Rejected and Regretted (Ashen Wolves #1)

36

For the first time after Koen and I shared an intimate moment, neither of us acted as if it hadn’t happened afterwards. We didn’t feel the need to talk about it, but we also didn’t avoid each other, and we didn’t brush it off either. There was a change in our relationship.

I hadn’t realized that Koen had been holding himself back until he wasn’t anymore. What might have come off as him being reluctant to be seen with me, now became clear was merely fear of moving too fast and pushing me away. He began acting more naturally around me, and I actually started believing everything he had told me about our past.

Little by little, I, too, started letting go of the grudge I held so tightly against him. Maybe it was the intensity of the last twenty-four hours, or the fact that we were in a secluded haven, away from the childhood home where I had collected so many scars, and even the two men who followed and looked up to me. I suddenly had the courage and freedom to allow myself to explore and try to understand the feelings I had been fighting.

And that wasn’t the only thing that had changed. Since the kiss we shared in public, the other leaders were looking at us differently. They didn’t start underestimating Koen, as I had suggested, but rather they seemed to respect him more. From what I had been able to gather from snippets of conversations I overheard after we became the talk of the town, it appeared other alphas admired him for fighting his own beta to defend the woman he cared for. Some even feared what he would do if they got in the way of us.

Instead of making me uncomfortable, the situation brought me a semblance of peace. I was still trying to figure out how I truly felt about Koen, but that wouldn’t change what I needed to do. Once I could finally find the artifact I came to Whispering Hills to get, and it was time for me to disappear from his life like smoke, it would be relieving to know that I at least helped him establish new alliances. That I wouldn’t leave him high and dry.

“You still want to leave?” A faint, distant question wavered in my head. Kea. Her head was low and her ears back, denouncing her hesitation.

Allowing myself no time to think - because thinking might lead to a mistake if I listened to my feelings - I replied decisively, “We still have to leave.” Taking a deep breath, I continued, “Whether we decide to forgive Koen for the past or not, it doesn’t change what happened. We’re not mates anymore.” Instead of the usual anger, a sting pierced my heart as I admitted the truth. “We have a pack of our own, people counting on us to return. People who need what we came here to find. Come what may, our destiny no longer lies with Koen - it lies with Azure Smoke.”

Albeit uncertain, my wolf didn’t argue with me. She simply retreated to the back of my mind, in silence, leaving me alone with my thoughts again. Until a different voice reminded me that I actually had company.

“You’re doing it again,” Koen whispered, pulling me back to reality.

He was sitting across from me at a table for two in the middle of the crowded dining hall. After brunch, I dropped Koen off at his room to rest and heal. I then went to my own suite, where I waited until he was up again. Since it was almost dinner time, we changed and headed here to have our final meal of the day. By now, Koen had almost cleaned his plate, while I had barely touched mine.

“What’s on your mind?” he insisted, leaning forward on the table, his penetrating gaze piercing my soul. “Talk to me.”

I had to blink a couple of times before I could manage a smile. “Sorry. I’m just a little tired…” Clutching the silverware, I shifted my attention back to my plate. “And the food is really good. I guess I was relishing it.”

From the corner of my eye, I watched his face twitch slightly, letting me know he hadn’t really bought my lie. Yet he played along. “They do go all out on these events. Only the best ingredients and renowned chefs,” he observed.

I put more effort into not zoning out again until dinner was over. A hint of awkwardness still hung in the air as I tried to avoid the war of thoughts going on in my mind and Koen pretended not to notice it. After having dessert over casual conversation, we quietly readied ourselves to leave the dining hall.

And as we waited by ourselves in the lobby for the elevator, Koen broke the silence again.

“Thank you, Avril,” he uttered, not bothering to look at me as he stood by my side.

Taken by surprise, I glanced up at him. “For what?”

“For coming with me,” he replied, a deep sense of gratitude in his expression. “It’s been the best business trip I’ve ever been to.”

“You almost got yourself killed,” I pointed out in a low voice, appalled.

“Yet I persevered,” he countered serenely. “Because you reminded me that there was something worth living for.” Finally, he turned to face me, his eyes staring deeply into mine. Tenderly, he took my hand in both of his, caressing the back of it with his thumbs. Leaning closer, he added, “Something worth fighting for.”

There was something about his words; his gesture. The utmost sincerity in his tone struck a chord within me. My heart soared, and I suddenly felt lightheaded.

Maybe I was scared to continue this conversation. Maybe I was afraid of how much I had changed since I returned to Whispering Hills. Maybe I didn’t want to know what would come out of my mouth if I was given no choice but to say something.

Whatever the reason, I found myself standing on the tip of my toes, bringing my face closer to his. Koen stayed still, waiting. His eyes studied me, trying to guess my next move. Tension and lust mixed just the same as our breaths, and I at last took initiative.

“You talk too much,” I complained, silencing him by touching my lips to his.

Koen stiffened, clearly shocked, yet he still gave my tongue passage. Although initially frozen, the heat gradually thawed him. Once he was able to process what was happening, one of his hands gripped my waist, while the other gently brushed my neck, tilting my head slightly to deepen our kiss.

To be fair, I didn’t entirely understand what I was doing myself. For once, I just wanted to give into my feelings completely. Perhaps if I gave my body what it lusted for, I would be freed of the effect my former mate had on me.

And the more I let go, the hungrier I became. What started as a delicate, innocent kiss soon exploded into something primal - raw. Our teeth clashed, our tongues wrestled. The intensity of the moment made me forget that we were in a public area. My canines came out as the wolf inside of me surfaced, eager to play.

Amidst the bliss, the passion, the heat, I bit his lip, tasting his blood almost immediately. The unexpected pain made him wince, but he wasn’t mad. I could feel him smile against my lips as he bit me back, fueling the fire.

Not even the beep of the elevator, signaling that it had arrived, could stop us. Almost instinctively, we stumbled past the doors, my hands clinging to his neck while his arm on my lower back pressed me to him. I didn’t care that anyone could walk in on us at any moment.

Once the elevator came to a stop, we got out the same way we got in, but faster. Using his werewolf speed, Koen shoved me against the nearest wall, his arm shielding my back from the impact. As my alpha genes kicked in, I fought him for dominance, spinning him around so that I was pinning him. We became a tangle of hands and tongues, bouncing from wall to wall until we reached the door to his room, but neither of us cared to go inside.

Out of breath, Koen finally broke our kiss, but he didn’t dare pull away from me. His mouth moved to my neck before he started nipping, sucking and licking along my collarbone. Lost in lust, I wrapped my fingers in his hair, my back arching as I urged to be closer to him.

When his face stopped between my breasts, I couldn’t contain a moan. The sound called directly to his beast, evident in the way he emitted a guttural growl before continuing to trail hungry kisses down my stomach over my clothes. Never taking his mouth off of me, he reached down to grab the hem of my dress, rolling it all the way up to my thighs.

Before, I would have tried to stop him, but this time, I had made up my mind. I was ready to commit to my theory; to let him quench my thirst and drain the desire out of me. When his hand slipped between my legs, I quickly responded, parting them.

Koen groaned in satisfaction, his fingers digging into my inner thigh as he brought his mouth back to mine. Another moan escaped me as his index finger found my most sensitive spot. He caressed it leisurely over the fabric of my underwear, a stark contrast to the desperation in his kiss.

“Avril,” he hissed against my mouth, barely distancing it from mine as he let the words roll out of his tongue, “You’re so wet for me.”

Giving me no time to reply, he crashed his lips against mine once more. Hastily, he pulled my underwear aside, and a wave of pleasure washed over me as his skin made contact with mine. I was hot, so hot, and I wanted nothing more than for him to put out my fire.

And he didn’t deny my unspoken wish.

I dug my nails onto his back as his finger slid between my folds, moving back and forth a few times before teasing my entrance. Closing my eyes, I concentrated solely on the overwhelming sensation. Fully succumbing to my lust, I rocked my hips against his hand, desperate for him to fill me. Taking pity on me, he finally slipped his index finger inside of me.

“Ah,” I groaned, parting our kiss as I let my head fall back.

To allow me to breathe, Koen trailed kisses down my neck instead while his finger caressed my walls thoroughly. He started moving slowly, gradually picking up the pace to match the rhythm of my chest heaving up and down as I felt like I would burst into flames. Then, he slid another finger inside, making me gasp.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he breathed out, pausing his kisses. “Can you take three?”

Craving as much of him as I could get, I nodded. Still, Koen hesitated for a brief moment before at last inserting another finger into me. I moaned as he stretched my insides, and he gave me a moment to adjust before he began moving again.

This time, he didn’t bother to start slow. He trusted his hand with precision, reaching deeper each time, curling his fingers. It wasn’t long before he brought me to the edge.

“Koen!” I called out absentmindedly.

“Go on,” he encouraged. “Don’t hold back, Avril. Come for me,” he instructed.

Since I became the alpha of my own pack, I didn’t obey anyone. I was the one calling the shots - people answered to me. Yet, for the first time in a very long time, I submitted. I did exactly as Koen said, and when he reached that spot again, I came undone all over his fingers.

“Shit,” I breathed out as the high made me see stars, struggling to stay standing on shaky legs.

“Shh, that’s it,” Koen whispered back to me.

Removing his hand from between my legs, replacing it with his knee instead to help support my weight. With his other hand, he brushed my hair tenderly while his nose dove into the crook of my neck. He inhaled deeply, sucking in my essence at its core.

Just as I started coming back down, I let my hands run down his back. They traveled down his side as I took one breath after the other, returning to reality. That’s when I felt it. My eyes burst open, landing straight on the crimson stain on his light gray shirt.

“Koen, you’re bleeding,” I pointed out, urging him to stand up straight as worry consumed me. “Your wound must have reopened.”

To my utter disbelief, he didn’t seem the least bit concerned. He stepped back just enough to lift the hand he had been using to please me to his face. Closing his eyes, he ran his fingers, coated in my arousal, along his lips, humming with pleasure before sliding all three into his mouth.

I watched in dismay as he sucked them clean. When he was done, he licked his lips like a wolf that had just had its first meal in weeks. Then, his eyes reopened, glowing intensely as he released a groan of pure pleasure.

Bringing his face closer to mine again, he whispered boldly, “Worth it.”

And just like that, I felt hot all over again.