Secluded with the Rogue

Chapter 10

Ten

P hillip woke before dawn, feeling more rested than he had in a long time. A beautiful woman lay beside him, and memories of how sweet the previous night had been made him want to burst into song like a lovestruck fool. He’d given her pleasure and she’d returned it, and it had been going so damned well until he’d fallen asleep. Yet his body didn’t ache, and his leg didn’t hurt as he was used to first thing in the morning. He moved slightly, expecting pain, but the usual stiffness in his thigh and lower calf and shin weren’t there.

He stared down at Ella’s scantily clad body lying beside him. Had she truly rubbed his body last night, or had it been a sweet dream? He’d gotten so used to that, dreaming she was there to heal everything with her love and sweetness, that he didn’t quite trust the reality.

No, it hadn’t been a dream. She had pleasured him with her mouth and almost brought him to his knees. Then she’d shown tenderness in helping him with his leg. God, the woman was exquisite in everything she did, from dancing to kissing and showing incomparable tenderness. He moved his leg, bending it toward his chest before he extended it out straight again. The change was surprising. His heart light, he leaned over Ella and pressed a kiss to her temple. She sighed dreamily and murmured his name. In that moment, he felt whole in a way he hadn’t in a long time. It scared him, because he knew how easy it would be to shrink back into his old patterns and embrace his old fears.

“Stay in bed, darling. I’m going downstairs for a bit.”

“Must you?” Her eyes were closed, but she was pouting sweetly in disappointment. It made him remember how she’d used that mouth on him last night and how he’d decided in that moment she owned him. No other woman would ever make him feel like she had.

“Yes. And I promise to reward you when I return.” He gave her hair a little tug, and the feel of the tendrils in his fingers was like golden silk. He wanted to bury his face in it as he made love to her, to feel lost in her all over.

“What if I desire my reward now?” She opened her eyes and looked up at him, her dark lashes fanning over the loveliest eyes he’d ever seen. The quiet but fierce passion in her voice echoed his own. She was a woman who gave herself over completely to another person, and when he was with a woman, he was much the same.

“I am becoming less and less able to deny you anything, it would seem.” He rolled her onto her back beneath him, enjoying the softness of her body and the way he fit so easily in the cradle of her thighs.

She sighed dreamily as he kissed her soft and warm lips, which always felt like coming home. In the last year, he’d often daydreamed about the kiss they’d shared the night she’d debuted. How she’d felt in his lap, all warm and sweet as he’d shown her the proper way to kiss. He’d let his mind wander to all the ways he’d wished he could have taken more of her that night.

“Don’t forget my reward,” she reminded him in a playful whisper.

“No, we mustn’t forget that.” He nipped her bottom lip, and she half whimpered, half giggled as he playfully kissed and bit her neck.

Then he pulled the bedclothes back and shifted down the length of her body, parting her thighs more to accommodate his shoulders. Her eyes widened and her legs trembled as he pushed her chemise up to her waist. A thatch of dark-blonde curls covered her mound. He knelt between her parted legs and caressed her inner thighs with light brushes of his fingers.

“Last night I taught you that a man could use his hands. Now I’ll show you how a man can use his mouth.”

Phillip gave her no time to stop him. He bent his head and kissed the top of her mound, and she let out an adorable little yelp.

“Easy, darling, it won’t hurt.”

“I know. It’s just…so wicked.” She looked down at him, and he couldn’t help but admire the view of her breasts outlined in her chemise, nipples hard beneath the thin cloth. He would enjoy tasting them soon.

“Lie back and close your eyes,” he commanded when she tried to sit up.

“You order me about quite a bit,” she countered.

“If I recall, I’m supposed to be tutoring you. You did call me master last night.” He kissed the inside of one knee and then moved his lips back down to her mound.

Careful to hold her thighs apart, he licked her center and chuckled as she jerked but couldn’t escape him. He eased his tongue inside, making her writhe and pant. Her body responded with heat and wetness, and the bud of her arousal peeked out from under its hood. Phillip fastened his lips around it, sucking on it gently at first, then harder as he heard her whimper. Then he sheathed his tongue inside her and boldly swiped up the length of her slit until she was begging frantically for him.

“Phillip… Oh God,” she whimpered, her head thrashing. “Please, I want you. Don’t make me wait another minute.” Her sweet begging was too much for him. He moved up her body, caging her beneath him.

“If we do this, we cannot go back. You won’t be untouched anymore.”

She lifted her head, a puzzled look on her face. “You’ve already touched me, Phillip. No one else ever will.”

She couldn’t promise that, but he saw in her eyes that she believed what she said. He was too much of a scoundrel when it came to Ella to deny himself taking her in this moment when he’d wanted her for so long and she was begging him to.

“Are you sore from last night?” he asked.

“No—now stop delaying.” She wrapped her arms around his neck and curled her legs around his hips, pulling him closer, a determined look now on her face. He settled deeper between her thighs and slid his drawers down with one hand and gripped his cock. As he guided the head of it into her body, she tensed.

“Relax, Ella, please .” He didn’t want to hurt her, but he would if she was tense.

He kissed her, his tongue seeking entrance once more. He played with her, stealing kisses until she relaxed, and then he pushed in, penetrating her. She arched her hips, driving him deeper. He groaned at the tight feel of her sheath around him, drawing him in until he was seated fully inside. It felt like heaven.

He rocked in and out, listening to the sound of her gasps and sighs. He circled his hips, which created an almost panting hitch to her breathing. They didn’t speak as they made love together, and the silence except for the sound of their breaths somehow became sacred. They used their bodies to talk to one another rather than their words. His lips feathered along her jaw, and her hand slid up and down his back, her touch both sweet and light. Then he found that spot deep within her that made her cry out each time he thrust at just the right angle. She dug her nails into his shoulders, and he pressed harder, over and over like a man possessed. He was possessed.

She was so slick and hot, her body gripping him, and each time he withdrew and drove back in, she arched her back and whispered his name like a fervent prayer. He felt like himself again, like a full man, not a crippled fool. His desperate hunger to feel alive and whole again was unleashed upon her, yet she wasn’t frightened.

“Harder,” she encouraged him, her eyes lit with passion.

The last vestiges of reason fled as he pounded into her. Only rough pleasure would save them now. He had wanted to slow down, but he couldn’t stop. He captured her arms and pinned them onto the bed over her head as he took her. Her pupils were wide as she suddenly went limp beneath him, but Phillip wasn’t done with her. He pulled out of her, still hard, almost to the point of pain.

“Phillip, you didn’t”

He rolled her onto her stomach and pulled her chemise up to expose her backside. The globes of her bottom were pale and delectable. He kissed down her spine until he reached her arse and nipped her right cheek.

“Oh!” She jerked in the bed.

He retrieved a pillow and lifted her hips, placing it below them, then gave her a little smack before he braced his legs on either side of her thighs. He opened her cheeks and trailed his fingers down to her slick wet entrance. She moaned and tried to push back against his hand.

“This is a unique position.” He sank into her wet channel from behind and nearly groaned in sheer hedonistic pleasure at the feel of her beneath him, welcoming him inside her again.

“Oh…God,” Ella moaned, wriggling her backside. “That feels wonderful.”

“Good.” It was the last coherent thought he was able to get out before letting himself go. He gripped her waist and began to take her hard and fast, pistoning his hips forward and back. The sound of their bodies hitting each other was sinful and set fire to his blood all over again.

“I like this…don’t stop,” she gasped into her pillow, her hands clenching around the sheets.

He drove deeper into her, loving the way he could watch his cock move in and out of her and listen to her gasps and whimpers of pleasure. He thrust, stroked, thrust again, until her inner walls clamped down on him and she came with a squeal and sank into the bed beneath him.

This time he couldn’t stop. He rammed into her until he was blinded with one of the most glorious climaxes of his life. He was undone by her tormenting sweetness and by claiming her in a way no other man had before him.

He collapsed against her, kissing her neck, her face, anything his mouth could reach as she laughed in response. The sound of her joy was a gift he would never be able to return to her. Her trust and her affection had restored him to the man he once was, even if only for a few moments. Careful not to crush her with his weight, he slid off her, pulling out of her body.

She reached for him, her hand clinging to his hip. “Oh, don’t. I want you to stay.”

“I’m not leaving,” he promised and brushed her hair back from her face.

She blushed, lowering her lashes. “I meant inside me.”

“God, woman. You’re going to be the death of me,” he replied. His body wanted back inside her, but he needed time before he could take her again.

“Is that bad?” She bit her lip and looked up at him.

“Quite the opposite. Next time, I’ll stay inside you as long as you like.” He kissed the tip of her nose.

“I cannot believe we’re talking about this.” She buried her face in his neck.

“Lovers should feel open to speak of such matters.” He couldn’t believe how good it felt to have her in his arms, to feel so wonderfully whole for the first time in a very long time.

He waited until he was sure she was asleep before he slipped out of bed, kissed the tip of her nose, and dressed. When he was at the door, he stopped. He realized he had moved about the last few minutes without his cane. He retrieved it, more out of habit than need, and went next door to see Marcus. His valet was awake and preparing a tray for breakfast.

“Ah, my lord.” Marcus smiled. “I was just coming to see if you and the lady were hungry.”

“Leave it for a few minutes. Come down with me. I want to check the streets.”

Marcus joined him in the corridor, and they went downstairs. The inn’s common room was empty now, save for a barmaid cleaning the tables.

“How are the roads this morning, miss?” Phillip asked.

“Full of snow. The carriages are able to move. Some of the men from the town are digging the streets to make easier passage.” The girl glanced to Marcus and blushed. His valet bit back a grin when he saw Phillip watching. The moment the girl walked away, Marcus rubbed the back of his neck.

“I assume you had a lovely evening last night as well?” Phillip remarked with a chuckle.

“I might have.” Marcus watched the sway of the maid’s hips.

Phillip and Marcus stepped out of the inn’s front door and surveyed the streets, which were covered with two feet of snow.

Marcus shivered beside him. “Did you have a good evening, my lord?”

Phillip looked at his servant in surprise. “Pardon?”

“I mean, you seemed content last night. Happy even,” Marcus ventured carefully, but he kept his tone neutral. The man knew better than to bring a lady’s involvement into question.

“I am,” Phillip admitted. “I do not know how long such happiness will last, but I will enjoy it while I can. Let’s go back inside. It’s too bloody cold out here.” Phillip wanted desperately to get back to Ella.

E lla awoke to the smell of porridge, eggs, and ham. She moved languidly, stretching her limbs, feeling sore between her thighs and a slight dampness in the sheets. Her face flushed as she sat up in bed. Phillip was seated by the fire, reading a novel. A tray of food sat on the table beside him, untouched.

“You should eat.”

He looked over his shoulder at her, his mouth quirking into a grin. “I was waiting for you. Come.” He patted his lap, and the invitation was too much for her to resist. She slipped out of bed and joined him. He curled an arm around her waist as she eased down on his lap.

“How do you feel?” he asked, his eyes tender as he looked at her.

“A little sore,” she admitted. “But wonderful too. I fear you’ve given me a taste for sin.”

“Have I now?” His delighted chuckle pleased her so much that her heart hurt. She loved his laugh, his smile, everything. She wanted only happiness for him because he had suffered so much.

“Yes, most definitely. Where did you learn such a unique position ?” She whispered the word, unable to hide her scandalized tone.

“A man learns a few things over the years. I know of quite a few others we may try.” He rubbed his palm on her hip, and fresh heat flooded her thighs. “But we’ll wait at least a few hours. I don’t wish to hurt you.”

She wanted to tell him she didn’t care. This morning had been everything to her. The feel of him inside her, merging his body with hers, and the sensation of being one with him had been something she’d never imagined possible with any other person. She now understood why her married friends acted so silly with their husbands. It was easy to become addicted to feeling like this with a man.

“Is it always like that?” She wasn’t sure Phillip felt the same way, but she wanted to ask, even if the answer might not be what she hoped for.

He cocked his head to one side. “Like what?”

She curled her arms around his neck. “Like there was no end or beginning to us. That in that moment we were more one being than two.” She laughed at her own overly romantic thoughts. “It doesn’t make sense, does it?”

“It does,” he insisted. “And no, that doesn’t always happen. In fact, it is quite rare.”

“Have you ever experienced it with other ladies?” She didn’t want to believe he had been with others, but she wasn’t a fool. Only she had been a virgin this morning.

“I haven’t. I have not been with a large number of women, but enough to know that what we shared this morning was special.”

“So you felt it as well?”

“I did,” he admitted. But the joy she’d expected to accompany such an admission wasn’t there. She saw instead only sorrow. Apprehension dug its claws into her.

“You don’t wish to feel this way, do you?” She slid off his lap and retrieved her shawl from behind the dressing screen. She wrapped the warm wool around her shoulders and tried to fight the chill creeping in from outside and also from within her own heart.

“It is a bit more complicated than that, Ella. I’m a broken man. Men like me do not have happy marriages or happy lives. I cannot be the man to fulfill your desires as a husband.”

She turned to face him. “Because of your leg? I thought you knew that I find no issue with it.”

He shook his head. “You don’t understand. You don’t have to live with the pain, Ella. It keeps me from living the life that once brought me joy. I find nothing beautiful, nothing valuable now in my existence.”

“Nothing?” That one word wounded her like no other.

“Except you, of course,” he amended. “But you do not want a life with me. Not as I am. You cannot imagine”

“ Stop! ” She spoke harshly, her own tone surprising her. “Please, stop. If you wish to drown in self-pity, that is entirely up to you. But do not presume to speak for me while doing it.”

Phillip stood and retrieved his cane. “I think I should give you some time to collect yourself.”

“That is the first sensible thing you’ve said.” She turned her back on him.

She couldn’t let him see how much he had hurt her. Their joyful lovemaking this morning had meant nothing to him? This morning she’d experienced the purest form of physical love for him, and he had even admitted that he shared the same feelings. But then he’d cast those feelings aside because he was afraid and selfish. Loving someone meant loving all of them, even the darkest parts, but Phillip could not love himself. If a person could not love himself, how could he love others?

The door closed, and only after a moment did she look to see if she was alone. Her throat was thick with sorrow. She swallowed painfully and moved behind the changing screen to wash her face and put on a fresh chemise. Her hands shook as she tried to think. She could not continue to travel with him to Lord Pembroke’s estate. He would not come to the ball—she was certain of that. He would find some excuse to turn back. She had one thing left to try. If he wanted her, wanted what lay between them, he would have to come after her. All this time, she had fought for her love for him. If he wanted her, he would have to do the same in return. Ella tried not to think about what it would mean if he didn’t. She tensed when the door opened again.

“Lady Ella?” Cora’s voice drifted into the room.

“Oh, Cora, good. I’m glad you’re here. I need to dress. Then I need you to go down and ask the innkeeper where I might hire a coach, if the roads are passable.”

“Yes, my lady.” Cora came over to her valise and sorted through the gowns inside the case. “What about this one? The taffeta day dress?” She held up an orange taffeta gown with slightly puffed demi-gigot sleeves that tapered to close-fitted wrists. It was a more modern dress than she was used to wearing, but she liked having a gown now and then that set her apart from the other ladies.

It was a lovely gown with triangular Vandyke points on the cuffs and a full skirt. Blue silk Vandyke patterns overlaid the orange skirts on the hem. She loved that gown and had imagined wearing it in front of Phillip, imagining how his eyes might light up. The bright colors of the gown mocked the pale, colorless feeling inside her, but she merely nodded at the maid, who helped her dress. Cora combed her hair back in swift, sure strokes, but Ella asked her not to pull it up.

“Leave it down, except the top.”

Cora pulled back the top half of her hair and secured it with a large blue silk bow. The rest of her hair fell in loose gold curls around her shoulders.

“Let me go inquire as to the coach.” Cora left her alone, and Ella packed the remainder of her clothes while she awaited the maid’s return.

“There was one coach left to let. It’s forty pence to reach Lord Pembroke’s estate. I’ve secured it for you.”

Ella thanked the maid with a sad smile and lifted her valise and started for the door.

“My lady,” Cora said, holding her in her tracks. “If I may speak?”

“Yes?”

“You made him happy, miss. I cannot speak to why you’re leaving now, or why he isn’t going with you, but you should know, you changed him.” The maid’s eyes grew a little bright.

“Thank you, Cora. I only wish I had been able to change him more. It’s up to him now. If he wishes to have a good and happy life again and to be with me, he must fight for it. He must put aside his fears and his pain and come after me.”

Cora was quiet a long moment. “I think you’re very wise, my lady. I do hope he’s worthy of you.”

“I know he is, but the question is, does he?” She thanked the maid again and gave her a quick hug.

Ella walked downstairs and past Phillip, who sat at a table with Marcus.

“Ella? Wait, where are you going?” He followed her to the door of the inn.

“Phillip, we’ve had a wonderful time. I learned much from your lessons, and I am grateful for all that you’ve shown me. Truly. But it is best if I go on alone. I’ve hired a coach, and the roads are now passable.”

“Ella…” He whispered her name brokenly, and the sound carved an abyss within her heart, filling it with unspeakable pain.

“Phillip, I have loved you with all that I am, with every breath in me since I was fifteen. I never stopped. But I must move on. I have to let go of that, of you. You don’t want me. I never expected you to. Hoped , yes, but I’m not so silly now as I was at fifteen. You have chosen pain over joy. You are right. I cannot love a man who does that, and I deserve happiness, even if that means learning to live without you.” She drew a deep, shuddering breath and blinked back tears.

Phillip reached up to cup her face, his blue eyes full of storm clouds. He didn’t speak. He lowered his head, giving her time to pull away, but she couldn’t resist one last taste of him, even as tears streamed down her cheeks. It was a featherlight kiss, containing the ghost of the passion they had shared hours ago. It was a kiss of goodbye, a kiss of regrets and bittersweet apologies. When they broke apart, she hoped he would say something to change her mind.

Fight for me, damn you. Realize that you have worth, Phillip.

“You deserve a hero, Ella. A man who can fight the world for you, a man who will never disappoint you with his failings. I pray you find him.” His hoarse words only doubled the pain inside her chest.

“I found you . I never needed a hero. I only needed you , Phillip, failings and all. You know where to find me, if you choose to fight for what we have. I’ll carry the hope in my heart that you love me enough to realize that you’re the strongest man I know. You have nothing left to fear in life if you only choose to love.” She brushed the hair out of his eyes one last time and then left for the waiting coach. The driver took her valise, and she climbed into the coach.

It took every bit of her will not to turn and look back. The coach rolled away from the quaint little inn, and she broke down as despair carried away the shattered pieces of her heart. She had but one glimmer of hope to cling to, that he would finally see himself as she saw him—a man of strength, a man worthy of love—and at long last, he would let go of his pain and choose happiness.