Scars and Burns (No Light Without the Dark #1)

15. Dinalia

15

Dinalia

I sneak the cub back to my chambers through my Mother’s garden. My chambers are isolated away from everyone else’s. My Mother’s and sister’s rooms are in the same wing, while the King’s are adjacent. Mine happen to be on the completely other end of the castle, where the guests are. If the King were to ever host.

I place the slumbering cub on my bed. Feeding the fire that is always little in my room, due to my constant chill.

I’ve only had a chance to remove my jacket when there’s a knock at my doors.

Odd. No one ever comes to my chambers except the servants. And it’s far too late in the evening for them to still have work to tend to. I make my way over to the door. Surprised to open it and find my Mother standing there. She usually spends her evenings with the King or alone in her study.

Of course, the day I decide to do something new and try to make a friend I have company.

She can tell by the look on my face I am taken back. Giving me a similar look of confusion. “May I come in?”, she asks.

Still stunned that I have someone in my room other than servants. Not to mention I have a lynx cub sitting on my bed. I stutter, “Ye - Yes, of course. Sorry.”

“Why are you sorry, my little light? These are your chambers.”

“You just so rarely come here, to this side of the castle, I mean. It’s not appropriate, as you are Queen.”

Walking in she heads straight to my balcony that looks out to the forest. I have a perfect view across, seeing into both the Celestial Realm and Shadowlands. Similar to my favorite spot in the forest’s view.

“It’s not appropriate for me to spend time in the kitchens baking with you and Cookie either. Nor you for that matter. As you still are the King’s ward and a titled Lady. But we tend to find those small items in life that bring us joy and hold on to them don’t we.”

I glance over at the cub on my bed. Knowing that’s exactly what I’ve done with them.

I make my way onto the balcony with her. Something is wrong. I can tell.

“Mother, is everything alright?”

I know things have been tense for years for her. King Elio and her continue to argue about Saphrina. Her magic is not nearly developed as it should be, even though she bears a complete mark of our Goddess. King Elio is certain Princess Saphrina is the one said to be blessed by the Goddess from her prophecy. He craves power. That is why he betrothed Saphrina to Prince Proteus of the Celestial Realm. Believing their union would be enough to destroy the Shadowlands once and for all.

She looks at me with love and sorrow. The last time she looked at me like this was in the Celestial Realm. After King Elio had agreed to take me in even with my miscellaneous lineage.

Looking back out to the horizon. She takes a deep breath and says, “Things are about to change my little light. I fear Saphrina’s magic will never develop to the level the King believes she is destined for. The Goddess’s Prophecy is fickle.”

I stare at her confused. I’ve never truly spoken to her about the Goddess’s Prophecy. I’ve heard everyone mention it before but I’ve never once wondered what it was.

Until now.

“Mother, what is the Goddess’s Prophecy”

She smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “You’ve never asked me about the Goddess’s Prophecy before. Why is that?”

I think for a second. I don’t really know why I’ve never asked her about it before. I’ve always been irrelevant. I know my Mother loves me but she’s had so much on her plate since coming here. Why would I riddle her with questions about a prophecy that has nothing to do with me?

“I don’t know. I never thought I had anything to do with it. Nor it with me. I suppose it never crossed my mind to ask, to wonder, or even care.”

She looks at me, “How is your Goddess mark?”

Umm, okay. Why would my Mother be asking me about that?

“It’s fine. I suppose.”

When my goddess mark first revealed itself it was on my right wrist. A single crescent moon. Nothing special really. However, as I’ve grown and developed it has transformed into two crescent moons back to back.

“Why do you ask?”

She turns from me. Walking back into my room toward my bed. My breath catches as she looks down at the cub still fast asleep.

Careful not to disturb them. She sits down and looks up at me and says, “You healed life today.”

I walk into the room stunned. Pondering on what my Mother just said. It’s not possible. Only the most powerful magic wielders can heal. I’ve seen my Mother do it in her garden. Not only has she healed life but she’s nourished it. Growing and developing each plant. I’ve tried for years to do what she does. I haven’t ever even been able to expand the life that is already there, let alone heal life. Also the lynx wasn’t injured when I found it.

“No… no, I didn’t heal anything. The cub was lost and alone. Scared perhaps but not physically injured. I’ve never possessed such power. I’ve tried Mom. I really have but I can’t do what you do. But I didn’t try to heal the cub. I didn’t have to heal them.”

She motions for me to sit beside her. I do. Also careful not to disturb the little ball of fur that’s made its way to the middle of the gigantic bed.

My Mother takes my hands in hers. Looking at me with the most light I have ever seen in her eyes. “You did so much more than heal an external wound.”

Shaking my head, “Mother, I don’t understand. What are you…”

“You healed its soul.” She says cutting me off. I just stare at her.

“Is that even possible?” I ask.

She nods and hums, “For you it is. One’s soul can be wounded and injured just as much as their bodies. If anything the soul is more precious. For a soul can be broken, shattered, and torn while the body keeps going. A wound no one else can see.”

“I don’t understand. I’ve never possessed such power before. Why now?” I ask, looking down to my Goddess mark and… it’s gone !

What?!

How can this be? My mark it’s gone but my Mom just said I had new abilities. Searching my arms and legs. I freeze when I find it. It’s poking out of the collar of my ‘V’ neck tunic. Its lines are solid and as black as my hair. But that’s not what shocked me. My mark has always been a solid line and dark. It’s the addition of a full moon. It’s a complete goddess mark. Its location is slightly exposed. The top of it is clear on my sternum where anyone would no doubt see it. On full display with any neckline. But the bottom is dipping in between my breasts. Far lower than anyone should look.

I exhale, “Mother, I don’t understand.”

She places a hand on the side of my cheek. I lean into it.

“You do my little light. For your soul has been torn since that night. I know you do not sleep well. I know you prefer to be alone which is why you spend most of your time in the forests. But being alone and feeling alone are two separate things. You fear the darkness that has taken root in your soul after you made your first kill. The release you felt when death came. You embraced it. Wanting that release for yourself more times than you can remember.”

I’m looking down at my hands and my eyes shoot straight to hers as she says that. I told my Mother about the release I felt when I was two and ten. I didn’t realize she would remember it all these years later. Nor did I realize she knew my desire for death. Keeping those dark thoughts to myself. My curiosity in it. My need for it some days. My want for it others. But never being brave enough to give it to myself.

“But you never gave in. You followed the light and defied the darkest parts of yourself. And in doing so you saw straight through to this little cub’s soul and saved it. You brought light and life back to them. You healed their soul.”

I am flabbergasted. Not knowing what to say. I just stay silent. My Mother has always had a sort of wisdom to her. She always seems to know something I don’t. Always knowing the right thing to say. Bringing me guidance and being the light I followed through the years. She is the reason I haven’t given into the darkness within me. She’s always understood me. And based on what she’s just said. She’s understood me far more than I realized. Knowing more of me than I even thought I allowed her to. I don’t know who I’d be without her. I don’t know where I’d be without her. She loves me in a way only a Mother can.

But once again as if she can read my mind. She continues,“You believe no one will love or accept you for it. But one will. One soul will co-exist with your own. Their mark will match yours. You’ll know who when the time is right. ”

That can only mean one thing. A mate. A fated mate. Blessed and destined by the Tipple Goddess.

Mates are known to have identical Goddess Marks. Their souls completing one another’s. Existing in perfect harmony.

“Mother, no, mates are rare and only given by the Goddess to extraordinary Fae.”

I shake my head. Pulling away from her. Standing and walking over to the fire. Fiddling with my hands. It illuminates my face. I watch the flames swirl in a frenzy. Red and orange spiraling around each other. The same colors of the Middle Kingdom for the light of the sun, to symbolize life. At its center, I focus on the small spark of blue where the flames burn the hottest.

I can feel her eyes on me. As she says, “And you do not think you are an extraordinary Fae?”

Sighing, I drop my hands and turn to her before saying, “No, I don’t. How would I even know if I was? I’ve spent most of my life trying to discover who I am in this castle. A castle filled with people who would rather see me gone. People who look down on me with absolute disgust and disdain. People, who I am sure, would love to see me dead for my mixed blood!” My voice rises as I begin to let out these thoughts and feelings for the first time out loud. “I am a disgrace, Mom! I am a killer. I am someone who killed another person for the first time when I was only five. And I’ve longed to kill again ever since!” I’m screaming at this point. “I am the great King of the Middle Kingdom’s ward that he didn’t even want. How could I possibly be blessed by the Goddess as an extraordinary Fae? Let alone be blessed with a mate?”

She stands and walks over to me. Giving me a hug.

How is she giving me a hug after I just screamed at her? Literally letting all of my pent up rage out on my sweet Mother who is and always will be nothing but kind.

She strokes my hair. Pulling away, bringing the braid over my shoulder.

“Do not fret my little light. So much has yet to be seen but much has been foretold.”

I stare at her. Mouth open. She’s said these words to me before. What do they mean? What does she know?

Before I can ask. She makes her way to leave. Halfway out the door she pauses. Turning to me to say, “You are a rare star whose light cannot be matched. And never forget, blood for blood.”