Resist Me

Chapter 25

Lincoln

I watched the front door slam closed with pursed lips. While I wasn’t sure what to expect by coming here, it certainly wasn’t that. I’d texted West a few times, but I wasn’t planning on chasing after him or pushing him to talk to me. Willow was the reason I came today. I should have suspected she had ulterior motives and judging by West’s reaction to me, I figured I was right.

She came up to me looking a little sheepish. “Hey, friend.”

“Do I want to know what that was about?”

“It’s fine.” She waved a dismissive hand. “I called him out on his bullshit. He was already mad because a roach attacked him while his dick was out.”

“Ah. Makes sense, I guess. I’d be pissy about it too.”

“Maybe you should go after him,” she suggested.

I gave her a pointed look and crossed my arms over my chest. “I thought I was here to help with your little pest problem.”

“Right now, West is being a pest. Ha. That rhymed.”

It was impossible not to laugh. Willow exuded such a light, playful energy, and it was contagious. Her brother was similar. At least, when he wasn’t around me .

“Why are you trying to push us together?” I asked. When she looked like she would protest, I held up a hand. “I’m not dumb, Willow. The party invitation wasn’t just about you, then you nudged things in a certain direction last weekend. Whatever you saw from me, it doesn’t match what he feels.”

“I’m not all-knowing. Maybe he really does hate you deep down and it’s entirely possible- likely, even- that nothing else will happen with you guys. I just care about him and I think you’d be good for him. He’s never been in a relationship.”

“Never?”

“He’s always taken care of me. When he wasn’t doing that, he was playing football or with Kai, who had his own things to deal with. West hates for the people he loves to be hurt, so he carves out pieces of himself without regard for his own wellbeing, just to make sure we don’t become hollow.”

While I processed her words, I started going around the main rooms, treating them with chemicals that weren’t exactly what the professionals used, but they were better than the shit West bought. Really, it wasn’t going to do all that much unless a company came in here. Willow asked, though, and I hated the idea of them being so uncomfortable. Maybe it’d just give them some peace of mind. Until they saw another roach, of course. It might be better if they burned the place down and made it look like an accident.

She settled on the counter, swinging her legs back and forth. It was a little weird that she was watching me, but hell, she was a little weird.

“I don’t want to overstep,” I began. “But this thing with your dad…”

“Hm?”

“It affects him a lot, right?”

When she remained silent, I risked a glance at her. After a minute, she breathed a laugh.

“Yeah, it affects him. All of us, actually. Our dad isn’t a horrible person. I know that doesn’t make sense because of how he’s treated West.”

“Things aren’t always simple.”

“They really aren’t. He was a great dad for a long time. Our mom died giving birth to us. She and my dad were best friends since they were kids and sometimes they messed around. When she got pregnant, they were gonna co-parent and, according to him, neither of them were upset. They loved each other, just not like that.”

“I’m sorry about your mom.”

She shrugged. “The thing is, I never missed having a mom. I didn’t feel like I needed one because he was…” A soft smile twisted her lips. “He was amazing. Until he stopped being a parent.”

I wasn’t sure if I had a right to ask, so I decided to let her choose what she told me. She grabbed a beer from the fridge and handed it to me, then returned to her place on the counter. I joined her, lifting myself onto the island.

“Do you care about West? The reason I’m asking is because I want you to understand him, but I’m not gonna tell you these things if there’s no point.”

With a slow nod, I took a drink. “It’s hard to answer that question. Until a few weeks ago, I legitimately couldn’t stand him. It’s not one of those situations where I actually liked him all along and fought it. He drove me insane. But…”

I paused to think about how to word it. The whole thing was still so new. I hadn’t intended for us to have sex at the party last weekend. I hadn’t even meant to kiss him. There were so many things that had already happened that it made sorting through my feelings more complicated.

“I like him,” I went on cautiously. “Enough to do things I wouldn’t normally do. I’m here right now, even though I felt stupid with every second I got closer. And even though he clearly wants to keep hating me, I’ve been willing to try harder, to get closer. So, yeah. If it was what he wanted, I’d pursue him. I’m just extremely iffy about his feelings.”

“Well, I can’t guarantee it’s what he wants, but you’d be good for him. He had sex with you and while West can be impulsive and an idiot, he’s not reckless.”

Thinking back on the night he had Jessi in his room, I realized what she meant. He could have still slept with her. It would’ve just been sex. West thought about things more deeply than he let on and he cared about things intensely.

“When we were eight, something happened.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” I interrupted .

“He won’t. At least, not all of it, because he’d never tell someone my story. But without it, you can’t fully understand West.”

“I don’t know if I deserve this from you.”

She reached out to put her hand over mine. “After we were born, my dad went to group counseling. He made a friend there. James also lost his wife in childbirth, but his baby died with her. They became really close. Best friends, you might say. When we were eight, he… started hurting me. I’m sure you can figure that out.”

I swallowed hard and stared at the floor. Was there any correct way to respond to that?

“It went on for a few months until just before we turned nine, and when my dad found out, shit obviously hit the fan. James went to prison, I went into therapy for a bit, and in a perfect world, we would have started to heal as a family. This isn’t a Disney movie, though, so that’s not what happened. Our dad shut down. He couldn’t really address it and he definitely couldn’t move past it. Me and West had to be there for each other.

“When Dad started drinking more, things got worse. He lashed out at West, blamed him for not saying anything and for letting me get hurt, but West didn’t understand what was happening back then. He knew James would be alone with me and I’d be upset after, but we were eight, you know? I guess if Dad didn’t blame someone else, he’d have to blame himself.”

“Maybe he should,” I noted.

“There’s only one person I blame, but it doesn’t really matter. You can’t reason someone out of the pit my dad fell into. He broke and our entire lives turned upside down, beyond what happened with… him. Dad doesn’t drink all the time, but he’s an asshole without it and he’s worse when he does drink. He took everything out on West while he treated me like a fragile doll. The things he’s said to him, Linc… It’s horrible.”

I tried to imagine what that would do to a kid. It was hard to, but I thought some parts of West made a little bit more sense now. In the music room, Willow mentioned West’s need for acceptance. I wasn’t going to make excuses for how he’d acted all year, but I could at least understand it to a degree. It was heartbreaking for everybody involved .

“Neither of you deserved that,” I said. “I wish I had something better to say, but I’ll never be able to understand what both of you went through.”

She slapped her hands on her thighs before she slid off the counter. “No, but when West is acting like a little asshole, maybe you can see it for what it is. And I think that’s enough.”

“Thank you.” I grabbed her hand and offered her the most genuine smile I could muster. “I’m not really sure what I’m supposed to do with this right now, but I appreciate that you trusted me enough to share that with me.”

She grinned as if we hadn’t just talked about some of the most fucked up shit. “That’s why I know you’ll be good for him. You’re a beautiful soul, Linc.”

As she strode from the kitchen, she started singing Beautiful Soul. I simultaneously cringed and laughed at the display.

They were both crazy.

*****

Once again, I was playing my mom’s song instead of La Campanella. After I left West’s place a few hours ago, I’d been stuck in my head. Every time I thought about it, I felt less worthy of knowing what I did about his past. What was I going to do with it? Visions of running after him and pouring out my heart crept into my mind, but I wasn’t ready for something like that. I liked West, but I wasn’t in love with him, so it seemed very dramatic.

It was crazy that Willow barely knew me and thought this meant something. I didn’t know what exactly she saw in me and she wasn’t keen on being specific about it. So, here I was, playing piano mindlessly, alone in my apartment on a Saturday night.

I didn’t know how many times I ran through the song. It flowed in such a way that I could start it over without skipping a beat.

A sound made me stop abruptly. I wasn’t sure if I’d actually heard it, so I started playing again, but then I heard the distinct knock.

Getting to my feet, I maneuvered around the instrument in the small space. I looked out the peephole, then quickly opened the door.

“I don’t need you to do pest control at my apartment,” West said before I could even open my mouth.

“Uh… ”

He pushed past me, welcoming himself into my home without invitation. “I didn’t ask you to do that. I didn’t ask you for anything.”

I leaned back against the door, content to just watch him pace and rage. He didn’t seem to know what he was doing here, so I’d let him reason it out.

“How’d you get here?” I asked.

“I spent a small fortune on an Uber, but that’s not important.”

“What’s important, West?”

His eyes narrowed at me. “You’re an asshole. I can’t stand you. What gives you the right to interfere in my life?”

“Is that what I’m doing?”

“I didn’t ask you for anything .”

“Okay.”

He approached me, then stopped a foot away. His nostrils flared and his cheeks had reddened.

“It was just a one night stand at a party, Linc.”

“No.”

“No?” he repeated, his bright eyes becoming more wild. He sort of looked like feral Gojo right now and I couldn’t say I wasn’t into it.

“It meant something to me,” I said simply. “And to you. That’s why you’re here.”

“What ancient ruin did you dig up to find the audacity to say something like that? King Tutankhamun would very much like it returned to him. Grave desecration is a mortal sin-”

I couldn’t listen to him anymore, so I fisted the front of his hoodie and pulled him into me. Cupping the side of his neck with my other hand, I guided his mouth to mine. His palms flattened against my chest, his lips parting immediately to let me in. He groaned when my tongue stroked his.

“Ah, you fucking bastard.”

“You were saying?” I asked.

He shook his head and walked me backward until I hit the door. “I was saying something? No, I don’t think I was.”

I tried to steer him toward the bed, but he resisted. With a frustrated growl, I gripped the backs of his thighs and lifted him. He let out a startled sound, followed by a grunt when I dropped him onto the mattress .

“That was the most appalling thing anyone’s ever done,” he grumbled.

“My dick in your ass didn’t make the list?”

He flushed that adorable shade of pink. West when he was vulnerable, emotionally or otherwise, did something to me.

“This is the last time,” he said.

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, sure.”

“I’m serious.”

“If you don’t want this, you should leave right now. And if you stay, it’s not just for sex. I can get that anywhere.”

“Well, that’s-”

“I’ll give you five seconds to decide.”

It barely took him two seconds to kick off his shoes and scoot further back on the bed. My lips curled upward before I settled my knees onto the mattress and crawled toward him. He really looked like a cornered animal, but he didn’t cower or run. He waited, knowing full well that I was about to pounce.