Rise of a Fallen Man (A Look in the Mirror #2)

Chapter 13

Ari

A day later, I entered Mother’s study to find Lady Etah, our Head Councilor, and Leafar’s aunt, the Grand Duchess of Olakrez, in the meeting with her.

“You sent for me, Mother. Greetings, Your Grace. Lady Etah.” I bowed my head to the two esteemed ladies, wondering what their presence in here meant.

The queen gestured at the fourth armchair in the sitting area by the fireplace.

“Aniri, please join us.” She often called me by my full name in an official setting. This was an official meeting then. “The grand duchess expressed a concern that I hope you’ll be able to ease for all of us.”

I stiffly lowered my butt into the comfy chair. “What kind of concern?”

The duchess faced me. “You’ve been married for thirty-two hours already, Your Highness. Two nights have passed since your wedding ceremony. Yet your marriage has not been consummated yet.” Her stern gaze burrowed into me.

It felt like a gross intrusion into my private life, into my husband’s privacy, and in the intimacy we were supposed to build with each other. But I could only afford a single breath to collect myself. Anything longer would’ve betrayed how much this conversation upset me, and I couldn’t show the duchess such a weakness on my part.

I couldn’t resist calling her out, however.

“How can you possibly know what happened between my husband and me behind the closed doors of his bedroom?”

If I expected her to be flustered or ashamed about her invasion in our privacy, I should not have held my breath. The duchess looked absolutely unaffected, clearly believing she had every right to know it all.

“It is my duty to be informed of the matter,” she replied haughtily.

I should’ve known Leafar’s entourage would question him about our first night together. Every part of his body belonged to his county, his every action did as well. He never had any privacy. All his life, his every move must’ve been watched and every step had to be accounted for. Of course, the Olakrez Court would want to know how his first night as a husband had played out.

I just wished he would’ve talked to me first. Together, we could’ve found a better way to deal with it.

“Is there a problem, Aniri?” Mother gazed at me with concern.

The duchess sighed heavily, steepling her fingers in front of her. “The prince is distraught that he might’ve disappointed Your Highness in some way.”

Was that true? Was Leafar close with his aunt to confide in her about his true feelings? Did he not want to wait?

He seemed to have accepted my proposition for us to take time before having sex. But maybe I didn’t give him enough choice on the matter? He didn’t really argue with me about it, hardly objected at all, but he’d been taught not to speak in women’s presence. He’d likely be reluctant to argue with me in earnest.

I should’ve taken more time to discuss this with him, but I was so deadly tired that night. I thought we’d reached an understanding. I believed he’d agreed.

“There is no disappointment on my part,” I assured the duchess. “Prince Leafar is a delightful young man. For me, his worth extends far beyond his virtue.”

Lady Etah shifted in her chair impatiently. “Then why a delay, Your Highness?”

“Well, that’s none of your fucking business.” I wished I could say to them both.

Oh, how I wished to storm out of this room right now and slam the door behind me.

“It’s a private matter,” I replied calmly instead. “One to be decided between the wife and her husband. I assure you, ladies, that my husband and I have no disagreements about it.”

The duchess huffed indignantly.

Lady Etah squared her shoulders, as she often did when arguing with me in the council meeting.

“The marriage of the heiress to the queendom is hardly a private matter, Your Highness,” she said. “As a state woman, you should know it.”

Mother cleared her throat. “A lack of consummation gives grounds for an annulment, Aniri.”

The duchess darted her a reproachful glance, then leveled her heavy stare at me.

“An annulment would not be a desirable outcome for Olakrez. Our queen gave to Princess Aniri the key to her son’s virtue. He has spent two nights as a married man. There are plenty of witnesses that Your Highness visited his bed at least on one of those nights. His virtue has been gravely compromised already. As a woman of honor, you cannot discard the prince now. Doing so would upset our queen greatly .”

She put enough emphasis on the last word to leave no doubt an annulment would have dire consequences on the relationship between our countries.

I placed a hand over my heart in a demonstration of sincerity. “I assure you I am quite fond of Prince Leafar and have no intentions of ‘discarding’ him. As exciting as the wedding celebration was,” I explained, “it left both the prince and me extremely tired on our wedding night.” It was a lame excuse, but it was all I wished to disclose in this interrogation. “Instead of rushing through our wedding night, I believed that my new husband deserved a much better experience, even if at a later date.”

The duchess pursed her lips. “It’s been two nights, Your Highness. The prince is young and eager. He doesn’t need that much time to recover his strength and deliver a consummation.”

“Maybe,” I replied diplomatically. “However, a woman’s body needs some preparation in order to conceive. It’s not the best time in my cycle yet. Isn’t it in both our interests to ensure the optimal time for conception?”

The duchess looked like she saw right through my desperate attempt to postpone the inevitable.

“For the union between our queendoms to remain strong,” she said, “the prince has to become your husband in every way. Your heiress shall have the blood of both Rorrim and Olakrez, especially since this is not so in your case, Your Highness.”

My father was from Olakrez. He never made me feel like I was anything less than of his own flesh and blood. To him, I was his daughter with every right to his love. His home country, apparently, felt otherwise. Biologically, I wasn’t his.

“My visit here is coming to an end,” the duchess continued. “I’ll be leaving your queendom in two weeks. Surely, that is enough time for the body of Your Highness to complete its preparations to receive the seed of your lawfully wedded husband in the most advantageous way.”

“Some things just can’t be rushed.” My heart skipped a beat when I realized these were Salas’ words I’d just repeated.

“Well, certain things must be performed in a timely manner, and a marriage consummation is one of them. I will not leave this palace until I’m certain that Prince Leafar’s position is secure and his marriage is valid. My departure is scheduled for fourteen days from now. I will make the arrangements for a public consummation to take place on the day thirteen, unless I receive the news of it having happened before that.”

I sucked in a breath and held it, keeping my wrath and indignity bottled tightly inside me, lest I explode with fury and destroy our fragile truce with Olakrez that Mother, Council, and I had worked so hard to achieve.

Neither the grand duchess nor the queen of Olakrez had any right to stick their noses under the covers of my marital bed. How dared they interrogate either me or my husband about the private things happening or not happening in our bedrooms?

Yet there I was, being interrogated, instructed, and even threatened about how to proceed. And all I could do was just smile and nod reassuringly.

Any power I thought I had was turning into an illusion. The crown princess could do as she wished, but only as long as it fell within the limits of the laws, the traditions, and everyone’s expectations.

Ultimately, no one but Leafar and I knew what really happened between us at night. It was up to us to decide what to make public.

“Both Olakrez and Rorrim can have faith in me,” I said. “Now, if you excuse me, Grand Duchess, Lady Etah, Your Majesty...” I gave a formal bow to each of the women, getting up. “I’ll need to find my husband.”

Mother got up with me. “The prince went on a ride with the king consort and their gentlemen-in-waiting this morning.”

The duchess clicked her tongue disapprovingly, not missing the chance to shoot one last dart at me before my departure.

“It doesn’t do for a wife not to know where her husband is at any given time,” she pointed out curtly. “Too much freedom like that is a sure way to make a loose man out of even the most pious groom.”

MOTHER FOUND ME IN my study a few minutes later. I paced the room, still reeling from the meeting with the duchess.

My study room with its tall bookshelves, the cozy sitting area in front of the river rock fireplace, and an oak desk with the most comfortable chair behind it always had a calming effect on me, similar to the palace’s extensive library. Unlike the library, however, in my study I could be completely alone, and I often came here when I needed to mull things over in peace.

Except that peace was escaping me now. I felt too restless to sit, to talk, or even to think, unable to focus on any thought calmly.

Mother leaned with her back against the closed door.

“Ari, I thought that matter has been sorted out already.” The accusatory note in her voice was unmistakable.

The heel of my shoe caught in the long pile of the rug, making me trip. I stopped in the middle of the room, running my hands over my hair. It was pulled up into a bun, but I found a loose strand to tug on nervously.

“What’s going on?” Mother asked. “I thought you were fond of your husband. Was I wrong? What is happening between you two?”

“Nothing. Nothing is happening,” I muttered.

“Nothing at all?” She heaved a sigh. “It’s really concerning then. What is the reason for the delay? Have we not put in enough effort for you to become comfortable with men?”

It was so like Mother. She’d identified a problem. She’d put an effort into solving it. Now she expected it to be gone. And I was about to disappoint her.

“Achieving a certain level of comfort with one man,” I said, “doesn’t mean I’d be automatically comfortable with all of them, does it?”

Mother slid her fingers over the string of diamonds around her neck. “I suppose you’re right. But Prince Leafar is an agreeable boy, is he not? Is there something in him not to your liking?”

It had absolutely nothing to do with Leafar and everything to do with someone else.

I pulled at the strand of my hair again, as if the sting at the roots could sharpen my focus.

“Mother, you...you had other lovers before Father, didn’t you?”

“Of course, I did. I had a few.”

“Was it easy for you to give them up for Father’s sake?”

“Well, it wasn’t overly difficult. You see, dearest, sex is merely a physical act. It’s the person you have it with who makes it either more or less important.”

Her words had the opposite effect on me from what she must’ve intended. Now, my thoughts were with Salas again. Sex with him never felt like simply a physical act. He was important to me, even now.

“The moment I married your father,” the queen continued, “I knew my duty was to give the queendom an heiress. That gave a purpose to the growing intimacy between us. Do you not feel the same about the prince? He is your husband, the only man who can give you legitimate children. That should mean something, at least for now. Stronger feelings may come between you with time.”

I studied the pattern of the rug under my feet.

“What if I already have stronger feelings, Mother? But for someone else?”

She gasped softly in disappointment.

“Then I say that infatuation is unhealthy. Having lovers is one thing. Developing strong feelings for them is something entirely different, my dear.”

“Is that why you don’t have lovers now?”

“My decision on that is largely due to my personal preference. I treasure the stability of being with someone I know and trust over any temporary thrill a new lover may bring.”

I appreciated being able to discuss it openly with her like that. But this conversation wasn’t helping me in the ways I hoped it would.

The thrill of being with Salas wasn’t temporary. It had lasted far longer than it should have. Thinking about him filled me with an ever-growing excitement, far more thrilling than the feelings I had for my husband. Could I hope it would change?

I hadn’t gone to the games since the day he got injured. As promised, I’d sent the royal healing witch to assess his injuries, but after she told me he was healing well, I made no further inquiries about him. I had carefully avoided even a general conversation about the gladiators. Yet the longing in my heart never eased. If anything, I missed him even more now because the hectic activities of the past two weeks left me feeling more alone than ever.

It was a horrible situation all around.

“Of course, I also have to take your father’s feelings into account,” Mother said. “At this point, my replacing him with a lover would upset him. I care about his happiness too much to do it to him.”

At her words, guilt pressed on my chest heavier than ever.

“I don’t want to hurt Leafar in any way.”

“The annulment would ruin him,” Mother pointed out.

“It would,” I agreed, rubbing my eyes. Harming Leafar seemed even more devastating than causing a war with Olakrez. He was an innocent boy trapped in the situation he had no control over, at the mercy of the forces that were far bigger than him.

Mother came closer and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

“You have a good understanding of what’s right for the queendom, Ari. I trust you’ll do the right thing.”

A dreadful feeling descended heavily into my stomach. There was so much I wanted to do for Rorrim to improve the lives of its people, but I could do it only if I followed the path leading me to the crown.

A future queen would always do what was right for the country. Peace was the most important thing for Rorrim, and the stability that came with a robust succession line of its monarchs. I could not risk that.

Someone knocked on the door before I could reply to Mother.

“Your Highness...” A maid poked her head into the room. The expression on her ashen face stopped the words in my throat. She saw my mother. “Your Majesty. It’s the king. He was hurt. Trampled by his horse...”