Rejected and Regretted (Ashen Wolves #1)

35

After patching Koen up as best as I could, I lay down beside him. He was already asleep, having finally succumbed to exhaustion. His chest barely moved with each shallow breath he took, but at least the pain had left his expression— it seemed the painkillers I managed to convince him to take had kicked in. I expected it would be hard for me to drift off, focused on monitoring his fever. Yet, the stress of the situation eventually overcame me.

When I woke up the next morning, I found myself entangled in the arms of Koen, who was still passed out. My head rested on his bare chest, my face closer to his skin than it had ever been. Little by little, it dawned on me that we had just spent the night together. In the same bed .

Normally, the situation would have freaked me out. Indeed, my heart was beating fast, but the nerve-twitching fear I usually felt whenever I was too close to him didn’t scream as loud. On the other side, the tranquility that enveloped me as I lingered in his warm embrace, a sensation I always eagerly fought, was too compelling to resist. Inside my head, Kea purred peacefully, though I couldn’t say her reaction was surprising.

How did we end up like this? The question echoed in my mind, but it was little more than background noise against the more pressing concerns that filled my thoughts. Remembering how hot Koen had been before he fell asleep last night, I shifted carefully in his arms, cautious not to wake him. I loosened his grip on me just enough to brush my hand against his forehead. A wave of relief washed over me when I felt that his fever had broken.

Perhaps I would have finally started panicking once my concerns began to fade, but there was no time. As soon as I removed my head from the injured alpha’s forehead, I realized that his eyelids were twitching. Slowly, he opened his heavy eyes, making me stiffen. With every blink, his grogginess dissipated, allowing shock to settle in.

With my ear against his chest, I could hear his heart soaring as he muttered in disbelief, “You’re still here.”

A chill ran down my spine. Once he was awake, it finally dawned on me that we were too close to each other; much closer than we should have been. And I couldn’t afford to let him see how comfortable I felt in that situation, especially when I hadn’t been able to figure it out myself.

Abruptly, I pulled away from him, sitting up on the bed. “Of course I am.” I looked away, afraid the emotion in my eyes would give me away, and crossed my arms. “You begged me to stay, and you’re injured. I couldn’t say no.”

Suddenly, I felt his warmth again, and a jolt of electricity rushed through me as he placed his hand on mine. “Thank you.”

The deep gratitude in his voice was enough to pull my attention back to him. I found myself hypnotized by the vulnerability in his emerald eyes, something I couldn’t say I witnessed often from him. Like any alpha, Koen tended to keep his emotions concealed, especially when there were others around us. But he was never scared of showing me all of his weaknesses, and it didn’t strike me as pathetic, as I expected it to. It touched me, teaching me that there was beauty in letting your walls come down.

I just wasn’t ready to do the same yet.

Withdrawing my hand, I changed the subject. “You’re not feverish anymore, but I doubt that wound is anywhere near healed.” As I rolled out of bed, I added, “Let me change the bandages so you can go see the Elder.”

“We,” he corrected, making me halt. When I glanced at him over my shoulder, I could swear he was trying to hold back a smile as he clarified, “I’m afraid I’m still too weak to walk to his office by myself. What if I trip in front of the other alphas? A fall could also cause my wound to open again.”

Huh. I bit the inside of my cheek, narrowing my eyes in an attempt to see through him. It was almost like he was enjoying being weakened.

Holding my accusation, I simply said, “Okay,” and continued toward the bathroom.

Koen's wound looked slightly better today. The area around it wasn't as bruised, and the gash seemed to be healing slowly. Although I was certain he would have recovered more quickly if it had been stitched up, the injury was now manageable enough that his life no longer seemed to be at risk.

He also handled the pain much better while I tended to the cut, managing to muffle his groans behind closed lips, though he still winced and twisted occasionally. After taking more pain medication, I helped him dress in a luxurious business outfit - a spare one, since the clothes he'd worn the previous night had been torn when he shifted to fight his beta.

Reluctant to let him out of my sight, I convinced him to wait in my room while I showered and changed. Once we both looked presentable - well, as presentable as I could be in my worn-out jeans and black hoodie - I led him into the hallway, where we interlaced our arms. It was the best way to help him support his weight without making it obvious to prying eyes that he could barely walk on his own.

As soon as we stepped into the hotel lobby, I noticed a subtle shift in Koen’s demeanor. He was giving it his all to take long, confident strides whilst masking his pain perfectly. His aura changed, emanating power, and he raised his head higher. It took me a couple seconds to understand why.

There were other people around now - alphas, lunas, and their betas crossed the lobby on their way to or from breakfast. Upon recognizing the man who had bravely defeated his second-in-command, some leaders nodded at him with respect. Others offered small, sympathetic smiles, understanding how hard it must be to slay your most trusted ally.

However, there were also a few who, at first glance, barely acknowledged us as we walked past. They glanced at Koen from the corner of their eyes, meticulously analyzing him, searching for any signs that the treacherous beta had successfully worn down his alpha. While I liked to think that most leaders abided by an honor code, I knew very well that some would do anything for power - including striking when they sensed another leader was vulnerable.

“You get it now,” he whispered to me without taking his eyes off the path ahead of us. I agreed with a silent nod.

Once we reached the Elder’s office, a chapel in the heart of the village, Koen politely knocked and waited for us to be invited in. The Elder was surprised to see me accompanying him, but he didn’t ask any questions. Not about me, anyway. The interrogation that followed focused solely on the events of the past night.

We spent almost two hours inside the chapel, where Koen described what had happened in detail. The tedious process was necessary to ensure that the fight had been just and the execution justified - while it was true that werewolves often resorted to violence to settle differences, there were strict rules to prevent meaningless killing. Since I wasn’t directly involved in the conflict, I merely stayed silent throughout the whole meeting, waiting until the reports on Beta Gregor’s death were completed.

By the time the Elder released us, the town square was packed. Most leaders would stay for the ceremonial dinner, only leaving the next morning, with nothing else to do during the day than enjoy the peace of the village. We made our way past them as we searched for a coffee shop where we could get something to eat. Koen was starving, which was natural - his body needed to make up for the energy it was spending in healing itself. I, on the other hand, was still too stressed to feel hungry.

Yet, with Koen’s condition under control, and the interrogation with the Elder finished, questions I had been avoiding began poisoning my mind again.

I was so in my head, I didn’t realize how tired Koen was from walking around. “Can we take a quick break?” he asked, already pulling me towards a wooden bench. Once we sat down, he released a sigh, a mix of tiredness and relief. “The coffee shop is close by. I just need to catch my breath a little,” he added, breathing in for a moment.

I shouldn’t have stayed quiet - it gave away how troubled I was.

“Hey, Avril,” Koen called, leaning in, locking eyes with me. “Everything alright?”

I could have looked away. I could have lied. But what did I have to lose?

Inhaling a deep breath, I finally let it out, “When you said you visited me in my dreams, why did you only appear to me on my birthdays?”

A light chuckle broke through his lips. “Believe me, I would have liked to visit you every day,” he whispered, confirming that indeed he had not been delusional last night. “Not just in your dreams, but in reality.” When his hand reached for my face, brushing my cheek with the back of his fingers, I didn’t flinch. I melted into his touch, listening attentively to his explanation as he went on, “It was agonizing not being able to find you; to check on you personally. But when you’d tell me about your new life, I…I was ashamed to even consider walking into it again. You were doing good without me. You found yourself a pack who treated you better than Whispering Hills ever did - a home. You had friends. You were safe, and happy,” he made a brief pause, releasing a breath. “I couldn’t afford to disturb your peace. Yet, I also couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing you again. Thus once a year - enough to put me at ease without risking ruining your happiness. And always on your birthday, because…I wanted to be part of your special day, somehow.”

Part of me wished that he was lying, but I knew far too well that each word that rolled out of his tongue was true. No matter how absurd it sounded to me that the man who rejected me had spent a fortune hiring a witch just so he could check on me without interfering with my life. I had spent years hating him, yet the longer I spent at Whispering Hills, the more I discovered that he never reciprocated the feeling.

“I did it to protect you.” His words echoed inside my mind.

“I never stopped caring about you ,” he had said.

“I want you.” The confession rang in my ears.

With every revelation, every touch, every gesture, Koen made it harder for me to hold onto the hatred I had fed for so long to keep me sane.

Suddenly, I felt Koen’s hand on mine, snapping me out of my trance. A comforting sensation enveloped me at the same time that my heart soared. I lingered on the feeling for a moment, before I remembered that we were in public.

“You shouldn’t do this,” I reminded him. “It might give out the impression that we’re together. It won’t help your image as an alpha to be mated to an omega, especially now that you’re betaless.”

I was ready to pull away when he surprised me by wrapping his hand around mine, preventing me from escaping. It heightened everything I was feeling, my heartbeat becoming even more erratic. There was tension between us, but not the kind that made me want to run away - it was the kind that made me want to lose myself in him.

“Screw what they’ll think,” he stated decisively, crashing his lips against mine before I could react.

For the first time, I didn’t try to restrain myself.

What was the point in continuing to fight a battle I was losing anyway? Maybe if I gave in to what my heart desired, I would finally be able to think straight. Whether my theory was wrong or right, there was only one way to find out.

So, I reciprocated his kiss, relishing the forbidden taste of him.