Rumor Has It (Longwood U)

Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

SPARROW

I’ve spent more time with Xavi and Nemy these past couple weeks than I have this entire year. I don’t think I’m fooling either of them by telling them I’m bored and looking for something to do . Especially not after I admitted I haven’t been back to Rumor in over a month.

The way they exchanged a look had me feeling a little wary, so I’ve avoided any conversation revolving around Rumor or Dak.

I’d love to say I’ve stopped seeing him because that’s the right thing to do, but I can’t. I can’t! I try, but somehow, I always message him as soon as I get back to my place and fuck him as if it’s our last time. Because I always have every intention of it being our last, but fucking hell, I don’t want it to be.

At least I’m relatively good at lying to myself and saying that it’s just good sex. It’s his body I crave. I don’t miss him outside of fucking.

Okay, I’m not good about lying to myself. I’m trying to convince myself this is true, though. It’s been almost two weeks and he’s yet to say why… anything. It’s not my responsibility to pull it out of him. I’m not a babysitter teaching my charge how to manage their emotions.

Dak was very clearly not happy about me going to Rumor, but refused to tell me the truth about how it made him feel. He outright lied about it. Even in a casual fucking arrangement, I’m not down with that.

However, today I have nothing to distract me from wishing Dak would just fucking say something so maybe we can move past this. Xavi is doing something with his husband—gag!—and Nemy has some frat thing that he’s all excited about.

That leaves me wandering around campus. Actually, I’ve been heading toward the café because I’m hungry. Bored-hungry maybe. I glance down at my pants. Nope, they’re still fitting well. Though I should probably make some extra effort to go to the gym to make sure they stay that way.

I pause with the toes of my sneakers hanging over the edge of the sidewalk as I debate whether I want to be a responsible adult and go to the gym to keep healthy and all that shit, or if I should just bored-eat my feelings this afternoon, instead.

Glancing at the gym, I weigh my options. Because I’m weighing shit in my mind, I argue that it’s mental exercise and should count. It has the word ‘weigh’ in it, after all. Let’s be real here; I’m not in the mood to go to the gym.

Turning back toward the café, I remain rooted where I am when I lock eyes with Dak. He sees me the moment my eyes land on him. His lips part, his eyes widen slightly. I can even see how his breathing has changed.

Obviously I can’t walk away and pretend I didn’t see him. I don’t even want to do that. I’m not a dick. But what the fuck am I supposed to say?

Taking a step down from the sidewalk, I look up and down the road. It’s not a well-traveled road. Only campus vehicles use it. Otherwise it’s been shut down for years. Still, I don’t want to get run over by a golf cart or a kid on an electric scooter.

With the way clear, I turn back to Dak and start walking toward him. He does the same. My phone, which only ever seems to ring with Rumor calling, rings. Part of me wants to ignore it, but I answer anyway because I’m not a fan of ignoring phone calls when I know who’s calling.

When I pull my phone out, a quick glance tells me it is most certainly Rumor. I’m a dozen feet away from Dak when I answer.

“Hey,” I say .

“Hey, River. Where have you been?”

“Around,” I answer. Dak’s stopped in front of me now. His eyes are trained on my phone. “What’s up?”

“You busy this weekend? You haven’t been here in a while. We’d love some new footage with you.”

I don’t answer as Dak meets my eyes. There’s a very good chance he can hear Wyatt. He presses his lips together as he stares into my eyes. I can see very clearly that he doesn’t want me to go. It’s confirmed when he subtly shakes his head.

Licking my lips, I say, “Not this weekend. Sorry, man.”

“No worries. If you get bored and change your mind, drop by.”

“Sure. Talk to you later.”

“Later.”

Ending the call, I push my phone back into my pocket without taking my eyes from Dak’s. For a minute, we don’t speak.

“They called you in,” he says. It’s clear he’s trying to sound nonchalant, like it doesn’t bother him.

“Yes.”

He nods—short, tight movements of his head. His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. I sigh and contemplate an excuse to walk away.

“Can you just… not do that?” Dak asks.

For a second, I’m wondering if I said something out loud. Did I say I needed to go?

“Do what?”

“Rumor. Can’t we just fuck exclusively? Safe sex and all that.” I know he added the last part as a means to downplay what he’s feeling, since we do practice safe sex.

“That depends.”

“On what?” he asks.

“Your honesty. I hate being lied to. I despise emotional immaturity. If you can’t tell me how you feel, especially when it involves me, I’m not interested.”

His eyebrows knit together. “Is that what this is about?”

“I’m not sure what ‘this’ is referring to, but sure.”

Dak sighs. “Are you seeing someone else?”

I frown. “I’m not seeing anyone, Dak. I’ve only been fucking you since the first time you let me in your ass.”

His cheeks pinken at my words. “But are you seeing someone else? Do you… like someone else?” I can tell he feels foolish asking. His cheeks darken further and he shifts on his feet.

“No. Why?”

“I’ve seen you several times this past week with the same guy and he’s always really close. Then there’s another guy you’re with a lot.”

“You’re jealous,” I comment, trying not to smile.

Dak huffs, rolling his eyes. “Yes. Is that what you need me to say?”

I grip his chin and bring my face to his. His breath catches. “Yes, Dak. As I just said, I need you to fucking say what you’re feeling. I’m not into playing guessing games or walking on eggshells. You can be a fucking adult and talk to me or we can be done.”

“Why didn’t you say that?” he whispers.

“Because I shouldn’t have to. I’m not your keeper. I’m not here to talk you through how you’re feeling. There comes a point in your life when you have to grow some damn balls and talk about your feelings. I don’t give a fuck what society says about masculinity. I’m not going to be seeing someone who’s emotionally stunted.”

He takes offense to that last part and takes a step back. “Are you seeing them?”

I cross my arms and don’t answer.

Dak sighs. “I didn’t want you to go to Rumor,” he finally admits. “I get that it was just the camera, but they all want to fuck you there. Or to watch you fucking. I… The thought of someone else touching you drives me crazy. And yes, I’m jealous of these other guys you’re always with now.”

“Was that so hard?”

“When I can’t get an actual conversation back, yes,” he snaps.

“I told you it was just camera work. And that’s all it was. I’m not sure if you’ve picked up on the fact that Rumor is all about consent. The second someone says no or stop, or gives any indication at all that they don’t want to continue, it ends. No discussion, no question, nothing. It all stops. So you don’t think for a second that someone was going to make me do something else, do you?”

“Make you—no. But… we hadn’t talked about what we were doing, and what we did say was kind of… casual. I’m cool with casual, but I prefer not to be sleeping with someone who’s also slee ping with a bunch of other guys. Including gay chicken fucking around. Or seeing those pretty boys when things between us are a little… unwell.”

“Seems to me we need to work on some communication,” I say.

“You can start by telling me who they are,” he says. “I just word vomited shit in the middle of the road. Your turn.”

I grin. “The taller one is Xavi. He’s my best friend. He’s also married. The shorter one, who is likely the one you’re referring to since he is much more touchy feely, is Nemy. Nemy isn’t technically related, but he’s family. I’ve known him since he was born. He’s a baby brother and yes, he’s very touchy feely. But it’s not sexual or romantic. That’s just how he is. He presents as touch starved, but really, he just grew up with a lot of cuddles and that’s the world he’s used to.”

Dak takes a breath and nods.

“Feel better?”

“I don’t know,” he admits. “I hate what’s been going on between us.”

“Sex isn’t good for you anymore?”

His cheeks burn. “No, that’s fine. But… everything else. It makes me sick to my stomach.”

I close the distance he’d put between us and pull him against me with an arm around his waist. “I’ve already been fucking you exclusively. I haven’t gone back to Rumor because I’ve only been interested in fucking you. Also, if our sex is just fine , I think we need to talk further.”

Dak laughs quietly, bowing his head. His arms come around me and for a minute, we hug right there in the middle of the street. He’s not concerned with who’s around or watching, which leads me to believe it definitely was the cameras he had an issue with. Then again, his dick isn’t out right now, so it’s not quite the same scenario.

“No, the sex is… incredible. I’m sorry I didn’t say something when they called the first time. I didn’t feel like I had the right to be upset or ask something of you. I thought if I told you I didn’t want you to go, then maybe you’d think I was too clingy or… I don’t know, reading too much into what we were doing.” He snorts. “I thou ght it might push you away and I liked where we were. Seems I had that backwards.”

“You did, but I understand why you thought all of that. So many people like to claim that all they want is casual so yeah, saying something that might sound too invested might end it entirely. Such is the college experience, I guess.”

He nods. “For the record, I think it’s equally immature and stunted to borderline ghost me instead of just saying something,” he says. “You should have just said something.”

“I told you—I shouldn’t have to. It’s not my?—”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dak interrupts. “But part of being an adult and having an adult relationship is talking to the other person when you can quite clearly see they’re going through something or struggling internally. You obviously recognized that.”

I stare at Dak for a minute and strangely, I feel sheepish and stupidly proud of him for calling me out. I’d been so frustrated with his actions but treating him like he was unimportant and dispensable.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

He nods again. “So, you’re cool only fucking me, then? My ass is enough for you?”

I grin, dropping my hand to his ass and squeezing it. He shivers against me, his fingers digging into my back. “Yes. I’m slightly obsessed with your ass.”

Dak turns his face into my neck. “Good. I’m slightly obsessed with your dick in my ass.”

“Yeah? Because I think we should talk about that too.”

“What about it?”

“I’m not entirely convinced you’re all that into bottoming. I’ve been with enough guys to know when they’re into it, and you’re really not. At least, not until we’re nearly done.”

I can feel his smile. “If I tell you this, you can’t immediately jump to conclusions.”

“You’re making me wary.”

“I don’t actually care for penetration. I don’t hate it, but I could do without it. What I’m into is how good you feel. Or maybe, how good I make you feel. How good you feel when you take pleasure from me. I’m not sure I’m getting these words right. ”

“You like me taking pleasure from you.”

“Yes. It’s far more arousing than a dick in my ass.”

I grin. “Is it?”

He nods. Dak picks his head up and looks at me, meeting my eyes. “So I don’t want to stop. But in an effort to maintain honesty, I’m telling you how I feel about it. I don’t feel as good as you do when we’re fucking from the actual act itself. It’s how turned on you are, knowing that I’m the reason, that’s what gets me off.”

“You have no idea how much you truly turn me on, Dak.”

His smile is shy. I brush my finger over his lips, feeling how smooth and pouty they are.

“I still need you to promise me you’re not going to let me hurt you, even if you like how turned on I am. Okay? You can get hurt and it’s not pleasant.”

“Yes, I’ll tell you. Promise. I want to really emphasize that I don’t hate the act either. I just don’t get into it in the same way you do. Or… maybe how others who bottom do. I don’t care what you’re doing to me, if it makes you feel good, I want to do it. You feeling good is what makes me feel good.”

“There’s a term for that.”

“Let’s not go there. One thing at a time.”

Grinning, I wrap my arms around him and watch the world around us. No one pays us any attention, since Longwood is a relatively progressive school when it comes to inclusivity. There is no one glaring or staring at us as there wouldn’t be with any other couple, regardless of which genders are involved. We may as well not be there.

It’s not a movement like Rainbow Dorset. This is a much quieter presence. Also quite a bit further from home, which I appreciate more than the quiet inclusivity. I compare the two schools as islands. Rainbow Dorset is the Isle of Kala—it is made for the LGBTQIA+ community. A complete and total safe place. A world just for them where there is no judgment or bigotry.

Longwood is a much more ambivalent form of Kala. The level of inclusivity isn’t nearly as high, but it’s still all around us without the message being screamed everywhere you look. Longwood University is what the world should look like. Everyone is free to love who they love without getting looked at weirdly, sneered at or even loudly praised. Everyone is the same here. So there’s no reason to look.

I hold Dak a little tighter, loving the campus a little more for allowing us to be just another random couple on the street that no one looks twice at. In this moment, I also realize how much I missed Dak. I missed holding him and feeling his heartbeat against mine.

And that I’m still hungry. My stomach growls and Dak laughs. Perhaps it wasn’t just bored-hunger after all.

“Want to get something to eat?” I ask. “There’s a chance some weird monster in my stomach may break out if I don’t feed it.”

He chuckles. “Yeah. I was heading for food too.”

“Oh, good. Our feeding cycles have synced. This will make breeding far easier.”

Dak’s cheeks redden as he turns away. “Fuck’s sake,” he mutters. I grin hugely.