Rating the Book Boyfriend (Book Boyfriend Builders)

9. Libby

CHAPTER 9

Libby

T he next Wednesday afternoon, I sit on a towel on the beach that’s within walking distance of my little cottage. My computer is open on my lap, but the page is blank except for the chapter number at the top. I can’t quite wrap my head around what I want to write next.

I just wrote an emotional scene, and the male character is now hanging out with his friends, so maybe it’s time for something funny. A vague idea hits me, and I shoot off a text to my BBB friends and wait for an answer.

Libby: I have a male character that’s going to tell an off-color cum joke, but I’m struggling. Give me ideas.

It doesn’t take long before I receive a barrage of replies.

Gemma: A man asks his wife if he can come in her ear, but she says no because she’s afraid it will make her go deaf. He replies, “Funny, I always come in your mouth, and you never shut the fuck up.”

JoJo: They say pineapple juice makes your jizz taste better. But for me, it just ruins the pineapple juice.

Ava: From now on, I’m calling my cum “children alfredo.”

I’m laughing uncontrollably when I reply.

Libby: These are all awesome, but children alfredo for the win. I knew I could count on you bitches. Thanks!

I quickly type the joke into my document, and the words flow like a raging river after that. The male character has a hilarious group of friends, and I’m loving their banter.

My phone rings, and I pick it up and see that my friend, Sonya, is calling. She’s an office manager for an optometrist in Port Saint Joe, and we instantly hit it off when she hired me to design a new website for the office. She’s one of the reasons I chose to move to this particular town.

“Hey, lady,” I answer, setting my computer aside and reclining back on my towel.

“Hi, Libby. What are you up to today?”

“Being a beach bum,” I reply happily. “Well, I guess I’m working too because I’m writing on the beach.”

“Do you have plans for tonight?”

“Nope, whatcha got?”

“Drinks at that little pub downtown at seven. Erica is coming too.”

Erica is the optician at the office, and she has the most impressive collection of glasses I’ve ever seen.

“Sounds good. See you there.”

“I’ve got so much to tell you.”

I smile as I hang up. Those two are always good for some book fodder, competing to see whose crazy dating stories will end up in one of my books.

“I seriously don’t know what’s wrong with men today. They all seem to have mommy issues,” Sonya says, her black curls bouncing with every shake of her head. Sonya is gorgeous, with dark skin, a huge smile, and curves I would die for.

“You went out with that Nathan guy that’s been asking you out for a month?” I ask, and she nods.

“Yes. First and last date.”

“What happened?” Erica asks, leaning forward on her forearms. She’s a pretty brunette with soulful brown eyes framed by purple glittery glasses.

“This fool,” Sonya starts, taking a sip of her Manhattan. “He shows up to the restaurant with his three-year-old daughter and his mother .”

“No fucking way,” I breathe. “On a first date?”

“Yes, ma’am. And it was not a kid-friendly restaurant. The little girl screamed through the appetizer course, and neither of them did a thing about it. Everyone in the restaurant looked like they wanted to stab us. I finally pulled the kid out of her highchair and held her in my lap until she calmed down.”

“Poor baby. It’s not her fault her dad is an idiot,” Erica says, her lips turning down.

“Why did he bring them with him instead of leaving his mom at home to babysit?”

Sonya rolls her eyes. “I asked him, and he said he wanted his three favorite ladies to meet.”

I scrunch my nose. “Well, that just took a left turn into creepy town.”

“Afterward, Nathan took his daughter, waved her hand at me, and said, ‘Say bye-bye to Mommy.’ I almost broke my ankles getting out of there.”

Erica and I crack up laughing. “Did he at least pay for dinner?” I ask, and Sonya levels me with a flat glare.

“His mother paid.”

Erica calms her laughter and holds up one hand. “I might be able to top that one. You remember that guy I had a one-night stand with a couple months ago?”

“Tyson?” Sonya asks. “The one with the big…”

“That’s the one,” Erica confirms. “Best sex of my life, so I was excited when he called me last week. This time we actually went out on a real date, and everything was going great. Good conversation and everything. He’s really smart, some kind of engineer.”

“Uh-oh,” I say. “Sounds too good to be true. Did you sleep together again?”

“We did, and it was just as good the second time around. I’m talking multiple orgasms. The man can find my G-spot like he printed out the location on Mapquest.”

“Is Mapquest still a thing?” Sonya interrupts. “I thought everyone used GPS now.”

Erica waves her hand. “Whatever. You know what I mean. So afterward, we’re laying in bed, and he turns the lamp on and tells me he wants to show me something.”

“Oh shit, did he have a dick boil or something?” Sonya blurts, her brown eyes wide.

I laugh. “What the hell is a dick boil?”

“I have no idea. My cousin’s boyfriend told her he couldn’t have sex with her for about a month because he had a dick boil.”

My nose scrunches. “She needs to get checked. He’s probably got herpes.” I turn back to Erica. “So what did Tyson have to show you?”

She lowers her voice. “He got my name tattooed on his dick.”

I blink rapidly, my mouth falling open. “That’s insane. Did you run for the hills?”

Erica averts her eyes and scratches the back of her neck as her words all come out in a rush. “No, I, uh, sucked his big Erica dick and then we fucked again. Three times.”

“Good lord. Only you,” Sonya moans. “And then you ran?”

“Not exactly.” Erica gnaws on her bottom lip. “I told him I’d see him again.”

“What? He literally got your name tatted on his penis after a one-night stand. He’s probably a crazy stalker dude.”

“I knowww, but the sex!” she whines. “It’s, like, crazy good. Plus, him getting the tattoo shows he’s not one of those guys with commitment issues.”

Sonya and I almost fall out of our chairs laughing as Erica rolls her eyes and takes a sip of wine. “At least if he kidnaps me, I won’t be horny.”

“You are so ridiculous. If you end up dead in a ditch, I’m putting But at least she wasn’t horny on your headstone,” Sonya informs her before turning to me. “What about you, Lib? You dating anyone since the loser?”

“Nope, and absolutely no prospects.”

“What about that book-boyfriend business you’re doing? Maybe you can train up a man just like you want him.”

“It’s not a dating service,” I argue. “And the man I’m working with now is taken. His girlfriend signed him up for the service.”

“Must be a real loser if his girlfriend signed him up.”

“He is not,” I say defensively, feeling my cheeks heat. “He’s a really great guy.”

Sonya’s eyes narrow. “Why are you getting so snippy about it?”

I huff out a long breath. “I’m not. He’s just really nice.”

My friends share a look and both smile. “Oooh, Libby has a crush on her client,” Erica sings. “I smell a love triangle.”

“There’s no triangle or any other geometric shapes. He’s just… different from what I expected. I was picturing someone clueless with women, but he’s totally not, at least, from what I can tell so far.”

“I’m sure the red flags will appear soon, and you can take care of it,” Erica says. “There’s no such thing as a perfect man.”

“True,” I say, signaling the waitress for another round.

But Riggs Romero is pretty damn close.