Rise of a Fallen Man (A Look in the Mirror #2)

Chapter 12

Ari

W ould this day ever end?

I wished for and dreaded the approach of the night.

A royal wedding never was a simple affair. But this one had been organized in a record time simply because no one wished to wait any longer for the crown princess to marry and finally start working on providing the queendom with an heiress.

Almost two weeks of intense preparations had been tiring enough, but the day of the wedding seemed to stretch beyond physical possibilities.

After the ceremony, came the dinner that required thousands of tables placed in several rooms with all doors throughout the main floor of the palace wide open.

The ball came next. Thankfully, after the mandatory first dance with my new husband, I didn’t need to get back on the dance floor. However, that meant I had to talk incessantly to every guest and courtier who came up to congratulate the prince and me on our nuptials.

A couple of hours after midnight, I caught Leafar hiding a yawn behind his handkerchief.

“Tired?” I asked, feeling exhausted myself.

He gave me an apologetic smile. “I didn’t sleep well last night.”

I remembered what my father told me about the night before his marriage to Mother.

“Were you nervous?” I patted his hand sympathetically.

“Very,” he admitted. “Still am.”

I wished I could offer him some reassurance, but I had nothing reassuring to say. I was not looking forward to tonight, wishing I could just come back to my bedroom instead and try to fall asleep in hopes it’d work this time. A rest was way overdue for me. By now, I could barely think from exhaustion.

When it was finally acceptable for us to leave, I offered Leafar my hand. He gripped it with a long sigh escaping his lips.

The huge mirror stone glistened on his ring finger so brightly, I had to glance away. I’d put that ring on his finger that afternoon during our wedding ceremony. Leafar was now my lawfully wedded husband, and I had become his wife in the eyes of the gods and the law.

The notion still felt too foreign to settle in my mind with acceptance. I wished I’d asked Father or Mother how long it’d taken them to feel comfortable around each other. Because nothing about me leading Leafar down the corridor toward his bedroom under the scrutinizing stares of the wedding guests felt comfortable.

Reaching the doors to his suite, I wished him a good night, then pressed a peck on his cheek, as was required, and headed to my rooms.

I wished I could stay here, alone. But the delay was just to give the gentlemen-in-waiting enough time to get my virginal husband ready for our wedding night.

With the help of two maids, I had a bath, then put on a nightshirt and a dressing robe. While the maids dried and brushed my hair, I stared at the mirror reflection of the dark sky in the open patio doors behind me. My mind was blank, just the way I wanted it.

One of Leafar’s gentlemen-in-waiting arrived a short while later to inform me that my husband was now ready to receive me.

A crowd gathered outside my door. The wedding guests formed a corridor along the hallways all the way from my rooms to Leafar’s suite. Someone handed me a lantern decorated with flowers and golden ribbons. With the entire palace still wide awake, the role of the lantern was largely symbolic. It represented the means to light a wife’s way to her husband.

Cheers, jokes, and encouragements accompanied me all the way to Leafar’s rooms.

“May the loins of your husband be virile and fruitful, Princess Aniri.”

“We’re praying to the Goddess for a daughter for you, the heiress to the queendom.”

“Make him moan, Your Highness!” someone shouted from down the corridor.

“We want to hear him scream all night!” another voice yelled, fueled by wine, no doubt.

“Make him scream your name.”

“And ‘Glory to Rorrim!’”

I smiled, waved in greeting, and even joked back once or twice, but released a breath of relief when I finally reached my destination.

As I raised a hand to knock on the door, Leafar’s aunt appeared on my left.

“May the Goddess bless your coupling tonight, Your Highness.” The grand duchess bowed her head, thrusting a white velvet cushion into my hands. A small golden key lay on the cushion.

“What is this?” I asked her.

“The key to your husband’s virtue,” she replied proudly. “We’ve preserved his purity for you.”

By now, pretty much every person of the prince’s escort had praised his virtue to me. So, it wasn’t too much of a stretch for me to accept the key as the symbol of his innocence.

“Well...thank you.” I took the key from the cushion and shoved it in the pocket of my robe.

The door finally opened, and I hurried inside, glad to escape the crowd. But I got no reprieve in the prince’s equally crowded bedroom. At least a dozen of his gentlemen-in-waiting were lounging about. The sound of their voices died out, cut off by my arriving into their midst.

Leafar’s bedroom was round, with his bed placed opposite from the entrance. Glass doors on each side of the bed led out to balconies.

Several platters with tea, cheese, and sliced meat stood on the table and side stands in the sitting area to the right. Leafar sat in a high-backed armchair in front of a large mirror, surrounded by elegantly dressed gentlemen of all ages.

He jumped to his feet at the sight of me.

“Your Highness.” He bowed his head.

His men got up too. They quickly gathered tea cups and plates from the furniture and put them on silver tea trays.

“Greetings, my prince.” I gave him a nod, waiting for his men to leave the room.

They filed out through the door, taking the tea trays with them and bowing to me on their way out. When the door behind them closed, I leaned against it with a long breath out.

“What a day, right?” I said with a smile.

“It was quite intense,” the prince agreed, not returning my smile.

His jaw tensed with a hard swallow. Lifting his hand, he started opening the small buttons in the front of his muslin nightshirt. He fumbled with a few, his trembling fingers disobeying him.

“Leafar, there is no need to hurry.” I looked around the room, searching for the best place to set down my useless lantern. “In fact, I’ve been meaning to talk to you earlier, but it’s been so fucking hard to find any privacy to have this conversation.” He flinched at my cursing. “Sorry,” I apologized mechanically. “What I mean is that we can wait, take our time to get to know each other.” I walked to the side stand on my left and got rid of the lantern, then turned back to him. “Until we’re ready—”

“I am ready.” He opened his nightgown and shrugged it off his shoulders.

I blinked, met with the pale expanse of his smooth, completely hairless skin. Promptly diverting my gaze, I tried to look anywhere else but at him.

“Listen, um...”

“Is something wrong, Your Highness?” The worry in his voice brought my gaze back to him. He clenched his hands into fists at his sides, then splayed his fingers wide, looking more tense than ever.

I searched for something reassuring to say when a glimmer of metal in his pelvis area caught my eye.

“What is this?” I stared straight at it. It looked like an elaborate piece of jewelry obstructing his penis.

He glanced down at his body.

“A chastity cage,” he explained proudly. “I’ve been saving myself for you.”

“Oh, gods...” I pressed a hand to my chest, coming closer.

A set of golden rings enclosed his length. Thin chains connected the rings, making the contraption flexible for movement but preventing it from expanding in any direction. I imagined an erection would be impossible with this cage on. And that undoubtedly was its purpose.

Stunned, I ran a hand through my hair.

“It’s quite literal then, isn’t it? They actually caged you.”

“You didn’t know?” he asked, awkwardly shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Is it not done to boys in Rorrim?”

“No. I don’t think so...” I wavered in my answer, realizing I lacked the experience to speak for sure. “I’ve heard of those, but I thought they were the things of the distant past. I don’t know of anyone still using them in Rorrim now, not as the means to force a boy’s virginity, at least.”

“All princes of Olakrez wear them,” he said confidently. “Chastity cages are supposed to guard our thoughts onto a proper path. Prayers and magic spells further protect our bodies from the impure urges of temptation.”

“Do they protect, really?” I asked sceptically. “Does it mean you’ve had no ‘impure’ thoughts whatsoever?”

He blinked rapidly before looking away. Deep blush colored his face. “I pray to Yarnus daily, and he answers my prayers by granting me peace...often.”

My father came from Olakrez. I hated to think he’d been subjected to this treatment too. He never spoke about it to me, not even in that indirect way he employed when dealing with uncomfortable topics. Was he ashamed? Or did he simply take it for granted as something not worth mentioning?

“How long have you been wearing it?” I asked.

“For as long as I can remember. When I was little, I only had to wear it at night. Since I turned twelve, I haven’t been allowed to take it off at all.”

He must’ve expected me to be pleased. After all, he’d been put through it for my sake. All his life, he’d been told that abstinence in every form would make him the most valuable to his wife, the most desirable. But I simply couldn’t muster any reaction other than horror, repulsion, and pity.

The key that his aunt had given to me turned out to be not merely symbolic. I yanked it out of my pocket.

“You can get rid of it now, please.” I offered the key to him, but he wouldn’t take it.

“I can’t open it.”

“I give you the permission to remove it,” I insisted. “As your wife.”

“No, I...” He ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t even see the lock. It’s designed so that I can’t open it on my own.”

“I see.” I heaved a breath. “Well, where is the lock?”

“Under...um, underneath.” He gestured stiffly.

“All right.” I flipped the key in my fingers. “Would you mind lifting your... I mean it for me? Please.”

Things that had been so easy to talk about with Salas proved impossible for me to even name in Leafar’s presence.

We were married. The whole world expected us to be having sex right now. Yet even touching my husband felt wrong somehow. We’ve never gone past hand holding and an occasional peck on a cheek when necessary, and I didn’t feel ready to move any further with him. At least not for the time being.

He lifted the cage with its contents up for me. Bending over, I looked under it and spotted the narrow lock fitted along the base ring of the cage just behind his ball sack. The lock was merely a slightly curved bar with a slim keyhole. It helped that the prince didn’t have a single hair left in that area. Everything had been plucked, probably, for my viewing pleasure.

“It’s so tiny.” I pondered how to go about it. “Can you lie down, please? I’ll bring the lantern over.”

He did as I said, laying on his back on the bed, with his legs bent and his feet on the floor. I kneeled between his legs, bringing the lantern closer.

“Hold it up again, please,” I instructed.

He lifted the cage for me. I slid the key into the lock and turned. It clicked open, making Leafar jerk.

“Did it hurt?”

“No,” he replied quickly, biting his lip.

“I’m sorry if it did. I tried to be careful, but it’s tricky...” I leaned back, letting go of the key. “Can you remove it yourself now?”

Rising on an outstretched arm, he slid the rings off with his other hand. Freed, his flaccid penis dropped on his thigh sideways.

“Here.” I grabbed his shirt from the floor. “You can put this back on now. Unless you prefer to sleep naked?”

He gazed at me hesitantly.

“Shouldn’t the clothes be off during the consummation?”

I sighed heavily, sitting down on the bed next to him.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Can we wait with all this consummation thing for a little while?”

Worry crossed his handsome face. He pushed himself up, sitting next to me.

“Why? Do you not find me attractive? Am I not handsome enough?”

I waved a hand. “It’s not about your looks or my attraction.”

“I’ll be a good father. If that’s your concern,” he added promptly.

“I’m sure you will be. One day. But... You see, I’d love for some emotional intimacy to form between us before we go ahead with the physical part. Does it make sense?”

I could tell by his expression that my request did not make much sense to him. A royal courtship and marriage customarily followed the same pre-established path. A wedding was always followed by the wedding night, which in turn was expected to result in a pregnancy and offspring. By asking him to deviate from that path with me, I confused him.

“It’s not a rejection, Leafar,” I tried to explain. “Please don’t take it as such. We hardly know each other. Things have happened to us with little to no input on our part, and I’d like to change it as much as we can.” I smiled, taking his nightshirt from his lap. “I’m looking forward to spending more time with you. But I also would like to give you some time to figure out what it is that you want. Not what your aunt, or your mother, or anyone else told you should want, but what it is that you desire for yourself.” I held the shirt up for him. “Now, how do you prefer to sleep? Dressed or naked?”

He stared at the nightshirt, then moved his questioning gaze to me.

“How do you like me better?”

“No.” I shook my head. “Make that decision on your own. Shirt on or off? What makes you feel more comfortable?”

He looked back at the nightshirt again, then nodded and lifted his arms up for me to put it on him. I helped him to get it on, then got up from his bed.

“Well, since I’m expected to spend the night here, I shall stay. I’ll take the couch.”

His brows moved together, with a wrinkle of worry forming between them. His mouth flattened into a firm line of displeasure.

“You won’t even share the bed with me?” he asked.

“Let us get to know each other a little better first, to get more comfortable with each other. Alright? It all just happened so quickly, don’t you think?”

My hypocrisy didn’t escape me. I’d shared my bed with Salas the very first night we got together. I’d known him then for a much shorter time than I’d spent with Leafar by now. But being with Salas always felt natural. My initial awkwardness around him was for different reasons because the physical attraction between us happened from almost the very first glance.

I missed that unconquerable pull toward a man, the need to have him as close as was humanly possible. With Salas, my chest seemed to burst open with emotions, with my heart ready to leap out into his hands.

Would that ever happen between Leafar and me? Was it just the matter of us spending enough time together? I feared it was not, but I’d made this step. Now there was nothing left to do but give my best effort to make this marriage work.

Still, I couldn’t bring myself to climb into Leafar’s pristine white bedding. At least not tonight.

“I’m a restless sleeper,” I said. “I toss and turn a lot and wake up often. I’d keep you awake for no reason.” He didn’t look convinced, so I added, “I rest better when I sleep alone. We both need our rest after the long day we’ve had today.”

With a sigh, he conceded, getting under the covers while I made myself comfortable on the couch with a pillow and a blanket.

Exhausted, I managed to fall asleep fairly quickly and woke up only at sunrise.

Leafar was still deep asleep, his covers tossed and tangled. I straightened them for him and covered him up. With his eyes closed, his mouth partially open, and his golden curls tussled, he looked even younger than his nineteen years. Whatever tender feelings I held for him at that point were those of an older sister, not a wife, and I feared that might never change.

Something clinked under my foot as I stepped away from his bed. The chastity cage lay discarded on the carpet. I picked it up, opened a balcony door, and tossed it out all the way into the gardens.

As part of my marriage vow, I’d promised the prince my protection, and that was a promise I fully intended to keep.