Ruin’s Embattlement (Tenillo Guardians AIMC #19)

Desi Chapter 9

I was satisfied with how my second time out with Konrad went. I don’t know if you could technically call it a date when you went as friends. When I told him I’d go out with him again, he’d been less than thrilled by my caveat that it would be only as friends. He was quick to hide it, but I saw his disappointment. I fretted over whether I should back out. I didn’t want to create an uncomfortable dynamic between us. It could happen if he saw me as more than a friend. I already had that problem when it came to Ruin, except I was the one with unrequited love. Isaiah was the one to convince me that if Konrad didn’t like it, I should let him back out. He didn’t.

I was pleased we went. Konrad and I had a delightful time. He was easy to talk to, and I felt safe with him, which wasn’t normal for me. We laughed and got into some less-than-superficial stuff. I didn’t share the darkest parts of my past, but I did tell him about predominantly being raised in foster care. I was surprised to discover so had he. It was a big reason he didn’t return to Arkansas after he got out of the Marines. He wasn’t close with his last set of foster parents or any of the kids he’d grown up with in various homes.

I knew how hard it was to make friends in those homes. Unless you stayed in one for most of your life, you discovered that getting close to others only ended in heartache when you or they moved, and you never saw or heard from them again. We bonded over our experiences in those places. Neither of us suffered physical or sexual abuse in them, but they hadn’t all been roses.

As our conversation progressed, he told me about his run to San Angelo earlier in the day with Ruin to pick up the remainder of his belongings. I smiled and nodded in all the right places, but it made me want to be sitting with Ruin rather than Konrad, and that wasn’t fair. I had to work to be in the moment whenever he spoke about Ruin. It was clear that they were great friends. I found I was kinda jealous. Ruin and I used to be that type of friend to each other.

When we were done, he was a gentleman again and walked me to my car. When I got in, he leaned inside and smiled. “Desi, I had another great time. As long as we can do things like this and have fun like we have been, I’ll be your friend any day. I won’t lie. I was hoping there might be more. You’re a knockout, but I’m also starting to see the friend side of things. I hope you see me as your friend and we can do more soon. Now, I know you said you’re going to visit Isaiah before you head home, so I’ll see you later. Drive safe.” He dropped a kiss on my cheek.

“I will, and you drive safe too. I’d love for us to do more. We’ll have to see about hanging out at the clubhouse next time. I play mean games of pool and darts,” I told him with a wink. I wasn’t lying.

“I’d love to accept the challenge I just heard in your voice. Are you sure Ruin will be okay with that? He’s awfully protective of you.”

“I can have friends, and he’ll have to deal. Alright, I gotta get to Isaiah’s, then home. Bye.”

“Bye.” He closed my door and patted the roof. I started the car and then waved as I drove off.

Isaiah’s house wasn’t far. I was still in a good mood when I got there. When he answered my knock, he smiled and waved for me to go inside ahead of him. As I entered, he commented, “Well, it seems your date with Konrad went well. You’re smiling. It’s a good look on you.”

“It wasn’t a date. It was two friends going out, but yes, we both had a wonderful time. He’s amusing and full of ideas and experiences. You should get to know him. I bet you would get along, too.”

“Sounds like I should. Can I get you something to drink?”

“No, I’m good.” I sank down on his super soft couch. “Isaiah, why don’t you come hang out at the clubhouse with me this weekend? Are you doing anything tomorrow night?”

“I’d love to. Any time I can spend time with you and all those hot biker studs, I’ll do it,” he said with a smirk.

“You know, I should introduce you to Lucas. Talk about a stud. He poses for romance book covers for Sara and other authors, and he’s on your team,” I added. Why I hadn’t thought to introduce them before was a mystery.

He stared hard at me in disbelief. “You’ve known a gay male model, and you’ve kept him from me? What kind of friend are you, Desiree Young? He could be my soulmate. Or at least a mating.” He wiggled his eyebrows when he said mating.

I groaned. “Nope. With comments like that, there’s no way I’ll let you meet him.”

“Why not? Come on, don’t you love me anymore?” he whined.

“I do love you, but he makes outrageous comments, and you do too. I’ll never survive. And if you team up with him against Trident, you’ll both disappear.”

“Trident? Why would we gang up on Trident?”

“Lucas loves to torment Trident that he’s really in love with Lucas, and Lucas plans to steal him away from Sara. When Trident first found out about him, he thought Sara and him were involved, which drove Trident crazy. Now, the tables are turned.”

“Does he have a death wish? I’d never do that to Trident. There’s something about the man that scares me. What does he say when Lucas acts this way?” He shivered.

“Trident has a wonderful sense of humor about it and tells him that no matter what he does, he’s not leaving Sara, but he understands why Lucas wants him. There are things about Trident you wouldn’t guess.” I was thinking of the sex room he and Sara had in their house. Within the club, it was no secret.

“Really? Hmm, I’ll have to watch that silver fox closer next time. I’m intrigued.”

“See. Nope. Hot stud model offer rescinded.”

This set him off on a begging spree, which was fun to hear. It got even more fun when I showed him a picture of Lucas. I swear, it was gross to think about, but I wondered for a moment if he came in his pants, the way he moaned and carried on. When I told him it was disgusting and pushing our friendship for him to orgasm in front of me, the shit just cackled and rolled on the couch next to me. He didn’t deny that he had. When he calmed down, we got back to talking about other things, but only after I promised I’d try to get him and Lucas at the compound at the same time.

“So, tell me how things have been these past few days with the rapturous Ruin. You know, that should be his official road name. That man is sex on two legs. Although I’ve got to say, his brother Tyson is a close second. If only he would let me corrupt him. Older man teaching a younger man,” he hummed.

“Oh my God, if you don’t stop, I’m leaving! They’re my family.”

“Hey, it’s been a while. I can’t help it. As for them being family, Tyson is, but you don’t feel that way about Ruin. Is there any progress on that front?”

“It depends on what you mean by progress. We’re hanging out, although he’s been so busy at work that it’s not been much, just mostly around the family. He seems nicer, and we’re beginning to regain some of our old friendship.”

“Come on, you know what I mean, Desi. You told me about the tickle session on movie night. You said you thought for a second he was about to kiss you. Any more of those moments?”

I sighed. I had told him. I should’ve kept my mouth shut. I’d been excited and nervous about it, so I blabbed to Isaiah. However, I was wrong. It was only wishful thinking.

“No, there hasn’t. Is, I imagined it. He is coming across as a friend, which is better than what we were. I hated fighting with him. Not being able to talk to him has been hell. Just getting that back is enough.”

“You know, if you keep lying like that, your nose is going to rival Pinocchio’s.” He bopped the tip of my nose with his finger to emphasize his remark. I swatted at his hand.

“I’m not lying.”

“Oh yes, you are. You want him to love you as a woman. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s fabulous to see. You’re coming out of your cocoon, butterfly.”

Sometimes, the things he said were a bit odd, but I still adored him. “I’m not a butterfly, but I get your meaning. I do feel as if I’m ready to have a full life. And although it isn’t with Ruin, I’m scared. What if I get to the big moment and freeze or freak out? I’ve never tried to have sex since all that happened to me. What if I can’t? No man wants to be with a woman in a platonic relationship for the rest of their lives. You’d better stick around so I don’t become the weird old lady in the neighborhood who scares all the kids. It can’t happen.”

“Sunshine, I’ll always be here for you. Just know, it’ll be me and whichever incredible stud muffin I hook. We’ll let you live with us, just no cramping our sex life. Meaning, we will run around naked in the house.”

“Oh God, please don’t tell me you plan to do that when Shane and I move in!”

“I’ll curb it as much as possible, but Shane will be fine. He has boy parts, too.”

“I was thinking of me! I can’t see you naked and then look you in the face,” I half-shrieked. I couldn’t tell if he was goofing around with me or if he was serious. He gave me a puzzled look as if he had no clue why I was upset. He was able to hold it for a good minute before he burst out laughing.

“Jesus, you should’ve seen your face, Desi. Come on. I wouldn’t do that. I’d hate for you to lust after me and have no hope of having me,” he tagged on.

Reaching behind me, I snagged the pillow and yanked it free. I proceeded to beat him with it until he surrendered. When I was done, I was flushed and panting from the effort. His hair was messed up, and his face was red.

“Has anyone told you that you have a penchant for violence?” he asked.

“To my face, no. However, my family is composed of bikers and their significant others.”

“Hmm, I should’ve known. Okay, back to Rapturous Ruin. I still think you shouldn’t rule out the possibility that he’ll see you as more than a sister. And how can he kiss you if you’ve had little time alone? I say, create a reason for you to be alone and see what happens. He’s probably afraid to rock the boat since you’re just getting your friendship back on course.”

“Do you think so?” I tried to stamp down my hope he was right.

“I do. Now, for a subject change. I hate doing it, but we need to discuss the move.”

I hadn’t been here much to get things ready to move, and I was finding I was less motivated than before. “What about it?” I played dumb.

He quirked an eyebrow. “You know what. You haven’t helped me go through things to make room for your stuff. We haven’t painted or decorated Shane’s room. Are you reconsidering?”

“Isaiah, I don’t know. I wanted to leave the compound, and you’ve been so supportive of it, but I have been feeling unmotivated lately. I don’t know why.” I was the one whining now.

“Duh, it’s because you’re hoping Ruin will step up and declare himself, and you’ll move in with him.”

“That’s not it. The possibility of that happening is almost nil. We can joke all we want, but he’s not in love with me, nor will he ever be. I promise I’ll get my butt in gear and do my list for the move.”

He studied me, then sighed. “If you insist, but know, if you change your mind, and it’s due to him declaring his undying love, I’ll be alright with it.”

I leaned over and hugged him. “Thanks, you’re the best.”

“I know,” he said as he chuckled in my ear. I squeezed him tighter. Only my arms were more around his neck, so he was in a chokehold. That made me chuckle.

???

I stayed at Isaiah’s place for an hour and a half before I said goodbye. He agreed to come to the compound tomorrow evening. I was still smiling from my night with Konrad and Isaiah when I arrived home. I figured Shane would already be in bed, so no spending time with him, but we’d have most of the weekend.

When I walked into the house, I wasn’t paying attention. What got my attention was passing the living room and seeing Mom, Dad, and Tyson sitting there with frowns on their faces as they stared at me. Instantly, I thought of Shane. I rushed over to them.

“Is Shane alright?”

Their frowns eased. “Honey, he’s fine. He’s asleep. He wore himself out playing with the other kids tonight. Why would you ask that?” Mom asked.

“Because I walk in, and the three of you are sitting there frowning as if something is wrong. What else could it be?”

“It’s Ruin,” Dad said.

My legs grew weak as his words registered, and I stumbled to the couch. Tyson was sitting there. He reached out and helped me. “What happened? Is he hurt? Dead?” I croaked.

“Oh, for God’s sake, we’re scaring her to death—enough of this. No, sweetheart, he’s not dead or hurt, but there was an incident, I guess you’d call it, this evening while you were gone. It’s one you need to take care of,” Mom said decisively.

Relief flooded me. It took several seconds for my brain to start working again. When it did, I had to figure out what they were referring to. “I have to take care of it? What happened? Why me?”

“We think it’s best if Ruin tells you the details. However, know that it almost caused a huge problem. The two of you need to work this out, get on the same page, and inform the rest of us,” Dad told me.

I was confused. Was he referring to our friendship? If so, why would it have caused an incident? Tyson gave me a sympathetic look. Mom gave me an encouraging one, and Dad was still frowning. It didn’t appear I’d get answers from them, so I stood.

“I have no clue what’s going on, but that’s fine. Where is he? At the clubhouse?” It was late, but I wasn’t sure if it was late enough that I ran the risk of seeing those women. If so, and he was there, he’d have to leave with me, or this would need to wait until tomorrow.

“The last time I checked, about thirty minutes ago, he was in his trailer. I can text him,” Tyson offered.

“No, that’s not necessary, Ty. I’ll find him. Just give me five minutes to change, and then I’ll go. Lord, I didn’t expect to come home to a mystery,” I muttered as I left the room. I didn’t waste time changing into jeans and a tee. I slipped on my boots. As I passed the living area, I noted it was empty. Weird.

I decided to walk over rather than drive. It wasn’t that chilly and would help me organize my thoughts for whatever was to come. The lights were on in the clubhouse, and I heard music and voices. It was Friday evening, one of two major party nights. I hesitated to go in when I reached it. After a moment of debate, I skirted the building at the last second and went to the trailer section. His was on the front side closest to the clubhouse. Hazard and Arrow’s places were on the backside next to each other.

There was light coming through the main window of his place, but it might just be that he left it on so he could see when he came home later. Stumbling around in the dark was bad enough sober. If he was drunk or otherwise preoccupied, it might be dangerous. Thinking of why he’d be preoccupied made me want to turn and leave. What if he had someone in there? It was early, but that didn’t mean anything. Whatever happened tonight, surely I couldn’t solve it. Why did my family think I was the answer?

I was twisting around to leave when a voice came out of the darkness. I automatically screamed and put myself in a defensive stance. Since my captivity, the club worked with me to ensure I was able to protect myself. I even had a gun and knew how to use it, but I didn’t have it with me. I never assumed I’d need it within the safety of the compound.

“If you’re looking for Ruin, he’s already inside the clubhouse enjoying the festivities,” Niam said as he stepped out of the darkness.

My gut clenched at the confirmation Ruin was with some woman or women. I straightened and shrugged like it was no big deal. “Whatever. I’ll talk to him tomorrow. You shouldn’t sneak up on people. It might get you more than you bargained for, especially here. Why’re you out here? I would think they need you inside.”

He scowled when I reprimanded him, but it was true about them needing him and getting more than he bargained for. I wasn’t the most badass woman on the compound. For instance, if he did the out-of-the-dark thing with Londyn, Bella, or Shain, he’d end up with broken bones or worse.

“As if a woman can get the best of me.” He snorted. “I’m out here keeping watch. What’re you doing other than panting after Ruin? Isn’t Konrad and that other guy enough? I know what you’re up to.”

My hackles rose at his insinuation. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

“Oh, no, then why—”

“Desi, what’re you doing out here?” Ruin asked from behind me. When I looked back, I found him standing in the open doorway of his trailer. He was barefooted and had a bare chest. The snap on his jeans was undone. I wanted to throw up. He was entertaining.

“Nothing. Goodnight,” I said in a rush, and then I took off. I didn’t run, but I was walking at a fast trot.

“Get back to work, Prospect,” he snapped at Niam. Then I heard him shout, “Desi, come back here. We need to talk.”

I didn’t answer him. I kept going. Tears were in my eyes. I was silly to think Ruin wanted me like a man desired a woman. He was used to women who didn’t have my issues—who were sophisticated and experienced. He probably thought I was a joke. As my self-critical thoughts swamped me, I fell into that dark pit in my mind. The one Adara had worked hard to help me stay out of. I thought I’d conquered those thoughts and insecurities, but I guess not when faced with Ruin.

I could hardly see between the darkness and the tears, which was why I didn’t see the depression in the dirt until I stepped into it. I let out a scream as I fell. I waited for impact, but it never happened. Instead, strong arms wrapped around me, and I was held securely against an even harder body. I gazed up and around in surprise. Staring down at me was Ruin. He was frowning.

“Are you hurt?” he asked.

“I’m fine. Let go.”

He shook his head, and the next thing I knew, I was being swung up into his arms, and he was headed for his trailer. No way was I going in there! “I said I’m fine, Ruin. Put me down. I’m going home. I was out for a walk, that’s all. There’s no need to mess up your evening. I’m tired,” I said inanely, anything to prevent him from taking me in there so I could come face-to-face with whoever did attract him.

“You’re not going anywhere until we talk, so stop struggling and behave.”

I glared at him. “You’re not the boss of me! I’m not a child that you can tell what to do and expect me to do it. I said I wanted to go home. I highly doubt your friend inside tonight wants me busting in on your night.”

This caused him to stumble, but he kept walking. He glanced down at me. “Who do you think is in there with me, Desi?”

“Any number of the women who come here panting after a biker. Maybe it’s the one from a couple of weeks ago. She seemed to be comfortable with you. I don’t know and don’t want to meet whoever it is.”

“Well, you are,” he muttered.

No matter how I squirmed to get away or demanded he let me down, he ignored me, the pigheaded man. I childishly closed my eyes when he walked back into his trailer through the door he left open. He must’ve noticed because he chuckled and then said softly in my ear, “I double dog dare you to look.”

That phrase was the one we’d used on each other. He’d started using it when he found out I hated to back down from being challenged. It was his way to get me past things that scared me. In return, I began to do it to him, too. It had been ages since he’d said it to me. I wasn’t able to resist. I’d see who he was entertaining, then go.

He’d stopped. I cautiously cracked my eyelids open and scanned the area. We were in his small main room. It was empty. I guess she was in the bedroom. “You can put me down. I know how to walk.”

He slowly put my feet on the floor. “Are you sure you didn’t twist your ankle? Let me see it.” He tried gently to push me to sit on his small couch, but I pushed back.

“There’s no need. Ruin, I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I’m tired and want to go home. Go back to whatever you were doing, and I’ll do the same.” I took two steps before he hit me with his verbal hammer.

“And what exactly are you referring to? What you and Niam were arguing about or your date with Konrad earlier?”

I froze. Oh crap, how did he know about me and Konrad? I swallowed, trying to wet my dry mouth. He moved to stand between me and the door. He didn’t look happy, but he also didn’t appear pissed. Instead, it was like he was anxious.

“Konrad?” I asked. It was all I could get out.

“Yes, Konrad, remember him? My Marine friend, a club prospect, the guy who told me nothing about him going out not once but twice with you—that guy. Mind telling me why I had to find out about it by catching the two of you in town? I saw you coming out of Sapori. So did Tyson. I don’t believe your son did, though.”

“I know who Konrad is. What was my son doing in town with you and Tyson?”

“Don’t try to divert this. If you must know, we took him to dinner. Imagine my shock when I see his mom and my friend coming out of a restaurant, acting all chummy. What I want to know is why you hid it and how you feel about him.”

“My feelings about Konrad or anyone else aren’t any of your business. That’s also why I didn’t tell you. I’m an adult, and I can date anyone I want.”

“So let me get this straight. You’re dating Konrad and moving in with Isaiah. If we’re friends, why not tell me? I can tell you if Konrad is a good bet as a boyfriend or not. Although, how does Isaiah stand his girl going out with other men? If it were me, I sure as hell wouldn’t allow it.”

“Oh, for God’s sake, what do you take me for? A slut? A tease? I’m not Isaiah’s girl. We’re great friends, and he offered me and Shane a place to live. There’s nothing sexual between us, and there never has been! As for Konrad, we were worried that you might overreact if you knew. He thought you have overprotective brotherly concerns and wanted to see if we would be more than friends before telling you. See, mystery solved. I think it’s time for me to leave and for you to return to your friend.”

I tried to duck around him, but he caught me. As I wiggled to get loose, the barbarian picked me up and walked me over to the couch. He sat, taking me with him. I landed half-sitting on his lap sideways so he and I could see each other.

“There’s no one here but us. You can check if you want. No woman is waiting in my bed. I’ve been here for two hours contemplating everything I have to say to you and waiting for the time to do it. You coming by was fate.”

“It wasn’t fate. Mom, Dad, and Tyson told me I needed to see you because there was some kind of incident tonight. I was coming to do that, but then I realized it was Friday, and you were probably occupied. I was leaving when Niam came out of the darkness and scared me.” I decided not to mention what he said. It wasn’t important.

He sighed and tilted his head back against the couch. “Fuck, an incident. Yeah, you could call it that, I guess. It was more of a clusterfuck. I’ll be lucky if I don’t get my ass fined or something.”

Concern filled me. I leaned forward. “What happened?”

“Well, let’s see. I almost didn’t listen to the VP and Sergeant-at-Arms. Two other patches were forced to hold on to me. I created a scene and got pulled into church.”

I gasped. “Why?” I couldn’t imagine he’d do anything to jeopardize his standing with the club. He loved it and had wanted nothing more than to join since he was sixteen.

“It all started because I lost my cool and wanted to beat Konrad’s ass for taking you out on a date after I warned him specifically to stay away from you when he got here. I told him you weren’t a woman to play fast and loose with—to keep that play to the hang arounds and the like. Seeing the two of you come out of Sapori together proved he ignored me.”

Instantly, I felt terrible. I caused two friends to fight for no good reason other than to prove to myself that I was moving on and capable of finding someone who wasn’t Ruin. I had to fix this.

“Please, don’t be mad at him. It’s my fault. I was the one who asked him out first.” I saw something flicker over his face, but it was gone too fast for me to figure out what it was.

“He told us that was the case. According to what he said to us, tonight wasn’t a true date. He claimed that you went out as friends.”

“That’s true. We did. Konrad is fun to be with, and I’ve enjoyed the two times we’ve gone out, but I won’t do it anymore. I don’t want you to lose your friendship over something silly like a friend not heeding your boundaries. I can see why a brother might not want his friend and sister dating.” Saying the word sister made my mouth taste bitter.

Ruin shook his head. “Not going out isn’t going to solve my problem, Desi. Saint, Dad, and Executioner told me to get my shit straight. I’ve been here ever since, working out what I need to do to be able to correct this. It all boils down to you.”

“If it doesn’t hinge on Konrad and I not dating, how does it fall to me? I don’t understand.” I was becoming more confused by the second. He wasn’t displaying anger at whatever he was thinking.

“It’s not enough that you and Konrad don’t date, just like it doesn’t matter that you and Isaiah, as hard as it is for me to believe, are nothing more than good friends. I guess I’ve got to believe it because you’re dating other guys while planning to move in with him.”

“Yes, we’re only friends. I would never do that if I were with someone. I thought you knew me better than that,” I chastised him.

“When it comes to you, I can’t think clearly, Des. All I see is you with men hanging around. No matter what he says, Konrad finds you attractive. I don’t know if there’s anyone you have deep feelings for, but I’ve got to ask. Is there a man you desire but, for some reason, you haven’t told him?”

Oh God, how could I answer that? If I said no, it would be an outright lie. If I said there was, it sounded as if he’d keep pushing to know who he was. There was no way I could tell him it was him. From what he told me about how he went after Konrad, his old protective feelings were back. If only they were for a different reason. It sounded terrible that I wanted him to be jealous.

As I struggled to come up with an answer he’d accept and wouldn’t humiliate me, he studied me intently. I wasn’t coming up with anything plausible. As panic engulfed me, he pushed again.

“Tell me, Desi. I can tell from how you’re not answering me that there is someone. Who is he? Is he involved with someone else? Does he return your feelings?”

I almost grasped the lie that it was a man involved with someone else, but then I discarded it. Again, Ruin would insist on knowing who he was. “Ruin, will you drop it? Just leave it at nothing is possible. I won’t date Konrad. We’re friends. That’s all.”

“See, I can’t drop it. I’m going insane here. I’m fighting so goddamn hard not to say this.”

“Say what?”

His hand came up, palmed the back of my neck, and drew me closer to him. His eyes bored into mine. I gulped. His gray eyes were fathomless. He’d let the top of his Marine haircut grow out, leaving his dark brown hair slightly messy but still close-cropped on the sides. The longer it would get, the more waves you’d see. His hair and eyes, along with his tan, lean, muscular body, and lack of facial hair, allowed his sculpted, masculine, beautiful face to shine, unlike most of the guys in the club. Most of them had facial hair or full beards. The addition of tattoos, visible on his bare arms and chest, made it even harder for me to concentrate.

“You need to put clothes on,” I said.

A smirk twisted up his lip. “And why would I need to do that?”

“Because it’s weird to be here with you half undressed. And you need to let me get off your lap,” I added as I attempted to slide off him. His other hand came down to grip my hip. He held me in place.

“Ruin, what’s gotten into you?”

I prayed he couldn’t hear the panic in my voice. My body temperature rose, and I was close to leaning into him and placing my mouth on his. I’d dreamed for so long of what it would be like to kiss him. Desire was making me slick between my legs, and my nipples tingled. Thankfully, I wore a bra, so my hard nubs didn’t show through my top. Suddenly, his fingers bit into my hip and the back of my neck, and then I was yanked closer to his chest.

“You’re what’s gotten into me,” he said gutturally. Then the world stopped turning as he placed his firm lips on mine. I was so shocked by it that I gasped. He took advantage of my open mouth. As he pressed those lips of his to mine, his tongue sought out my tongue and teased it out to play.

After a moment of hesitation, I twined mine around his. They dueled and wrestled between our teeth, scraping along each other’s bottom lips. A soft whimper escaped me. I wasn’t able to hold it in. He let loose with a growl of pleasure. I was drowning in his feel, taste, and scent. I didn’t care if I ever came up for air or food.

What finally broke me partially free of the haze I was in was the fact I found myself straddling his lap, and I was rubbing myself against the bulge pressing between my legs—his stiff erection. Dismay filled me. What did we do?