Rejected and Regretted (Ashen Wolves #1)

9

And so began the mission to become friends with the man I despised the most in my life.

Strangely enough, the idea of befriending him wasn’t what annoyed me the most about the situation, but rather his eagerness in regards to it. When we were growing up, he barely even spoke to me. A few years ago, he decided I wasn’t good enough to be his mate - hell, I wasn’t even good enough to be part of his pack. Yet, now, he was thrilled to be friends with me?

I had no doubt his apparent excitement was due to his interest in securing an alliance with Azure Pack. It had nothing to do with building a relationship with me for the sake of having me in his life. For some reason, that made me angrier.

However, the scariest part - which I fought to acknowledge - was that my heart tightened when he said he would love to be my friend . Just a friend - nothing more. Not what we should have been; what the Moon and the Gods destined us to be. It hurt to once again realize he never cared about me in that way, and never would.

It hurt, and I hated it.

I hated him .

“That’s good, Avril,” Kea complimented me. “Remember how you truly feel about him. Even with our bond broken, the universe will keep trying to fool you into thinking you should be with him, but you know better. We both do.”

She was right, and I did as she said. I forced myself to remember how badly Koen had hurt me in the past. The harshness in his voice as he recited the rejection vows, seconds after I was able to feel it, was still imprinted on my mind, as was the coldness in his eyes when he let his father banish me. That was who Koen truly was, not who he wanted me to think he was. Not who the universe wanted me to think he was.

If fate believed the faint remnants of a once-existent bond could absolve my former mate of the damage he had caused, I would gladly disregard it and choose my own destiny - one where I laughed in his face while he cried and begged me to stay instead.

“I like that!” Kea barked in approval.

After a day spent in Koen’s company, where he was nothing but kind and gentle to me, I let myself become confused by my feelings. Yet, a good night of sleep away from his deceitful presence gave me enough time to reflect. The next morning, I was back to my normal self - determined, focused, and skeptical.

With a clear mind, I headed to the training grounds. While my disguise prevented me from sparring with the wolves of Whispering Hills, my beta and gamma were welcome to join their training sessions. After all, even if their real titles were not to be disclosed, they were still warriors.

Since it was almost time for breakfast, I assumed training would be over soon. I wanted to talk to my friends before our meal, as there were a few things we needed to discuss. Aside from details regarding our mission, Theo also had to update me on how things were going back home. As the beta, he was getting direct reports from our delta; we agreed he would pass on the relevant information to me, as I wasn’t to be disturbed so my focus would remain on our goal.

I arrived at the training grounds just in time to catch Koen complimenting my friends - it appeared he had decided to join the rest of his warriors today instead of practicing alone.

“You wolves of Azure Smoke really do have impressive combat skills,” the alpha observed.

A smile played on my lips as I heard him. It was important for him to see how strong Theo and Elijah were. We were at my former pack under the false premise of establishing an alliance with them, where we would offer Koen some of our warriors. Noticing their value would make him even more interested in our deal, which would in turn amplify his reasons to please me.

“Our training is strict, but it pays off, Alpha Koen,” my beta observed, lowering his head to the man. It was weird witnessing him show that much respect to someone else, but he was playing the character.

“We do hope we can help Whispering Hills fight off its enemies, should we become allies,” Elijah added, his neck exposed in submission. Damn, these two were good.

Just then, as if Koen had caught my scent, he jerked his head toward me. I swear I could see his eyes darkening, but one blink later they were back to normal. The corner of his lips turned up as he replied, his gaze locked on me, “I believe that is up to Avril.”

“Good morning, Alpha Koen,” I greeted him as I stepped closer, pretending not to have heard him.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked as though he was truly interested, his full attention on me.

“I did, thank you,” I replied with a fake smile before turning to my friends. “Are you done with training?” They both nodded at me.

Before I could continue, Koen chimed in, “Are you heading to the cafeteria? I was hoping I could join you for breakfast.”

“As much as I would love that, Alpha Koen, I need to talk to my friends in private first,” I politely turned him down, watching his smile quickly fade. Not dwelling too long on that, I added, “You know, about the potential alliance with Whispering Hills.”

“Oh. I hope you’ve made up your mind.”

Since I didn’t plan on giving him an answer now - or ever, for that matter - I simply told him, “I’ll let you know as soon as I do.”

Unwilling to extend our conversation, I glanced at my friends again. They immediately understood my reaction, hurrying to my side.

Just before we left, Koen’s voice sounded again. “Will you be free this evening, Avril? There’s something I’d like to show you.”

Caught off guard, I hesitated. Still, I knew I couldn’t deny him a second time if I really wanted to get closer to him. “Sure.”

K O E N

Any relief I might have felt at her positive answer was overshadowed by displeasure as I watched Avril walk away with the two men clinging to her sides.

Why did they have to be so close to her? I didn’t know, yet it still made my skin crawl. My wolf wasn’t happy either, especially because she rejected us to be with them.

“You should’ve tossed her over your shoulder and carried her to the private dining room,” Columbus growled inside my head.

Part of me wished I had, but I knew better. “I don’t think that would’ve made it any easier for her to like us,” I pointed out.

“At least she would be hating us where only we can see her, and no one else,” he grunted before retreating to the depths of our shared mind, leaving me alone with my thoughts and feelings.

From the moment I saw Avril again for the first time in five years, everything I felt for her intensified - not that it had ever disappeared in the first place. I had heard, and learned from my personal experience, that severing the matebond didn’t completely erase the pull - at least not for the rejector. It was said to be divine punishment for going against the path chosen by the Moon Goddess.

In all honesty, I actually enjoyed it. Even if Avril most likely didn’t see me as her mate anymore, I could still smell her special scent, as well as feel the sparks every time we touched. It served as a reminder of the love we were robbed of.

The love I robbed us of.

With a sigh, I forced my eyes shut, pushing away my regrets before they could poison my mind. If there was any chance I could fix my past mistakes to allow any form of relationship between me and Avril to bloom, I had to stay focused on tonight. Everything needed to be perfect - starting with making sure she would feel less tense around me.

After leaving the training grounds, I took a long shower, where I inevitably drowned in my thoughts again, before making it to my office. I thought work would help the hours pass by quicker, but I was terribly wrong. Not only was it hard to concentrate on my tasks, but it seemed the clock couldn’t tick any slower.

An eternity later, when I was finally done with everything I had to take care of for the day, I rushed outside like a lightning bolt. I breezed past my beta, barely registering his attempts to stop me down the hallway, saying anything he had to discuss with me could wait until tomorrow. To say he was confused would be an understatement, but he didn’t argue.

The moment I stepped outside to find her waiting for me, her beautiful blue eyes reflecting the golden sunset, a wave of tranquility washed over me, cocooning me in a sense of peace.

Hypnotized by her serenity, I didn’t want to disturb her by calling out to her. Yet, I also remembered how I intended to make her feel comfortable in my presence; I wouldn’t be off to a great start if she caught me staring at her like a creep. So, I just walked over to her like any normal friend would do. We engaged in small talk as I began leading her toward the place I wanted to show her, but it wasn’t long before I sensed a hint of uneasiness emanating from her.

“So, what is it you wanted to show me?” she shyly asked.

“You’ll find out soon enough. We’re almost there.” I tried to soothe her.

Avril simply nodded, not questioning me further. Conversation died there, but it wasn’t long before we reached a specific part of the forest surrounding my territory. When I stopped without saying a word, she looked around, clearly confused about what I wanted her to see. Yet, the moment her gaze fell upon the towering, ancient tree, a frown stained her face, letting me know she knew where we were.

“Ring any bells?” I asked nonetheless.

She made her way to the tree, placing her hand on the bark. “It’s the tree I climbed to hide from the pack members chasing after me.”

I was still mad about the situation, even though it had happened over a decade ago. From what I was told, twelve-year-old Avril had to run from a group of boys who wanted to take their anger out on her after one of them accidentally tripped over the broom she was using to sweep the floor. In an attempt to dodge them, she climbed the very tree we were looking at. But she didn’t realize how tall it was, and even after the males vanished, she was too scared to climb back down. I had found her here by accident, and made her tell me the whole story after I helped her down.

“They were punished, you know,” I whispered, my eyes darkening as I remembered the event.

However, as soon as she flashed a confused glance at me, I made sure to hide my anger. “What do you mean?” she questioned. “Your father…the alpha said it had been my fault. He let the boys off without even a reprimand.”

“You’re right. My father didn’t formally punish them,” I agreed. “I, on the other hand, gave them what they deserved.”

I could still remember every swift punch I delivered to each of the boys’ faces. Although I hadn’t even known Avril was my mate then, I was enraged to hear what she had suffered as an omega from our pack. When I watched my father scold her for being clumsy instead of punishing the other pack members for teaming up against her, I was even more furious. It was then that I started noticing how terrible of an alpha my old man was.

At my confession, she raised an eyebrow at me. “You did not,” she doubted.

“They left you alone after the incident, didn’t they?” I countered. A smile played on my lips as I watched her disbelief turn into realization

“Anyway, that’s not why I brought you here,” I continued, approaching the tree as well. “I ended up returning here a few times after that, and I couldn’t help but climb all the way up as well.” Stretching my hand out to her, I invited her, “Shall we?”

She reluctantly took my hand, and I used my enhanced werewolf abilities to boost us to the top in the blink of an eye. Once we reached the tallest branch, Avril could only look down. At first, I thought maybe she had grown scared of heights after the incident, but she didn’t seem tense, just confused.

I didn’t hesitate to clarify, “I believe you were too busy trying to figure out how to get back down to check on the view the first time. Turns out it’s quite beautiful.”

With my head, I gestured toward the immensity before us. This old tree towered over the rest of the dense vegetation, offering a clear view of the lands beyond, illuminated by the bright stars speckled over the lilac sky. Avril followed my gaze, surprise immediately painting her expression. Then, the corner of her lips slowly turned up in a radiant smile.

It set my heart alight.

“You’re right. It’s truly beautiful,” she agreed.