Secluded with the Rogue

Chapter 11

Eleven

T he roads proved to be quite passable as sunlight melted much of the last evening’s snowfall. Ella leaned against the side of the coach, watching sunlight glint off the snow like diamonds scattered on the surface of a white sheet. The rocking rhythm of the coach and the thudding sounds of the hooves lulled her into a numb state somewhere between wakefulness and slumber. She tried not to let her mind drift back to this morning, but it seemed determined to replay flashes of their lovemaking.

The way Phillip’s eyes lit up between slow kisses, how it felt to thread her fingers through his hair, the sighs he made as they embraced after coming apart. The way it felt to have his fingertips brush against her cheek. Even the way he spoke her name as she walked away. She would remember every little thing, the bursts of light and heat, and the cold sting of her breaking heart. Perhaps in time the memories would fade, but she doubted it. If only he was brave enough to come after her, to fight for her. Clinging to that hope was all she had left.

Ella placed a hand over her lower belly, wondering if life had been created in that moment of love between them. She hadn’t thought of it, nor he, at the time. What would she tell her family if she was with child? They wouldn’t force her into exile or disown her, she knew, but Charles and Graham would want to know who the father was. She wouldn’t dare tell them. It would break Graham’s heart. Charles might well challenge Phillip to a duel.

After everything that had happened in the last year, it wouldn’t be fair, not to anyone. She would have to hold firm and not tell anyone about Phillip if she was indeed in the family way. There was a chance he would claim the child as his, but she would not make a demand of it. If he wished to continue living in his tortured world, she would not put a child through that. Her babe would know only love and happiness.

The thought of a new life inside her, the future fluttering of a butterfly within her, made her smile sadly. She would give this child all the love in her heart that Phillip had rejected.

By the time the coach arrived at Lord Pembroke’s estate at midday, she had dried her eyes and painted a cheery smile upon her lips. She was shown into the grand home and was informed that the ladies were taking tea in the morning room. She let a footman carry her valise away and take her cloak before she walked into the morning room. It was full of women chatting excitedly. The clink of china cups and saucers accompanied the light gossip. But a hush fell in the room as the fifteen or so ladies noticed her.

“Ella! You’ve arrived safely!” Audrey leapt up and rushed over to embrace her and whispered, “Where’s Lord Kent?”

“Not with me,” Ella replied. “How could you abandon me like that?” she admonished Audrey in a harsh whisper.

“We didn’t”

“You promised no matchmaking.”

“I wasn’t! You and Kent were already matched.” Audrey’s serious tone surprised Ella. “You only needed a bit of prodding.”

Ella closed her eyes, trying to banish the hurt that Audrey’s “prodding” had caused.

“What happened?” Audrey move them out into the corridor.

Ella bit her lip and fought off fresh tears. “I made a mistake, Audrey. I…Phillip and I…were together for a short time, and it was everything I had hoped. But he won’t let go of his pain. I told him how much I love him and that if he loves me, it is his turn to fight for me. And I left him.”

“Oh dear.” Audrey put an arm around her shoulders, giving her a squeeze.

“What’s the matter?” Graham stood not a dozen feet away, watching them with concern. She hadn’t seen him in the hall.

Audrey hesitated to answer, and Ella wiped her eyes.

“It’s nothing. I’m fine.”

Graham’s eyes narrowed as he joined them.

“Let me talk with her,” Graham told Audrey. “Alone.” There was no way to stop her brother when he chose to interfere.

“I’m fine, Audrey. I’ll join you in a minute.”

Once Audrey had left, Graham lifted her chin, searching her face.

“I know I’ve been a rather absent brother, even more so than Charles.” He closed his eyes and sighed. “I regret that more than anything. Tell me, Ella. What’s wrong? Let me help.”

Ella gripped his wrist, squeezing it gently.

“My heart is broken. I’m not sure you could do much to fix it.”

His face paled. “What? When?”

Ella chuckled, but the sound was so full of sorrow it almost turned into a sob.

“Who is it? Who didn’t want you?” he demanded. “I’ll call him out.”

“No, you won’t.” She straightened her shoulders. “Because I stood up for myself and told the gentleman that if he loved me, he would come after me. I’m strong enough to live without him in my life. I’ve faced hardships before, and I can do so again.”

Graham cupped her chin and stared down at her in understanding. “You certainly have. Mother always thinks you’re fragile, but I’ve known differently for a long time.”

“You have?” She raised her brows in surprise.

Her brother chuckled. “I saw you and MacTavish dancing with the swords on the floor one afternoon. I almost rushed in to stop you, but then I saw you dancing, the way your face lit up and how quick your feet moved and how MacTavish was clapping in delight. I realized then that you’d grown up on me somehow, and you didn’t need an older brother’s overprotective actions ruining your dance lesson because you were perfectly fine and healthy.” He chucked her under the chin as though she were a child again.

“I doubt you’ll ever surrender your need to protect me.” She couldn’t resist teasing him.

“Of course not, but I’m more than aware that you are your own woman in charge of your own destiny, and you’re strong. Any man you love will have the good sense to come after you. If he doesn’t, he doesn’t deserve you.”

Ella managed a smile. “On this we agree.” But she secretly wished that Phillip would prove her heart right, that he was the man destined for her and worthy of her love.

“So, shall we sit somewhere and talk?”

“No, we’re going to have a lovely Christmastime here with our friends, and you will dance with me tonight. It’s Christmas, after all, and I won’t let anything ruin it.”

Graham studied her a moment longer. “I’m proud of you, Ella.”

Ella didn’t miss the honesty in her brother’s tone. “Thank you, Graham.” She hugged him. “What do you say we go play billiards? I’ve gotten quite good at it, you know.”

“Have you?” He laughed. “Billiards it is.” He slipped her arm in his, and they headed toward the games room. She wanted new memories, happy ones to overshadow her heartbreak, and she knew Graham would not let her down, not this time.

F rom the moment Phillip let Ella walk away, he felt lost, more broken than he had ever been. It almost crippled him. He stumbled out into the snow, Marcus calling after him, but he didn’t look back. He wandered into the woods, his thoughts slicing through his skull with pain. He stumbled and fell, his cane sinking deep into the snow. Rather than standing, he curled up, his hands resting on his knees, and wept like a child. He was blinded by pain, so much pain, and none of it was in his leg. It came from his heart.

It was Cora who finally found him. She stumbled into view, bundled up in a heavy woolen cloak. She knelt down by his side. She didn’t speak; she simply curled her arms around him, holding him. This simple kindness from the maid calmed him, and he controlled his grief enough to speak.

“Why did I let her go?” he asked, his voice scraping against gravel in his throat. Ella had made everything feel possible in his life again, but he’d been so afraid to trust that feeling that instead he’d let her walk away.

“Because you love her,” Cora replied. She let go of him. “But if you loved her more, you would go after her.”

He shook his head, denying the idea. “I’m not…good enough for her. I’m broken.”

Cora stared at him, no deference in her gaze. “My father lost his leg in Waterloo. When he returned home, he thought he was broken too. He couldn’t walk without help. But my mother reminded him that pain is not weakness. Pain is the body’s way of defying weakness. Every day you push harder because of it. Miss Humphrey understands that. She loves you. She sees no broken man, and neither do I.”

“You truly believe that?” He was a little surprised by her candid honesty, but he was grateful for it all the same.

“I do. But you won’t find her wallowing in the woods. Come on, up with you.” She gripped one of his arms and helped him to his feet. Marcus met them back at the village, his visible anxiety lifting as soon as he saw them.

“You’re right—I have to go after her and win her back. Prove that I’m a man worthy of her love.” He felt it now, that strength filling him again as he saw clearly what he needed and wanted to do more than anything else: find Ella and tell her all that lay in his heart.

“My lord, the men of the village requested you to help find the Yule log. I wasn’t sure if we were to stay or…pursue the lady.”

Beyond Marcus a group of a dozen men, presumably town leaders and businessmen, stood waiting and watching hopefully.

“You have time,” Cora whispered before she stepped away and let him stand on his own. He kept a careful grip on the cane that Cora had retrieved and nodded.

“Very well, then. Gentlemen, show me the way.”

He spent the next two hours in the woods on the hill by the old Norman church, watching the sun set beneath the Gothic structure before a suitable log was found. He spent the entire time on his feet, relying less on his cane that he’d expected, and he was damned proud of that fact. He hadn’t moved this much in months, and he’d forgotten how good it felt.

“My lord?” The innkeeper offered Phillip an ax. Phillip curled his hands around the handle, feeling a fresh sense of power rise inside him. Fueled by hope for the first time in years, he swung the ax a dozen times until the tree was felled and the log was made.

The men of the village came behind him, the large Yule log in tow. The boisterous singing of the townsmen following him had a strange effect. It bolstered his spirits, reviving him from the broken shell he’d been only an hour before.

Now, as he led the villagers back to town, he was ready to go after Ella. Ready to show her that he could be the man she deserved if she gave him just one more chance.

“Marcus, have my coach ready,” he commanded as he left the townsfolk to celebrate the season.

“Already taken care of, my lord.” Marcus pointed to the waiting coach. “The traveling cases have all been packed, and we are ready to leave whenever you like.”

Phillip clapped Marcus on the shoulder. “Thank you. You and Cora have proven to be friends to me today, if it’s not too bold a claim for your employer to make.”

His valet grinned. “Not at all, my lord.”

Phillip, Marcus, and Cora boarded the coach and settled in for the two-hour ride to Pembroke’s estate. Once at the gates, the horses had trouble pulling the coach through the heavy snow. With a growl, Phillip grabbed his cane and climbed out.

Marcus followed him. “My lord?”

“No, it’s all right. Stay with Cora and the driver. I’ll send for help when I reach the house.” He was not going to be weak anymore. He would walk a hundred miles in the freezing darkness to reach Ella. The distant lights of James’s home twinkled merrily, beckoning rather than mocking him. If he could but reach the house and Ella, he might win back what he’d lost by his foolish fears.

His bad leg cramped within a dozen feet of the door, but he refused to stop. He nearly fell once when his right trouser leg caught on something deep in the snow and the fabric tore. He marshaled his strength and limped forward, leaning on his cane for strength, until at last he could tap the knocker on the door. A footman answered and offered him a bright smile.

“Lord Kent! Welcome! His lordship will be delighted that you’ve arrived.” The footman glanced behind him. “If I might ask, how did you arrive, my lord?”

“My coach,” Phillip said, panting a little. “It’s trapped by the gates in the snow.”

“Oh! I’ll send some men at once.” The footman helped him inside and took his coat and hat. “They’re dancing in the ballroom if you wish to go now, or you may go upstairs to settle in first.”

“Thank you.” He knew the way to the ballroom, having been friends with James for years, but as he reached the open doors and gripped the gilded handles, doubt crept back in. What if Ella had hardened her heart against him already? What if he was too late?

Laughter and cheerful music slipped through the doors, and Phillip prayed that life would grant him one last miracle for Christmas. Then he opened the doors.

Dancers whirled by in explosions of colorful gowns. From the door he searched the dancers in the crowd, looking for any trace of Ella. And there she was, wearing an orange taffeta gown with a bright-blue bow at the waist, which trailed down over her bottom and flared out as she spun. She was the most exquisite thing he had ever seen.

Graham held her in his arms, twirling her too much, which made her laugh as she almost hit another dancer. Phillip found himself grinning like a fool. The two people he loved most in this world—his best friend and Ella—were here and happy. He could only hope that what he was about to do next didn’t ruin everything.

He walked carefully between the dancers, heading straight toward the pair. People slowed to a stop around him as he reached the center of the ballroom. Even the musicians ceased playing as they realized what was happening.

“Kent?” James and his wife, Gillian, were dancing nearby and paused to stare at him. “Is everything all right?”

Phillip’s face reddened as he looked down at himself and saw how disheveled he looked. He cleared his throat and looked to James. “My apologies for the late arrival and my current condition. The snow was quite difficult.”

James came to him and offered a hand. “We’re glad you’re here.”

There was no pity coming from him, just the warmth of an old friend. He moved back to Ella and Graham. Surprise was still plain on her face, and he thought he saw a glimmer of pride in her eyes as though she approved of him coming. He hoped he was right in what he was seeing.

What do I have left to lose? She already walked away from me once.

So he did the one thing that no unmarried titled man should ever do.

He walked up to Ella, and before anyone could think to stop him, he swept her away from Graham and into his arms, kissing her soundly, perhaps too much so given the gasps around them. When their lips finally parted, he didn’t immediately release her. She nuzzled his nose with hers, her eyes dreamy.

“What did you do that for?” she whispered so only he could hear.

“I wanted everyone here tonight to know you are mine. I’m here…fighting for you.”

She hugged him a little tighter before she set a foot of space between them. Phillip then turned to Graham. His dearest friend had his arms crossed, a slight scowl on his lips.

“You know what this means, Kent,” Graham growled low.

“That I marry her?” Kent asked, facing his friend, expecting wrath, but he was unafraid. Ella was his now, and he wouldn’t let her down, wouldn’t disappoint her ever again. Because he refused to contemplate one more second where she wasn’t in his life and in his heart.

“You’re damn right you will. Won’t he, Charles?”

Charles joined Graham, but he wasn’t scowling. A soft smile was on his lips, a smile that Phillip had seen on Ella’s face a few times in the last few days. A quiet joy that grew slowly inside until one day it was so strong it eclipsed all other emotions, erasing pain, erasing grief, leaving only the purest love the heart and soul could know. Charles understood then what Ella had meant, and he approved.

“Welcome to the family, Kent,” Charles replied and offered his hand. “You almost died once on my account—now’s your chance to live…with her.”

“Thank you, Lonsdale. That’s exactly my intention.” Then he looked to Ella. “Would you mind taking a turn with me outside the ballroom?”

He had to tell her what lay in his heart and apologize for how foolish he had been.

E lla’s heart was galloping, leaving her dizzy as Phillip escorted her outside the ballroom. The man had just walked into the ballroom and kissed her in front of everyone . That couldn’t be undone. And then he’d told her brothers he would marry her. The entire situation still had her head spinning, yet it was exactly what she’d wanted to happen.

“Ella.” Phillip stopped when they were alone in the corridor. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” she asked.

“For being blind, for being afraid. For letting you walk away. You were right about me. Pain ruled me. It dictated my life and owned my soul. But these last two days you showed me that it was possible to let go of all that. I was a coward not to trust you. So here I am—failings and all. Let me love you, let me give you the world, and I promise to be worthy of you and the love you’ve given me.”

Ella swayed slightly. Drawing in a deep breath—she’d forgotten to breathe—she looked up at her beautiful Earl of Kent and saw in his eyes the future they would have together. Sunny picnics in the gardens, passion at every turn, and someday tiny little hands grasping fingers as they celebrated bringing new lives into the world together. She saw no grief, no pain, only a joy and a hope that mirrored hers so brightly that it blinded her with light.

“Yes.” She answered the question he hadn’t quite asked. It didn’t matter. What he’d said, that was all she’d ever wanted, every dream she’d had since she was fifteen. She curled her arms around his neck and brushed his lips with hers. “I don’t need the world. I only need you.”

Phillip’s strong arms held her close, no hesitation in his touch, and she loved that more than she could ever say. To be loved and wanted without another thought, that was all she truly needed.

“I think you’ve compromised her enough for one night.” The pair of them spun to find Graham standing in the ballroom doorway, his sarcasm tinged with humor.

“My apologies, Graham. This time it was for tradition’s sake.” He pointed above their heads to the kissing bough that some mischievous person had hung. Ella laughed, only now noticing it.

Graham rolled his eyes. “So this is what it will mean to have you as a brother-in-law? Kissing my sister at every turn? Christ, I’ll need more than a bottle of brandy to survive family dinners.” He turned to go back inside, but Ella heard him chuckling as he did so.

“I hope he isn’t truly upset,” Phillip mused.

“He isn’t. He loves you, Phillip.” She leaned into his embrace, pressing her cheek against his chest.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get here. The Aylesford townsfolk asked me to help cut down and bring in their Yule log.”

Ella dissolved into giggles.

“What?” he asked, not understanding her humor, but joining her in laughing nonetheless.

“I was complaining to Audrey earlier about the gentlemen and their Yule logs and…oh, never mind.” She covered his face with adoring kisses.

For the first time since her father had died, Ella felt whole in body, heart, and soul. She pulled Phillip’s head down for a kiss but couldn’t resist teasing him. “You owe me a game of billiards.”

“And if I need three lives? What shall I bargain for?” he asked as he cuddled her closer in his arms.

“I think a few dozen kisses will do.”

She felt his lips curve in a smile against her own. “How about a lifetime of them?”

Ella lost herself in his eyes and nodded. “Agreed.” A lifetime of kisses with him was a bargain.

Phillip kissed her one more time, a lingering breath shared between them before he spoke.

“I would like to dance with you, here, where I can go slow and practice the steps. It’s been a while since I’ve tried.”

Ella grinned. “Here is far better. I have my wicked earl all to myself.”

Phillip set his cane against the wall, and with a few tentative steps, they began to dance.