Rejected and Regretted (Ashen Wolves #1)

8

Goddess, what was that about?

My heart was racing as I rested my back on the door right after locking it. Flashes of Koen grabbing my arm played on my mind as I tried to breathe through the surge of adrenaline. Had he seen my mark and recognized it, my identity would have been compromised and our mission ruined. Yet, all I could focus on was the feeling of his fingers around my skin, the emotion in his eyes. The protective behavior he showed toward me…was that fake, too?

“For the light of the crescent, Avril! Get a hold of yourself!” Kea scolded me, rightfully so. “Of course, it was fake. The man who abandoned you to fend for yourself is incapable of remorse - or concern, for that matter. Yes, he was once our mate, but he denied us. He should mean nothing to you.”

I let her words sink in. Deep down, I knew she was right. Koen’s sudden interest in me, his inexplicable desire to clarify what had happened between us years ago, his readiness to protect me - they were all tricks to earn my trust. They had to be. And I was allowing myself to be impressed by his act.

However, if that was the case, how could he affect me like no other male could?

Before I could find an answer, my internal battle was interrupted by someone else invading my mind. “Alpha, are you alright?” I immediately recognized Theo’s voice, followed by his scent, as well as Elijah’s, hitting my nose. They were probably right outside my door.

“We sensed your apprehension through the bond,” my gamma added.

Ah, bonds - the essence of our species. As pack creatures, werewolves were united by different kinds of this unique magical connection. Primarily, there was the bond between members of the same pack, creating a sense of unity by allowing them to share similar emotions. Then, there was the familial bond. Present only between individuals who were part of the same bloodline, it was significantly stronger.

Yet none of them were as powerful as the mate bond.

Some believed mates were two halves of the same soul; one could never be truly complete without the other. It wasn’t uncommon for one to perish shortly after the passing of their fated partner, so intense the connection between their souls. If they were marked, their chances of living on became even slimmer. Even a simple rejection, prior to any form of relationship, caused unbearable pain to both the rejected and the rejector.

I would know.

Shaking my head, I focused on answering my friends. “Yes, everything’s fine. I was attacked by a rogue on the borders.” I could feel them both tensing up. Before they could shoot questions at me, I addressed their unspoken concerns. “Don’t worry, it didn’t touch me. I also didn’t have to shift, so no one saw Kea. Koen was there, and he…” I stopped myself as the word ‘protect’ came to my mind. “He slayed it before I needed to do anything,” I corrected myself. “But my sweatshirt got torn, and he saw my bandages.”

“Did he see the mark?” Elijah asked, though he didn’t sound nearly as worried about my sweatshirt falling apart as he did about my safety.

“No, but just barely,” I confessed. “I’ll shower and get changed. You guys go ahead and get dinner, I’ll meet you there.”

Although they hesitated to leave me, I soon heard them step away from my door. As they did, I returned to my earlier thoughts.

There was no bond between me and Koen. Not anymore; not in five years. Then how did he manage to get to me so easily?

I grunted. It was probably my fault, like Kea pointed out. She was mostly right about what she had said to me, except for one thing - Koen did mean something to me. He was the key to getting the relic that once belonged to my pack.

For that reason, I would snap out of whatever spell the alpha had me under, and get him wrapped around my fingers instead.

I didn’t cross paths with Koen again after the rogue attack. Whether he was busy reporting the occurrence to his sentinels, or simply preferred the luxury of his private dining room, he didn’t show himself during dinner at the cafeteria. It was probably good since Theo and Elijah were even more protective of me after hearing about the incident.

My friends also questioned me about what exactly had happened earlier in the forest. I refrained from telling them the details of how I had felt, ashamed of how I had lost control of my emotions. Before they could notice what I was hiding from them, I changed the subject. As we discussed the next steps for our mission, I informed them I would need to spend more time alone with the alpha - an idea they weren’t really fond of, even if they understood it was necessary. Then we said our goodnights and returned to our suites to go to sleep.

The next morning, I went to the same spot I had found Koen the day before, ready to carry out the plan I had carefully thought out: I would play the damsel in distress, apologize for my outburst and thank him for being the knight in shining armor he absolutely thought I needed. That should inflate his ego, emphasize my submission toward him, and hopefully earn his trust.

However, I couldn’t find him at the place where his private training sessions took place. Upon returning to the main part of the territory, I learned that he hadn’t sparred with the rest of his warriors either. It would be suspicious for me to question the alpha’s whereabouts, so I resorted to waiting until he decided to appear. And he did, just as I was walking into the packhouse.

I almost bumped into my former mate on my way in, but we both stopped inches before our bodies collided. Now that we were face to face, I realized just how much taller than me he was; I had to lift my head to look at him. Goddess, did I hate having him look at me from above.

“Avril,” he whispered, almost as if he was shocked to see me.

There was a mix of emotions in his expression that I couldn’t quite figure out, probably because he was trying to mask them. As he pursed his lips, I took it as he could be mad at me for the way I spoke to him the day before, but I didn’t let him speak; I couldn’t afford to have him dismiss me. Though I couldn’t say I was thrilled about how I was going to humiliate myself.

“Finally, I found you!” I sighed, trying my best to sound happy to see him. “Alpha Koen, about yesterday-”

When he groaned, I stopped. At first, I thought I had made him so mad he wouldn’t listen to me at all. But the next words he spoke left me in disbelief.

“I’m sorry, Avril.”

He’s what? I blinked twice at him, dumbfounded. Yet, I quickly recomposed myself. Don’t fall for his tricks, I reminded myself.

“No, I am sorry. You…you…” Fuck, this was harder to say than I anticipated. “You protected me yesterday,” I finally managed to say, “And instead of thanking you, I yelled at you. To be honest, I didn’t want you to see what was beneath my bandages, so I instinctively pushed you away. The truth is…” Here it goes - the lie I had thoughtfully crafted. “These bandages hide an old scar that I got back when I was trying to survive as a rogue. I don’t like others to see it because I know they’ll think I’m weak, which is why I keep it covered.”

For a moment, he remained silent. His face darkened, and I struggled to read him once more. In the end, he just repeated an apology.

“It’s okay, I was the one who overreacted,” I insisted, but when his piercing eyes locked on mine, I stopped speaking.

“No, Avril. I’m sorry about what you had to go through. What I put you through.” Then, I saw it - a glimpse of guilt flashing in his eyes. If this was fake, he was one hell of a manipulator. “You didn’t deserve any of that. You deserved a mate who wouldn’t reject you.”

Despite hearing Kea scoff inside my head, I managed to force a smile. “It’s okay. It’s in the past.”

It wasn’t fucking okay. I wish I could make him feel what I felt back then. The heartache. The fear. The loneliness.

But for the sake of my mission, I had to make him believe my words, even if saying them made me feel like I was about to explode.

“Koen, we’re not mates anymore, but…” I started, looking down. Hopefully, it would help me sound shy - in reality I just couldn’t keep a straight face while telling the most absurd lie: “It would be an honor if we could be friends.”

When I glanced back at him, his eyebrows were raised, a fondness in his eyes. A grin illuminated his face as he caught me off guard, grabbing my hand in both of his.

The second his hands enveloped mine, I stiffened. I could have sworn I had felt sparks of electricity at the contact, but I brushed it off. It was probably just the shock I felt from his unexpected touch. Yes, that had to be it - my body fighting the urge to remove myself from his grasp.

But why did his warmth make me feel so safe?

Before I could figure it out, I was pulled from my thoughts as Koen lowered himself to stay at my eye level, and staring straight at me, he declared, “I would love to be your friend.”