Scars and Burns (No Light Without the Dark #1)

22. Dinalia

22

Dinalia

I ’m sitting alone in my room. Petting the little lynx cub I’ve sneaked in. At least they are still here.

I have come to find out it is a female and not a male. Unsure of what to name them.

We are relaxing on the large chaise lounge next to the fireplace when there is a knock at the door. Picking up my sweet cub and setting them gently back down. I saunter over to the door. Not wanting to speak with anyone today.

Not after losing my Mother and the encounter I just had with the Shadowling. He has my mind spinning.

I open the door to find Saphrina standing there. I push the door open even more. Stepping aside and motioning for her to come in.

She glances around my room. Taking it all in. She’s most likely never even been to this side of the castle before.

I am the only one who resides here. The rooms are reserved for guests of King Elio. Though he never hosts.

Shutting my door with enough force to make her jump. Pulling her wandering eyes back to me.

She seems nervous. Like she is afraid to be in my room. Afraid to confront me.

This is not going to be easy. For either of us. We haven’t exactly been sisters over the last twelve years.

With my best voice, I say, “Is there something I can help you with Saphrina?”

She doesn’t say anything. Her eyes scurry down to her feet. Her mouth pinches. I can see she has something to say. She just doesn’t know how to say it.

Clearly, uncomfortable in the situation. A princess having to come to this side of the castle. And for the first time in her life, I’m sure, not confident in her fate.

Sighing, I relent. She has done nothing wrong. She is innocent. Acting and living the only way she has ever known. “Saphrina, what is it?” I ask in a relaxed voice. Attempting to emulate our Mother.

“I’m scared.” Her voice is soft and weak. She’s fidgeting with her hands. “Can I pet your kitty?”

My head snaps to the lynx cub still lounging on the chaise. Then back to her. What do I even say? It’s not a kitty. Not even close. But I can see how she might think that from its small size and young age.

“It’s not a kitty… well it is a kitty… it’s a feline… but not a domestic cat… but uh… yeah sure.” Well that was pathetic. All the etiquette speaking lessons I’ve mastered over the years right out the window.

She makes her way over to the lynx. Cautious at first. The cub looks up at her. Glancing over to me for assurance. I give them a half smile and walk over to them. I sit and pick the little cub up as it crawls onto my lap.

I give Saphrina a slight nod with my head. Gesturing her to come join us on the chaise lounge.

She smiles back. Quickly joining us. She asks, “Where did you find them?” Reaching her hand up. Giving small scratches to their head.

My sweet new friend purrs. Lifting its head in agreement to the scratches. “I found them… hurt… in the forest.” I pause before the word ‘hurt’. Recalling what my Mother said. Informing me I healed their soul.

“Hurt? How so?” Saphrina asks, the concern is clear in her tone.

I’m not sure how to answer that question. Seeing as I don’t know how to explain how I healed them. “Um… not really sure but they are fine now.”

She smiles and hums at the little lynx, “That’s good. I’m glad to hear it.”

She removes her hands. Placing them in her lap. Looking around again. “Your chambers are different than I imagined them.”

I raise an eyebrow at her, “Oh, how so?”

“I don’t know”, she says, shrugging her shoulders. “It’s warmer than I was expecting.”

“Warmer?”

“Well, yes, you’ve always been so cold and distant when it comes to court. I assumed your personal life would be no different.”

I smile at myself. She’s not wrong. I am cold and distant when it comes to life at court. I’ve learned proper etiquette and the formalities of court over the years. Interacting with nobles when they come for formal events. Also, needing to be able to comply as a wife someday.

If I ever were to wed.

“What do you actually know of me?” I glance over at her.

Her nerves return to her. She looks back down at her hands, “Not much really? I hear the whispers and rumors. They say you are mixed blooded. Bastard born. They say you are a disgrace. And that the dark hue color of your eyes is evil, put there in your soul by the God Lucifer.”

Well that’s one I haven’t heard. I set the little lynx down in between us. It’s barely awake. Too comfy on the fluffy chaise lounge with the fire warming it .

“Saphrina, we are not close.” I begin, “But perhaps that is my vault. You and I grew up so differently. In such different manners. I am distant from court for a reason. I’m not from here. I am not sure of how much you know of where Mother and I came from. But…” Pausing, how much should I share about our Mother. It doesn’t affect her heritage. But nonetheless, Mother didn’t claim to be from the Middle Kingdom. Only King Elio and myself know. Saphrina still thinks our Mother is from the Celestial Realm. Somehow, her also being mixed blooded doesn’t matter. She is a princess after all and said to be blessed. Who in their right mind would question her. “I was born in the Celestial Realm and that is where we were living when we met King Elio. It is true. I am of mixed blood. That is all I know. Our Mother never once spoke of my Father. I have no knowledge of him. My features make it clear that I do not belong to a single realm. But I can say my coloring is not evil in my soul put there by the God Lucifer.”

At least not that I know of. Not wanting to admit how dark my true thoughts and feelings are.

She peers up at me. “Did Mother love me?”

My brows furrow, “Of course she loved you. Why would you think otherwise?”

“I don’t know. She spent so much time with you. She worked with you on your magic everyday. She even began going into the kitchens with you to spend time with the cook.” She shrugs her shoulders, “I never thought she ever wanted to spend any time with me since my magic didn’t develop, just like Father stopped.”

I look at her and wonder. Perhaps, she is carrying more of a burden than I have realized. “Mother never wanted to be a queen. It was hard for her to be in the limelight. I think spending time in the kitchens was a way to help her feel normal. Find a small shred of peace in her life. And as for the magic lessons go. No one else would have been willing to train me.”

We don’t speak for a moment.

“King Elio, your Father, was also very protective of you. He has been ever since you were born. He’s always wanted to be there to watch your growth and progress. He never gave anyone else the chance to nourish you. Other than his hired choosing.”

“And when I didn’t progress the way he wanted he abandoned me.”

I give her a questioning look. “Has something happened?”

She begins to cry. Tears flowing freely down her cheeks. Her shoulders are shaking uncontrollably. I let her. Sometimes all you need is a good cry.

Finally, her tears cease. She sniffles, “He noticed my Goddess mark faded. He saw that it was only a single moon.”

She turns over her wrist. It looks just like mine did when it first appeared.

“What does this mean? What should I do?” She begins to cry again.

I ponder on this for a moment. She never once produced any magic of her own. Despite having a complete goddess mark. Her mark was always a light gray though. I recall the look my Mother gave me when Saphrina was first born.

Then I recall her garden.

I take her hands into my own. The same way Mother had done to me countless times in the past. “Saphrina, I am going to tell you something. Though, I do not know how you are going to take it.”

She looks at me. Nods. Ready to hear what I have to say.

Sighing, I continue, “I don’t think you ever bore a Goddess mark. Not just a complete goddess mark but one at all. At least not one of your own until now.”

“What… what do you mean?”

Goddess this is harder than I thought it was going to be. “Mother had the ability to make life flourish and adjust one’s appearance.” I don’t go into detail of how I know she can adjust appearances. She kept her true self hidden away until the moment she died. “I believe she made the complete Goddess mark appear on your arm. That way she and you were protected from the King.”

I see her eyes darting back and forth. Her mind is attempting to process what I am presenting to her. She still is only two and ten.

“Since Mother has died, everything she flourished with her magic has begun to fade. Her garden. Your mark.” Shaking my head. “Your magic never developed even though you had a Goddess mark because you never had any.”

Confusion and frustration evident on her face. “So, why do I have a Goddess mark now? A mark that is no longer complete or light gray. But a single moon, dark and vibrant.”

I stare at her. Knowing it is blood for blood.

She’s looking back at me with the same look I used to give our Mother. Her face filled with curiosity and fear.

Knowing what I must say. What I must do.

It’s time to try and be as composed and knowledgeable as my Mother once was.

“Have you ever heard of the term ‘blood for blood’?”

She shakes her head, “No, what does it mean?” Sorrow fills my heart. It’s almost an exact reflection of the interaction I had years ago.

“It means the magic the Goddess blesses us with is tied to blood loss.”

“Blood loss? I don’t understand.”

I look onto the balcony. Out past where all the realms meet. Not sure what to say. Goddess I wish Mother was here. She’s so much better at this stuff than I am.

“I’m not completely sure what it means either. And it could be different for you. But my magic rose to the surface after I killed someone.” Her eyes widened.

Most people don’t know that. The only other person who knows would have been my Mother.

She looks at me in shock.

I give her a weary smile at her, “Yes, my magic was unleashed because I brought someone release. This is how Mother explained it to me. Because magic is life inside of us.”

“But… but I didn’t kill anyone?” She questions.

“I think it’s different for everyone. Just like everyone’s magical abilities and Goddess marks are different. A life was released, so your magic could be unleashed. That is the only way I can make sense of it. Whose death, I cannot be sure.”

I have my suspicions though.

My Mother’s.