Rumor Has It (Longwood U)

Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20

DAK

The day I officially fall for Sparrow is gray and gloomy, threatening rain. I have afternoon classes and he walks me to class. I’m not sure why, but I’m positive with every single step, I’m a little more into him. Which I find quite remarkable since I’d obviously been into him from afar for months, then for months while we were fucking.

But I think the moment that truly does it for me is when he stops in the door with his hand on my hip and kisses me. He says, “Enjoy class, Risk. I’ll see you after.”

It makes my stomach dance and my breath catch. Because I’m feeling all kinds of emotions, I can only smile and turn into the room.

The last few days have been amazing. The chasm that had been opening between us has almost entirely closed, and I have Sparrow’s entire attention. Though I wasn’t convinced the sex could get better, I was wrong. I don’t know what happened, but it’s fantastic. I can still think that even as I shift uncomfortably in my seat because my ass is definitely sore today.

There have been two things I’ve concentrated on when Sparrow and I aren’t together. The first is taking my diet into consideration so I won’t have bedroom accidents. I accidentally came across a reel in my ShareIt feed that was talking about bottoming mishaps and it gave me nightmares. Honestly, I’ve been stupidly lucky up to this point.

So while it’s only been a few days, I’ve read a lot of articles. Not just from dieticians, but from actual gay men who bottom often. While I understand people who go to school for nutrition may be experts on bowels and the human body, it’s the experience of bottoms that’s really important. Understanding how to keep a healthy gut and a predictable cycle.

I’ve found it amusing that as a kid, boys are always laughing and finding poop funny and here I am, twenty-years-old, and still looking up poop. How my life has come full circle.

The other thing I’ve been looking into is this mysterious word or phrase that defines my particular arousal during sex. Namely, how it’s not the act itself that truly gets me off, but the pleasure Sparrow takes from me.

However, I fell down a rabbit hole that had nothing to do with what I was looking for, and instead have been obsessively reading about blanket consent and free use play. At first, I was just reading out of curiosity. The different directions I found myself going in as I clicked links to terms I didn’t understand had my head spinning, but eventually, I landed on free use and… couldn’t look away.

As I read, I was reminded of the time he had me follow him at the hockey game and we got off in a closet. While they were just blowjobs and there’s a whole lot of sexier things we’ve done, it’s by far one of my most arousing memories. Because he wanted me then and there and took it.

I don’t plan to do anything with this information, but the more I read, the more into it I am. It would be irresponsible to get involved in this now, or even bring it up with Sparrow because according to everything I’ve read—and I tend to agree—we simply don’t know each other well enough.

My mind wanders between both things and I wonder how it would work to be offered up as free use for Sparrow. Like… how can I make sure I don’t have some uncomfortable and disgusting accidents when he has access to my ass all the time? At his whim.

Not going to lie—the idea alone has my dick very interested.

I’m startled out of my thoughts at the end of class. Gathering up my belongings and stuffing them in my bag, I head for the door. Had I not fallen for Sparrow when he walked me to class, I have now. Completely and totally. He’s standing across from the door with a to-go hot beverage cup and an umbrella in his hands.

It’s not just my stomach that dances, but my chest warms and tightens so much that I can’t take a breath. He smiles as I go toward him and offers me the drink.

“Hi,” he says and kisses my forehead. My forehead! I had no idea how much that simple gesture makes my insides flutter. “Good class?”

I can only stare at him. I’m not ready to fall in love. But fuck me, I think it’s too late.

Sparrow’s smile softens and he tilts his head. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I say breathlessly. “Thank you.” I hold up the drink and then take a sip. Thankfully, it’s not coffee. I don’t say it out loud because Americans have a sick coffee addiction and they get especially offended if you say you don’t like coffee. Somehow, Sparrow must have noticed I don’t drink it, and he got me hot chocolate.

His smile widens again and he gestures for the exit. It’s not pouring, but it is drizzling enough to be annoying. As soon as we step outside, Sparrow opens the umbrella over our heads and then rests his hand along my lower back under my backpack to keep me close.

My heart races.

“Where to?” he asks.

“I was going to drop my bag off in my dorm, then head to your place. But we can do whatever.”

“Lead the way.”

We’re quiet as we walk through campus. Just as we step under the awning to Champlain Hall, the sky opens up. Sparrow chuckles. “Good thing your class doesn’t dismiss any later,” he muses. “I’m not sure a flimsy umbrella could handle this kind of abuse.”

“No,” I agree. “It’s making it unusually chilly too.”

Sparrow nudges my arm gently. “That’s why I brought the hot chocolate.”

I smile, bowing my head a little so he can’t see how much that tiny gesture means. After pulling out my ID, I scan the barcode and let us into the building. My dorm is on the second floor. It’s early in the afternoon, so I’m not expecting anyone to be here. Imagine my disappointment when I open the door to find Stephen sitting at the kitchen counter just inside the door.

He gives me a neutral scowl—a term I’ve coined because his face is always pinched into a scowl, but sometimes like right now, it’s not hostile or belligerent. Then his gaze locks behind me on Sparrow. I’m not sure if he recognizes Sparrow, but considering the way his eyes widen, I have to assume he does.

I glance back at Sparrow, who spares Stephen nothing more than a glance. Call me an asshole, but I take some satisfaction in that.

Without a word, I push open my bedroom door and wouldn’t you know, Ezlo is also home. He’s sitting on the beanbag chair with a video game controller in his hands, headphones on. His gaze flickers to mine and he offers me a wide grin.

Until he sees Sparrow and that smile almost splits his face. I sigh, already anticipating some questions. Shutting the door behind me, I set my bag on my desk as Ezlo says into his headset that he’ll be right back.

Then he swivels in his chair and looks at us. “This is Sparrow,” I introduce. “My roommate Ezlo.”

“Hellooo,” Ezlo says, drawing the word out. I don’t miss the flirty tone, nor do I miss the fact that jealousy immediately claws at my stomach.

“Hello,” Sparrow returns, an amused half smile on his pretty lips as he looks at Ezlo.

“Why are you here?” I ask.

Ezlo shrugs, now twisting back and forth in his chair. The man rarely sits still. “Class was canceled, so here I am.”

“Ah. Well, I’m going to head out for a bit. I’ll see you later.”

“Kay,” he answers, turning a grin on Sparrow. “Nice to meet you, Sparrow. Hopefully I’ll see you around more often.”

Sparrow smirks. “You too, Ezlo.” He opens the door and waits for me to lead the way.

Stephen is right where he was, his gaze once more locked on Sparrow. This time, Sparrow doesn’t even look at him. Something that Stephen hates. He purses his lips as he glares at me on the way out .

Once outside, we follow the sidewalk under the awning. The rain has mostly stopped.

“So that’s Stephen, huh?”

I chuckle. “Yep. Did you feel his animosity? It’s like a radioactive glow.”

Sparrow laughs. “Yes. I did.”

“I think he recognized you from somewhere. Do you share a class with him?”

He shakes his head. “Nope. So either from campus or he’s found me on Rumor’s pay per view site.”

I cringe. “Oh god, I hope not. That means there’s a chance he’s seen me too.”

Sparrow winks.

We don’t get too far before my phone buzzes. I pull it out of my pocket to find a text from Ezlo already. I nearly don’t answer it, but the little preview says ‘Stephen will probably…’ before trailing off.

Curiosity makes me tap it.

Ezlo

Stephen will probably be in a ripe mood when you get back. Just a warning.

Sighing, I glance at Sparrow. “This is going to be good.” Sparrow glances at my phone and then raises an eyebrow. I hit the call button. As soon as Ezlo answers, I ask, “What happened?”

“Dipshit threw open our door and demanded to know what you’re doing with a gay man. He nearly shit himself when I jumped to my feet and shoved him out of our room while yelling at him never to step into my space without permission or I’ll knock his fucking teeth out.”

“Ohh. Did he piss himself? Please tell me he did.” Ezlo never yells. I can count the times on one hand that I’ve seen him angry and less times than that when I’ve seen him angry enough to yell. He’s mild-mannered, happy, fun, and a whole lot of off-the-walls. So if he actually yelled at Stephen… I’m almost disappointed I missed it.

“Dunno. I slammed our door shut in his face.”

I laugh. “Thanks for the warning. ”

“Sure, sure. Have fun.” He ends the call before I have a chance to respond.

“He knows you’re gay at least.”

“Most gay guys recognize each other. We joke about gaydar and all, but we tend to see a part of ourselves in each other, so I’m not surprised.”

“Good to know. Is this gaydar something you grow into or…?”

Sparrow laughs. A quiet minute goes by as we walk through campus. “You haven’t told Ezlo that you’re fucking a man, have you?”

My cheeks heat. “No.”

“Why?”

“Have you told your friends?”

“Need I remind you again that I’m gay?” he asks, amused. “They know I fuck men.”

I roll my eyes.

“But yes,” he admits, surprising me. “They’re nosy and invasive and wouldn’t shut up if I didn’t tell them.” His tone is mockingly annoyed, but I can tell by the fond smile that he’s not at all bothered by it. “Actually, Xavi’s known all along because this flight risk kept having me called in and then running without getting me off.”

I know he’s teasing, but I flinch anyway. His arm wraps around my waist.

“He’s always found Rumor fascinating, so yes, we’ve talked about you. And Xavi likes to see Nemy get all riled up when they’re both around. Xavi always hints just enough to get Nemy hounding me to talk about whatever it is Xavi’s on about. It works every time.”

“They know that… you’re only fucking me now?” I ask.

Sparrow nods. His hand on my hip squeezes gently.

Taking a breath, I repeat, “No, I haven’t told Ezlo because… I don’t know. If anyone is going to be indifferent about it, it’ll be him. I doubt he even realized you’re a guy. That’s not how his brain is wired. Maybe that’s why I haven’t told him, as weird as that sounds.”

“You don’t think he realized I’m a guy?” Sparrow asks. “I’m not necessarily wearing gender neutral clothing.”

“I would bet nearly anything that if I called him up and said, ‘hey, the person I just introduced you to—Sparrow?—were they a guy or girl?’ he’d have no fucking idea. If he guessed at all, it would be a complete guess. Sometimes he uses names to give him a hint of gender when I test him, but yours isn’t a traditional name and not one that’s assigned a gender, so to speak. Neither is River, so he’d have no idea.”

“That’s wild. Also, I freaking love that.”

I grin. “Growing up it was confusing as fuck having a conversation with him. But I’ve definitely come to appreciate that about him.”

He hums in agreement.

“And… the only other person I actually tell things to is Edin. But Edin has like real, big shit going on in his life and, not that this is a burden, but I don’t want to take away from the enormity of what he’s going through with something that feels so much less significant. I worry about him. A lot. And bringing up that I maybe might be into fucking a guy now feels like it takes away from what’s going on in his life. Everything in mine feels so small in comparison when there are people who have much bigger things going on.”

“You’re vague on purpose,” Sparrow notes.

I sigh. “He fucked up in high school and his parents’ version of teaching him a lesson has made him a shell of a person since.”

“That doesn’t clear it up.”

“I know. Sorry. It feels weird sharing his business.”

“That’s cool. Definitely respect his privacy. But maybe you should help him to understand he’s the only one who can change his situation. Maybe he should.”

“I have. The thing is, I understand the reasons he doesn’t. I even agree with his evaluation of the situation as someone who only hears what’s going on most of the time instead of sees it. And I don’t mean ‘hears’ in that he tells me. I mean I can actually hear it when I call. I think there’s a part of him that maybe agrees with his punishment. He fucked up. He was careless and reckless and therefore he’s not allowed to be happy.”

Sparrow frowns.

“Anyway,” I say, shaking my head, “So yeah. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to talk to Edin about you. It’s just that I feel like everything I’m going through, even if it feels big to me, doesn’t touch what he’s dealing with. And I just don’t want to burden him to think about my shit when I know he’s already reached capacity with his own.”

“Two things. One—that’s bullshit. What you feel is just as important as what anyone else feels, regardless of what they’re going through. Don’t minimize your own feelings and mental health. Two—consider that you’re thinking about this backwards. Sometimes when someone’s overwhelmed, they need to talk about literally anything else. And if you’re good friends, what’s important and big to you is probably something that he’ll take great pleasure in listening to. Not only because you’re important to him, but because it will give him something else to think about and give him a moment, even a short one, to give him a break from his situation. Even ten minutes of mentally removing himself from his current situation can be enormous.”

“I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Impress upon him that he creates his own destiny. If he’s unhappy, only he has the ability to change his life.”

Sighing, I nod. “Yeah. I’ve tried for the last couple years. Since he turned eighteen.” I shake my head. “But something needs to change. I fear for the moment he actually reaches a breaking point.”

That fear clutches at my chest and brings tears to my eyes.