Rejected and Regretted (Ashen Wolves #1)

37

After our heated moment in the hallway, I hurriedly escorted an unbothered Koen into his room to patch him up. In the midst of our passionate daze, he had overexerted himself, causing his slow-healing wound to start bleeding again. Yet, as I laid him down to tend to him, he looked anything but regretful - absolute satisfaction was written all over his face.

Whether he was high on painkillers or relishing the rush of lust, I assumed he was well enough to sleep on his own. He didn’t beg me to stay either, respecting my wishes of sleeping alone, as I was used to. In fact, before Koen, I had never spent the night with anyone else - and I wasn’t sure about how to deal with the fact that he had been the first.

Still, I had to come to terms with the undeniable truth that I felt much lighter after what happened between us. Accepting my feelings instead of fighting them worked out better than I expected. Now, I just had to deal with the consequences of that - which I should, very soon.

When morning came, we gathered our things and headed to the car, preparing to travel back to Whispering Hills. Koen’s relief was evident after successfully hiding his condition from the other leaders, but it was clear he also felt the weight of one person's absence in the backseat. Three of us had come to the meeting, but only two were returning.

Just as I would have to face the repercussions of embracing my forbidden desires, he would need to confront the consequences of being without a Beta.

The first thing I did as soon as we set foot in Koen’s territory was convince him to get checked up by the pack doctor. I made a point to accompany him, both to ensure he would actually do it, and to witness the doctor scolding him for not seeing a professional sooner. She also complimented my efforts at stopping the bleeding with the scarce resources I had.

While part of me genuinely wanted to ensure that Koen was taken care of, I didn’t mind spending a few more minutes in a world where I hadn’t yet admitted my sins. However, with that resolved, I was forced to say goodbye to him so he could resume his duties as alpha. Meanwhile, I had no choice but to track down my beta and gamma, whose calls I had been avoiding throughout the trip.

Needless to say, I wasn’t shocked when they found me first.

Theo, in his stern dad look with crossed arms, spoke first, “Glad to know you’re back. Was there no signal in the village where the alpha meeting was hosted?” he joked, referring to how I hadn’t answered any of his calls.

“I texted you, just like you asked,” I retorted with a challenging smile. In return, he frowned.

Elijah soon rushed to his side, clutching his arm soothingly. The effect he had on his mate was so intense, Theo immediately relaxed, looking at him. I watched them talk through glances, and I wondered if my interactions with Koen had ever been that obvious. Goddess, I hoped not.

“We’re relieved that you’ve made a safe return, Al- Avril,” Theo expressed. Whereas my beta was better at hiding his emotions, I could clearly see my gamma’s concern. It made me actually feel bad for keeping them in the dark while I was away.

With a sigh, I resigned. “Sorry I didn’t talk to you properly throughout the trip. If you’re not too mad, I’d like to fill you in now.”

Elijah nodded instantly. Theo hesitated, but eventually did the same. I gestured with my head in the direction of my suite, inviting them to follow me. Once behind closed doors, I finally spilled.

As hard as it was for me to admit everything that had happened between me and Koen, I couldn’t keep the truth from them any longer. I told them every little detail about the trip, from how it all started, with Koen fighting his beta, to the night we spent together, and what went down the following day.

Shame consumed me as I let them see this other side of me - a side I wished never had come out. I explained about how I didn’t fully understand what I was feeling, but I was going mad wondering why I felt it, and I just wanted it to go away.

Theo and Elijah had always been supportive of me. They even encouraged me to let Koen in a million times before. Still, part of me feared they would see me as weak when I finally listened to what my body wanted. I shouldn’t have been surprised when they didn’t judge me for what I had done, yet I did.

“If you want him, and your wolf wants him…” Elijah began. “You were right to listen. He was once your mate.”

“Before he rejected me,” I observed, having held onto the scars of the past for too long to just let it go.

“From what you’ve told us, he seemed regretful enough,” Theo countered.

I stopped to think for a moment, ultimately sighing. “Maybe he does regret it. And maybe I’m starting to forgive him,” I confessed, making another brief pause. Shaking my head, I continued, “Anyway, that’s all. Since my trip messed with our schedule, we need to reanalyze our plans. We’ve wasted enough time already.”

“Wait.” Elijah stepped in front of me, eyes wide in a mix of confusion and disbelief. “You want to go on with the mission after everything you’ve just told us?”

Looking him straight in the eye, I assertively replied, “Whatever happened between me and Koen, it doesn’t change anything. Azure Smoke is still my priority.”

Not satisfied, my gamma pressed, “I just don’t get why you have to choose.”

“Because Koen is my past, while Azure Smoke is my future,” I stated. Although I held my head high, I knew I couldn’t blink the hurt away from my eyes. The only way I could hide it was by turning around, speaking over my shoulder, “I can’t have both…” I sucked in a breath before concluding, “And I’ve put my past behind me too long ago to go back to living in it.”

Silence followed, and though it was clear that they couldn’t understand me, I knew they respected my decision.

K O E N

I had barely left the pack hospital when I received a mindlink from my gamma, urging me to meet him in my office. Trouble, no doubt. As much as I didn’t want to leave Avril - not after how blissful our trip had been - I also couldn’t drag her into more of my problems. She deserved a break from all the chaos after enduring a challenge, a conference with an Elder, and secretly taking care of me.

The look of concern on my gamma's face made anxiety crawl inside me before I even took my seat. He started by expressing his disapproval of the conflict between Gregor and me, which ultimately led to Gregor's death. I hadn’t been able to tell him in person, but news travels fast in the werewolf world—I was certain the Elder Council had already informed him.

Although my gamma was sympathetic, his expression lacked any surprise or sorrow over the passing of our friend. Alvin had never been particularly close to me or Gregor, but he was a genius. No doubt, he had already noticed Gregor's growing resentment toward me, which explained his calm reaction to the recent event.

“Beta Gregor’s death was a tragedy. Unfortunately, an unavoidable one,” I remarked, straightening myself in my seat as I prepared to change the subject. “But I know you didn’t call me here to discuss that matter.”

Alvin shook his head. “It’s about Opal Moon.”

I massaged my temple, distress settling in the moment I heard their name. “What happened now?”

“There’s been more conflict on the border between our territories,” he explained. “There was a disagreement between scouts from our pack and theirs. A fight almost broke out. Luckily, I was nearby and managed to prevent it.”

“Thank you, Alvin,” I told him wholeheartedly.

“I don’t think it will stop there, though,” he warned.

“I figured as much,” I admitted. “I have a feeling Grayson is trying to start a war.”

“Should we attack first?” Alvin suggested.

“No,” I promptly replied. “Whispering Hills has been responsible for pointless bloodshed, and it has given us a bad reputation. If we want to clean our name, we mustn’t seek conflict,” I instructed. After he nodded, I went on, “Nonetheless, we shouldn’t make ourselves an easy target. I trust you to conduct the preparations for the possibility of a confrontation with Opal Moon in the near future.”

“Yes, Alpha,” he said, bowing his head in respect.

Just as I was about to dismiss him, the landline rang. As if I didn’t have enough on my plate already. I hesitated, staring at the phone. It was reserved for communication between pack leaders, and while I couldn’t be sure it was bad news, I couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that consumed me. Sadly, ignoring it wouldn’t change a thing. With that in mind, I picked it up.

“Alpha Koen of Whispering Hills,” I identified myself.

“Alpha Koen,” the man on the other side replied. “This is Alpha Charles of Obsidian Pelt Pack.”

“What can I help you with, Alpha Charles?” I inquired.

“Although I wasn’t able to attend the Alpha Meeting, I heard about the passing of your beta. I regret how tragic it was,” he said. That alone confirmed my suspicions—no leader would call just to express their condolences. “While I am sympathetic to your loss and grateful for our new alliance, I must prioritize my pack's safety. Without a beta, Whispering Hills is vulnerable.” He paused briefly, choosing his words carefully, but I already knew what was coming next.

I held my breath as he continued, “Obsidian Pelt would like to revoke its alliance with Whispering Hills.”