Rejected and Regretted (Ashen Wolves #1)

22

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K O E N

Fuck, what had I just done?

My chest heaved as I tried to catch my breath, yet I didn’t move, continuing to support my former mate’s weight with one hand. Her swollen lips glistened, a testament to my latest crime, while the predator inside me shimmered with pride having finally claimed the one he had been chasing. With wide eyes, the omega studied me, horrified. Goddess, she looked scared. I scared her.

For an instant longer, I remained silent as disbelief settled in. How did this happen? I had managed to keep my emotions under control ever since she returned to me. A moment of distraction was all it took for Columbus to hijack my body, shamelessly crashing my lips against hers. It was not the right time. I had moved too fast; I knew it even before I finally stood back up, letting go of Avril.

She immediately turned away from me, making my heart fall as I heard her whisper, “I’m tired. Can we go back?”

Good job, Koen. You have ruined the perfect night with her because you couldn’t keep the beast in.

The last thing I wanted was to leave, especially with this tension hanging in the air, putting a million miles between us. However, I couldn’t find it in me to deny her request, not when I had just stolen a kiss from her. Our first kiss. Once I found my voice again, I called the driver, who had already arrived by the time we exited the building.

We rode back in complete silence, yet my thoughts were louder than ever. Amidst the turmoil of emotions raging inside me, what unsettled me the most was how my feelings clearly diverged from my counterpart’s. We were usually in sync, but now, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Col was gleaming with pride, utterly pleased, and strangely joyful. Honestly, it made me angry - how could he be this satisfied after forcing himself on Avril?

“I didn’t force myself on her,” he argued, slightly offended by my accusation. “I could feel Kea reaching out to me. She wanted this.”

“If that’s true, why does she not look thrilled in the slightest?” I countered, struggling to keep my cool.

“Maybe Avril and Kea are not on the same page about what they want and how they feel,” he observed, and I fell silent.

Through the whirlwind of thoughts, I suddenly stopped to digest my wolf’s suggestion. I had to admit, it wasn’t impossible. It was only logical for Avril to resent me for what I had done. All this time, I assumed her animal side felt the same way about me, but perhaps I was wrong. What if Kea could still sense some faint fragment of our long shattered bond?

A spark of hope lit up inside me. I stole a glance at the beautiful woman sitting next to me, and I contemplated the possibility of earning her trust again. After all, if her wolf hadn’t completely given up on us yet, maybe she could have a change of heart.

Once we returned to the territory, I offered to walk her to her room. Although she didn’t argue, I couldn’t say she was fond of the idea. Upon reaching our destination, I gathered the courage to break the silence.

“Avril, about tonight-” I began, but she quickly shut me down.

“Goodnight, Alpha Koen,” she spoke sternly. For the first time, when she addressed me by my title, it hurt. It felt as if whatever progress I had made in the past two weeks was gone, the distance between us growing even wider.

When she shut the door, leaving me alone in the cold of the night, I realized chasing her wouldn’t make our situation any better. It was time to take a step back, because I had moved too fast. As hard as it would be for me, I would do my best to give her space.

A V R I L

As soon as I was safe, away from Koen and his spell, I slammed my back against the wall, needing some sort of support; for the past hour or so, it felt as if my legs would give out at any minute. I sucked in a deep breath, desperate to fill my lungs, because it was hard to breathe in his presence. I was afraid inhaling his scent would send me spiraling.

What the hell was wrong with me?

Maybe this was a terrible idea. Scratch that - it was unequivocally the worst decision I’d ever made. Returning to Whispering Hills resurrected a part of me I believed to be long buried. I thought I had killed young, naive, and love-stricken Avril. Yet, the longer I stayed here, the more it felt like she was clawing her way out of her tomb, threatening to destroy every wall I had put up for my own safety.

Koen made me feel things tonight I never thought I would feel again. Things I didn’t want to feel - not for anyone, and especially not for him. All this time, I thought I was manipulating him, but it was the other way around. I’d assumed I could beat him, but I was wrong. As much as I hated losing, I had to accept the truth - I wasn’t strong enough to keep playing this game.

Before I could run for the hills, a quiet whisper echoed in my mind. “It’s my fault,” Kea admitted. When she sensed my confusion, she continued, “I’ve been trying my hardest to block Koen and Col out. To keep the past in the past, for they chose not to be a part of our future. But I can’t. No matter how hard I try to ignore it, the remnants of our broken bond still pull me toward him. I’m sorry, Avril. It’s all my fault.”

I could feel her guilt, but I couldn’t find it in me to be mad at her. Wolves mated for life. Even if my humanity kept me from running into the arms of the man who had shattered me, the wolf inside me could never feel complete without her soulmate, regardless of how badly he hurt us.

“It’s true,” she agreed. “I can hate our mate for what he did, but I can’t stop loving him. I’m sorry for making it harder for you to resist them as well.” A long whimper escaped her, followed by a short pause. When she spoke again, she sounded less broken and much more determined. “You should start taking silver.”

Shocked, I immediately asked, “What?”

“Do it,” she insisted. “It will weaken me, thus weakening the effects of the broken bond we share with our mate. It’ll make it easier for you to keep him out,” she clarified, and I found myself considering it.

Honestly, when I was this desperate, her idea didn’t sound bad at all. While the poison would make it not only harder for me to connect with Kea, but also weaken my enhanced abilities, I didn’t need them now. I had Theo and Elijah to protect me should danger find us. Besides, it would also help mask my true essence, which meant I would be able to spend less energy trying to suppress my alpha aura and focus on avoiding Koen.

Reaching for my backpack, I scoured through it for the vial containing liquid silver, which I carried with me for emergencies. Drinking all of it would put me in a coma, but taking small doses every day would merely keep my animal side under. Before I could change my mind, I took a sip, feeling the liquid burn its way down my throat.

In a matter of seconds, I felt my wolf slip out of consciousness. She would be in and out as long as I kept taking the poison, but it was only a temporary measure. I only needed a few more days. When Wednesday rolled around, I would retrieve what I came here to get.

And I would be gone before Koen could succeed in gaining control over me again.