Rejected and Regretted (Ashen Wolves #1)

38

A V R I L

I spent the afternoon catching up with my friends. Even after I shared everything about my short but eventful trip, they still had a lot to tell me. However, no matter how often I tried to change the subject, they kept steering the conversation back to my relationship with Koen. By dusk, I was tired of listening to them. Wanting some time alone to think, I decided to take a stroll around the town square.

At least roaming the lands of Whispering Hills gave me a different perspective. Outside, the pack members stared and scorned - they seemed to blame me for the loss of their beta, resenting me even more than they already did. Whispers of the past reached my ears, reminding me of why it was a bad idea to revisit it.

I had put everything behind me for a reason. If I hadn’t left, I would’ve never become who I was meant to be. Still, as much as the Avril of a couple of months ago would have hated to admit it, I never stopped holding on to Koen. The bitterness I always felt toward him helped me grow stronger, but it was gone now. I could finally forgive him and move on.

But was I really ready to let him go for once and for all? I kept telling everyone, including myself, that I was. However, I knew that was a lie. Past me had been brought back to life, and she contemplated what would happen if I gave my former mate another chance. I just wondered if it was worth it risking everything to find out.

Engrossed in my introspective journey, I almost missed the man sitting alone on a stone bench, staring blankly into the distance. It was as if being near him triggered my sixth sense; he became a beacon, whose light pierced through the darkness surrounding me, guiding me toward him.

The sight of him made me stop. I had a feeling he noticed me too, yet he didn’t move. It struck me as strange, though no more than his appearance: untidy hair, a dress shirt unbuttoned a third of the way down, and a glass of whiskey in hand. I had never seen the mighty alpha looking this careless, especially in public.

Before I registered it, my feet were moving toward him. Even as I stood right next to him, he didn’t turn to look at me. I immediately knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know how to ask him. So, I just sat by his side.

“Thought you didn’t drink,” I said casually when he remained silent.

“Desperate times,” he excused, bringing the glass up to his lips to take a small sip. The way he hesitated to swallow the liquor confirmed he indeed didn’t enjoy it.

When I turned to face him, he still didn’t budge. “What happened?”

“Oh, you know.” He shrugged. “Just the usual. Alpha problems and all.”

Dissatisfied, I arched an eyebrow at him. I couldn’t believe he was withholding information from me now after spending the past days confessing his deepest, darkest secrets to me. He was shutting me out, and it bothered me more than it should have.

Determined to get his attention, I reached out and cupped his face with my hand, forcing him to look at me. “Something’s troubling you, and it’s not nothing. I can see it on your face.”

The fog in his eyes, blurred by alcohol, cleared the moment they met mine. He seemed as surprised by my gesture as I was. I thought I had forgotten how to be tender - and, of all people, he was the one who brought it out of me.

“When did you learn to read me so well?” he said softly. Although there was genuine curiosity in his voice, I suspected it was also an attempt to avoid answering my question.

“Tell me,” I insisted. It didn’t sound like a request, because it wasn’t one - it was an order.

And the unruly Alpha knew it.

In the end, he sighed, wrapping his fingers around my hand, taking it off his face and resting it on his thigh instead. “Whispering Hills has just lost its sole ally. They heard I’m betaless,” he explained, making my stomach sink.

“I’m sorry-”

“Don’t start this again,” he warned, serious. “It’s not your fault.”

Unwilling to further upset him, I just nodded. “Do you have anyone in mind to step into the position?” I asked.

“None of my warriors are nearly as strong, and definitely not as capable, as Gregor,” he acknowledged. “But I’ll figure it out.”

I was searching for the right words when he suddenly stood up, setting his drink aside. Instead of leaving, he turned to face me and extended his hand. I hesitated, unsure of his intentions, until he quietly said, “Walk with me.”

Feeling somewhat responsible for his current situation, I accepted his invitation. We crossed the town square without speaking, making our way toward the packhouse. As we crossed the empty hallways, I felt compelled to break the quiet.

“I can talk to my alpha,” I suggested, playing into the lie I had crafted to explain my return to Whispering Hills. “She can send some of our warriors to help protect your pack until you find a new beta once I advise her to form an alliance with you.”

Although I was unsure how to keep both my own and my pack’s identity hidden while keeping my promise, I was committed to finding a way. Forging an official alliance with Koen’s pack would be impossible, but the rest of my proposal was true. I could spare some of my men to come here, maybe even-

“I don’t care about the alliance, Avril.” Koen’s stern voice interrupted my thoughts. Once back to reality, I realized he had stopped walking. When I turned to him, there was nothing but utter sincerity in his eyes.

“What?” I blinked in confusion.

He stepped closer, narrowing the distance between us. “I don’t care about the alliance,” he repeated, his voice firm. “I don’t care about my beta.” He continued to close the gap until he was directly in front of me, his face just inches from mine, his gaze connected with mine. “All I care about,” - he leaned in, his voice a low murmur, while the pounding of my heartbeat filled the silence - “is you.”

My mouth dropped open, yet no words came out. I was too awestruck, overwhelmed by his proximity, to formulate a response. And he gave me no time to make sense of it all.

“I regret it, Avril.” Whatever restraints he once had when talking to me were long gone as he continued, “I let you go once, but after finding out what it is like to live without you, I would never put my pack, or anything else for that matter, before you ever again.”

My mind drifted back to the day he explained why he had rejected me. He said he wanted to protect me from his cruel father, but that I wasn’t the only one he cared about. By sending me away, he not only prevented Rockwell from harming me but also saved his pack from the claws of a tyrant.

“I should have challenged my father for you. For the right to claim what was mine by birth. But, back then, I wanted to avoid conflict,” he confessed, his voice heavy with a mix of regret, hurt, and exhaustion. “It’s all I wanted, up until now. I thought I could solve everything peacefully, but I learned the hard way that I can’t.”

Suddenly, something changed. His anguish vanished, replaced with utmost determination. “I wanted to be a hero for my people, but in order to achieve that, I lost the girl that was meant for me.” In a perfect blend of gentleness and desperation, he cradled my face with his hands, his eyes piercing into mine. “Please, forgive me, Avril. If you do, I swear to you, I will sacrifice everyone and everything for you.”

“Koen…” I uttered, still unsure of what to say, still processing what he had just said.

“Hate me,” he continued. “Yell at me. Curse me. Hell, do whatever you need to do,” he rambled. “Just please, give me another chance to show you that I can be the mate you deserve.”

At that very second, I realized that no words could fully capture what I was feeling. I didn’t have a proper answer because I wasn’t sure what I wanted for us. Yet, there was no denying what I wanted at that moment .

As my emotions surged like never before, I pressed my lips against his.