Relentless Sinner

Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

Gabriella

My life is an absolute clusterfuck...

That’s why everything feels like it’s falling apart and nothing is as I hoped it would be.

I feel more doomed than ever and I only have myself to blame. I knew in my gut that plan would never work, but I took the risk anyway. All I ended up doing was screwing myself over.

I gaze ahead at the flock of birds flying amongst the trees and rest my hands on the stone surface of the balcony. It's almost lunchtime.

I've been standing here on the little terraced area outside the bedroom for the last few hours.

This is the place where I landed myself in a trap that I never even knew existed.

I remember that night so well. I’d fallen asleep out here. Jaxon came out and saw that I’d been reading Wuthering Heights . Little did I know that he'd seen so much more.

I shouldn’t have been surprised that Jaxon would keep an ace up his sleeve to use on me. Everything with him is strategy.

You can’t play games with men like that. They’re always, always one step ahead. And they seem to know exactly how to play you at your own game.

He must have been saving that leverage to use on me at the right time—which is now.

I keep wondering when he figured out Natasha’s whereabouts. I know it

doesn't really matter now , but my mind keeps trying to do the math.

It wants to know whether he knew where Natasha was throughout the time we were together.

The answer for better or worse is just another useless piece of information my brain has decided to lumber itself with, but not knowing bothers me.

Almost as much as worrying over what he’ll do with that information.

He left before I woke up this morning. It was probably a good thing because I didn't want to be around him with that amplified state of angst between us.

At the same time I wanted to test the water and see what mood he was in.

The one good thing is the door was unlocked. I haven't ventured downstairs because I don't want to see Eve or anyone else yet. I'm sure they must know what happened and Jaxon has given his orders on how he wants me to be treated.

To avoid unnecessary embarrassment I want to stay away from people today. Or at least keep contact to a minimum.

The problem with that is the possibility of going insane from worrying. With all the worries pulling me under, I can’t even say I’m bored.

My phone is also gone. So is the laptop. That means no contact with Cora or anyone else.

In answer to the question of: Am I a prisoner here? I definitely got my answer.

I’m the prisoner again.

The door might be open, and I can walk through it, but I know I can't leave the premises. That wipes out any potential of going back to the hospital.

Jaxon now has leverage over me. Before, all I had was myself to worry about. Now I have Natasha.

And now I have to trust Jaxon to keep his silence. Trust is a big issue for me.

There are so few people I trust anyway. He is not one of them.

The small tap on the door makes me jump. I swallow past the trepidation clogging my throat and glance behind me.

“Come in,” I call out and make my way back inside. Eve opens the door and comes in at the same time.

I’m surprised she appears to be her usual self. After yesterday I expected to see some sort of chastisement in her eyes. Not the warmth she usually shows me.

“Morning,” she says with a little smile.

“Morning to you, too.”

“I wanted you to know Cora is here to see you.”

Shock slams into my chest and my eyes snap wide. “Cora, my cousin?”

There’s no way Jaxon would have allowed Cora to see me. He knows she planned everything.

“Yes, your cousin Cora,” Eve confirms, shocking me further.

“I… didn't think I'd be allowed to see anyone.” Least of all Cora.

“Jaxon didn't say you couldn't .” Her answer confirms she must know what happened but the look of understanding in her eyes suggests she doesn’t think as badly of me as I thought. I take comfort in it. It’s comforting to receive some compassion from someone in the house.

“I'll just get some proper clothes on and I’ll be down in a minute.” I tug on the hem of my nightshirt.

“I’ll let her know. As you weren’t at breakfast I prepared a hearty lunch.” Her face brightens again.

“Thanks, I appreciate it.” I’m hungry now that we’re talking about food.

“You’re welcome. I'll leave you to get ready. Cora is out on the terrace. I'll bring the food out in a little while.”

“Thank you.”

Eve gives me one last smile before she leaves. As soon as the door closes I drag on a pair of yoga pants and a T-shirt. Then I rush downstairs and outside to see Cora.

She’s sitting on the terrace. As soon as she sees me she rushes over and throws her arms around me. Just like she did at our first meeting here.

It’s like déjà vu but the main difference is, back then, when I begged her to help me, things were only bad. Today they are colossally worse.

“Oh my God,” she mutters when we pull apart and she looks me over like she’s inspecting me for damage. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay. What about you?” The last message she got from me was a text with the word sunshine . I sent it when I was ready to leave the hospital.

“I’m just happy I was allowed to come and see you.”

“Me too.”

I look around and realize something. There are no guards watching us. I can’t see them anywhere. I would have thought Jaxon would have the place swarming.

“I spoke to Jaxon.” Cora speaks in a meek voice.

I grab my chest like I’m clutching a set of pearls. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

“This morning. When the men told me he got to them I wanted to call, but I wasn’t sure if it would make things worse. It was my heist, after all.”

“Oh Cora, I’m so sorry. It was foolish of me to drag you into my shit.” My heart aches knowing I could have gotten her in worse trouble with Jaxon.

“Don’t apologize. I get it. Anyone would have asked for help if they’d been in your situation. Things just didn’t work out.” Her shoulders slump. “I toyed with the idea of talking to him and finally cracked under the pressure of worry. Strangely, he was calm. I apologized for my part and asked if I could still see you. He said yes.”

A tremor ripples through me. I don’t know what to make of this. Is Jaxon trying to smooth things over between us?

No. That’s not his style. Men like him don’t need to smooth anything over.

Use your common sense, Gabriella . He’s doing this because he knows I won’t try anything again. Because of Natasha.

Yes, he could have locked me away or kept the guards around, and he could have told Cora she couldn’t see me, but this way he’s inside my head. Taunting me .

He’s silently reminding me we have a mutual understanding he knows I wouldn’t dare mess up.

“Hey, what are you thinking?” Cora touches my shoulder lightly, pulling me from the unsavory thoughts about my husband-to-be.

“Nothing. It’s okay.”

“What was he like with you?”

“Furious.” I’ll still maintain my silence on Natasha’s whereabouts with Cora. I won’t let her know that Jaxon used that to blackmail me into following through with his marriage plans.

“I’m sorry. I truly am.”

“God knows what things will be like now. I already have no phone or any way of contacting anyone.”

“I figured when I tried calling and it kept going to your voicemail. I take it you won’t be allowed out either?”

God, allowed . Just hearing that word makes me sick. I haven’t been a fucking child in so long I can’t even remember what it was like. “No.”

“How are you feeling about him? I mean your actual feelings.”

I shake my head. “I feel confused and annoyed with myself for letting him get so close to me. Now I don’t know how to feel about him.”

And yet I do. That’s the part that annoys me because those feelings I had are still very much there. I want them gone. I want to despise him. I want to hate him as much as I hate death.

What a horrid thing to think a week before I take my vows. Just like the groom, that damn wedding has been like a shadow shrouding my mind in darkness.

“When is Jaxon back?”

“Later next week. Then it’s the wedding.”

“I think the best thing you can do now is make the best of the situation. I hate telling you that. But I don’t know what else to say.” Cora gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze. “All we can do is hope things work out. Somehow.”

I guess if I were her I’d say the same thing.

Basically make the best of a bad situation.

That is all I can do.

It’s my wedding day.

The day has finally arrived and I survived the last few agonizing days of feeling like Alice in Wonderland with no way out.

I’m in the bridal dressing room at Oheka Castle, one of the most prestigious wedding venues in New York where people have to wait years just to get on the waiting list. Like everything else in Jaxon Bortsov’s world it looks magical and like something plucked from a fairytale.

I’ve been told that my three hundred guests have arrived and my groom has been here for about two hours.

I lift one trembling hand to my cheek and stare at myself in the full-length gold-rimmed mirror, taking in the way I look.

The stylist and makeup artists who’ve been working on me for the last hour made me look like a princess. My hair is in a half-up, half-down style with loose waves trailing down my back, and my makeup has been beautifully done to make my skin look like the brides you see in a magazine.

My hair and makeup are both stunning and the best they’ve looked in my life, but the most outstanding thing on me is my wedding dress.

It fit me beautifully weeks ago, but with a few adjustments the seamstress made it looks like it was made for me. How fitting that it should be perfect for my wedding day.

I shouldn’t call today D-day but it feels like it. That shadow in my mind turned into a dark cloud the moment I woke this morning. It’s been trying to swallow my soul since.

I know Jaxon returned from Italy two days ago, but I haven’t seen him. He hasn’t been home. All he did was give Eve a list of instructions for me.

I doubt he, of all people, would worry about being traditional and old wives’ talesy about not seeing the bride before the big day.

Luck is always on his side. It’s me who has to worry about bad luck and other unfortunate shit like that.

I guess I should be grateful I made it this far. In my world that in itself is an accomplishment. I also haven’t been treated entirely like a prisoner. I got my phone and laptop back a few days ago and Cora has been by the house to see me nearly every day. Today is the first since my attempt to escape that I’ve been away from the manor.

However, it still feels like another cage. I don’t know what my story will look like after today; I never planned for this far. In my mind I never made it to today.

The only thing I know is happening is the wedding. We’re not even going on a honeymoon until weeks from now and even then, we’ll just be going to the Hamptons for a short break. That’s the extent of my knowledge.

I have no plans of my own for my career, so I feel like I’ve hit a wall and I’m still disappointed with life.

Weeks ago I was trying to summon all the positive thoughts in the world that might help me believe I could get myself out of this mess. Now the mess feels like a ball of confusion living in my soul.

So much has happened in so little time, yet it’s like several lifetimes have passed in just three weeks.

There’s so much to worry about. Big things as well as the small things that have snuck up on me.

Small things like getting married without my sister being here.

In the grand scheme of things it’s petty to even acknowledge that because I worry constantly about whether she and Alessandro are safe. To stop myself from going insane I’ve had to trust that Jaxon will keep my secret. I’ve told myself that if Dad had found Natasha I’d know about it. Someone, like Cora, would tell me.

When I got my phone back I wanted to call Jaxon and talk to him about it. I only stopped myself because I didn’t want to risk something more happening by talking about secrets on the phone.

It would be just my luck for Dad to find a way to bug my calls. Then there would be hell to pay when he discovered I was lying.

A little knock on the door pulls me out of my thoughts. The door opens and Eve walks in.

“They’re ready. Are you?” she asks, giving me a warm smile.

I nod. “Every bride is supposed to be nervous, right?” I try to sound as lighthearted as I can, but fail. Instead there’s a noticeable quiver in my voice.

“Every single one. Even the ones who proposed to their husbands-to-be.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Like my cousin. It’s a crazy story. I’ll tell you about it someday.” She chuckles and walks toward me, extending her hands to take both of mine. “You look absolutely beautiful. And there is nothing to worry about.”

“You think so?” My question goes deeper than the surface of this day and she knows it.

She nods and gives my hands a reassuring squeeze. “I know so. Regardless of how you came to be, Jaxon is lucky to have you. He just doesn’t know it yet.”

I’m surprised by her openness and honesty. She’s the kind of person who’s always and ever professional. Sometimes I imagine that she’s loyal to a fault, so it’s good to hear her say something out of character that feels so meaningful.

“I appreciate that.” I give her a grateful smile.

“I know.”

When she releases me I look back at myself one last time before we leave.

Moments later I join Cora at the main hall door and three of my little cousins from my mother’s side of the family. I chose them to be my bridesmaids.

Cora gives me an encouraging smile as the doors open and the Wedding March starts playing.

My gaze lands on Jaxon standing at the altar between the priest, Micah, and Eric.

He looks more handsome than I’ve ever seen him in his black tux, his beard trimmed and his hair pulled back into a neat ponytail.

The hall is packed, brimming with people and beauty, but all I see is him waiting for me. I don’t even pay attention to my father, who is casting daggers at me.

I haven’t seen Jaxon in a day over a week and something inside me warms at the sight of him. Something I don’t want to be there but sense I have no control over.

People say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I think they’re right.

It’s just a shame I feel this way about a man I’d be foolish to fall for.

The man who will become my husband in a matter of minutes.