Rock & Roll Nights: The Lila and Rivers Edit

21. Lila

21

LILA

“ S tupid hotel,” I hissed. “Stupid place, having their building set up like this.”

I hustled down the stairs and paused at the door, absolutely hating that I had to do this. I’d spent about ten minutes arguing with Anna upstairs and telling her why I had to leave—namely, Rivers Shine himself—and that I was leaving her behind to try to salvage the contract deal with Taylor James.

Granted, that deal had been with me, not Anna, and my friend was going to have a time talking her way into Taylor’s good graces. But Anna could be charming when she wanted to, and she was just as talented as I was. I was hoping she’d pull it off.

Because I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t keep my spot at Rivers’ side or fulfill the terms of the deal I’d made. Rivers had crawled right into my heart and made himself at home, and then he’d taken out a knife and stabbed me. Repeatedly. And it turned out I didn’t have any armor to wear against that sort of assault. I’d gone and fallen for him like a million other stupid girls, only those girls had probably been smart enough not to fall for his charms.

They’d probably seen him for exactly what he was, rather than a lost little boy in need of a friend and a warm heart.

I didn’t trust myself to be around him anymore. I didn’t trust him to be around me. And I sure as hell didn’t want to be in any fake relationship where I had to pretend to love him.

Unfortunately, we were in the second night of performances at this fucking hotel and to get out of the place, I had to walk right through the show he was currently doing. Whoever had built this place had thought it was a good idea to make the whole bottom floor the performance venue, which meant the reception was on the second floor and the only exit onto the street required one to walk through the show itself.

“What kind of stupid architect thought this was a good idea?” I grumbled, taking the steps downward two at a time as I fought with my duffel bag. “Stupid hotel. Stupid tour. Stupid ideas.”

My brain was rushing ahead of me, out the doors and onto the street beyond, where my car was parked in a lot across the way. I had plenty of gas and thought I could probably get back to Nashville in one shot, as long as I stopped for coffee. But that wasn’t the plan. The car was for Anna, because unlike her, I didn’t believe in leaving my friends stranded. I was taking an alternate mode of transportation.

I wanted to get home, to where things made sense. I wanted my mom’s pancakes and a hug from my dad, and the mindless chatter of my sisters. No emotional pitfalls. No traps waiting to open up under my feet, courtesy of a rock star I never wanted to see again.

I reached the bottom level and leaned my forehead against the door, breathing out and feeling the beat of the music through the floor. Rivers’ voice echoed through the building as he sang some stupid ballad to the audience.

I snorted. The guy had told me he didn’t write love songs and yet they’d been playing them nonstop ever since. Well, ‘nonstop’ was probably an exaggeration. They’d added one love song to the lineup at the shows. And he’d been singing it to me.

I guessed after today, he’d be singing it to someone else. Hell, for all I knew he already was. She was probably in the audience now, staring up at him with lovestruck eyes and a heart full of promises, her brain full of the things he’d said to her in the darkness of a hotel room.

And good luck to her. I didn’t care. I didn’t want anything else to do with that. Because I was finished dating—or fake dating—Rivers Shine. He was no longer my problem. I was going to cut him out of my mind, and then out of my world, and get on with life.

I pushed the door open, stepped through it, and walked quickly into the crowd, intentionally not looking at the stage or the man on it. I didn’t need to see him, and I didn’t need him to see me. I wanted to get through the audience and out of this room as quickly as possible. I already had a taxi waiting for me outside and a ticket on the next bus out of town. Everything was set up and ready, and my only job was to get out of the building without being discovered.

Of course, at that minute, the music died suddenly, leaving a tense silence in its wake.

I tried to keep walking. Tried to pretend I hadn’t noticed that the music had stopped. I prayed no one had noticed me—although that was probably difficult, as I was the only person shoving her way through an audience that was all standing still.

“Lila Potter,” a voice suddenly said into the silence. “You running?”

Well, shit.

I stopped in my tracks and stood still for a moment, trying to figure out what to do. Turn and look at him? Or keep going?

The problem was, I didn’t run from a challenge. Even when that challenge came in the form of a guy who’d stolen my heart right out of my chest and then proceeded to stomp all over it.

I turned and looked up at him but didn’t answer. When the spotlight spun from the stage to highlight me instead—stupid, complacent crew!—I shielded my eyes. I couldn’t see Rivers anymore, and that wasn’t okay. I wanted to know where he was and what he was doing. I wanted to know what to expect from this.

Or what not to expect.

Why had he even stopped me? From what I saw this morning, he didn’t care about me. He’d dumped me in the restaurant and walked right into the arms of another girl. And though he’d looked at least slightly abashed about it, he hadn’t exactly left her to come back to me.

He also hadn’t come to find me afterward, or try to explain himself. So why now?

I saw the people in front of me moving around, shuffling like they were trying to get out of the way of something, and tensed. What was going on? Was I about to be thrown up to the front of the crowd or something?

No one grabbed me, though, and moments later I saw someone making their way toward me. Someone tall, in jeans and a white T-shirt, his arms covered in tattoos. The light spun off me and my eyes adjusted to show me that the guy in front of me also had dark hair and eyes, his cheekbones wide and his mouth held firm and flat.

“Are you running away?” he asked hoarsely.

I shrugged. “Not running, no. Leaving, yes.”

His eyes shut but opened a moment later, his hand reaching out and grabbing mine like he was looking for some sort of lifeline. “Don’t go. Don’t leave.”

I almost pulled my hand away. Almost. “Why not? Looked to me like you already found someone else to warm your bed.”

He huffed a breath that could have been a laugh but definitely wasn’t. “Lila, I don’t even know that girl’s name. She was drunk. Wanted an autograph. That was it. She was nothing. Nothing.”

I tipped my chin up, not ready to believe a word of it and not even sure if it mattered. So this girl might have just been a fan. Did that change anything? He was still Rivers Shine, biggest player in the industry, and I’d been stupid enough to start falling for him.

This girl might not mean anything. But there were other girls who might. And I wasn’t sure I could afford the risk. Not without hearing something real from him.

I needed to know if we were anything more than fake. Once I knew that, I’d decide whether I could take the chance on staying.

“Really? And what am I? Because the last time I checked, Rivers, this whole thing was fake to start with. Am I just another girl whose name you’ll forget tomorrow? Because I never signed up for that.”

He pulled me against him, his shirt damp with sweat and his skin like molten lava. “Neither did I. Or…” His eyes shifted to the right, searching for an answer to something, and when he looked at me again he was smiling sheepishly. “Well, maybe at first. But not anymore.”

I stared into his eyes, trying to figure out what that even meant. Trying to figure out whether this was just another act. Another mask.

Trying to figure out how I felt about the whole thing.

I’d spent the last week pretending to be this guy’s girlfriend. Bailing him out in front of the press—and onstage—and doing my damnedest to make it believable. Taking the time to get to know him, or at least try to, and spending far too much time pressed against him, my body on fire. But in between those bailouts...

I’d seen who he really was, or at least who I thought he was. I’d started thinking he wasn’t what people said—a jaded rock star—and was instead a broken boy who had grown up into this heartbreaker of a man but still didn’t really know how to do most things.

And I’d thought I had a good handle on him. I’d thought I knew who he was, deep down. I’d thought he might care about me as much as I was starting to care about him. Only to walk out of that diner this morning and find him all over some other girl like he’d never even heard my name.

He’d undone most of the work we’d accomplished over the last week, but that wasn’t all of it. He’d broken the trust I was building with him and slashed right through the feelings that had been growing in my heart. I’d thought I could trust him with my emotions, and now I knew otherwise.

He’d ruined whatever we’d constructed together—if it had even been real in the first place, which I now doubted.

And now he was standing there asking me to forgive him and throw him another chance.

On one hand, I wanted to push him away. Knee him right in the stomach and tell him I never wanted to see him again. I wanted to get the hell out of this town and run to Nashville, where I could get myself back together and try to forget that I’d ever heard the name Rivers Shine. Every instinct I had was telling me this was toxic and he would never be the man I wanted him to be. Never by the boy I’d thought he was, and that I would have to be stupid to wait around and expect any better from him.

On the other hand, in the wings, Taylor James was waiting. Watching. No doubt wondering what I’d do.

Because that other hand—the one I was seriously looking at now—was holding a chance at a record contract. If I stayed, I had a shot at a record deal with one of the best companies in the industry. I had a shot at staying on tour with Olivia and Connor, maybe even performing with them, and getting Anna and me a deal. Sure, Anna was staying to try to get it done, but she had to know as well as I did that I was the one Taylor wanted. I was the one who had the best chance of getting that contract.

If I stayed.

If I gave Rivers his second chance.

I stared at him, deep into those dark, pained eyes, and bit my lip. I didn’t know if I could handle all the damage the industry had done to him. Didn’t know if I could help him carry the baggage of being abandoned as a kid and then shoved into a world where no one took the time to take care of him.

I didn’t know if I was big enough to do any of that. I didn’t even know if I wanted to.

But I did know that somewhere along the way, I’d fallen in love with him. And that had to count for something, right?

That, and the shot at a contract.

“Promise not to break my heart?” I asked quietly.

Rivers held up one hand and put the other on his heart. “I swear on everything.”

Did I believe him? Honestly, I didn’t know. But my heart was telling me to give it a shot. Take my fate into my own hands, send up a prayer, and give Rives a chance to be a better man.

I leaned forward, getting as close as I could, and whispered, “In that case, Rivers Shine, you’ve got a deal.”