Roll For Initiative

66. Cassie

T he darkness wraps around me like a warm fog. It is endless like I could keep walking forever and never find even a sliver of light. Yet, somehow, my body is at peace. I don’t feel pain. I don’t feel scared. Only peace. If this is what death feels like, then I happily accept my fate.

A shrill whining noise and a displeasing beeping cuts through the darkness. I can’t see where it is coming from. There still is no light. It gets louder. Please, someone, make it stop. It’s so loud and annoying. Pain. Pounding, excruciating pain hits my body like a wave crashing against a rock. Over and Over and Over again. Wave after wave. The pounding pain grows worse. I want to move; I want to run. But I can’t. I feel sluggish. My entire body feels like dead weight now. Each limb weighing 100 lbs.

There’s another noise cutting through the darkness. It’s a voice. The beeping is slowing down.

"When will she wake up? It’s been over two weeks!" I hear a familiar voice through the darkness. Lucian? Yep, I’m dead. Is this Limbo? Purgatory? Heaven or hell?

"She will most likely be in this state for a while, Sir. I’m sorry. There was so much swelling on her brain. It's actually that good she is in the coma, though, because it gives her body time to heal. She needs time." Ok, so I'm not dead. I'm assuming that was a doctor.

Wait, what happened? The last thing I remember was the shower. Oh God, I had the razor in my hand. Did I do it? Did I cause this? No, wait. Theo came busting in. The memories come flooding back. Being dragged to the bed, pinned down. He attacked me, beat me. Fuck, he raped me again. But the last thing I remember was him landing on me on the floor.

*Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep*

That damn beeping is getting louder again. I feel trapped. Like there is an alarm going off that I can’t hit snooze on, just let me go back to the quiet darkness. I don’t want to wake up. I’ll have to go back to Theo. I can’t. Just let me die.

"Nurse! What’s happening?" I hear someone shout.

"Nurse, push 5mg of benzodiazepines. Her body is fighting, almost like a panic attack. She might be coming out of the coma, which is good, but we have to keep her calm."

“Cassie...” The familiar voice trails off.

That's the last thing I hear before the waves of velvety darkness pull me away. Silence. Serenity. Just let me stay here a bit longer.

I’m unsure of how much time has passed. I want to open my eyes to find out where I am. I crack one eye open and immediately regret my decision. It feels like a knife has been stabbed into my head. The pain is almost too much to handle. I try to lift my arm to shield my eyes from the light, but my arm feels like it is a lump of dead nerves. Numb. As if it isn’t there. Well, that’s horrifying.

"Nurse, she’s waking up." Someone yells. God why is everyone so damn loud. Just let me go back to the peaceful darkness. I don’t want to be here.

"Cassie? Can you hear me?" A light is shining in my eyes. It feels like there's a film over them; everything looks fuzzy as if I’m looking through a frosted window. "I’m Doctor Adams. You've been in a coma for over two weeks. Try to breathe slowly. You've suffered a lot of trauma." The light goes away, thankfully.

I try to speak but realize the reason my throat hurts is there is a tube still down it. A nurse and doctor come in to take out the tube. It is one of the most strange and painful things to feel it sliding out of me. My throat is so dry and sore as if I have been inhaling hot air through a tube for weeks, which I guess isn’t far off.

"Here, this should help." A damp sponge is placed on my tongue. The bit of cool water coming out of it feels like heaven. After a few more dabs of the sponge, my mouth doesn’t feel so dry. My vision is becoming less cloudy.

"Th...thank you." I can barely form the words. I can feel a warm hand on my shoulder.

"Cassie, how is your pain level, 1-10." Pain? It is constantly throbbing everywhere, but it isn’t as bad as it was before.

I hold up my fingers for the number 7. I don’t want them to push too much pain medication, though.

"She doesn’t like pain medication, so please don’t give her a high dose. Her... well, someone she knows has had issues in the past." Who is this person speaking? How the fuck would they know about my mother.

I rub my eyes. The fogginess finally starting to subside. Shapes are coming into focus. Dark blobs now have defined edges and colors. I look up into the most gorgeous dark brown eyes I’ve ever seen. Dark brown hair. His jaw is now covered in a small beard, but it’s him. It’s actually him.

"Lucian?" My voice is cracked as I burst into tears. He sits down next to me and gathers me in his arms.

"Shh, Cass. It’s ok. Breathe. I’m here now." He strokes my head, calming me. I inhale his delicious scent. God, I’ve missed him.

"How? He killed you,” I cry, barely able to form words between my sobs.

"No, he could never kill me. Jayme never said if I was alive or dead when Theo asked. He didn't answer him." I cry even harder as I bury my face in his chest.

"Don’t go." I cry harder.

"Never. I love you, Cassie. I’m here, and I’m never letting you go again." He puts a finger under my chin, gently tilting my face up. His lips meet mine, and it’s as if the whole world melts away. I don’t care if my body is screaming in pain. I’m not even sure how much permanent damage there is. I know I’ll get through this because he is here. He is alive. I tuck my head back under his chin. I feel safe. I slowly drift back to sleep in his arms.

When I finally wake back up, it is dark. A small light on the bedside table casts a soft glow over the room. And there, sitting in a chair next to me, with his head asleep next to my thigh, is the man that I love—my Lucian. I run my fingers through his hair. He hums in approval and turns his head to look at me.

"Hello, beautiful." He says. "How are you feeling?"

"Like,” I cough. “Like I was hit by a truck." I chuckle but instantly regret it. My rib cage feels like a vice grip on my organs. "Ok, how bad is it?" He looks at me as if he is worried that I am going to shatter apart at any moment.

"I’ll get the doctor; he can tell you everything."

"I’ll go get him." Jayme stands up from the couch. I didn’t even realize he was here.

"Thank you," I say. He smiles and nods as he walks out.

"Cassie, just try to stay calm. We love you, and you have so much support." He tries to reassure me.

Damn, Theo must have really messed me up.