Pucking Only (Night Hawks Hockey #2)

Chapter Twenty Apologies

CHAPTER TWENTY: APOLOGIES

SKYLER

The next day, I can’t shake the heavy feeling in my chest. I know I need to talk to Grace, but I’m dreading it. I replay our argument over and over in my head, cringing at the harsh words I threw at her. The guilt is eating me alive. I know I need to make things right.

When I finally muster up the courage to meet Grace, I text her and ask to meet at Bean and Bough, her favorite local coffee shop that I’ve also become obsessed with myself. To my relief, she agrees.

Later, when I step into the coffee shop, the warmth immediately wraps around me, a welcome contrast to the crisp February air outside. The smell of freshly-brewed coffee is comforting, mingling with the sweet, buttery aroma of pastries. The shop has this charming, almost nostalgic vibe with its old-world décor. The walls are a patchwork of colorful local art and black-and-white photos. The wooden shelves are lined with books and quirky little trinkets. It’s very much up Grace’s alley.

The front counter is bustling with activity as baristas prepare drinks. The seating area is a mix of comfy sofas and small tables, all surrounded by mismatched chairs. Soft jazz plays in the background. As I look through all this, I finally spot Grace at a table in the corner near a large window, nursing a latte, and head over. She’s wearing a green turtleneck sweater and her dark brown hair is pulled back in a ponytail that curls down her back. She looks up as I approach. I can see the hurt still lingering in her bright blue eyes. It makes my stomach twist with regret.

“Hey,” I say quietly, shrugging out of my coat. I slide into the seat across from her.

“Hey,” she replies, her voice neutral. She’s guarded. I don’t blame her.

I take a deep breath, trying to find the right words and nervously push my glasses up my nose. “Grace, I’m so sorry for what I said yesterday. I didn’t mean it, and I hate that I hurt you. You worked your ass off for everything you have and I know that.”

She looks at me for a long moment, then sighs, her shoulders relaxing slightly. “I know you didn’t mean it, Sky, but it still hurts. We’ve always been there for each other, and I didn’t expect you to say something like that.”

“I know,” I admit, my voice thick with emotion. I fiddle with the sleeve of my red flannel shirt as I wrestle with my lingering guilt. “And I hate that I did. You’ve been nothing but supportive, and I lashed out because I was frustrated and upset, but that’s not an excuse.”

Grace nods, and for a moment, I’m afraid she’s not going to be able to get over this because she doesn’t say anything for several seconds, but then she reaches across the table and takes my hand.

“I forgive you,” she says softly. “But you need to talk to me, Sky. Don’t just bottle everything up until you explode.”

I squeeze her hand, feeling a wave of relief wash over me. “ Well, that’s what I’ve been doing since I was a kid… but you’re right.”

She gives me a small, encouraging smile. “You’ve always been able to talk to me, though, right? What’s really going on?”

I take a deep breath, feeling the weight of everything pressing down on me. “It’s not just work that’s been tough. It’s everything, really. I’ve always felt like I had to prove myself, you know? Like, growing up, I was always told I was too boyish. I liked video games and comic books… things that weren’t considered ‘girly,’ and I got teased for it.”

Grace’s expression softens, and she nods. “I remember.”

“I thought if I just got tougher, louder, and more boisterous, people would stop seeing me as a target,” I say, the words tumbling out. “I wanted to be able to like the things I liked and pursue the career I’ve always wanted without being made fun of or dismissed. But even now, it feels like I have to fight tooth and nail to be taken seriously. I wasn’t girly enough when we were kids, but now just the fact that I’m a girl is a barrier, no matter how hard I try to overcome it. Sometimes, it just gets to be too much.”

“Oh, Sky… I’m so sorry.” She moves her chair closer to me and grabs my hand, giving it a light squeeze. “I knew you’d struggled with this stuff, but I didn’t realize how bad it’s really been for you.”

I take a deep breath, trying to find the right words. “I feel like I’ve had to sacrifice a huge part of myself to succeed. Like I’ve had to become this version of me that’s strong, unyielding, always on top of everything. But sometimes, I wonder if I’ve lost something important along the way.”

Grace’s brow furrows and she shakes her head. “Skyler, you shouldn’t have to give up any part of yourself to meet anyone else’s expectations. You’ll never be happy that way. ”

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. They’re simple, straightforward, but they cut through all the layers of self-doubt and fear that I’ve built up over the years. I feel a lump form in my throat. For a moment, I can’t speak. It’s a little strange, having such an emotionally-charged moment while everything around us continues like normal. The hiss of the espresso machine, the soft chatter of the other shop patrons, and the warmth of my coffee cup in my hand ground me into reality and keep me from totally breaking down right here and now.

Grace gives me a soft smile. “I get it, you know. The pressure, the need to prove yourself, but you’re amazing just as you are. You’re doing what you love, which is great. Not everyone has the strength and stamina to pursue their dreams like you do. I also know, though, that you don’t let anyone see how anxious you can get. You don’t let yourself be vulnerable with anyone, apart from me. You don’t have to be strong all the time, you know. It’s okay to admit when you’re struggling.”

I swallow hard, thinking back to last night and how I opened up to Carson. It was almost as easy to talk to him as it is to talk to Grace… which is more startling for me to realize than it was to find out how much I enjoy having sex with him.

“It’s not that easy,” I admit, my voice barely a whisper. “I thought that if I just worked harder, pushed myself more, I’d finally get the recognition I deserve, but now… I don’t know. What if that recognition never comes?”

Grace presses her lips into a firm line. “If it doesn’t, what then? Will you continue working your ass off for people who don’t appreciate you, or try something else?”

I blink back the tears that threaten to spill over. Shit, I don’t want to cry here in public. I don’t want to cry, period, but doing so around total strangers is way too much for me.

“It’s just… so hard. I’ve worked so long to get here, and I do n’t want to throw it all away, and I don’t want to have to start all over either.”

“You’re not throwing anything away,” Grace assures me gently. “But self preservation is important, especially when you feel like your confidence in yourself, in your dreams, is being crushed. Think of a new goal. Make a new plan, and do it all surrounded with people who will support you. That's the key.”

I look down at our joined hands. Her words swirl in my mind, challenging everything I’ve believed up until now. For so long, I’ve thought that success meant pushing through the obstacles in my way and being the best, no matter what it took. But what if she’s right? What if I’ve been going about this all wrong?

“Do you really think I can do that?” I ask shakily. “Be successful without losing myself?”

Grace smiles, her eyes bright with certainty. “I know you can, Sky. You’ve got so much talent, so much drive. You just need to remember that you’re enough as you are. You don’t need to change to fit anyone else’s idea of success.”

Her words are still swirling in my mind, giving me more to think about than I anticipated. I’m caught in this strange mix of emotions — gratitude, confusion, and a touch of relief. Before I can dwell on it too much, Grace suddenly perks up, a mischievous glint in her eye.

“You know what? I think we both need a break. Let’s go shopping for dresses for my parents’ anniversary party. It’ll be fun! I know you love to dress up and be girly sometimes.”

I blink, caught off guard by the sudden change in topic. “Shopping? Now?”

“Why not?” Grace grins, nudging me playfully. “Come on, Sky, you need this. We both do. And then you can join me for dinner with Stacey! ”

“Stacey? Stacey from high school?”

She nods. “Yeah! Remember I told you she reached out when she realized I moved to Denver. Come on, join us! It’ll be fun. Some shopping, some dinner … we’ll make a girls’ night of it.”

I hesitate for a moment, but her enthusiasm is infectious. The idea of getting out, doing something just for the fun of it, is actually appealing. Besides, she’s right — I do enjoy dressing up every once in a while, even if I don’t admit it often. There’s something about slipping into a beautiful dress, feeling like I can be someone else for a little while, that I find oddly satisfying.

“Okay, fine,” I relent, a small smile tugging at the corners of my lips. “Let’s go shopping and then meet Stacey. Do your best to make a lady out of me.”

Grace practically bounces out of her seat, clearly pleased with herself for convincing me. “Perfect! There’s this new boutique downtown that I’ve been dying to check out. I’m sure we’ll find something amazing there.”

I can’t help but laugh at her excitement. “You’ve already scoped out the options, haven’t you?”

“Of course I have!” she declares proudly. She grabs her bag and leads the way out the coffee shop. Once we’re out on the sidewalk, she hooks her arm through mine. “Trust me, we’re going to be gorgeous. Let me just text Jensen and I’ll let him know we’ll be out the rest of the day.”

At the mention of Jensen, my mind immediately jumps to Carson, because of course it fucking does. It seems I can’t go very long without wondering where he is or what he’s doing, or when I’ll get to kiss him again. Once Grace finishes sending her text to Jensen, she tucks her phone away and looks at me with a wide smile.

“Ready?” she asks .

I nod. “Yep, I am.”

Chuckling, we make our way down the sidewalk together and I feel so much better than when I first woke up this morning. Despite how complicated everything is in my life right now, knowing that Grace is on my side makes it all more bearable. Without her, I’d be totally lost.

That realization just makes me worry what all I might be risking by hooking up with Carson. If we’re found out or things end badly, I could lose Grace as well as Carson. I need both of them in my life. I need both of them. Am I being reckless with Carson and putting my friendship with Grace on the line? The thought that I might be gambling with my friendships, my heart, and my entire world is enough to make me second-guess everything. But then I think of Carson — how he makes me feel, how he looks at me — and I wonder if I’m willing to take that risk. I need both of them in my life, but at what cost?

I just need to stick to the plan. Sex with Carson and nothing more. This doesn’t have to affect my friendship with Grace. Once I’m back in California, Carson and I can just go back to being frenemies. Even if a part of me likes to imagine what it would be like to have a real relationship with Carson, I know better than to think something like that could ever really happen.

That’s just a fantasy, and I’m not naive enough to believe that fantasies can really come true.

The little French café is the kind of place you can’t help but fall in love with. It’s tucked away on a quiet corner, and inside, the atmosphere is cozy and warm, with soft light filtering through the windows and the scent of fresh bread and herbs in the air. Grace and I have snagged a table by the window, and I’m sipping on an iced coffee while we wait for Stacey to arrive.

I watch Grace toy with her phone, scrolling mindlessly.

“You think she’ll be late?” I ask, half-joking.

“Nah,” Grace says with a grin. “She’s too organized to show up late. Besides, she hasn’t seen us in a while.”

Just as I’m about to respond, Stacey comes through the door, looking flustered but happy. She waves at us. We wave back, standing up to hug her. She looks good — her red hair hangs just above her shoulders. She’s tall and curvy. In high school, she was rail-thin, so she’s definitely filled out since then.

If I’m honest, I can’t remember the last time I saw Stacey. I wasn’t as close to her as Grace was, but we ran in the same circles. One day she was there, and the next she was just … gone. Transferred, apparently, but I don’t think anyone ever knew exactly why. It’s a little surreal seeing her now after she seemingly dropped off the face of the earth.

What has she been up to all these years?

“Sorry I’m late,” she says as she sits down, setting her bag beside her. Her green eyes sparkle as she looks between us. “Traffic was brutal. But it’s so good to see you guys! I feel like it’s been forever.”

“It has,” I say, smiling. “What’s new? We need the full update.”

Stacey leans back in her chair, a little sigh of relief escaping her. “Well, school is insane, as usual. Physical therapy is a really fascinating area of study and practice. I’m getting into the more intense stuff now, the hands-on training. I’m looking for a place to do my residency, so that’s been taking up most of my time.”

“What kind of places are you looking at?” Grace asks, leaning in with interest.

“I’m hoping to land something with a sports team,” Stacey says, her eyes lighting up. “I’ve been applying everywhere, but I’m really aiming for a position as a sports physical therapist. That’s where my passion is.”

Grace grins and gives Stacey a knowing look. “You know, the Night Hawks might be looking for someone like you. I could put in a good word if you’re interested.”

Stacey’s eyes go wide. “Wait, seriously? You’d do that?”

“Of course! I mean, no promises, but it’s worth a shot, right?” Grace says, shrugging like it’s no big deal. I can tell Stacey’s thrilled by the idea.

“That would be amazing,” Stacey says, practically glowing. “Thank you so much, Grace.”

Grace waves it off like it’s nothing. “Don’t mention it.”

Changing the subject, Stacey waggles her brows at Grace. “So, tell me about your man. He’s the team’s captain, right?”

Grace lights up, jumping at the opportunity to gush about Jensen. “Yes he is!”

She goes on about her loving and attentive boyfriend. I sit back and listen, grinning at how clearly head-over-heels she is for him. When Grace has finally seemed to wrap up on her gushing over Jensen, I look over at Stacey and ask, “So Stacey, what about you? Anyone special in your life now?”

“No way,” Stacey waves her hand in front of her face, “I don’t have time for any of that these days. The dry spell is real, I tell you. What about you, Skyler?”

“Umm…” Shit, I should have thought that through before continuing to stay on this topic. Luckily, before I can answer, the waiter arrives and we give him our orders .

The conversation continues as we wait for our meal, and it mostly revolves around the Night Hawks for a while, though thankfully, Carson isn’t really mentioned. The food finally arrives and the waiter sets down plates of delicate quiches, fresh salads, and a basket of crusty bread, and we dig in, the conversation flowing easily. Stacey talks more about her school and all the different programs she’s applying to for her apprenticeship. She is clearly excited about the possibilities.

Not long after we finish our meal, she checks her phone and frowns slightly. “I hate to cut this short, but I’ve gotta pick my daughter up from the nanny.”

I blink, caught completely off guard. Daughter? Grace doesn’t even flinch, though, nodding like it’s common knowledge.

Stacey stands, gathering her things. I’m still processing the whole “daughter” revelation. I didn’t even know Stacey had a kid.

“It was so good seeing you guys. Let’s do this again soon, okay?” She hugs us both, and before I can even ask about her daughter, she’s gone, the bell on the café door chiming softly behind her.

Once the door swings shut, I turn to Grace, raising an eyebrow. “Did you know she had a daughter?”

Grace just shrugs, taking a sip of her drink. “Yeah, she mentioned it a while back.”

I blink, waiting for more, but Grace seems entirely unbothered, like this is just casual information she forgot to mention. I’m still wrapping my head around it. But before I can press her for more details, Grace smoothly changes the subject.

“So, what are you going to do about Carson?”

I open my mouth, ready to question her more about Stacey, but I can already see where this is going. Grace has that determined glint in her eye. Once she gets started on something, there’s no sidestepping it.

“Grace,” I sigh, leaning back in my chair. “We’re not talking about Carson right now.”

“We are absolutely talking about Carson,” she counters, a mischievous smile spreading across her face.

And just like that, Stacey and her mystery daughter are momentarily forgotten as Grace dives headfirst into her favorite topic: my complicated mess of feelings for Carson.