Rejected and Regretted (Ashen Wolves #1)

34

As I had prayed, Gregor was there to stop me from getting too close to Koen when my stupid emotions got the best of me. I just hadn’t expected him to do it in the way he did.

While I had already noticed that the beta wasn’t in agreement with his alpha’s principles, I never thought Gregor would stab him in the back at such an important event. Thankfully, he didn’t succeed, though in the beginning, I was concerned about Koen’s well-being. I had watched him in action, and I could tell he was holding back.

It was natural, I guess. A beta was an alpha’s right hand. I couldn’t even imagine being betrayed by mine, let alone having to kill him for it. After Gregor was taken down, I saw Koen’s true pain flash in his eyes, and I knew it must have been the weight of having the blood of the man who he had always considered a friend in his hands. Yet, I didn’t fail to notice that the feeling hadn’t been there throughout the whole battle.

I witnessed the shift in Columbus’ demeanor mid-fight. In the beginning, he was visibly confused and reluctant, but at some point, his hesitation faded. There was barely any humanity in the wolf’s piercing green eyes as he took his beta’s life. In fact, it reminded me of the night when he showed up just in time to save me from Chad. His movements were vicious, but careful. Cold, yet not mindless; calculated.

As if he was protecting something that he couldn’t live without.

I was trying to crack what was the reason behind his change of heart during the fight when a loud thud, followed by a grunt, caught my attention. After blinking myself back to reality, I found Koen on the floor beside me.

“Koen!” I gasped, instinctively rushing to him.

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” he repeated as I propped his arm around my shoulders, wrapping one arm around his waist to help him up.

“No, you’re not fine!” I chided. “That I knew already, I just hadn’t realized you were this fucked up.”

Once I managed to get him up straight, he groaned again. Feeling my hand strangely moist, I carefully loosened my grasp on Koen to take a look at it. I was shocked to find it drenched in blood. My heart raced in panic. When I glanced at the area where I had been grasping him, I saw a huge crimson stain on his robe.

“Koen, you’re…” I started, a mix of disbelief and concern coating my words, but he didn’t let me finish.

“Avril,” he called, voice tired, face low. He didn’t even have enough strength to raise his head to look at me. “Can we get inside, please?”

I pursed my lips but didn’t argue. Grabbing the key card from his hand, I inserted it into the reader and hastily pushed the door open as soon as I heard the beep indicating access. Attentively, I led Koen to his bed, assisting him in lying down. With trembling hands, he tugged at the edges of his robe, struggling to remove it. Taking pity on him, I promptly helped him open the top half, leaving the rest of the fabric to drape over his waist and cover his legs.

Every other time I had seen Koen shirtless, his athletic physique had earned my attention. Now, I barely noticed his muscles. All I could see was the huge gash on his side.

“Good Goddess,” I breathed out, swallowing dry as I let it sink in how grave his wound was. Shaking my head, I turned to the house phone on the bedside table. “I’m calling a doctor.”

Before I could reach the phone, though, a fist wrapped around my wrist. My attention shifted back to Koen, and the seriousness in his eyes struck me. “No,” he uttered, simply.

Is he fucking insane?

He let go of my hand, relaxing his head on his pillow. With eyes closed, he added, “I’ll be fine in your hands.”

Absolutely not!

“I’m not a fucking doctor, Koen!” I yelled, slightly angry at how serene he was. “This looks like it needs a million stitches. I can’t patch you up! Besides, considering how deep that wound is, I wouldn’t be surprised if you needed a blood transfusion.”

“I thought you said you weren't a doctor,” he replied mockingly at my prognosis. After a few more heavy breaths, he glanced at me. “I can’t let the other alphas learn about my condition, Avril.”

My anger subsided for a moment as I tried to grasp what he was saying. Being an alpha who was mostly isolated from the rest of the werewolf world, I wasn’t entirely familiar with the politics behind big events, but once I stopped to think about it, it wasn’t hard to figure out what he was so scared about.

Leaders were usually accompanied by their betas, who acted like bodyguards, quick to defend their alphas while they were away from the safety of their territory. Not only was Koen now without a beta, but he was also gravely wounded, making him an easy target. Especially if word got around about his condition.

“Fine,” I scoffed at last. “Tell me what to do.”

Koen visibly relaxed, releasing a relieved sigh before he instructed, “You have to clean it first. Flush it out with water. I have a feeling you’re not eager to stitch me up, so you’ll have to bandage it pretty well to stop the bleeding.”

Allowing myself no time to process how insane all of this was, I stood up to grab the materials I would need. After soaking a face towel in cool water, I gently dabbed it around Koen’s wound. The gesture alone made him wince, but it got even worse when I started rubbing it, regardless of how gentle I tried to be. A minute in and he was screaming bloody murder.

“This isn’t gonna work, Koen,” I stated, ready to give up and resort to my initial suggestion.

“It is! It’s gonna work,” he insisted, his chest heaving up and down as he tried to collect his breath while beads of sweat rolled down his forehead. “Just…give me a second. Let me get used to the pain.”

I did as he said. Only the sound of his panting filled the room as none of us said a word. When he invited me to come with him to the alpha meeting, I didn’t expect it to go this way. And seeing the state he was in…it made me emotional.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, clutching the red-stained towel.

“What for?” he replied in an equally low tone.

“It’s my fault you’re in this situation,” I admitted, unable to fight off the guilt.

“No, it’s not,” he growled. “Gregor did this.”

“Because of me,” I argued. “He said so himself, before he attacked you.”

“Gregor was consumed by his blind hatred. That’s not…your fault,” he struggled to finish his sentence, growing weaker by the second. I thought he was done, until his faint voice resonated in my ears again. “He was…right about one thing…though. I… I do …want you.”

At his revelation, my heart skipped a bit. I immediately darted my head at him. He was still lying with his face up, hair drenched in sweat. Actually, his whole body glistened, covered in perspiration. Worried, I touched his forehead only to realize his skin was burning.

My nerves calmed, my heart rhythm returning to normal. I want you , his words echoed in my head, but I brushed them off. He wasn’t in his right mind. It was likely that he was hallucinating, considering his temperature.

“Seems like you have a fever,” I observed.

“You think I’m delirious, don’t you?” A short, breathy chuckle broke through his lips. “I never stopped…caring about…you. Even…after I sent you away.”

“Goddess, Koen, shut up. You’re overexerting yourself,” I scolded, paying no mind to his nonsense. “You should be saving your energy.”

In return, he too ignored me. “I visited you.”

“Sure, you did.” I rolled my eyes, now fully believing that he was delusional.

“In your dreams,” he added.

For some reason, that stole my focus, despite how absurd it sounded. I stopped, heedfully staring at him, waiting for him to continue, yet not wishing to push him.

Seconds dragged like hours until he finally continued, “I…counted the days…you know.” Another brief pause. “Every…single…one…of the 365 days…until I could visit you again.”

My pulse quickened. Kea perked her ears up, her tail wagging subtly as she started connecting the dots. Could he actually mean what I thought he did?

“What are you talking about?” I pressed, never taking my eyes off him.

“I…hired a witch…to help me meet you inside your mind,” he clarified, the truth too absurd to be a lie. “I’m sorry. It was… wrong. I should’ve left you alone, but…I just…I needed to know…that you were safe.”

All I could do was blink, my heart thumping wildly as everything started to make sense.

I could never understand why I would dream about Koen every night on my birthday. When I was out of the woods, after finding my place as the Alpha of Azure Smoke, I grew to resent Koen. At first, it was hard not to think about him, but with time, he stopped crossing my mind altogether. Yet, he never missed one of my birthdays - it was the only time he would enter my thoughts.

That shouldn’t change anything. He still rejected me; he still threw me to the wolves. It shouldn’t matter to me that he felt guilty about it, or that he seemed to regret it now. But if that was the case, why was I so touched by his confession?

A few dry coughs from Koen pulled me back to reality. “Shit, I feel…I’m so tired.”

Inhaling a deep breath to organize my thoughts, I urged, “You should really sleep, Koen.” With a sigh, I prepared myself to continue what I had been doing. “I’ll finish tending to your wound, then I’ll leave.”

Suddenly, his voice grew desperate. “Don’t…don’t go,” he pleaded weakly. “Stay…with me.” It seemed to be an arduous task for him to lift his heavy eyelids just slightly, yet he still put in the effort, just so he could look at me. “Please, stay.”

I bit my lip, but I didn’t have the heart to deny his request.

“Okay.”