Quiet Longing (Quiet Love #2)

28.

Rhys

“Oh my goodness, is that a photo of us ?”

My back stiffened as Charli stepped around my desk and approached the shelves. That bloody photo. When Derek had given it to me a few months ago, I’d stared at it and felt a sudden unexplainable lightness. There was a certain contentment in knowing the picture was there behind me while I worked.

And it was odd Charli noticed it because Steph never had. Then again, she’d rarely come to my office. Normally, she’d text me to come upstairs to hers.

Charli stood holding the frame in her hands, staring down at the moment captured in time, a brief period where it had felt like we’d belonged to each other. I’d just told her that summer was the best of my life, and then she’d agreed, saying it was her best summer, too, which meant I was currently wrangling with the urge to grab her, throw her down on my desk, and kiss her like I had last Friday night at the restaurant.

I hadn’t been able forget her taste nor stop thinking about how right it had felt to hold her in my arms. I knew her asking for that kiss didn’t necessarily mean she’d wanted me . Charli had been in a dark place, and the request had been her way of climbing out of it. I was a person she could be safe with. She could ask me for things without worrying about me ever asking for anything in return. I hoped she knew that.

After discovering her scumbag ex-husband had not only been coercively controlling her but violently beating her, too, I’d spent half the weekend trying to temper my rage and the other half looking the prick up. Jesse Miller was a criminal defence lawyer because, of course , he was. He was also a named partner at his law firm.

I’d forwarded his details to my ex-legion friend, Piotr, to see if he might be able to dig up some more info. I knew from experience that people who were violent towards their spouses or family members were often into other fucked up shit outside the home, and if anyone could find dirt on Jesse, it was Piotr. He hadn’t returned to an ordinary life after he’d left the legion, not like I had. Instead, he’d started working for Europol, and I only ever heard from him once or twice a year. Alongside his many other talents, Piotr was an adept hacker and could find information most regular internet users wouldn’t stumble across. He also had connections with various international government agencies, many of which I presumed were in the United States.

“Right,” I said, clearing my throat as I pushed away thoughts of murdering her ex-husband and brought my attention back to Charli and the picture. “Derek found a bunch of our old teenage photos when he was doing a clean out last year. He gave me that one.” I omitted the part where I’d purchased a special frame for it.

Charli held said frame in her hands, eyes wide as she took in the scene. Finally, her gaze flicked to mine. “You know, I can’t even remember this being taken.”

“It was the week before you went home,” I said then cleared my throat. “We were at the beach.”

“Right, now it’s coming back to me. We went to a little diner afterwards and got cheese fries.” She paused, her attention going to the other photos on the shelf, one of Mam and me when I’d been home from France to visit a few years before she’d passed and another with my cousins, Shay and Ross, and my uncle, Eugene.

“So, you decided to keep this in your office?” Her gaze searched mine, and a hard lump thickened in my throat.

I swallowed it down before answering, “As I said, it was a good summer for me. Good memories.”

“Because your mom finally divorced your dad?”

“That was a big part of it, yeah.” And you. It was a good summer because of you.

Charli nodded, her attention returning to the photo. “You were so cute back then. When you came into my aunt and uncle’s house that night a couple weeks ago, I hardly recognised you.”

I recognised you straight away . As soon I’d stepped through that door and saw a woman standing in the hallway, my heart gave a swift, hard thump, her name echoing in my mind.

Charli.

“You didn’t?”

She shrugged, looking shy. “You’ve changed a lot.”

The statement made me curious. “In what way?”

Charli handed the frame back to me, her fingers accidentally brushing mine. Her gaze flicked up, and a small smile shaped her lips as our eyes connected. I smiled back, my pulse ratcheting when her scent hit my nose. Sometimes I felt like I could happily drown in that scent. It wouldn’t be the worst way to go.

A second later, she withdrew her hand and returned to the seat in front of my desk, ending the moment. The faintest blush tinted her cheeks as her eyes lowered to her lap.

“Well, I guess, in certain ways you haven’t changed,” she said, answering my question. “Your personality is mostly how I remember it. You’re just older, a little wiser, maybe. You carry yourself with a lot more confidence, and you also look more, um …” She trailed off, and I started to smile.

“Are you trying to say I lost the puppy fat?”

Charli flushed harder. “Not that there was anything wrong with being a little chubby. Obviously, I liked how you looked back in the day.”

“Obviously,” I repeated and grinned, enjoying her rosy cheeks. It was a welcome change from her pale, wan complexion when she’d first arrived.

A beat of silence. The air between us thickened. Charli sniffed and glanced away before she continued, “I imagine your training when you joined the French Foreign Legion was intense. That probably helped a lot with weight loss. Did you … um, I mean, I remember your reasons for enlisting. I just wondered if it helped as you’d hoped?”

Charli’s expression was so sincere and open, but her question had me tensing. I knew what she was referring to. When I was a kid, I’d gotten it into my head that training to become a soldier would help me eradicate all the shit that had kept me awake at night. The stuff that had kept me scared all the time. And in a sense, it had. Having a purpose and being a part of something bigger than myself had made me feel more at ease in my own skin. And knowing how to defend myself against danger had made me confident when I was out in the world. But it had also been a rudimentary existence. Everything had been duty and routine. There had been no softness or comfort, and I’d had to develop a hard shell to survive.

I ran a hand over my jaw. “In a way, yes. But in other ways, no.” She blinked, looking both surprised and curious. Memories filled my head, those terrifying first few days after I’d presented myself at the recruitment office in Aubagne. There’d been about ten other blokes with me that day, and only four of us had gotten through the initial tests. It had been a good thing I’d started working out with Derek because one of the tests involved running almost two miles in less than twelve minutes.

Once I’d managed that and passed the medical, the other lads, many of them from Eastern Europe or further afield, and me had had our heads shaved. I remembered the feeling of freedom like shaving off all my hair symbolised a new start. A new me . Being assigned a new identity helped, too, as my father’s name in the recruitment documents had been changed to the randomly selected “Gabriel.” I’d felt untethered from my past, and it had been incredibly liberating.

But then things had gotten harder. We’d been sent off to Toulouse for four months of initial training. I’d had a decent amount of French since I’d studied it at school, but we’d also had to attend classes to become fluent. I’d never forget the day Piotr got punched for repeated failed attempts at pronouncing the word Chirurgien , which meant surgeon. I was pretty sure our superior officer introduced the word to our lesson on purpose because it was particularly difficult for foreigners to pronounce.

So, yeah, there’d been a few bullies to deal with, but I’d spent my life dealing with my father, so I’d been ready for them. Clearing my mind of the memory, I brought my attention back to Charli.

“The years I spent in the legion helped me focus and gave me a purpose, but there was a lot about that place and the military in general I have conflicted feelings about. A part of me respects it and understands how it’s necessary for countries to protect themselves, and then another part just hates the fucking brutality that comes along with it. But I felt like I needed that brutality at the time. I was a soft patch of skin that needed to toughen up, develop calluses. There were people in my regiment who were like me, trying to run away from something and better themselves. Then there were others who were running away and wanted an excuse to hurt people, wield power over them.”

“That’s horrible,” Charli said, her voice soft. “I’m sorry it was like that.”

“Don’t be sorry. Most things in this world that are good also have a fucked up side. You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to find something that doesn’t.”

Charli eyed me in a way that made me feel like she saw so much more than I’d just revealed. “I was right,” she said at last. “You have gotten wise.” Our eyes locked for a prolonged moment before she glanced away, her gaze flicking down to check the time on her slim gold watch. “Shoot! I better get back before Maeve comes searching for me. Thank you for making time to chat.”

“I’ll always make time for you, Charli,” I said, and her eyes flared.

“That’s very kind of you, but I’ll try not to interrupt you while you’re working.” She took another step towards the door then paused, turning back as she winced, “Actually, I did have a favour I wanted to ask.”

“Ask away.”

“Well, I know I’ve only been here a couple weeks, but I think it’s time I start looking for a place of my own. I can’t stay with my aunt and uncle forever even though I know they love having me. I’ve been thinking about what you said, how tough finding a rental is right now. If it’s going to take months, I just thought I should make a start on the process.”

“Sounds like a good idea. What’s the favour?”

“Well, I was hoping to find somewhere close to work, but I’m not familiar with the different neighbourhoods. I was wondering if you’d maybe help me in my search, advise me on the places that are nice and which ones to avoid?”

Something tightened in my chest, not only because I liked her coming to me for advice but also because this was clearly a nerve-racking step for her, leaving the comfort and safety of Jo and Padraig’s house. If Charli married that motherfucker at twenty, then this would probably be her first time living on her own.

“Of course. I’m happy to help. In fact, I have an old neighbour who’s an estate agent. Her agency handles some rental properties, too, so I’ll give her a call and see if she has anything that might suit you.”

“Okay, great. Thanks, Rhys.” Charli exhaled a breath as she looked at the door. “I really better get back now, but let me know if your old neighbour has any suggestions.”

“Sure. And Charli?”

She blinked, waiting.

“I meant it about Steph. She gives you even a hint of hassle, you’ll come tell me, yeah?”

Nodding, her expression softened before she turned and left my office. I sat there for a moment, clicking my pen. Then I grabbed my phone and scrolled through to Janice’s number. We used to live in the same apartment building before I bought my house, and I dog sat for her a couple times when she went away on holiday so she owed me one.

She picked up after three rings. “Janice, long time no speak. I was wondering if I could cash in that favour?”

***

The following morning, I headed to the accounts office to talk to Charli. Janice had put together a list of the rental properties her agency was letting, and she was going to arrange some viewings for Saturday. I just had to check to see if Charli was free. I’d also decided I wasn’t pretending I didn’t know her anymore just to keep Steph off our case.

Reaching the accounts office, I rapped my knuckles on the door to announce my presence before stepping inside. Barry and Maeve were seated at their desks, both lifting their heads when I entered. Charli also sat at her desk, and I noticed she had a pair of reading glasses on while using her computer. Damn . I never pegged myself as being into the sexy accountant look but I suspected she just unlocked a new kink.

Charli pushed the cat’s eye shaped glasses up to rest on top of her head as she blinked at me. “Rhys?”

“I just wanted to drop by with this.”

I handed her a folder with printed out details of the available properties Janice had emailed me, including pictures. And no, I wasn’t particularly a hard copy guy. I was just weirdly energised to help Charli in her search, so I’d gone all out.

“Oh. What is it?” She took the folder and pushed her glasses back down as she opened it to scan the contents.

“Those are some rental properties my friend Janice sent. She said she can arrange a few viewings this Saturday if you’re free.”

“Wow, this is great. Thanks so much. And yes, I’m free Saturday.”

“Perfect. I’ll let her know.”

With that, I turned, sending a quick nod to Charli’s coworkers. “Barry. Maeve.” And then I left. I knew Maeve would be straight on her phone to Steph, but I no longer cared. I’d tried being the good guy, but Steph clearly wasn’t interested in my kindness. When I’d spoken to her at the bar during Aidan’s restaurant opening, she’d made it very clear her intention was to sleep with my friend. I was so done with her games and hadn’t even bothered to call Aidan and ask if anything had happened. I didn’t want to know, and besides, Aidan was far too shrewd not to immediately peg that Steph was out for revenge. He’d been a bit vacuous as a teenager, but he wasn’t like that anymore. In fact, I enjoyed his company nowadays almost as much as I enjoyed Derek’s.

About an hour later, my phone buzzed with a text.

Charli: Maeve’s been shooting me some aggressive side eye since you dropped off that folder.

Guilt nagged at me. Maybe I should’ve just emailed her the list of properties instead.

Me: Sorry. Would you prefer if I don’t stop by your office anymore?

Charli: No way! You’re my coworker and friend. You’re allowed to come talk to me. Maeve shall just have to get over it I’m afraid.

I smiled at her reply as I typed back.

Me: That’s my girl.

It was only after I hit send I realised how Charli might construe my phrasing. I hadn’t meant it as a possessive statement even if I did have a lot of old feelings stirring for her. When she didn’t write anything back, I worried I might’ve inadvertently said the wrong thing, so I tried a new subject.

Me: I can drop by on Saturday and drive you to the viewings if you’d like?

Charli: Oh, that’s not necessary. You’d be driving so far out of your way. Could we meet at the first property instead? I’d still like you with me so that you can chime in on the location, etc.

I pressed a finger to my chin, wanting to say I didn’t mind driving out of my way for her, but again, I was worried about coming on too strong.

Me: Of course. I’ll let you know the schedule as soon as Janice sends it.

Charli: Thanks, Rhys. You’re the best :-)

For some reason, the little smiley face got to me. If her meltdown in the restaurant on Friday was anything to go by, she’d been through a lot the past few years. Hell, she’d been through a lot for over a decade. It was why I liked being able to make her smile even in text form.

I wanted to make her smile every time I saw her.