Rejected and Regretted (Ashen Wolves #1)

26

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A V R I L

My notion of time slipped away as we stood there in silence, unmoving, Koen’s hot breath mixing with mine. I don’t know why I couldn’t say anything, or simply walk away, but he didn’t either. Maybe we both just wanted to live in a world where we didn’t have to face what had happened between us a little longer.

Or was it just me? Koen had acted so boldly, so assertively, it almost made me think he had been wanting to kiss me again since that night - maybe even before then.

No , I told myself. That couldn’t be. If he truly wanted me, he wouldn’t have rejected me five years ago. He was just a single male, whose wolf still lusted for the mate they abandoned. It was instinct. Not passion. Not love.

Love , I laughed internally. As if such an absurd concept even existed. It was just hormones, that was all.

Suddenly, I felt Koen shift around me, abruptly pulling me from my thoughts. His eyes searched for mine again, and we shared one last long stare before he calmly removed his arms off the wall. My heart skipped a beat in protest, part of me wishing he wouldn’t leave - a part of me I promptly ignored.

“You should get inside. It’s getting late,” he told me softly, his hand reaching for my face.

With the back of his fingers, he caressed my cheek, and I was filled with immense peace. Then, they were gone. I blinked to find his expression now serious, his hand leisurely traveling down my arm. He held my wrist tenderly, his thumb unclenching my fist and skimming over my palm. The wound from earlier had finally healed.

When Koen spoke again, he scolded me, “And stop poisoning yourself, for the light of the crescent.”

Anger should have surged from within. No one told me what to do, especially not him. Yet, I didn’t feel the urge to argue, though I didn’t have the strength to reply either.

“I’ll see you tomorrow…” He made a brief pause before letting my name roll off his tongue. “Avril.”

It made my ears buzz, the way he said it. Even softer than usual. Sweet, like honey. Like he savored the taste of it more than any other word he’d ever spoken - certainly more than he should.

And I just stood there, watching him walk away. Why did I just stand there? Why did I have no reaction? It was like I had been struck by lightning.

Little by little, the freezing air replaced Koen’s warmth, enveloping me. It sent a chill down my spine as reality slowly sunk in.

Instinctively, I brought my hand up to my lips, touching my fingertips to it. Closing my eyes, I could still vividly remember how it felt to have Koen’s lips against them. His taste, his texture, his pressure - they all lingered on my mouth, burning me more than silver ever did.

Goddess, I was going insane.

“Alpha?”

A familiar, whispering voice snapped me out of my trance. I would have jumped back if I wasn’t already leaning against the wall, a rush of adrenaline pumping through my veins as if I had been caught committing a crime. My eyes darted in the direction of the sound to find Theo, his arm wrapped around Elijah’s neck.

There was confusion in their expressions, and it soothed me. They hadn’t seen me with Koen. They must have been enjoying their evening together while I was… Shit, it had really happened, hadn’t it?

“What are you doing outside?” Elijah asked, puzzled at my silence.

I couldn’t tell them the truth. They had already been harassing me since before the first accidental kiss I shared with Koen. If they learned it had happened again - and intentionally - I wouldn’t hear the end of it.

Considering the lack of control I had been experiencing around my ex-mate lately, the last thing I needed was these two encouraging me to go chase rainbows with him. Rainbows were merely an illusion; it occurred when light was reflected inside water and refracted out again into the air. It wasn’t real, and I wouldn’t be fooled by it. I had learned from a young age that what glitters is seldom gold.

At last, I managed to recover my composure, addressing them with a neutral expression, “I was thinking about our mission. Needed some fresh air to analyze things more clearly.”

Judging by their hesitation, they didn’t fully believe me, but they weren’t too suspicious either.

“How did the hunt go?” Theo inquired.

“It was a setback I couldn’t avoid,” I replied coldly. “Now, I need to find the most optimal route to retrieve the urn as quickly as possible. We have been away from home for too long; I don’t want to wait for the next hunt to try again.”

They nodded in understanding, and Elijah offered, “Would you like our help with a new plan?”

Pushing myself off the wall, I said, “It’s late. We can talk tomorrow.” I attempted a smile as I turned my back to them, walking toward my door. “Rest well, you two.”

The moment I was by myself in my suite, guilt washed over me.

It was always the same. The effect Koen had on me made all logical thinking escape me. Like carnivore plants who attracted oblivious insects straight to their deaths, he lured me in. Yet, the second he was gone, I remembered why it was a bad idea to get too close to him, and I cursed myself for falling for it.

As desperation hit, I rushed to the drawer where I kept my vial of silver. It glistened tentatively, but just as I wrapped my fingers around the glass, I hesitated.

I could feel Kea slowly pushing closer to the surface, earlier than usual. As much as I hated to admit it, I could only blame Koen. Our kiss must have given her strength, allowing her to come out of her slumber sooner.

A distressed sigh broke through my lips, and I put the vial down. What use was there in fighting Kea when I was just as liable?

A wave of emotions battled inside me. I was angry at myself, afraid of the feelings I couldn’t understand, lusting for Koen, and hating myself for it. In the end, I decided to push them all away. Feeling defeated, I flopped onto the bed, hoping that tomorrow I would finally get my shit together.

It’s a new day , I cheered myself as I watched the sun rise from behind the hills through my window the next morning. Today, I won’t fall for Koen’s charms , I vowed. A promise I struggled to believe. Dreading what would happen once I met him, I ended up staying a little longer in bed.

After a good night’s rest, my body had expelled the silver, and Kea was back at full strength. She was the one who pushed me to get up - not because she longed to find Koen, but because she had grown tired of being unable to resist him. It seemed the poison had at least helped her regain focus. For our sake, it was time for me to find mine as well.

With newfound courage, I marched out of my room, the reasons why I had abominated the alpha of Whispering Hills for the past years playing on repeat in my head like some twisted kind of motivational audio. I headed straight to the training grounds, where my beta and gamma should be. Due to my extra minutes in bed, the warriors were already starting to leave by the time I arrived. I was a few feet away from the entrance when he stepped out of the facility.

Koen was half-naked, beads of sweat rolling down his chest. They glistened underneath the sunlight, highlighting his flexed muscles. It took him a moment to notice me standing in front of him; only when he shook his head, bothered by his wet hair gluing to his forehead, did his eyes finally find mine. And he stopped.

I, too, halted for a moment, fear rushing back to me. But it only lasted a fraction of a second. Filled with motivation and determination, I refused to freeze before him as I had last night. Instead, I held my head high and stared right back at him, fighting his hypnotizing gaze. I was so concentrated, I almost let my alpha aura show.

To my surprise, he just flashed a smile at me. “Morning, Avril. Sleep well?” he asked as he continued to make his way to me.

Disconcerted, all I could mutter was “yeah” as he came closer and closer.

But when he reached me, he didn’t stop, as I thought he would. He merely whispered, “Good. Your pack mates should be out in a minute.” He gestured toward the gym with his head, concluding, “See you ‘round.” And he walked right past me.

I was dumbfounded. After what I had said last night, after what we had done…he was acting as if that hadn’t changed anything between us. In fact, this was our most normal interaction. That was it?

Honestly, I wouldn’t complain. The last thing I wanted was to talk about it. I was down to pretend nothing had happened and erase that memory from my mind.

Then, it clicked. Koen didn’t say anything because he didn’t want the pack to know things had gotten heated between him and me, an omega; it would be humiliating. And frankly, I was fine with it. I didn’t want anyone to find out either.

Suddenly, I felt light. Not only did his indifference not bother me, but my palms weren’t sweaty. The sight of him didn’t make me forget how to breathe; it didn’t make my heart soar. Huh. Maybe last night had at least served to relieve some of the sexual tension I felt toward him.

Great - here’s to hoping I would manage to focus now.

“Avril!” I recognized my beta’s voice, noticing him and Elijah leaving the training grounds.

Once they were both by my side, my gamma asked, his voice low, “Everything alright?”

Without hesitation, I replied, “Everything’s perfect.”

I couldn’t hide the triumphant grin that spread over my lips, or the enthusiasm in my voice. Judging by the confusion in their faces, the shift in my behavior seemed to take them by surprise. But it didn’t bother them enough to ask me about it.

“Any special reason why you decided to come pick us up?” Theo joked.

“Yes,” I quickly revealed. “We have a plan to discuss.”

They exchanged glances, and I could tell they were questioning my sudden motivation, yet they just nodded and followed me. Now that it seemed Koen’s effect on me had diminished, I had to make the most of my current clarity to complete my mission as soon as possible.

If everything went well, I would be out of here and far away to where Koen would never cross my mind again in a matter of days.