Run From Me (Barbed Wire Hearts #2)

6. Calliope

SIX

calliope

His words woke me the hell up from whatever this new liquid courage was. I was attracted to the giant prick.

The breaths I took shuddered against a tightening in my chest.

Attracted? Yes. That was obvious. But something else I didn’t want to think about tried to cloud every rule I tried to live by.

Keep your head low.

Want nothing.

Piss off anything that walked.

Finally, my breathing was a bit easier for the next second.

What the hell had he just said?

“Take me home?”

He was confusing, and if I were smart, I’d be afraid of him and the gun that was pretty clear under his jacket.

Rule three coming right up. Not because it was ever a smart rule, it was just the one my brain seemed to like to hide all the pain through.

“No.” That was all I could muster. I didn’t want to go home.

I glared at him and threw a finger against those hard pecs that I’d pretend weren’t just one more perk of all that was Xander.

“I. Can’t. Go. Home.”

He didn’t seem to catch the waver in my stupid voice. Where was all that liquid courage? Other than just sitting in my stomach making me regret the cocktail of whatever had been in reach. I couldn’t go home. But why? What could I tell him that would hide all my shit.

I grabbed his shirt in my fist and fought the urge to pull him against me.

“I was supposed to go back to the morgue, but I can’t. Not like this.”

I didn’t actually know what to say. I’d call in sick if I had to. No one had called with a dead body anyway.

“But no one needs me there either. No one’s died. Yet.”

I threw that little dig in but couldn’t read his fucking blank face.

“Yet?”

I shrugged and folded my arms under my chest like showing more cleavage might get me what I wanted. And what the fuck did I want? Apparently, I really wanted to push buttons or, rather, just his.

“Yeah. Yet. Ever hear of a woman scorned? Want to test the theory out?”

I gasped when his fingers reached out and dug into my hip in a way that should have only brought pain, but instead the strength of those fingers and the edge of pain had me wet and getting more irritated that he didn’t seem to want me.

My shadows seemed to want to rear their ugly heads now. Did I really want him or was it just that I wanted what Rylee had? Is it that I was so starved of love and affection this just seemed convenient?

A little yes. A lot was that there was something about this guy that pushed my buttons more than I’d ever get to his. And I hated it.

The music, the lights? There was no reason I couldn’t look away from him, but a flash of weeks ago made something all too clear. I’d seen him even before I’d known Rylee’s dirty little secret. I’d been pulled to him before I’d ever seen Rylee’s luck. I needed to shake out of this.

It didn’t matter that something about him screamed home to me. Regardless of anything my broken soul screamed. I couldn’t have him.

I blew a curl out of my face. I guess I was as sober as I could be. A few more hours and my shift was over. Was it safer to go to the morgue? Would Ripple just be waiting? Did it matter if I was a few drinks in for either of those things?

My job was the one thing keeping me alive. Giving me a use to the Vipers. I could access a lot of bodies and official reports that they otherwise didn’t have the ability to get their dirty hands on.

But just because I was useful alive didn’t mean Ripple or any number of assholes didn’t terrorize me. When would Ripple’s patience with me saying no run out? When would the boss turn a blind eye and not care much about my mental health?

Mental health was a joke though, wasn’t it?

Xander’s grip wasn’t lessening, and why did it feel like he cared more than nothing? The Vipers didn’t care, and that is why I’d started my little Honey Badger box. If they didn’t give a fuck, I could also not give a fuck.

I righted my dress.

“Fine. Off to the morgue, Jeeves.”

I took a step, but his grip didn’t release me and I had to stop.

“I’m not dropping you back at the morgue. Not alone. You’re drunk.”

I shook my head. “No. Tipsy. Give me some coffee, and I’ll be right as rain. The dead don’t really judge, anyway.”

I took another step and sucked in air that smelled a whole like Xander.

Yeah. I was right as rain. Right as rain if that meant my panties were drenched and I let the shots go straight to my head. Fucking hell. How desperate was I to be wanted that I just latched onto the bigger, badder gang leader? I wasn’t stupid. Most women weren’t a reason to start a gang war, but most women didn’t come with the ability to control the city morgue. I was playing with fire.

My heart needed to slow itself down. Sure, I could lie to myself and say the organ was playing some insane drumbeat solo out of the stress of having to spend another damn night in my less than safe apartment. But really? This was all such a bad damn idea.

Where did the night start going wrong?

Probably about the time I asked a Spector to be my date without saying those exact words.

I’d said favor. A favor for a favor.

The heat burning low in my belly slowly dissipated as I doused my libido with reality.

I had asked him for a favor and it was clear that it wasn’t a date to him. But hell. He’d said yes. He’d taken me.

He wasn’t stupid, though. I was bad news to get involved with.

“Cali, I’m not taking you back to the morgue. God knows if Ripple is planning to go back, and this late at night? Doubtful you’ll have a whole lot of police action to protect you. Let me take you home.”

Home.

I couldn’t tell him that I’d been falling asleep in a twenty-four-hour pancake house just to be around other people.

“Sure. Home.”

I tried to rip his hand off my hip, no longer letting myself enjoy the feeling.

“Or I can just go work on the mayor. That would be helpful for you, wouldn’t it?”

He shrugged.

“It can wait. Maybe we get you water and stay for the cake.”

He backed away from me, and I distractedly smoothed out my dress, making sure it covered my ass.

Xander wanted to just take me home. But I had enough sense to know that, after the little show with Ripple tonight, nothing was likely to be safe. Instead of letting those little sad feeling pop up, I popped off.

“Sure. Whatever. Either way, I am not going home. I can find somewhere to sleep. Maybe we take you to a clinic and see about the little issue with you getting it up and all.”

I patted his chest and enjoyed the way his fingers flexed against me.

So many things I didn’t do out of self-preservation.

Get drunk? Not anymore. I had to watch my back.

Sleep soundly? Maybe that was part of my insanity. I never slept at night. One too many Vipers had come knocking, and sometimes they got in.

And here I went, just skipping my ass into a summoning circle of my darkest desires and then telling the devil himself he couldn’t get it up.

It was time to skip for real, out of the dark corner.

I placed a quick kiss on his cheek, hoping to catch him off guard so I could slip away.

“Let’s go get that cake.”

I pushed past his massive body and swore I saw him adjust his junk. Bastard’s own fault. I’d just thrown myself at him and he put the brakes on. Fuck him.

He should have been on the do-not-touch list, anyway. Maybe my attitude should be in check more. Then again, that would imply I had something to lose, and we’d already established I didn’t.

The DJ’s voice echoed, and I turned to listen. At least it cut off any more argument from Xander.

Or so I thought. I felt the heat of him as he pressed against my backside. I knew it was him even though I shouldn’t be this aware of him. But, hell, I was.

I fought to keep myself from leaning my head back into him the moment I sidled into the warm breath against my neck. His fingers sent a shiver down my spine as he swept a few strands of hair aside.

“Sparky, do not taunt me. You have no idea. When I take you, I will own you.”

My breath caught. Maybe I shouldn’t go around poking sharks.

He didn’t say anything else, but he didn’t back away from me either. Instead, all the bodies in the room turned toward a table with a cake and Rylee and Cas standing there. It all seemed so normal in here.

The DJ commanded the room as he brought our attention to the reason for being here. His Spector tattoo was obvious on his neck as he talked into the mic. One more reminder Rylee’s world couldn’t ever be mine.

“Alright, family, it’s time for the boss and the new lady boss to cut the cake. Head over to the cake table to cut into one of Miss Winnie’s creations.”

Family. My eyes burned. The Vipers weren’t like this, not even a little bit. Maybe that was the issue. We’d walked into the gallery and there was no tension. Danger? I mean, the tattoos reminded me that this wasn’t home. Plenty of the guys and some girls had jackets on with the Spector emblem, and plenty more didn’t bother concealing weapons, but with the danger there was laughter, and that might have been what I was drunk on without even having thought much of it.

Everyone was heading away from the dance floor, and I couldn’t follow. I should follow. Rylee had invited me. I was supposed to be here. Except I shouldn’t be.

I took a step back, but Xander’s warm body stopped me.

“You scared of cake now, Sparky?” Xander teased.

I tipped my head back to look up at him.

“I’m not hungry. I’ll catch a ride share and text you about the mayor.”

I tried to roll out of his way by sidestepping, but his hand gripped my upper arm.

“You’ll go back to the morgue over my dead body. Not tonight. I’m sure Rylee will be looking for you.”

Try as I might, he wasn’t letting go, and the second I cast my gaze elsewhere, his fingers were on my chin, pulling my attention back to him.

“You might hate me, but I assure you you’d hate me more tomorrow. I need information you can get me. I am not using you like that. Not when you would never know if I’d fucked you for the Spector’s or for myself.”

What? Using me?

“Aren’t you all using me, anyway? Might as well fuck me so I can at least walk away with some kind of satisfaction. Now I don’t even have that. Gee thanks.”

Hide behind the sarcasm. I could do that.

“You just called me flaccid, but I have a feeling if you thought I wasn’t interested?—”

He cut himself off, and one of his hands slid down my arm and grabbed mine, bringing my palm flush against his crotch.

I turned my eyes up at him, trying to make sure he could see all that practiced attitude I was great at masking with.

“Guess I won’t find out either way. But I’ll assume that’s just a gun in your pocket. God forbid I spread a rumor you were happy to see me.”

There was a stalemate for a moment as he seemed to study me, and then he did something I didn’t expect.

“I’ve been sporting this since the second I saw you elbows deep in that old guy. But tell me something. Without those drinks, would have kissed me? Tell me the truth about this one thing.” He paused and pulled me against his body, reminding me just how damn close I’d been to getting to feel all that muscle.

My eyes had probably flicked down to his zipper a few too many times since seeing him. I just wasn’t admitting that. I wasn’t admitting that he was walking sex, and I was a desert of denied pleasure.

Getting someone killed just for dating them would do that to a girl. That was one unintended consequence. Making it clear my happiness was expendable and my life was only valuable until they got to the next coroner.

“Cali, are you listening to me?” he asked, forcing my chin a little higher, forcing me to look him in the eyes. “I won’t touch you if you don’t come to me willingly. No drugs. No alcohol. Nothing but you.”

I smirked, because that was just a little too much gentleman.

“Right. All righteous now? How many people have you killed? And yet here you are, the picture of virtue? It’s fine. You don’t want my pussy? I’m sure I can find someone else to shack up with. Anything is better than retiring back to a Viper infested apartment.”

I was a bitch. I knew I was a bitch. It was the only way I could survive. I would lie all I needed to. I would tell myself that I hurt the same as anyone else.

Could tell myself this hurt because I just wanted to not go home and I’d lost that chance because he was on his high horse. But really? Ever since I’d seen him in that cesspool of a house, I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

I just wasn’t going to tell him that.

“Now, which one of these guys do you think would make for a good, quick fuck?”

I didn’t actually get an answer, because the next sight I saw was his ass as he tossed me over his shoulder and stormed out of the building.