Promises & Pen Names (The Riley Siblings #1)

13. Sidney

Chapter Thirteen

SIDNEY

I really need to get my shit together.

I can’t keep doing this, especially not now. Yet somehow I can’t bring myself to eat the salad in front of me.

Instead, I just push it around with my fork, watching the lettuce get soggier, the cheese clump, the onions going all limp and floppy.

A dry heave comes out of nowhere and I slide the salad right off my desk into the trash.

I can’t throw up, not again.

I thought it was a good sign when I didn’t spend my entire shower on the floor puking into the drain but clearly, I was wrong. All it took was walking back into this high school and my need to vomit came back with a vengeance.

Thankfully, first period is a lesson planning block so I sipped ginger ale and snacked on saltines until my stomach stopped churning.

Second period I did ok, didn’t get too nauseous and managed to power through my lesson and pop quiz relatively unscathed.

Halfway through third period I had to excuse myself as smoothly as possible before I ran down the hall to the girl’s bathroom and barfed in one of the stalls while a couple of juniors stood outside totally unfazed and talking about our varsity quarterback like he was god’s gift to hormonal teenagers everywhere. They didn’t seem to notice my spot-on impression of a t-Rex while I threw up everything I’ve ever eaten and if they did, bless them for not saying anything.

Fourth period was basically the same except I decided to try for the bathroom in the teacher’s lounge so I had some privacy and ended up body checking Mrs. Hamilton—the older than dirt librarian—into the water cooler before I puked in the sink instead.

I made it through fifth period ok and thought I might take a shot at the lunch I brought with little intention to eat during my designated lunchtime, but clearly that was a mistake. The smell of the dressing, the appearance of the wilted vegetables, the sound it all makes while I push it around. Yeah, that shit has me dry heaving like a motherfucker right now and since there isn’t anything left in my gut to evacuate, I’m just gagging really hard while I try not to pee my pants.

Well, pee my leggings underneath the cute fifties style dress I have a million of and typically wear when I’m teaching. But the sentiment is the same.

“Ms. Porter? Are you ok?”

I cringe at the sound of Kelly Price’s voice, a senior in my advanced lit class and normally someone I enjoy having around. Just not when my face is in the trash can.

“I’m fine, Kelly”— gag— “Just a little”— gag, gag, heave —“a little“— heave, almost pee, heave, gag— “Just not feeling so well.”

“Do you want me to get the nurse?”

“No… thank you.” I finally come up for air, slowly so I don’t wind up back in there. “I’ve been a little under the weather. ”

Her big blue eyes blink at me from behind thick glasses. “Is that why you took so much time off after spring break? Were you sick?”

Not unless you count stupidity and heartache as diseases. “Not really, I just had a lot of stuff going on. I’ll be fine though, so don’t worry. What can I do for you, hon? Class doesn’t start for another fifteen minutes.”

“I know.” She sighs. “Can I be totally honest with you?”

I nod, flatten my palm over my stomach and pray I don’t get the sudden urge to yak on her. “Of course. Is everything ok?” Then I lower my voice and lean toward her. “Everything ok at home?”

Kelly has been in one of my classes every year since her freshman year and I’ve gotten to know her pretty well. She’s incredibly smart, kind, so very sweet but she’s painfully shy and has a hard time making friends. And unfortunately, the poor girl also has a rough home life.

She nods. “Dad’s fine, so is Daddy.”

“Good. Is he still doing radiation?”

“Yeah, it’s going pretty well. Only a few treatments left before they think he can take a break. Daddy is so over it.”

I smile as she giggles. “And your mom hasn’t been poking around?”

“Nope.” Kelly shakes her head firmly. “Not since Dad had the restraining order issued.”

“I’m so glad to hear that.” Probably would be more convincing if I didn’t belch at the end, but oh well. “So, what’s up, hon?”

“I just, well to be honest I was worried about you. You’ve been my favorite teacher for four years and you’ve never taken that much time off before,” she says as she pushes her glasses up her nose. “Not even when Sloane had walking pneumonia or when Jack broke his arm in three places. Missing the first week of school the year you had Holden is probably the closest but still, you’ve never been out that long, and I was worried.”

“I appreciate that, Kelly, but I’m ok. Just some personal stuff going on. Nothing that will require that much time off again.” Not before Kelly graduates in the next two months anyway. “No worries, ok?”

But then she chews her cheek and looks down for a second. “Ms. Porter... I also wanted to... well, I wanted to ask you something else.”

“Ok...”

“I saw this picture online, from a book signing in Orlando...”

Oh dear god.

Oh no.

I can’t handle this right now, not even a little.

It’s one thing for her to have seen my face somewhere with my pen name, figured out Sidney Porter and Harper King are one in the same—Kelly is a huge reader so it’s totally possible—but it’s something else entirely if she says anything about Blake.

If she brings him up in any capacity I will totally fall apart and probably throw up, then I’ll definitely pee my leggings before I quit my job and run out of here crying.

I can’t do this.

“Ok...”

Kelly pushes her glasses up again and starts fiddling with the end of her super blonde braid. “You can tell me to mind my own business if I’m out of line but-but I saw this picture and?—”

“Hey, Miss P! You’re back!” shouts Dexter Hargrove. Tight end on the varsity team. Straight A student. A little cocky but nice, popular but kind to everyone. “Oh, hey, Kell-bell.”

A fierce blush paints her cheeks as she drops her eyes and smiles soft and shy. “Hi, Dexter.”

Dexter Hargrove also happens to be the boy Kelly has been crushing on since he moved here when they were sophomores. She’s way too shy and insecure to notice, but I’m pretty sure Dexter has been crushing on her too.

“How’s it going, Hargrove?” I grin as he stares at Kelly. “Been staying out of trouble?”

He turns to me with a smirk. “You know it. Gotta keep my nose clean if I want a shot at University of Georgia in the fall.”

“U of G?” Kelly sits up a little taller. “You’re going there?”

Dexter nods. “That’s the plan. Got a football scholarship but I gotta make sure my grades stay good.”

“Awesome,” she says with a sigh.

“Where are you going, Kell-bell?”

She blushes and man this is adorable, definitely what I needed after the seventh circle of hell I’ve been living in lately.

“I’m...” Kelly clears her throat. “I’m actually ah, I’m going to the University of Georgia too.”

“Awesome.” Dexter grins wide then adjusts his backpack in a way that almost seems nervous. “Do you...” he starts as he rubs the back of his neck. “You don’t happen to have a date to prom yet, do you Kell-bell?”

Her jaw drops, literally drops as her bugged out blue eyes look between us. Kelly is redder than I’ve ever been, but the girl recovers pretty quick, clears her throat and tugs the end of her braid. “No. No one has asked, and I wasn’t really planning on going, anyway.”

Dexter smiles a little wider. “But you want to go, right?”

“Sure.” She shrugs and tries to play it cool. “Who doesn’t want to go to their senior prom?”

Oh my god.

Oh my god, my poor battered romantic heart is so full of love and hope and happiness for the two kids in front of me I could die. Maybe I’m not destined for a beautiful happy ending but they could be, and the fact that I’m witnessing the beginning of it has made me happier than I’ve ever been while sitting in this godforsaken high school. I might despise my job most of the time but the kids, they are the only reason I’ve kept walking into this building the last eleven years and this right here is a great reminder.

“Totally,” Dexter says, his voice shaking just a bit. “Do you think maybe you’d want to go with me?”

“Really?” Kelly’s mouth is hanging open again. “You’re really asking me to senior prom?”

He nods as he rubs his neck harder. “Yeah, Kell-bell. I’ve wanted to ask for a while but I didn’t think you’d take me seriously, not after...”

Yeah, he’s a good kid.

And Dexter is referring to last year when a senior asked Kelly to prom—a big deal for a junior who is almost too focused on her grades—then stood her up the night of the dance and went as far as to make fun of the frumpy nerd girl with two dads who really thought she had a chance with a senior the following Monday. Kelly was devastated, I was pissed, her dads went on the war path and Dexter... come to think of it, Dexter got suspended for a week for getting into a fight with that senior. And when he came back to school, he was practically Kelly’s secret shadow.

Huh.

I can’t believe I didn’t think of that until now.

These two have a real shot at forever if that’s the kind of foundation they build on.

Then my heart drops.

I had that.

I had the best kind of foundation a relationship could be built on, the best kind of man to build all of that with, one who defended me without ever being asked and only wanted my happiness in return. I had that twice , even after believing I’d lost it, but it was still there staring me in the face.

I never had that with Jordan, even when we were a little older than Kelly and Dexter, but I had that with Blake when we were their age. It was effortless between us, perfect. But I fucked it up and now he’s not even texting me anymore.

“So, what do you say, Kell-bell?” Dexter interrupts my downward spiral seconds before I start crying. “Wanna be my girl and go to prom with me?”

Kelly blinks up at him, her dark blue eyes wide but searching and I’m on the edge of my fucking seat.

I know she’s skeptical, disbelieving and insecure—like me—but even I can see the sincerity, the genuine kindness and truth in Dexter’s soft brown eyes. If she doesn’t jump at this, doesn’t take her chance with this boy I might just cry anyway because I don’t want Kelly to be like me. She needs to be brave, be herself and accept that someone wants her exactly the way she is—the beautiful, smart, shy girl that’s been hurt before but willing to try for the real deal because she deserves it.

Kelly needs to do what I didn’t, and I need to take my own damn advice.

“Ok,” Kelly whispers, another small smile pulling at her lips.

Dexter’s whole face brightens, his own smile blinding. “Yeah?”

She nods and smiles wider. “Yeah. I’d love to go to prom with you.”

“And be my girl?”

“Yeah.” She swallows hard, blushes harder but still smiles. “If you really want that, I’ll be your girl too.”

“Yes!” Dexter pumps his fist in the air. “Here, give me your number. We can meet up after school and hang out, maybe start planning for prom.”

They exchange numbers while I ignore the no cell phones in class rule, then they walk together to a couple of desks off to the side of the room, chattering quietly, Kelly’s questions about Florida long forgotten.

The bell rings a few minutes later, my students filing in slowly, some of them welcoming me back, some totally oblivious because it’s seventh hour and they’re itching to get out of school.

“Good afternoon, guys, gals, and all you pals.” I stand behind my desk and smirk at the surprised looks. “Now, I know how much you missed me while I was gone, so in honor of the void in your lives I have once again filled…” I look around the room and smile so big when I see that Dexter scooted his desk closer to Kelly’s. “I’m giving you a pop quiz.”

Annoyed groans and unprepared gasps meet my ears, but it still makes me smile.

“Oh, come on, Porter,” Brad, the varsity quarterback, those sophomores were drooling over, whines. “You just got back. Shouldn’t we like, watch a movie or something?”

With a chuckle, I plant my hands on my hips. “You think we should just watch a movie? In advanced lit?”

“Yeah. Like, I dunno, something book related.”

“The Great Gatsby,” Jonathan, varsity wide receiver, interjects. “Or Pride and Prejudice?”

“While I’m thrilled you know those movies are based on books...” I arch a brow. “We watched both last semester and I need to see what you guys learned from Mr. Northrop while I was gone.”

“Everything,” Brad shoots as I turn to the marker board. “We learned everything and can just watch movies and shi... stuff until we graduate.”

Thankful my back is to them, I roll my eyes and start writing my quiz questions. “If you learned everything from Mr. Northrop then the quiz will be a piece of cake. It’s three questions, essay format. Maybe if you guys do well, we can watch a movie Friday.” Then I smirk to myself. “A book related movie. I’ll even spring for baked goods if everyone scores a B or higher.”

That shuts them up.

Sloane is an aspiring baker and she has me bring in her creations to test out on my classes. Teenagers, growing boys who play football especially, will eat damn near anything and they love my oldest baby’s skills. Dexter even said she should try out for that Master Baker show, the kid’s version, and while I don’t want her exposed to that, it was a huge compliment.

“Question one is a review of what you learned prior to spring break during the unit on The Importance of Being Earnest.” My stomach churns, reminding me I’m not out of the woods just yet. “Two is on The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao and three?—”

Maroon 5’s “Sugar” starts blasting from the back of the class, and it has my shoulders sagging and my eyes sliding closed. “Come on guys. I think I’ve been pretty freaking cool about the cell phone thing. I don’t care if you have them in class as long as having it doesn’t affect your grade, and you keep the ringer turned off.”

The song doesn’t stop at my scolding, it actually seems to get louder.

“Look, if that isn’t turned off by the time I’m done writing out question three, Friday won’t be anything but a grade altering exam that will determine whether or not you guys graduate on time.” Extreme? Maybe, but I’m annoyed, nauseous, and just as ready for this last hour to be over as they are.

However, the music continues and that’s when I realize it is very literally the only sound in the room aside from my marker squeaking on the white board.

“Ok. Fine. I get it,” I grunt as I cap the purple ink and slam it into the Lady and the Tramp mug Kelly gave me for teacher appreciation day last year. “I was gone longer than you expected and while I know you are all good kids, you’re testing me, right? Trying to—” I turn from the wall ready to light into my class, but the words dry up on my tongue when I do.

Lock, the oldest of Blake’s Frenchie brothers, is sitting on the floor next to the end of my desk, tongue flopped out while his tail wags so hard his butt is scooting all over the tile. And he has a Bluetooth speaker hanging around his neck, the obvious source of the inappropriate though fantastic song.

“What...” My eyes widen as Stock and Barrel join him, the two just as excited as their big brother, and they have necklaces too.

Signs, actually.

We miss you, Mama. Daddy is stingy with the treats, is hanging around Stock’s neck.

He misses you too, though, that’s why he’s been stingy, around Barrel’s.

Then Lock shakes his tiny block head and a piece of paper falls from the speaker. We sit outside the spare room and cry, and we won’t sleep with Daddy anymore. We love you, you’re our mama, so talk to Daddy, please?

And now I’m crying while fighting the urge to puke.

Awesome .

But I can’t bring myself to look around, can’t handle what I know I’m going to see.

Obviously, the boys didn’t fly here on their own, so that means they traveled with their daddy and since they’re here, in my classroom in this Atlanta high school, that means.. .

“Oh no...” I sob as I finally lift my head, my hand covering my mouth as my eyes land on the man who owns my heart.

Blake .

Blake is standing in the back of my classroom looking like a dream and a mirage, like everything I’ve ever wanted and never allowed myself to have. His hair is a disaster, a little longer, unkempt but still sexy. His beard is fuller, not as neat. Aside from that and the fact that he’s wearing a hoodie and sweatpants in sixty five degree weather, Blake doesn’t look any different from the way he looked when I left. No different from the way he looks in my mind while I’ve replayed our week over and over until there were no tears left to cry.

He’s beautiful and perfect.

And he’s smiling at me like a shy little boy, like he’s actually nervous and unsure of what to do next.

“Hi, Shortcake.”

My belly flips and flops, rolls with so many emotions. And the urge to throw up for about a million reasons.

“Hi,” I whisper as he starts walking slowly in between the rows of awe-struck students.

Blake stops just past the end of my desk, the only thing separating us is his dogs and about two feet of tile. “I hope you don’t mind me crashing your pop quiz.”

I roll my lips between my teeth and shake my head, tears sliding down my face. I probably look like the hot mess I am, but it doesn’t matter, not when the most perfect man in the entire world is looking at me with so much vulnerability, so much love. He’s looking at me like I hung the fucking moon.

“I wanted to bring you something.” He reaches into the pocket of his hoodie and pulls out a book then holds it out with a shaking hand. “Wanted to make sure you got this.”

Oh my god.

It’s not just any book, it’s our book .

No Way Out staring up at me in beautiful lettering, the cover we picked is gorgeous in paperback. And he had my name listed first.

“Th-thank you.” I really hope I’m not blowing snot bubbles. I can’t stop crying and while I’m not blubbering like a baby, snot bubbles are a very real possibility right now. Which is why I keep my eyes on the cover of our book and wipe my nose on my shoulder. “Y-you didn’t h-have t-to travel a-all the way h-here just?—”

“I really did, Shortcake.” Blake is smiling but I don’t dare look up at him. “And you should really read the inscription.”

So, with trembling fingers and a racing heart, I carefully open our book, turn to the title page and hold my breath.

Shortcake. Thank you for making all of my dreams a reality two times over. I love you. I always have, and I always will. XOXO Your Brooding Romance Author - and no, that’s not a new pen name.

“Blake...” My leaking eyes lift to his, those whiskey orbs warm and so full of the love I want more than anything.

He smiles softly as he reaches out to wipe the never-ending tears from my cheeks. “I do, Sid. I love you with every beat of my heart. My heart that has belonged to you for the last two years, that’s only ever belonged to you because you stole it when we were teenagers and if you’ll let me, I’m going to love you for the rest of our life together. And well into the next.”

My breath catches in my throat but I’m not stupid, not anymore, so I nod emphatically and barely choke out, “I love you, too. I love you so much, Blake.”

Oh my god, and the smile I’m rewarded with, it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.

Next to Blake smiling like that while he’s naked. Blake is even hotter when he’s naked.

“I’m gonna kiss you now, Sid.” He steps right in front of me and cups my cheeks. “I’m gonna give you your last first kiss. The first kiss of our life together, the last kiss before I make you mine forever.”

And he does.

Blake leans toward me, smiles against my lips then kisses them slowly. Soft, warm, gentle. Just a little tongue, a hint of teeth on my lower lip. It’s perfect and soul searing just like both of our very first kisses but it’s loaded with true love and hope, promises and a future I never thought I’d have.

This kiss is everything I’ve ever wanted because Blake is everything I’ve ever wanted. He is my future, and I was an idiot to run from him.

“I love you so damn much, Sidney.” Blake sighs as he presses his forehead to mine. “I want to marry you and if you agree, I want to do it tonight.”

“Ok.” Because I’d be an idiot to say anything else but as soon as the word is out, my classroom I forgot I was standing at the front of erupts into hoots and hollers, clapping and cat calls. But I giggle as he kisses me again. “I’ll marry you tonight, Blake.”

Then a voice I’d know anywhere screams above the fanfare seconds before a body slams into both of us, hugs us tight and sends my stomach churning so hard I break out into a sweat.

“Mom!” Sloane cries. “Oh my gosh, Mom, that was so flipping romantic! I am so happy for you. And Blake, Mom, he is perfect !” She squeezes us again as I drop our book and cover my mouth. “We have to go shopping. We need dresses and flowers and... are you ok?”

I pull away from Sloane and Blake, shaking my head as I try not to spill my guts.

“Sid?” Blake steps toward me as I back around the desk in order to try for the nearest door. “Baby, what…”

I make it to the trash can seconds before I’m doing another dinosaur impersonation, complete with squeezing my thighs together so I don’t pee all over, too.

“Sid?” Blake blocks me from my class and starts rubbing my back. “Baby, what’s going on? Are you sick?”

I love him for all the reasons, but more right now for the privacy he’s trying to give me and the way my puke isn’t phasing him. Which is a good thing all considering.

I shake my head, gag, and nod. “I’m-I’m fine, I’m just?—”

“Oh my god!” Sloane shrieks as she sets something cold and wet on the back of my neck. “Oh my god, Mom, are you?—”

“Surprise,” I say weakly and meet Blake’s caramel eyes as I stand. “I’m pregnant.”

Those eyes go saucer wide and his jaw drops. “You’re... you’re pregnant?”

I chew my lip and nod.

Despite never wanting to talk to Blake again after I ruined our relationship, I still intended to tell him about the baby. I found out at my appointment yesterday, I’m just barely four weeks and needed time to process before I figured out how to do that, but I knew Blake would want to know and be a part of everything moving forward. That being said, I have no clue if he wants kids or is ready to be a father.

Which is kind of stupid since he knows I have kids already and is planning on marrying me later today. But being a stepdad is different, I guess.

And when he stumbles a little then drops on his ass in front of me, I’m terrified of what he’s going to say.

“Pregnant?” He looks up at me, his fingers tugging on his chocolate brown hair. “A baby?”

Another nod.

“My baby?”

“Yes, asshole,” I snap then belch in the most unattractive way. “Who else would it belong to? ”

Ignoring my scowl, Blake blinks a couple times then the biggest grin I have ever seen splits his gorgeous face. “You’re having my baby? Our baby? One we made together?”

I nod a third time but don’t smile fully because now I’m worried Blake has lost his fucking mind.

Hopefully that’s not hereditary.

“Shortcake.” He sighs as he reaches out and grabs my hips then pulls me toward him until his face is buried in my belly. “We made a baby.” It’s muffled by my dress, but I can hear him and his tears. “We made a baby.” Then Blake quits talking to me completely. “Hi, baby. This is your daddy. Hi. Hello, perfect tiny bean. I love you. Yes, I do. I love you so much already and I can’t wait to watch you grow in your mama’s belly, can’t wait to meet you when you’re ready. I love you. Daddy loves you.”

A tear slides down my cheek as I smile and run my fingers through Blake’s hair while he continues talking to our baby. Sloane wraps her arms around me, leans her head on my shoulder and when I glance at her, she’s crying too.

“You ready to do the big sister thing again?”

She nods. “Definitely.” Then she tilts her head back to look at me. “Look at my step-dad. How could I not be thrilled over you two making a baby when this is how he’s acting.”

I laugh and press a kiss to her temple. “He’s pretty great.”

“He’s perfect.” Sloane giggles.

“And he loves you, and all our kids so fucking much,” Blake says as he removes his face from my dress, reaches up and pulls me toward him. “You made all of my dreams a reality, Shortcake, every last one. I love you so fucking much.”

I smile into our kiss, ignoring my class that’s still cheering us on. “I love you, Blake Riley. Forever.”

Nothing less will do, because when true love opens your stoned email and eventually knocks you up after a fifteen year hiatus, well, it’s hard to argue with a second chance to have something you didn’t really think existed.