Quiet Longing (Quiet Love #2)

27.

Charli

Rhys’ tongue dipped into my mouth, and my brain went offline for a second. I mean, God . He drank me in, savoured me in a way that made my toes curl. No one else had ever kissed me the way Rhys did.

Before I knew it, I’d crawled into his lap and hitched up my dress to straddle his waist as our lips and tongues collided. I didn’t even care that my legs were exposed, my panties, too. A rush of wet heat flooded between my thighs, a tidal wave of arousal sweeping me up in its current as I ran my hands through Rhys’ hair. His nose nuzzled mine, our breaths laboured and loud in the quiet room. One of his hands came up, sinking into my hair at the base of my skull while his other hand went to my lower back, fingers splayed. The heat of his palm melted me, how his lips moved to the corner of my mouth then travelled down my neck, giving me goosebumps as he licked and teased.

“What do you,” Rhys started to say between kisses, distracting me from the sweet pleasure of his mouth. “What do you mean?”

“Huh?” I responded dumbly, and he finally continued, “What do you mean you haven’t been kissed in a long time? How long?”

I couldn’t reply because his lips were already back on mine, his hands sliding around to my neck, thumbs brushing my tender collarbones.

“Not important,” I finally managed to blurt, my hands moving down his chest like they had a mind of their own. A groan rumbled from him when I reached for his belt. I pulled at the buckle and glanced down, my cheeks aflame when I saw the solid outline of him.

He was hard .

I could make a man want me. That part of me wasn’t broken, at least.

I’d gotten the buckle partly undone when his hands clasped mine, stilling them in their pursuit. “You asked for a kiss,” he said, breathless as his thumbs rubbed the insides of my wrists.

“Can I ask for more?” I replied, needily inching towards him, just as breathless.

“Not tonight.” His words were both final and apologetic like it pained him not to give me everything I wanted. I deflated a little, sitting back, chest heaving.

“Okay,” I said at last, frowning as I slid off his lap and pushed my dress back down over my thighs. Rejection tried to wheedle its way into my mind, but then Rhys reached across the couch and caught my elbow in one hand and my chin in the other, forcing my eyes to his.

“Charli, this isn’t because I don’t want you.” His expression was conflicted like he was trying to find the right words. I waited, my heart all twisted up and confused as I stared at him. Rhys let out a quiet, joyless sound. “You have to know that.”

I caressed his cheek. “It’s all right. I get it. You don’t have to explain.”

I knew it was hardly a massive turn on to make out with a woman who’d just been weeping over her abusive ex. Even though Rhys was clearly still attracted to me on some level, a lingering affection from our time together as teenagers perhaps, he wasn’t going to have sex with me on the couch in Aidan’s office. I knew how his mind worked, and he’d feel like he was taking advantage of me while I was in an unsteady emotional state. And he’d be right about that. What he didn’t know was that I’d never regret being with him, no matter the situation. There was no part of Rhys that could ever take advantage of me because I always wanted him—on my good days and on my bad ones.

When I’d first arrived in Ireland, I hadn’t thought I’d want to have sex again for a long time, if ever. But being around Rhys was reawakening that part of me, and he couldn’t know grateful I was.

“Thank you for the kiss,” I said, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him tight. “You have no idea what it meant to me.”

That kiss was another small victory. Another inch of freedom from Jesse’s hold over my mental state. I kissed someone else, and though he hadn’t wanted to take things any further, it still felt glorious.

Rhys stroked his hand down my back, and tingling pleasure followed in its wake. His touch was like magic, never failing to bring bliss. His arms came around my waist, and he held me to him, both of us sinking into the embrace before he drew back a little to study me.

“What did it mean to you?” he asked with interest.

“Autonomy,” I answered without hesitating. “Making choices for myself.”

Rhys nodded, his expression intense and thoughtful, also a little bit proud. I felt like maybe he understood.

“Do you feel up to getting back out there?”

“I think so, yes,” I replied with resolve. We couldn’t stay in the office all night no matter how much I might like to. Then I remembered Aidan had witnessed my meltdown, and self-consciousness settled in. Rhys seemed to read my thoughts because his expression softened.

“Aidan won’t say anything. I’ll make sure of it.”

“Okay,” I breathed with relief as I stood, and Rhys held out his arm to me. I slid mine through, and we made our way back out to the restaurant. It wasn’t as bustling as earlier, with lots of people having finished their meals and left. We hadn’t yet made it back to the table when I spotted a familiar brunette standing by the bar with two other women.

Oh crap, was that Stephanie?

I immediately dropped Rhys’ arm like I’d been caught doing something illegal and quickened my step. He appeared confused about why I’d so swiftly left his side, but then he saw his ex, and his eyes narrowed as he frowned in her direction. He certainly didn’t look happy about her appearance. I pressed my lips together, shooting him an apologetic look as I left. I just didn’t need Stephanie seeing us arm in arm, standing close like we’d been having a hot and heavy make out session out back.

Rhys was a single guy. Technically, there was nothing wrong with me kissing him, but it still didn’t sit right. His broken engagement was far too recent.

I wondered what Stephanie was doing at the restaurant. Then again, she and Rhys probably shared similar social circles, so she might’ve known Aidan.

“Hey,” Nuala said quietly when I sat down next to her. “Where were you?”

Glancing around, I made sure no one else was listening when I replied, “I, um, had a bit of a shaky moment there, but I’m okay now. Just needed a break.”

Nuala nodded, knowing immediately what I meant by a “shaky moment.” I’d told her about my panic attacks and how social gatherings were nerve-wracking for me. It wasn’t merely that I’d become a shut in during the final three years with Jesse, allowing my depression and anxiety to get so bad I’d stepped away from my job and life, barely leaving the apartment. It was also because of how he’d treated me when we had gone out together, always managing to belittle me in front of other people or destroy whatever crumbs of confidence I’d cobbled together.

“Stephanie is here,” I said to Nuala, flicking my eyes across the restaurant to where she stood by the bar. Rhys had stopped to talk to her, and heat flared across my chest. Was I jealous? Even though they were over, he wasn’t the sort of man to simply ignore her if they bumped into one another. Rhys was too decent for that. Although there was something in the set of his shoulders that made me suspect he wasn’t pleased she’d turned up. Hadn’t he said he spoke to her the other week, setting her straight that they wouldn’t be getting back together?

Perhaps, despite the talk, she wasn’t prepared to give up on him yet.

Memories from a few minutes ago filled my mind, how consumed I’d been by his kiss, his mouth on my neck, hands on my body. How I hadn’t given a single thought to Stephanie when I’d asked him to kiss me. Was that bad? I felt weirdly guilty.

“I think I’m going to head back,” I said to Nuala. “Can you let everyone know? I’m feeling kind of done with this night.”

“Sure,” she said, reaching out to squeeze my hand. “Would you like me to come with you? Martin and I can—”

“No, you should stay. I’m in one of those moods where I’d prefer to be alone anyway.”

“All right. Well, text me when you get back, so I know you’re safe.”

“I will,” I said, squeezing her hand in return before I grabbed my coat and purse and made for the exit. I felt bad not saying goodbye and letting my aunt and uncle know I was leaving, but I just didn’t have anything left in my battery. The night had drained me.

Out on the street, I waited to see if I could spot a passing cab. A few went by, but none stopped, already having passengers in the back. Finally, one pulled over for me, and I climbed in, telling the driver my address. He was pulling away from the side of the street when I noticed Rhys emerge from the restaurant. He looked left then right, hands on his hips as he exhaled heavily and stared at the ground like a conflict was weighing on him. Was he looking for me? What had he and Stephanie spoken about at the bar?

A minute passed, and then my phone lit up with a text.

Rhys: Where did you go?

Me: I was feeling a little tired so decided to call it a night. Sorry I didn’t say goodbye, but you were with Stephanie, and I didn’t want to interrupt.

Rhys: I wish you had. I didn’t expect her to turn up.

Me: Maybe she was hoping to see you.

Rhys: She wasn’t. We’re over, and she knows that. She’s just feeling a little vindictive right now.

His reply gave me pause.

Me: Vindictive?

Rhys: After our chat the other week, she insinuated she might be interested in Aidan.

I frowned at my phone, sensing his frustration. Poor Rhys. And wow, that was pretty shitty behaviour from Stephanie. No matter the reason for a breakup, to go after your ex’s friend was low.

Me: Are you okay?

Rhys: I’m fine. Just sad you left. I was enjoying your company.

My chest fluttered, and my cheeks flushed hard, memories of us on that office couch returning. I knew he wasn’t lying because Rhys wasn’t like that. If he said something, he meant it.

Me: I enjoyed your company, too. Hopefully, next time, there’ll be a few less tears on my part.

Rhys: You never have to hide from me, Charli. I’ll take you any way I can have you.

Oh, man, what did that even mean ? Did he mean he’d take my friendship any way he could have it? Something more than friendship? This was too confusing. I needed to end this conversation before I was up all night, replaying his words and his kiss and the way he’d made me feel until it was morning and I hadn’t gotten any sleep at all.

Me: You really are a good man. Goodnight, Rhys.

Rhys: Night, Charli. Sleep well.

On Monday morning, I arrived at the office before Barry or Maeve, settling in at my desk and making a start on things. I was head down, deep in work when Barry arrived, shortly followed by Maeve, who didn’t greet me with a friendly “Good morning” like she normally did. Had Stephanie already turned her against me just because she’d spotted me with Rhys by his car last Friday?

“Hi, Maeve,” I said, lifting my head from my computer only to be met with a blank expression and a reserved nod.

Yes, it seemed I was officially on her shit list, but I decided not to give it too much worry. I was at the hotel to do a job, not to be anyone’s best friend.

About twenty minutes later, a pair of familiar high heels clicked into the office, announcing Stephanie’s arrival. Like the first time I’d met her, she brought a fancy coffee for Maeve, the two of them exchanging pleasantries like I wasn’t even in the room. I glanced at Barry, who shot me a look that asked, Which one’s cornflakes did you piss in? His raised eyebrows were almost comical. In fact, the entire situation was hilarious.

We were grown adults, and I suddenly felt like I was back in high school.

I expected to be ignored entirely, but then Stephanie stepped over to my desk. “Did you enjoy the restaurant opening on Saturday, Charli? I saw you there, but you were gone before I had a chance to say hello.”

Lifting my eyes from my computer screen, I smiled politely, “Yes, I was there with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. The food was delicious.”

She made a small pout. “Sadly, I arrived too late to try the food, but the cocktails were to die for. You know, I had no idea you were related to the Balfes. Maeve mentioned Padraig is your uncle. How fortunate you could come work for him when he needed a new accountant.”

“Very fortunate,” I agreed.

“I also had no clue you knew my ex. What a small world, huh?”

“That’s right. I first met Rhys when we were teenagers.”

Her eyes flared slightly like this was news to her, and I instantly wondered if I should’ve revealed that. She seemed surprised but also annoyed I’d known him long before she did. Rhys had mentioned she’d been possessive when they were together, and it appeared that possessiveness was still alive and well.

“Really?” she responded, the only sign of her annoyance was a faint pinching of her lips. “He never mentioned you.”

“I’m not surprised. I haven’t seen him since I visited Ireland for the summer when I was eighteen. He probably forgot all about me.” That was a lie, of course. I knew Rhys wouldn’t have forgotten me, not after the intensity of our time together, short as it was.

“You visited for the summer?” she asked then, the detail capturing her interest for some reason, and I had no idea why.

“That’s right,” I replied, wondering why she’d gone so very still.

“I see.” There was something in those two words that put me on edge, something that made me feel like Stephanie suddenly knew exactly who I was to Rhys. He’d said he told her about the women he’d slept with in the past. Had he mentioned he’d lost his virginity to an American girl who’d visited one summer when he was nineteen?

Before I could say more, she swiftly turned and said goodbye to Maeve with an agreement to meet for lunch. Not surprisingly, I wasn’t extended an invite.

When Stephanie left, I tried to concentrate on the spreadsheets I was working on, but my focus was shot. I wasn’t sure why her knowing about Rhys’ and my past made me feel so tetchy. Maybe it was because of what he’d said about her possibly making things uncomfortable for me at work if she found out we’d been together.

Not wanting him to be blindsided by the turn of events, I waited until my mid-morning break then hustled across the hall and knocked on his office door.

“Come in,” he called, and I quickly stepped inside, closing the door before anyone ( Maeve ) spotted me.

“Charli?” Rhys said, surprised to see me since, aside from that one time when he’d pulled me in there, I never came to his office.

“Hey, so, I think I messed up,” I confessed, palms sweaty as I took a few steps into the room, stopping just shy of his desk.

“Sit down. Can I get you some coffee? Tea?”

“No, thank you.” My heart rate elevated slightly as I rubbed my sweaty hands on my thighs. I wore a dark green wrap dress paired with a black cardigan and flat shoes. My hair was up in a messy ponytail, and it suddenly felt far too tight.

“So,” he said, leaning back in his chair to eye me. “How did you mess up?”

I sent him the most apologetic look I could muster. “Stephanie was in the office talking to Maeve earlier. At first, she ignored me, but then she began talking about me being related to the Balfes and how you and I knew each other. I mentioned to her that we’d first met that summer when I came to visit, and she looked furious. Did you tell her that was the summer you … I mean, we …” Oh, man, I was thirty-four years old. Why was I having such a hard time getting this out?

Rhys rubbed a finger across his lips. I expected him to frown, but it looked like he was holding back a smile. “The summer I …?” He made a gesture for me to continue, and I heaved a stressed out sigh.

“The summer you lost your virginity. To me . I think Stephanie might’ve made the connection while we were talking.” He smiled fully, an irritatingly handsome and amused smile. “Why do you look so pleased with yourself?” I asked with a huff.

“I’m just enjoying how flustered you’re getting talking about the fact we spent that summer shagging like rabbits,” he said, his tone pleased. “Good times.”

A shiver slid down my spine at the flicker of heat in his gaze. “Why aren’t you annoyed? I thought you didn’t want Stephanie to know about us?”

“Only because I don’t want her making life difficult for you . I could give two shits what she’ll do to me. In fact, I’m fucking delighted. She overstepped by turning up at the restaurant the other night, and she knows it.”

That was right. She’d turned up with the intention of flirting with Aidan as some kind of revenge against Rhys.

“I can’t believe she said she’d go after your friend.”

“Me neither. I knew she could be spiteful, but I didn’t imagine she’d try something like that.”

“Did Aidan say anything? Did she try to flirt with him?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask. I left not long after you did. She can do what she wants, though. I really don’t care anymore.”

He frowned, and I felt bad for him. “It’s probably just going to take a little while for her to accept how things are. I’m sure she’ll realise going after Aidan is a bad idea once she has time to really think about it.”

“Maybe,” Rhys said, but he didn’t sound so sure.

A short silence fell before I said, “Anyway, I better get back. I just wanted to give you a heads up.”

“Very kind of you, but there was no need. I can handle Stephanie. You don’t have to worry about me in that regard. Also, if she tries making things difficult for you, I need you to come tell me, and I’ll sort it, okay? I’m not having you dealing with the fallout of my relationship.” I nodded, and he paused, eyes on mine when he continued, “And you don’t need to keep our history together a secret from anyone. I’m proud of the time we had. To be honest, to this day, it was the best summer of my life.”

My heart pounded, cheeks heating at his words as emotion sprang forth. “Mine, too,” I whispered softly. “It feels like everything just got worse after that summer.”

Our gazes held, tension filling the room. It was too much. When I finally looked away, I noticed a photo on the shelf behind his desk. I hadn’t seen it the first time I was in there, probably because I’d been too distracted by my panic attack. I was far calmer now, and I couldn’t believe I’d missed it.

“Oh my goodness, is that a photo of us ?” I asked, stepping around his desk to get a better look.