Rock & Roll Nights: The Lila and Rivers Edit

37. Rivers

37

RIVERS

I kept the smile on my face and my hands to myself as long as the kids were there. I bowled and gave out gifts, shared plates of fries, and made sure every boy and girl there had as much soda as they wanted. We had a day off from the tour, and that meant I had all the time in the world to spend with them—lucky that it had matched up with a city where they had a group home—and I spent every last minute I had making sure the kids had a day they’d never forget.

And I made sure they each left with at least one stuffed animal in their arms.

As they were filing out, I made the call to my business manager. “Johnny, I need to set up a trust for the orphanage I just left. I want them to have plenty of food and a chance to go bowling once a month.”

Okay, so I didn’t think the food thing was completely necessary. But I also didn’t see any reason not to include it.

Johnny asked me a few questions—the name of the orphanage and what city it was in, along with how much I wanted to allocate to them every month. And then he told me he’d take care of it, and that was that. I hung up feeling a whole lot better about everything...and then turned to look for Lila. I’d noticed that Anna and Matt had left earlier, but I’d seen Lila still sitting with some younger girls, telling them a story, and had hoped that she’d stay the whole day.

I wanted to talk to her. More than that. I was yearning for it like a druggie who needed a hit. Itching to hear what she’d say about how we’d spent the day. I wondered if she had ideas for what I could do for these kids or thoughts about how we could have improved things.

I wondered if she had any idea why we’d done it at all.

I spun, my eyes grazing every inch of the now-darkening building while my heart thudded at the thought that she might have left while I wasn’t looking. Had she decided she’d had enough? Escaped before she had to face me and talk to me? Maybe this had just been a good deed for her; something that was for the kids, not for me. Maybe this had?—

But she was right there. I stopped moving and stared, the world around us growing still as I watched her. She was handing out stuffed animals to little kids on their way out the door, laughing with them and touching their noses with the stuffies before she handed them over. And when the last one stepped out and the door shut behind him, she stood for a moment watching the door like she was trying to process what had just happened. The only light in the area was right above her, highlighting her like she was on stage.

Like someone up above us wanted to make sure I could see her.

When she turned, her heart was in her eyes and her lips were parted, and I didn’t have to wonder what she was thinking. She’d been just as affected by the day as I had, and the memory wasn’t going to leave her anytime soon. She’d also been waiting for me to be alone. I didn’t know how I knew it, but it was right there in front of me, a thought just waiting for me to grab it, and I reached for it, tucked it into my pocket, and started strolling toward her.

“You gave them quite a day,” she said when I drew even with where she was.

I shrugged and looked at the door that had just closed. “They deserve more. I’ve set up a trust fund to make sure they get to come back once a month. And have plenty of food.”

I watched her out of the corner of my eye, seeing quite clearly the smile that bloomed over her face. “The Rivers Shine Good Deed Fund.”

“Don’t tell anyone,” I warned her, mock serious. “People will start to see through me.”

She threaded her fingers through mine and squeezed. “Probably not. But I think I’m starting to.”

I turned to her then to find her face tipped up to me, her eyes considering. She wasn’t shining. She didn’t look like she was about to beg me to take her home, like she had that first night when I met her. Instead, she looked like she was actually trying to see through me. Like she was starting to realize that something she’d suspected all along was truer than she’d realized.

“Better be careful. I think the lady that runs the place is halfway in love with you already,” she murmured.

I snorted at that. “No, she’s not. They all look that way when you give money to their organizations. It’s not what they’re used to.”

Lila tipped her head back and forth, considering. Then a corner of her mouth turned up. “She might not be, then. Other people, though...”

My body both froze and caught on fire at the same time. I felt like a live wire that was being doused in water. Ice that had somehow burst into flame. “Other people like who?”

“Well, those kids, for starters. You’re going to be their idol for the rest of their lives. And the people who work with them. The people who work here, I bet.”

“And what about you?”

I couldn’t help it. I had to know. I knew I’d said I was no good for her and that she would be better off without me. I’d already started the paperwork to get myself out of the band and off this tour specifically so she could take my place. I didn’t doubt any of that. I knew it was the right thing.

But she was also standing right there in front of me, glowing up at me like a tiny sun, and it was impossible not to want her. I could tell myself until I was blue in the face that I was no good for her, but the part of me that wanted her to want me, that needed the sunshine and happiness she brought with her, refused to give up.

Fucking God, I wanted her to be halfway in love with me, and not only because of what I’d done for these kids today. I wanted Lila Potter to think of me in that way. I didn’t know how to turn that wish off...and I didn’t know if I wanted to.

She brushed my cheek softly with her fingertips, her skin as warm as honey against my own. “I think there’s a lot more to you than anyone ever realized. And I think you deserve to be seen.”

That was all I needed.

I claimed her mouth with mine and dove into her, every inch of me on fire with need for this girl. I tipped her chin up to give me better access, and she moaned, opening her mouth to me and taking me in.

And that right there slowed me down. Yesterday in my room had been hot and very fast, nothing more than the instinct of needing her. But this right here...

I wanted to take my time. I wanted to leave the world behind and pretend that we were the only people in the city. The only people in the universe.

Stooping down, I slid my arm under her knees and lifted her up, making my way slowly toward one of the booths in the restaurant. She wrapped her arms around my neck and continued kissing me like she was drowning, her mouth hot and her breath coming faster and faster. Our tongues danced in a slow, methodical waltz, and we breathed each other in and out, too entranced in the kiss to stop.

God, I’d been wrong about her being only the sun. She was the earth and moon and stars, all wrapped into one. She was the best sort of heat and the only sort of warmth I needed.

I got to the booth and sat with her in my lap, and a moment later she’d managed to move herself around so she was straddling me. She pressed down against my cock, so hard now that I could barely feel anything else, and I gasped at the sudden contact. When she reared back and gave me a sly, almost shy smile, I pulled her back toward me.

“What are you doing?” I whispered against her mouth.

“Rivers Shine, I thought you were some sort of Casanova,” she whispered back. “I would think it was obvious.”

And with that, the time for going slowly was finished. I stood and pushed her down onto her back on the table, my hand stopping to cup her cheek as I started working at the button and zipper of my jeans. Her eyes darkened and grew wide, then darted around the room.

“What are you doing?”

“I would think that was obvious,” I said, feeding her words back together. I jerked my jeans down and made quick work of her jean shorts, then leaned over her again, taking in her tousled hair and wide, darkened eyes. “After all, we have the whole place to ourselves. Are you going to stop me?”

“No,” she breathed.

I didn’t need any more than that. I parted her legs a bit more and found her seam with the head of my cock. God, she was wet and ready and so, so hot, like she’d been waiting for this all day. She caught her lower lip in her teeth and gazed up at me, daring me to do it.

So I did. I held her gaze with mine as I slid into her, making sure to go slowly enough that she could feel every inch. When I was fully seated, her eyes turned upward in pleasure, but I put a hand to her cheek.

“Look at me, Lila.”

She did.

So I could see how it affected her when I started to slide back out...and then back in again. I saw exactly how much she liked the smooth, even rhythm. Her eyes got darker and darker the longer I went, and when I started to speed up, they closed again, as if it was all too much.

I didn’t stop. I moved in and out of her like my life depended on it, because in that moment it felt like it did. I gave her every inch of me again and again, reveling in the tight feel of her and the fact that she was grasping me as hard as I was grasping her, hanging on for dear life while we rode each other right to the edge. I didn’t know what this was. I didn’t know if it was love or something a whole lot like it. But I knew that she reached me in ways no one else had ever dared, and I knew her in a way that made me feel like I owned her.

My tempo got faster again, and she began moaning my name, which undid me completely. I looked down at her one more time, registered that she was about to come undone, and let myself go, taking her over the edge of the cliff with me and down into a darkness that only she, Lila Potter, could light.