Rock & Roll Nights: The Lila and Rivers Edit

40. Lila

40

LILA

W e got to Jonesboro quicker than we’d ever gotten to any other city, and though I thought that might be because Anna and I were on the official bus now, and therefore way more comfortable, one look at Rivers as he was leaving the bus told me that wasn’t true.

We got there so quickly because the universe was keeping me from working out a plan for what I was going to say to him.

I’d gotten onto said bus with one goal in mind: to come up with the right words for him. To maybe even approach him and try to draw him out in conversation. Ask him more about what had happened in Missouri. Find an opening for telling him what I’d figured out and getting him involved. By the time we stopped again I wanted to have my feet under me and know that I was doing the right thing when it came to Rivers.

Instead, the universe had sped time up to something that made no sense, and it had taken us about five minutes to get from one city to the next. And even if I’d had time to start a conversation with Rivers, his expression wouldn’t have encouraged it. He’d taken one look at the list of cities we were hitting next, his face darkening as quickly as a Tennessee sky when a storm was coming in, and had practically run for Taylor at the back of the bus. Whatever he’d said to her had made her face just as angry as his, and he’d been back in his seat before I had time to make three guesses at what he might have told her. He’d spent the rest of the ride staring out the window like we were driving him right to his death.

It hadn’t been good for that whole brainstorming thing I was supposed to be doing. He looked furious and terrified at the same time, resigned and yet like he was waiting for someone to come save him from whatever was coming.

I mean, I knew where we were going, and I knew why it had him in such a mood. Or at least I thought I knew. Jonesboro was our next stop, and that city, according to Matt and my research, held not only the orphanage where Rivers and Matt (and Noah and Hudson) had been held, but also the foster families that had done Rivers so wrong.

It also, according to the email I received, held what was left of Rivers’ family.

Which of those things had him so upset, I wondered. Which was the worst piece of the puzzle? And why was he still dreading them so much when he was one of the biggest stars on the planet, renowned across the world for his husky voice and talent with a guitar? He was an adult now and didn’t have anything to fear from the city where he was born.

Why was it affecting him so deeply?

I’d hardly had the thought before we were pulling to a stop in the circle in front of a large hotel, the bus barely fitting under the overhanging roof. I put my feet down to the floor, getting ready to stand up, and was nearly knocked back by the body rushing past me.

Rivers, working to be the first off the bus. He had his guitar case in his hand and his eyes on the door, and I didn’t think he even realized there were other people here. He certainly didn’t stop to apologize for knocking me backward.

Though one look at the stiffness of his shoulders and the way his knuckles had grown white around the handle of his guitar case told me that he had only one thing on his mind, and it had nothing to do with the rest of his band, the bus itself, or the tour.

Hell, at this moment I doubted he even remembered who I was or what we’d been doing together last night.

* * *

“What do you mean you’re going out? It’s almost midnight!”

I threw Anna’s hand off and headed for the door of our suite, wondering how big we had to get before we warranted our own rooms. Taylor was paying for the suite at this point based on the promised contract and the fact that we were performing almost nightly, but seriously, couldn’t she spring for two rooms rather than one?

Not that I was complaining. Anna was my best friend and had been ever since I could remember. She’d been a standing part of the band I created with my sisters, and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. I would have been lost if I was sleeping in a room on my own. Hell, I probably would have been sneaking into her room in the middle of the night just to see if she was still up and wanted to go down to the café for some late-night pie.

But still.

Right now, I didn’t want to have to answer her questions or deal with the judgement I knew was coming for me. I definitely didn’t want to deal with the idea that she might be right.

“I’m going out,” I repeated. “I’m not tired. I don’t want to sleep. And I need to check on something.”

She grabbed at my arm again and spun me around, her eyes narrowed and her lips pressed tightly together. “You mean you want to check on some one .”

I could have lied to her. I could have said I didn’t know what she was talking about. I could even have called her insane and told her that she was imagining things or something like that. But Anna was my best friend in the world. Closer to me than at least two of my sisters, when you came right down to it, and the person I had always shared everything with. I couldn’t remember a single secret that I hadn’t told her when we were growing up. The girl was my soulmate. I couldn’t stand the thought of lying to her, and even if I managed it, she’d see right through me.

“Anna, he’s in pain. He needs a friend. And I think I’m the closest thing he’s got to that.”

“He’s trouble, Lila. Everyone says so. Taylor’s on the verge of dropping him, and he’s not going to do anything good for your reputation. If people see you together in the middle of the night?—”

“They’ll think we’re out for a midnight rendezvous,” I interrupted. “Which is exactly what we’re supposed to be doing. I have a deal with Taylor, remember? Our contract actually depends on that deal, in case you’ve forgotten.”

I stared into her eyes, praying she wasn’t going to fight me on this one. I wasn’t lying; my deal with Taylor was still in place, as far as I knew, so going to find Rivers could be counted a responsibility to that fake relationship plan.

That wasn’t why I was going to find him. But I’d use it to get Anna off my case if I could.

Her eyes grew even narrower, which I would have said was impossible, but she let go of my arm. “I’m not going to argue with you about that one. I know you well enough to know that you’re going to do it regardless of what I think. But promise me one thing, Lila Potter.”

Her sudden capitulation caught me off balance, and when I tried to answer her, I found that my voice had fled. So I just nodded, my eyes wet with tears.

She nodded back, seeming like she knew exactly what I was going through. “Be careful. He’s trouble, and I don’t want to have to kill him for hurting you.”

That made me laugh and I pulled her into a quick, intense hug. “I will,” I whispered into her hair. “I swear I know what I’m doing.”

“Stop lying to me. You know you’re no good at it.”

I pulled back, gave her a quick grin of acknowledgement—because she was right—and then turned and headed for the door, my mind already on my mission. Rivers hadn’t left the hotel yet. Matt had told me earlier that he was planning to stay the whole night.

Which meant he was somewhere in the building. Just waiting for me to find him.

* * *

He was in the second place I looked.

I checked the bar first because obviously. But after wading through a number of well-dressed businessmen and their dates—some of them already so drunk they could barely stand up—I realized that Rivers wasn’t with them. I left the room feeling half relieved and half disappointed and wondering where else I was going to search when I saw a darkened café across the lobby. The place was done in 50s style, all pink leather and neon signs, now dark and sleeping. The overhead lights were off but the place was still dimly lit by the lights from the lobby, and there in the corner booth I saw a figure hunched over the table.

A figure with dark hair and even darker stubble, his eyes on his hands in front of him and a piece of pie sitting on a plate in the middle of the table.

I didn’t think twice about it. I didn’t even have to pause. I rushed to that side of the lobby, ignoring several bellhops who asked me if I needed help, and burst through the swinging gate the separated the diner from the rest of the hotel. The place was darker once I got into it—strange—but that didn’t stop me. I only had eyes for the guy in the corner booth.

I’d known he needed a friend, but my God, looking at him now, I thought he needed a whole village. His shoulders were rounded in what looked like defeat and I could see from here that his eyes were closed, leaving him alone with whatever demons raged in his head. He was trapped in there listening to them with no one to save him, and the thought broke my heart clean in two.

He needed a whole team of people to save him.

And I was the only one coming to his rescue.

I didn’t even know if he’d want me. I might arrive to find him so stuck in his own world that he sent me back away. He might be angry to see me. He might not even want the help.

But I’d never found a broken bird I didn’t want to save, and Rivers Shine was no different. He was a little bigger than a bird, a little darker and potentially more damaged.

And I wasn’t going to leave him here to try to heal on his own.

I marched up to him and took his hand as gently as possible. When he looked up at me his eyes were shadowed. Haunted. They focused on me and he frowned, opening his mouth like he was, in fact, going to tell me to leave him alone.

I put a finger to his lips. “Let’s go,” I said, pulling him up.

“Where?”

“Outside. We’re going to take a walk, and you’re going to tell me what the hell is wrong, and I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.”

To his credit, he didn’t tell me no. He didn’t resist. He tightened his fingers around mine, stood up, and followed me back through the swinging gate and toward the closest exit.