by the past. They get lost in it and miss lifetimes of everything the present world offers. You can either dwell on the unchangeable or put your energy elsewhere. If you don’t like the destiny you’ve been dealt, why don’t you work on designing a better future for yourself. No one is stopping you.”

“I know you’re right.” He couldn’t work through the anger pumping inside of him. He felt like there was a hurricane under his skin.

Lazarus moved to the wall covered in bookshelves and searched the spines. “There is one story you might want to read.”

Sliding an old book free, he blew the dust off the cover. The spine creaked when he opened it and the pages ruffled like dry leaves in an autumn breeze.

“We don’t know much about the shadow-wolves, but we do know how they came to be.” Lazarus set the book onto the desk.

The aged parchment made the tome especially thick, but there was very little to it. The cover was black and oiled with strange engravings burned into the leather. “What language is this?”

“Old Norse. It was once the language of Europe.”

Dane pulled it closer. A painting of a bright red leaf filled the first page. “What does this say?"

Lazarus glanced at the inscription and read, “When the gods created man, they also created war.”

Dane turned the page. Another crude, glyph-like illustration. This one in brown ink and depicting men fighting with spears and bows. He didn’t have to read the words for Dane to follow the story.

Men were apparently fighting in many wars, which angered the gods. A great light resembling biblical depictions of the Holy Spirit approached an older man and a young boy and gifted them magical fur pelts, which they donned as cloaks. They were then transformed into enormous wolves. The gods wanted the wars to end. The wolves defeated the armies as the book illustrated in great carnage.

Dane turned the page. “Is this his son?”

“Yes.”

Red ink bled across the parchment. The boy lay amongst the forest trees, wounded, as the father stole the pelts.

“He killed his son?”

“Lupine comes from the Latin word lupus, which means wolf. Shadow-wolves are a rare primordial breed, but at their core, they’re dogs—loyal to the hand that feeds them but hounds at the heart. They possess a wild magick, very different from the sort witches and sorcerers practice. It comes from the ancient gods rather than nature. Sacrifice is at the core.”

Dane turned the page. A black bird gifted the boy with a red leaf pinched between his beak. “I don’t understand.”

“The raven is offering an exchange—the boy’s life for that of another.”

“The father’s?”

Lazarus nodded. “The gods bestowed power in exchange for peace. The father abused that power and created havoc.”

The next page showed the boy healed and the father deceased. “This doesn’t make sense. The Order believed in one God. The shadow-wolves believe in many. So how are they divinely called if they worship separate deities?”

“The shadow-wolves are very careful not to anger the gods since they exist at their mercy. Faith is only a story we tell ourselves. It changes like secrets stretched over generations. But the bones are all the same. Immortals—even the atheists—will eventually be called. It has absolutely nothing to do with how they pray and everything to do with what the universe decides.”

The Universe, Gods, The Bible… It was all colliding into chaos. “How long do lycan live?”

“Close to two thousand years. They’re said to feed off the essence of mortals.”

“They drink blood?”

“I believe their feeding habits are slightly different than ours.” He tapped his temple. “Remember, sacrifice. Everything they do must somehow serve the gods.”

Tension clamped down on his shoulders and neck as he thought about Grace. “Are they cruel?”

“Cruelty exists in every species. It’s an individual trait, not a predisposed one.” He removed the book from the desk and closed it. “Regardless, we cannot change destiny. It’s clear you care for the female who followed us to the cave, and I’m sorry for that. Chances are, the mating is done. There’s nothing anyone can do to sever such a bond.”

Dane couldn’t catch his breath. Seething, he got up and paced. The thought of that thing putting his hands on Grace …

He stared out the window at the black night. Had it happened already? Was Gracie’s innocence gone? Was she okay?

“I should have stayed.” Regret weighed him down like iron chains.

“There was nothing you could do.”

“She’s innocent.”

“They all are, at some point.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because lies are what monsters are made of. Real men face the truth. They own it, overcome it, and certainly do not fear it.”

Dane wanted to be stronger than he felt, but life had a way of cutting him down five feet every time he grew an inch. “I’m working on acceptance.”

“You have time. It’s my understanding that, once the bonding is done, she’ll go through a pack orientation with the others. If you hear from her, it won’t be for some time.”

He stilled. “Pack orientation? What does that mean?” When he purposely didn’t answer, Dane scowled. “Lazarus, tell me.”

“They are dogs, Dane. Their loyalty is to the gods and their pack, nothing else. They’ll do whatever is necessary to keep their bloodlines alive. Unlike immortals, they only have a small window to mate.”

“But Gracie is immortal. She’s not a wolf.”

“But they are, and she now belongs to their pack. They are one. What belongs to one brother belongs to all of them. They’ll expect a litter. It’s how they diversify their species and outlive extinction.”

“What?” He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t see past the blinding rage clouding his mind. “Why are you saying they ? Mates don’t share.”

“Immortal mates don’t.”

There was no escaping the volcanic rage building inside of him. He was going to explode. “I have to save her.”

“You can’t.”

“She’s not like them! You don’t understand! She’s innocent! Litters? Packs? None of this is right!”

“Except it is. She accepted her fate, Dane. There was no compulsion in that cave when she left with him.”

“She doesn’t know what she’s consenting to!”

“He protected her the way a mate should. They will work out their differences in time, like all mates. Do not think to interfere, Dane. They will kill to protect their own, and Gracie is now one of theirs.”

But she wasn’t. She was his. His Gracie. “I need to…” He shook his head, certain there was no place he could go to outrun the sick feeling inside of him.

Lazarus clamped a heavy hand on his shoulder. “Self-control, Dane. Steer your energy where it’s most useful. Do not waste it on that which you cannot change.”

His fist closed around a small shell set on the windowsill. He squeezed it until it shattered into dust. He thought about Abilene, Gracie’s mother.

“What if she can’t get pregnant?”

“She’s immortal. Of course she can. Our females are in impeccable health.”

He shook his head. “Her mother had miscarriages. A lot of them.”

Lazarus frowned. “With her mate?”

His gaze dropped. “No. Her father was called to another.”

“There’s your answer. That’s not the case for Gracie.”

Was it that simple? It couldn’t be. “They have five other kids together.”

“Five children in how many years? Our females are eternally fertile, Dane. My wife is far from finished bearing young. When her grief passes, we will try again. And our next will be our twelfth.”

How sad it was that they had twelve kids and only one survived. “How do you do it? How do you manage not to lose your mind after what he took from you?”

“Like I said, we’re all capable of becoming monsters. Humanity comes down to self-control.”

Nodding his understanding, he tried to control his anger. With shaky breath, Dane tried to face the truth. “This is going to destroy her.”

“She is immortal. We aren’t destroyed easily. With time on her side, she’ll eventually adapt to their culture. ”

“And what of her offspring? If two supernatural genes create a wild gene, her children won’t be like either of them, so will it really do anything to save them from extinction?”

“Perhaps that’s why she was chosen. Evolution works without the interference of man.”

She was more than a womb. More than a vessel to save their fucking bloodline.

“I can smell your outrage, son. You mustn’t do anything foolish. He’s a purebred shadow-wolf. His brethren will defend him and his mate to the death.”

“I’m not an idiot. I know I can’t interfere. But I don’t have to like it, and I’ll never accept that her fate comes down to being a breeder for a pack of dogs.” He shoved past him and headed for the door.

“Dane.”

“What?” He couldn’t face any more truth tonight.

“I’m truly sorry for your pain.”

“So am I.”