Quiet Longing (Quiet Love #2)

23.

Rhys

She smelled the same.

It was clear to me having just spent an hour alone with Charli that I was very much still attracted to her. It didn’t help that her honey, almond, and coconut scent was just as potent as it had been when we were teenagers. And now, it permeated every nook and cranny of my car.

She’d come to me first, let me know that Steph was trying to connect with Nuala, and I was grateful to her. Couldn’t help getting a little lost in her honest, hazel eyes with those bright golden flecks as she told me.

I liked to be prepared when someone was hatching plans, and I had Charli to thank for the heads up. Albeit, I was aware that Steph wanted me back. She’d sent countless texts and voice messages begging to meet up, to talk things through. I’d declined, and she clearly planned to use Nuala—who Steph knew was too kind and open for her own good—to get to me.

And that bothered me because Steph didn’t care about maintaining a friendship with Nuala for any other reason than to keep tabs on me while also being connected to a wealthy family with good social standing. Steph collected powerful acquaintances like it was an Olympic sport. It was a side to her I hadn’t been wild about, but I’d accepted that she worked in PR, which made it necessary to maintain a list of connections. I got that, truly, but it irritated me to think of her using my best friends simply for what they might be able to do for her career.

Fuck, I was going to have to pay her a visit and set her straight once and for all.

I wasn’t looking forward to it. My ex could make an incredibly compelling argument when she put her mind to it. She just didn’t realise there was no argument to possibly convince me to get back together.

“Hey, you two!” Jo welcomed as I stepped into the kitchen, Charli not too far behind me. Had I mentioned how fucking delectable she always looked these days? Charli wore a lot of button-up shirts and cardigans, barely a scant inch of her smooth, olive skin left uncovered, but since I knew the tantalising curves hidden beneath, it only made me think about her naked more often. I was still recovering from when she anxiously unbuttoned her shirt, gasping for breath in my office while she struggled through a panic attack. I felt like such a worthless piece of shit for how my blood had rushed south when I’d caught sight of her cleavage. The woman was struggling, and there I was with a semi.

“The food will be ready in about another twenty minutes, so sit tight,” Jo went on.

“I’m starving,” Charli said. “Will you hate me if I grab a snack?”

“Something small,” Jo allowed. “Try not to ruin your appetite.”

“Not possible,” Charli replied, shooting me a smile that made my chest feel unexplainably tight as I sat down on a stool by the kitchen island. “My appetite is never ruined. I’m like a dog who doesn’t have the internal sensor that tells them they’re full.”

I grinned, enjoying seeing her more relaxed, probably because she was at ease in her aunt and uncle’s house. I felt the same way. Derek’s childhood home was one of the few places I’d always felt safe, especially as a teenager. It was a sanctuary away from all the bullshit at home.

Charli wandered into the pantry, emerging a few moments later with a small packet of crisps. Her eyes met mine as she popped a handful in her mouth, and suddenly, I was plunged into the past.

We’d lost our virginity in that room. And afterwards, when we’d consumed as much of each other as we could for one night, we’d snacked on crisps and chocolate chip cookies. I’d held her in my arms, feeling like the luckiest bastard in the world.

Our eyes locked, and I noticed a small shiver go through her. Was she remembering, too? I was aware of her every step as she approached, moving closer until she reached me, mere inches away. She held out the bag, “Want some?”

My eyes flicked to hers, and I swallowed thickly, then silently, I nodded and leaned forward. She watched as I grabbed a handful, not letting her gaze drop while I shoved them in my mouth. She didn’t move, almost like she was holding her breath.

Ah, shite. This was bad.

I wanted Charli. I wanted her fiercely in a way that was disconcerting, given I wasn’t ready to be with anyone, not even for a no-strings night of sex.

And it couldn’t be no-strings with her. There was too much history there, too many feelings and regrets. What ifs.

“Hey, don’t ruin Rhys’ appetite, too,” Jo scolded playfully. “I’ve spent all day slow cooking this lamb. The new chef from Aidan’s restaurant sent me the recipe.”

“Aidan has a restaurant?” Charli asked in surprise as she came around to sit on the stool next to mine. Clearly, she hadn’t been filled in on what a blazing success our friend had become.

“Oh, he actually has several,” Jo replied. “He’s one of the top restaurateurs in the country now, if you can believe it. He’s been working on opening a new place not too far from our city hotel, and he hired this incredible chef to work for him. He’s going to get another Michelin star with her, mark my words.”

Charli blinked, her surprise somewhat adorable. She casually offered me more crisps, the gesture so natural and comfortable I felt my chest constrict yet again. “Hold on a second, so he already has a Michelin star?”

“Got one last year,” Jo smiled. “We were all so proud of him. You should come to the opening of the new restaurant with us in a couple weeks. I’m sure he remembers you from when you visited that summer and would love to see you.”

The suggestion made me unexpectedly irritable. Aidan was still single, had never married, and the idea of him getting a look at how Charli had grown to become even more stunningly sexy and beautiful made me feel like breaking something. Christ, I really needed to get a handle on my feelings. I had no claim over her, and besides, she’d just gotten divorced. I doubted she was thinking about starting anything new with anyone, even with a handsome, successful, wealthy motherfucker like Aidan.

“Oh, sure, maybe,” Charli replied. “What about Theo? Is he still around?”

I cast her a narrow-eyed glance, not thrilled with her asking after yet another of my handsome, single friends. I was such a fool for her already. It was almost laughable how I’d offered to listen if she needed someone, to be her friend. There was absolutely nothing friendly about how I felt for Charli Moretti.

Jo inhaled a breath and rubbed at the back of her neck. “We don’t see Theo as often anymore. Maybe a couple times a year because he works a lot. He’s a superintendent with the Gardaí.”

“A superintendent? That’s impressive.”

“Right,” I couldn’t help but scoff. “I bet it involves a lot more sitting at a desk pencil pushing than he likes to let on.”

Charli cast me a glance, her eyebrows raising at my salty tone. I never expected it to annoy me so much, her calling another man’s achievements impressive. What was wrong with me? I adjusted my features, my tone self-deprecating when I continued, “Or maybe I’m just jealous that he turned into such a bad ass.”

“Hey, you were in the French Foreign Legion. That’s pretty bad ass,” Charli countered.

“Indeed,” said Jo. “But we were all very relieved when Rhys finally came home to us.” Her eyes were gentle as they settled on mine. “I used to worry about you when you were gone.”

“I know,” I said, aware that my decision to enlist was hard on the entire Balfe family. They’d all been concerned about me, but I’d been too wrapped up in my own issues at the time. “At least, now, I’ve turned into a right boring bastard, and the only shooting I do is with a nail gun when I’m deep into another home improvement project.”

Jo chuckled as she went to stir the gravy, and I felt Charli’s eyes on me.

“Home improvements?”

“Rhys bought himself a lovely little house in the city a few years ago,” Jo volunteered. “It was a period building in need of some repairs, so he took on a lot of the work himself. You should bring Charli over sometime,” she suggested. “I bet she’d love to see what you’ve done with the place.”

The idea of Charli in my house, her sitting at the kitchen counter while I cooked her a meal then showed her the work I’d done restoring the original wood flooring was oddly arousing to me. I really did have it bad.

“You bought a house?” Charli asked, curious.

I nodded. “It’s only a two bedroom, and it needed a lot of work, but I’m fairly satisfied with how I have it now.” I paused, glancing down a second before my eyes returned to hers. “I’d be happy to show you sometime.”

“Sure,” she replied, a hint of colour in her cheeks. “I’d like that.”

Our eyes remained locked for several prolonged seconds before she looked away, seeming a little flustered as she rose from the stool.

“I’m just going to wash up and change before dinner.”

“Go ahead,” Jo told her. “Ten more minutes until the food is ready.”

I watched her leave, my eyes drinking in the gentle curve of her hips and arse, the perfect size for my hands to mould around. What was it about her? She turned me into a horny teenager unable to keep filthy thoughts from my head. Being her friend was going to be challenging.

On an exhale, I noticed she’d left the open crisp packet on the counter. Without thinking, I picked it up and poured what was left into my mouth. Yep, I was officially comfort eating as I pushed all those filthy thoughts away and tried not to think about how soft and silky her skin would feel beneath my palms.

***

On Monday morning I texted Nuala asking for Charli’s number. Looking it up in her employee file didn’t sit right, felt a little invasive. Of course, Nuala wanted to know why I needed it, and I quickly texted back about giving Charli a lift to the tax office. That seemed to satisfy her.

The thing was, I could’ve easily walked across the hall and talked to Charli in person, but the last thing I needed was nosy Maeve listening in and reporting back to Steph.

I knew what my ex was like. Possessive in the extreme. Several times, we’d gotten into arguments about how I shouldn’t interact with other female members of staff at the hotel because they’d get the wrong impression and think I was interested in them. I’d responded that I could hardly do my job if I couldn’t speak to more than half of my coworkers since the hotel employed more women than men. Those arguments had always ended in stalemates, and Steph would give evil eyes to certain female colleagues she was convinced fancied me. It was another side to her I hadn’t enjoyed, and remembering those fights just made me even more relieved we were no longer together.

With Charli, though, if Steph found out about our history, she might try to make things difficult for her, and after our conversation in my car on Friday, I knew it was important to Charli that she get along with her new coworkers.

I typed up a text.

Me: Hey, it’s Rhys. I hope you don’t mind that I got your number from Nuala. You still need a lift to the tax office at lunch? I can meet you in the car park at 1 p.m.

A few minutes later, I received a response.

Charli: Well, hello :-) No worries about getting my number from Nuala. I should’ve thought to give it to you on Friday. I’ve now saved yours in my contacts. And yes, that sounds great. See you at 1 p.m.

An unexpected rush of warmth filled my chest at the idea of her saving my number. I liked her having it, knowing she could call me if she ever needed anything.

Later, I spotted her walking out the front entrance as I sat in my car. She scanned for me then started making her way over. I got out and opened the passenger side door for her.

“Is this your reserved parking spot?” she asked as she climbed in.

“Yes, why?”

“Oh, I just noticed you were parked here on Friday, too. Pretty swanky.”

I smiled. “I’m glad my parking spot impresses you.”

She chuckled. “I mean, it’s so close to the entrance. That is impressive. Or maybe I’m just easily wowed.”

“Nah,” I said fondly. “Being able to park close to the entrance in this country is always a plus since it’s lashing rain half the time.”

Charli smiled, and I closed the door before going around to the driver’s side. Again, her scent hit me as soon as I got in, and I had to focus on ignoring the memories it encouraged, how young and eager we’d once been for each other. What was I saying? I was still just as fucking eager, but I was old and wise enough to resist what I knew was a bad idea.

A few minutes into the journey, she said, “How is your mom, by the way? I completely forgot to ask about her.”

My gut sank as I realised she had no idea Mam had passed away. My hands flexed on the steering wheel as I swallowed down the lump in my throat. It had been ten years since her death, and it stilled pained me to be reminded she was gone.

“Rhys?” Charli asked in concern when she noticed my frown.

I pressed my lips together then said, “She, um—” Hell, why was my throat so scratchy? “She passed away when I was twenty-five.”

I heard her sharp intake of breath, her voice softening. “My goodness, Rhys, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” Her hand briefly touched my arm before she moved it back to her lap.

“She had breast cancer. I’d hoped when she went into remission the first time that would be the end of it, but a couple years later, it came back more aggressive than before.” My words trailed off, and I could feel her eyes on me, empathising. My gaze remained glued to the road in front.

“The first time?” she asked gently.

I hadn’t intended to get into this, but if Charli and I were to spend time together, my reason for cutting off contact with her all those years ago was going to come up sooner or later.

“A few months after I enlisted in France, I got a phone call that she’d been diagnosed. I—” Words failed me for a moment before I continued, “It was the worst period of my life. Mam’s divorce from Dad had just come through. She’d found herself a new place to live and finally had her freedom, then like some sick joke, she finds out she has cancer. It seriously fucked me up. I fell into a deep depression, didn’t tell anyone about Mam’s illness until months later when she went into remission.”

Charli let out a quiet gasp. “That was … was that why—”

“Why I stopped emailing you? Yeah. Not my finest moment, but I was a wreck at the time, angry, felt like raging at the entire world. I made a lot of decisions I wasn’t proud of.”

I glanced at her pointedly, hoping she knew that not keeping in touch with her was one of those decisions. It was the worst of them. Her silence felt heavy like a lot of things were running through her mind. Puzzle pieces fitting together.

A long moment of quiet fell before she said, “I understand.”

For some reason, her stoic acceptance made me even angrier at myself. “I should’ve gotten my fucking act together and told you what was happening instead of going silent on you. I did the same to Derek and the others. Didn’t talk to anyone for months.” I paused, frowned, then cast her an apologetic look. “I have a problem with isolating myself when life gets tough.”

“It’s a coping mechanism, I get it. I did the same for a while when my marriage was in trouble. Tried to hide the problems. If only I’d opened up to my mom, let her help me, then maybe I would’ve ended things with Jesse a lot sooner.”

“Yeah?”

Charli nodded, her expression solemn as she stared out the window. I wanted to ask her more about her marriage, what her husband had really been like. If he was as much of an arsehole as Nuala would have me believe. But we’d just arrived at the tax office, and I had to let Charli out before I went to find a parking spot.

“This is it,” I said, eyeing her closely. She seemed withdrawn, and I wondered if discussing her ex-husband made her that way. “Go on inside and grab a number. I’m going to find somewhere to park, and then I’ll come find you.”

“Okay.” She picked up her bag and climbed out then turned back, her hazel eyes sad. “I’m sorry to hear about your mom, Rhys. And I’m sorry I never got the chance to meet her.”

With that, she left, and I stayed idling at the entrance, feeling like a lead weight had been dropped on my chest. Fuck, those parting words. I wished she could’ve met Mam, too. I bet they would’ve liked each other. It wasn’t until a horn honked behind me that I finally put the car in gear and drove away.

Two days later, Shay knocked on my office door a couple minutes before lunch. We were due to head out and meet his girlfriend, Maggie, for a bite to eat at an Italian café around the corner.

You ready? he signed as he stuck his head in.

“Yeah, just give me two minutes.”

I finished up an email to Danny, one of the security guards working out of the Malahide location. I closed out the window, put my desktop on sleep, then noticed someone had stopped outside my office to talk to Shay. I thought it was probably another member of my security team, but when I emerged, Charli was there, adorably fumbling her way through interpreting ISL. I was still impressed she knew some sign language.

“I’m sorry,” she apologised to Shay. “I’m very rusty.”

“He asked if you’d like to join us for lunch,” I told her. “We’re meeting his girlfriend at a great little café. You’re welcome to come.”

“Oh, I probably shouldn’t.”

“Come on,” I encouraged. “They make amazing Italian sandwiches. You have to try one.”

“Appeal to my foodie Italian half, why don’t you. Well, all right, then. Just let me grab my purse.”

She went, and I glanced back at Shay, who wore an amused, curious expression.

Don’t thank me , he signed.

“Why would I thank you?”

She’s the girl from the photo in your office.

“Yes, that was taken when we were teenagers. Derek gave it to me. I told you we were old friends after you met her the first time.”

Just something in the way you look at her. Your eyes go all soft. Shay responded, and then Charli was back, hitching her bag up on her shoulder. Was that true? Did my eyes soften when I looked at her?

The atmosphere between us had been solemn after I’d dropped her off at the tax office on Monday, the drive back to the hotel quiet with both of us lost in thought. I’d wondered what she’d been thinking. Perhaps imagining how different things might’ve turned out if Mam hadn’t gotten sick and I hadn’t pushed away everyone in my life who was important to me, including her.

Especially her.

It was only a short walk to the café. Charli conversed with Shay, figuring out some of the differences between Irish and American sign language. Something about her interest in the subject caused a warm, pleasant feeling in me.

Maggie was waiting for us when we arrived, a thick purple scarf around her neck and her long auburn hair tied back in a ponytail. Her blue eyes crinkled happily when she spotted Shay, and my cousin strode to her side, pressing a soft kiss on her lips before winding his arms around her waist. They made such a sweet couple. It was a relief Shay had finally found someone who he adored, who adored him back and appreciated him for all he was.

This is Charli. She’s the new accountant at the hotel , Shay signed to Maggie, who sent Charli a friendly smile.

“Hi, Charli. I’m Maggie. It’s lovely to meet you,” Maggie said, and I could tell by the flash of knowing in her eyes that Shay had already told her about Charli, who she was, and how we’d known each other as teenagers. I hadn’t told him of our romantic relationship, but I suspected he’d already pieced it together based on my behaviour when she was around. I wasn’t sure if it was because he’d been mute most of his life, or if it was simply his natural way, but my cousin was the most astutely observant person I knew.

“And you,” Charli replied as they shook hands.

I placed my palm lightly on Charli’s lower back as we stepped inside and found a table. It didn’t escape my notice how her eyes flashed to where I touched her as we took our seats. Maggie and Shay were deep in conversation about some incident at Maggie’s work, and again, I found it adorable how Charli studied the sign language intensely. Her dark eyebrows were pulled together in concentration.

“Maggie works as a building manager at her brother’s investment firm,” I told her quietly, and she jumped a little when she realised how close we were sitting, my mouth not far from her ear. There was a certain skittishness in her reaction, and it made me sit back, giving her some space as I continued, “She’s telling Shay about how one of the workers at the firm has been plugging up the ladies’ bathrooms by flushing cotton makeup pads down the toilet. She suspects it might be the compliance analyst, though one of the investment specialists is also a possible culprit.”

Charli laughed softly. “Okay, thank you for translating.”

“Sorry,” Maggie said sheepishly. “I only started learning sign language last year. I sometimes forget to speak while I sign so that everyone can understand.”

“No, it’s okay. It’s good for me to try and figure out what’s being said,” Charli replied. “An immersive experience, you know. So, how are you going to catch this mystery toilet blocker?”

“Well, short of putting cameras in the actual bathroom stalls, there’s not a whole lot I can do,” Maggie replied. “I’m currently in the process of composing a strongly worded email to send out to the entire staff. Unfortunately writing has never been my strong suit. I might have to ask my brother Jonathan’s executive assistant to help me. Therese is amazing at composing emails that come across stern and authoritative without seeming superior.”

“That’s certainly a good talent to have in an office workplace,” Charli agreed. “Might I suggest stationing a bag checker on the toilets and confiscating any makeup pads?”

Maggie chuckled. “Ha! If only. My brother would love that suggestion, though. He can be a little authoritarian; though, luckily, he has Therese to temper his dictator-like instincts.”

“Hmm, your brother sounds scary,” Charli said with a grin as she glanced down at the menu.

“Nah, he’s a softy underneath it all. You just have to dig deep. I’ve actually been trying to set him up on some dates. Are you single? I bet he’d love you. You look just like that actress from Knives Out , and Jonathan couldn’t take his eyes off her when we watched it the other week.”

Suddenly, I stiffened. Maybe to Maggie, Jonathan was a deep down softy, but I knew him to be a mercurial fucker, and certainly not someone I thought Charli should date.

“Oh, that’s so sweet of you to say, but I’m newly divorced, so I’m not really looking to date right now,” Charli demurred, and relief set in. Thank fuck. The last thing I needed was to start developing a jealous grudge against the likes of Jonathan Oaks.

“That’s too bad. Not only are you his type, you’re an accountant to boot, and there’s nothing Jonathan loves talking about more than money and numbers.”

“Well, he sounds like a catch, but as I said, I doubt I’ll be dating anyone for the foreseeable future.” The statement was far more relieving to hear than it should be.

“If you ever change your mind, just let me know,” Maggie replied kindly as the server arrived to take our orders. I glanced at Charli as she nodded then focused on deciding what she wanted to eat. Just like on Friday evening when Jo had filled her in on what Aidan and Theo were up to these days, I felt that nagging, uncomfortable irritation. The idea of Charli possibly dating Jonathan in the future didn’t sit well, and not just because he had a reputation for being a bollocks and an impossibly tough boss, but because I didn’t enjoy thinking about her dating anyone .

And that was the crux of the matter because I was only a couple weeks out of a breakup, and I barely thought about my ex at all. If Steph were going on a date with Jonathan, I wouldn’t have cared less. In fact, I’d be relieved. But Charli … Maybe it was because of how we’d left things so unresolved as teenagers. Perhaps that was the reason why, though years and continents had separated us, some part of me still felt like she was, well, mine .