Prince: Love Always Wins

Prince

Sleep wasn’t coming like usual for me lately. I walked into my kitchen and headed straight to the fridge. The stainless steel appliance triggered and highlighted blue when I touched the handle. Stainless steel was always my preference. It was easier to clean, giving my kitchen the sleek appeal I desired. I was a visual man. I came to that conclusion long ago. More so than anyone that I knew. Unless it looked just right, I would obsess over it until it did. That’s how I got into the I’ll do the shit myself phase. Could I call it a phase really? It was now a fundamental part of my personality that caused me just as much irritation as it caused others.

I grabbed a water bottle, opened it, and tilted it up.

3:17.

I had a six-a.m. wake up time, and at this point, I may as well get a workout in, shower, and take my ass to work. Lately, I woke up searching. For what? Only God knew. I drove the demons away that I created, and now the ones that I was running from were on my ass like a damn supervisor. Memories fought against new realities of love I mourned that I never should have held in the first place. I had to face this shit, and it was one of the hardest mountains I had to climb. I knew too well the feeling of that mountain being on top of me. So this was the hard I was choosing. I had to conquer the things in front of me. Myself, mainly. Whether it was lack or abundance, I had to handle it. I kept it moving all day, so I didn’t have to think, but my mind was showing me that no matter what, I had to give credence to what held me hostage. Even if it was in the middle of the night.

“What are you doing up so late?” Alexis’s soft voice could be heard over my back. I tipped the water back up and finished it before I responded.

“Couldn’t sleep.” I turned, and my eyes swept over her body. Her mocha skin was exposed entirely as she flaunted the perfect birthday suit. A smile pressed on her lips as she stepped forward. She was beautiful.

“I thought after round two you would’ve been knocked out like me. If it weren’t for my internal alarm, I would’ve been sleeping, too.”

“Go back to bed. Get some rest.”

“Is everything okay, ?”

“I’m fine.” I wasn’t getting into the conversation. Not right now. I felt my nerves start to rise, and I wasn’t going to bridle my thoughts quickly enough before they escaped my lips. It wasn’t her fault I didn’t want anyone in my presence while I worked through my shit. I put her ass through the mattress, and lately, instead of going home like she always did, she opted to stay nights. I had more respect than to kick a woman out I just laid with. Plus, Alexis was a good woman. She just wasn’t my woman, and she never would be. What started as something that we both agreed should’ve been casual was getting blurred. For one, I’d never been that type for casual shit. I thought somehow playing by a different set of rules for once would keep me safe. It did, but I craved what I missed while breaking my fucking neck to run from it.

“It just seems like you are so distant. I really like you, , if you haven’t noticed. I just want to know that I’m not wasting my time here.” Her brown eyes looked into mine. Her Amazon frame of 5’8 and not shying away from heels, even at her highest height, she still fell below my 6’4 stature. I closed my eyes briefly. She was a woman. Delicate and soft. Emotional, and no matter how much of an asshole I could be, she didn’t deserve that from me because she was trying. I was just so fucking numb. No, I was choosing numbness over feelings. A deliberate choice because if being moved was what I wanted, I could go to the last place that stirred me. The last time a simple brush of the lips made me want to build a fucking house in the middle of the night. Feelings got me fucked, and my wounds were too fresh to risk.

“,” she whispered my name again, and her soft hand landed on mine.

“I would love to tell you all the right words, Lex. I just—"

“Don’t even finish it, . I get it. It can take time to get over some—"

“Aye!” The sharpness of my voice made her jump, and I felt bad instantly. I had no desire to talk about that shit. I had no intention of her even knowing what my scars were. Unfortunately, that came with the territory since she started as my rehab therapist. I should have known better. I needed more after my brother’s wedding. There are so many things a small vacation raises to the surface. I wanted control. I couldn’t spiral. Not again.

“I’ll just go,” she spoke quietly. She sat there momentarily, wanting me to stop her. I didn’t for the both of us. This was over. It never should have started in the first place but vulnerable places led to vulnerable decisions. Months that I’m sure would be listed in the regrets category of her mind. Finally, her feet moved in the other direction while I stayed planted. Only when I heard the front door close, and my alarm began to chime, did I begin moving again. I looked at my watch and disabled the alarm so she could move out of the gate securely. I watched her safely turn out of the driveway before I killed the video feedback and walked to my gym.

My home was everything I could imagine. A part of me wanted to shut off the world. I didn’t leave the house much other than to work. Temptation didn’t bother me anywhere like it used to, but I was over meaningless people and conversations. Maybe it was the age that was on my ass. I would be thirty-one soon, and lately, I could get back to what was necessary. I had pulled my world down around me in bouts of grief, but now I was building it back up. Royalty Restoration was beginning to get back to turning a profit and exceeding all my goals for it—six months of dedication and hard work. Still, there was this emptiness that I couldn’t outrun. This longing that I couldn’t keep at bay.

Weights.

I placed the barrels on the bar and sat under them. I was going to push these until I couldn’t think about the things that I couldn’t do anything about or it was time to get my ass to my site. Whichever came first. My phone chimed. I knew who it was, but on the off chance it could have been my brother or sister, I racked the bar to go check. I left my people without my protection long enough. The time I lost myself, I could never get back, but I was working overtime to make it up. They were both grown, and Priest was damn sure capable of taking care of himself. Pria was another story, but as the big brother, it was still my responsibility to tie this family together. Something I’d done since I was a child. I reached for my phone and read the text.

I know you don’t want to talk about the things that happened in your past. You don’t have to but don’t let it take away from your future. Our future. We work together. Just believe that good things will happen. I’d still like to go forward with our plans this weekend. Just let me know.

It wasn’t my brother or sister, but I knew it wouldn’t be. I left Alexis on read. I did that for both of us. She would only try to convince me I was overreacting. I was sure Alexis wasn’t it. I’d been through so much shit, and at this point, I thought going through the motions would suffice. Quickly I found I didn’t want to be next to someone I could live without. The only thing scarier than that was being next to someone I couldn’t. Silence would be my choice, and I just had to find a way to deal with the shit.

I pushed a few more reps, showered and was out of the door on my way to work.