Pucking Only (Night Hawks Hockey #2)

Chapter Twenty-One More Than A Hookup

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: MORE THAN A HOOKUP

CARSON

It’s two days before Skyler is supposed to leave Denver and I feel this strange sense of panic. It’s been getting stronger every day, as her departure grows nearer. I need to clear my head and figure out what the hell is going on. Ever since Skyler showed up in Denver, I haven’t been able to think straight.

It’s not like me to get distracted, especially not by a woman. I’ve always kept things simple — hockey first, everything else second. But Skyler… She's different, and I can’t figure out why. We haven’t had sex in a few days now, because she’s been going hard on developing her game, but having time away from her only makes me want more. The sex has been amazing, fun, and a little kinky. I’m not ready for it to end.

More than that, I’m not ready for her to leave.

In the middle of my morning shave, I pause and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I imagine what it would be like if Skyler were here, engaging in something as mundane as a morning routine right alongside me. Every time I close my eyes, I see her. Those big brown eyes that seem to see right through me, the way her lips curve into a smirk when she’s teasing me. She has determination in her voice when she talks about her work, and I can practically smell her scent — vanilla and cherries. My mouth waters every time I get so much as a whiff of her. It’s like she’s taken up permanent residence in my head, and I can’t shake her no matter how hard I try.

That’s the real problem, though, isn’t it? I don’t want to shake her. I’ve had flings before, plenty of them, but nothing like this. I’ve never wanted a woman like I want her. Just thinking about her makes my dick start to get hard, and it’s a fucking nuisance walking around most of the time with a half-chub because I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s sexy, playful, and open minded. That’s hot as hell.

Damn it, there I go, getting hard again.

I run a hand through my hair, frustration simmering just below the surface. The thought of her leaving Denver makes my chest tighten and I feel like I’m suffocating. That’s not normal for me. I’m not the type to get attached or to want something more. But with Skyler…damn it, I don’t know what I want.

The worst part is, I keep finding myself thinking about what it would be like if she didn’t leave. If she stayed here, in Denver, with me. The two of us, together, making this thing between us real. I’ve never wanted that with anyone before. Hell, I’ve always avoided it. Relationships complicate things, tie you down, but when I think about Skyler leaving, all I can think about is how much I want her to stay.

Shaking my head, I push away from the sink. I’m thinking crazy. A relationship in general, let alone with Skyler, isn’t something I want. It never has been. My parents make it seem perfect, easy, but I know it’s not. Just the pressure of perfection alone has been enough of a reason for me to avoid it.

I need to clear my mind, get some distance, or I’m going to drive myself insane. Pulling out my phone, I scroll through my contacts until I find Jensen’s name. I hesitate before I hit the call button. I need someone to talk to who can help get some perspective about this whole messy situation.

The phone rings twice before he answers. “Carson, what’s up, man?”

“Hey, you up for a drink?” I ask, trying to sound casual, like I’m not about to lose it.

“Sure,” Jensen replies without missing a beat. “Grace is having a girl’s night with Skyler anyway, so I’m free. Meet you at The Ice Hawk in twenty?”

I flinch at the sound of Skyler’s name but quickly push the weird twisting feeling in my chest away.

“See you there.”

When I walk into the bar, I spot Jensen immediately. He’s already got a booth, two beers in front of him, and a grin on his face that tells me he’s ready to give me shit. It’s been over a week since I fucked up so bad during that game, and I’ve been avoiding him a little bit so he wouldn’t go all Mother Hen on me and probe to figure out what was wrong with me that day. I just hope it’s been long enough now that he’s not as concerned about it anymore. I slide into the seat across from him, grabbing the beer and taking a long sip.

“Rough day?” Jensen asks, raising an eyebrow.

“You have no idea,” I mutter, setting the glass down and rubbing a hand over my face.

“Wanna talk about it, or are we just here to drink our problems away?” Jensen leans back, watching me with that easygoing smile he always has, but there’s a sharpness in his eyes that tells me he knows something’s up.

I hesitate for a moment, then decide to just go for it. If I can’t talk to Jensen, who the hell can I talk to? Yeah, Grace is his girlfriend, but that just means he’d probably understand more than anyone else what kind of shit I’m going through.

“It’s Skyler,” I admit, my voice low like I’m confessing some deep, dark secret.

Jensen’s grin widens. “Oh, this should be good. What’s going on with Skyler?”

I roll my eyes. “It’s not like that.”

“Sure, it’s not,” he says, laughing. “So why do you look like someone just kicked you in the nuts?”

I take another sip of my beer, trying to find the right words. “It’s complicated. We’ve been… hooking up.”

I pause, waiting for Jensen to respond. To show some type of surprise. He doesn’t. He doesn’t look surprised at all. He just continues watching me expectantly.

“And?” he urges.

“And… and it’s been good,” I admit. “Don’t get me wrong. I mean, we haven’t done it too many times, but the times we have were really, really good. But now, I don’t know, man. It’s getting to me.”

Jensen raises his eyebrows, looking amused. “Carson, you’ve been into Skyler for years now. Don’t act like this is some big revelation.”

I stare at him, stunned. “What the hell are you talking about? No I haven’t.”

“She’s the only person outside of your family and the team that you’ve got a real connection with,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You’ve never found a woman who can stand toe-to-toe with you like Skyler can. I remember back in college, you used to call your sister, but you’d always end up bickering with her ‘geeky, pain-in-the ass’ roommate, and then you’d complain about her for weeks. All because of one single phone call.”

I open my mouth to argue, to brush off his words with some half-hearted joke, but nothing comes out. Deep down, I know he’s right. Skyler isn’t just another hookup or another woman I’ll forget about when she leaves Denver. She’s different. She’s always been different. Maybe, just maybe, I’ve been too blind or too stubborn to see it.

I stare at Jensen, my mind spinning. “You really think there’s something more between us?”

Jensen smirks, leaning back in his seat like he’s just won some argument I didn’t even know we were having. “You’re only just now figuring that out? I’ve been watching you two ever since she got here, man. She’s the only one who I’ve ever seen get under your skin. You’ve never even realized it. She pushes you, challenges you, and you do the same to her. That’s rare, Carson.”

I sit there, stunned, as all these memories flood back — growing up together, the banter, the way she always knows how to get a rise out of me. Then there’s the way I feel when she’s around, the way my pulse races and my thoughts get tangled up in her. It’s not just lust; it’s more than that. It’s like she’s the only person who can keep up with me. The only one who can really make me feel alive.

Then reality crashes down on me like a ton of bricks. Skyler’s leaving. She’s got her own life, her own plans, and they don’t include staying in Denver. What the hell am I supposed to do about that? Ask her to stay? Beg her to give us a shot when I’m not even sure where I stand?

“She’s leaving,” I say, more to myself than to Jensen. “What does any of this matter?”

Jensen shrugs, taking a sip of his beer. “That’s up to you, man. But if you really think there’s something there, you owe it to yourself to find out. Even if it’s just telling her how you feel before she goes.”

I let out a frustrated sigh, rubbing the back of my neck before taking a big gulp of my beer. The thought of losing her without even trying to see where this could go makes my chest ache. However, the idea of laying my feelings out there, of risking rejection or complicating things between us, terrifies me.

Shaking my head, I take another drink.

“What if she doesn’t feel the same way?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.

Jensen gives me a look that’s half-sympathy, half-exasperation. “You’ll never know unless you ask. Besides, from where I’m standing, it looks like she’s just as messed up over you as you are over her. You’re both just too damn stubborn to admit it.”

I stare at my beer, the condensation dripping down the glass, my mind a jumbled mess. What the hell do I do now? Do I risk everything and put my heart on the line? Or do I let her go because it’s easier than facing the possibility of rejection?

Am I even ready for a relationship in the first place? If I confess my feelings to Skyler, she deserves nothing less than total dedication and commitment. I’m not sure that’s something I can actually give her.

“I don’t know if I can do it,” I admit, my voice raw. “I don’t know if I can handle it if she doesn’t feel the same way.”

Jensen leans forward, his expression serious and his brow furrowed. “You’ve faced tougher opponents on the ice, man. This is just another challenge, but if you don’t at least try, you’re going to spend the rest of your life wondering ‘what if.’ That’s not the Carson I know. The Carson I know fights for what he wants. Besides, the issue isn’t that she doesn’t feel the same. It’s obvious she does.”

Frowning, I murmur, “It is?”

I’ve barely dared to hope that she felt anything close to what I’ve been feeling, but if Jensen thinks it’s obvious, maybe… maybe there’s a chance. The hope that unfurls within me takes me by surprise. I’ve never felt that way, wondering if a girl wants to be with me. At any hint of a potential relationship, my instincts would scream for me to run the other way. Right now, they’re screaming for me to run straight toward Skyler.

For the first time ever, I want to plunge headfirst into a future with someone. With Skyler.

When I think about my life going forward, I can’t see it without her in it.

Jensen nods. “It is, but the question is if she’ll be willing to acknowledge her feelings for you or not. That’s going to be the risk.”

His words hit me hard, and I know he’s right. I’ve never backed down from a challenge before, and I’m not about to start now. If there’s even a chance that Skyler feels the same way, that there could be something real between us, I have to find out. I have to at least try.