Second Chance Baby (Crescent Cove #18)

Chapter 4

FOUR

I was not making good decisions today. Far from it.

When I left the Sherman Inn in a hurry, I drove right to the closest drugstore. It would’ve been one thing if we’d had insane protected sex. But we had not. And obviously I was fertile—at least I had been a decade ago. Maybe not anymore.

Even so, the smart thing would be not to take any chances.

Yet when I ended up in the aisle with the Plan B pills, I couldn’t do it. Could not physically pick up a box of them and take them to the checkout counter to purchase them.

What do you think? That now you two can have some romantic second chance? Brand new baby and your beloved daughter and yay, happy ending in idyllic Crescent Cove, practically Baby Town, USA.

Then reality descended.

No one really gets happy endings anymore, remember?

Certainly not me.

All I could do was get back in my car and stomp on the gas in a hasty retreat from the parking lot. I gripped my steering wheel because I needed to hold onto something—someone—desperately.

I needed my little girl. Right now.

Before I could second-guess myself any further, I grabbed my phone and texted Travis. Then I tossed aside my phone and aimed my car toward St. Agnes Academy. Not only was that the Catholic school where Carrington was enrolled, I’d taught there for all of one year after getting my education in teaching. I’d planned to do that for my entire life.

Funny how much my life had changed in such a small space of time.

Besides Travis, teaching had been my most cherished goal. I’d craved the security from a steady job, something I’d never known as my mother’s daughter. I’d even gotten my degree earlier than planned, thanks to doubling up on my coursework and taking summer classes every year.

Then I’d gotten pregnant.

Horrible morning sickness and a slew of other unpleasant symptoms had derailed so many things. That year, summer vacation just hadn’t come quickly enough. Then I’d simply never gone back.

For a while, I’d stayed with Travis and the baby. We’d gone from our little apartment to the big house right near the lake. Travis had made a lot of money very fast and he’d made the executive decision to buy a house. I’d just gone along with it since by then, taking care of Carrington had become my entire life.

It was right before Crescent Cove had become the booming town it was now. Travis had ended up getting an excellent deal on the asking price. They still lived there to this very day, and there was barely a trace of me there.

I’d been so wrapped up in my own spiral that I hadn’t been able to make the house a home. It just felt like a bigger place to be alone in while caring for a baby who seemed to hate me most of the time.

At least that was what it had felt like at the time.

I had no support when Travis was away. Just me freaking out about everything and being an utter failure. I could’ve turned to his family, but I hadn’t wanted to be a bother. Or to seem incompetent.

And I’d had virtually no part in the lives of my very own family at the time.

Luckily, I was now close with my older sister, and seeing her little girl was a balm to my heart. Six-year-old Amerie was just old enough to be curious about literally every subject. One day, she wanted to be a beekeeper when she grew up of all things, because she’d gone to a special program at the library for career day.

The next week, she’d been all into trucks, like big rigs. How she’d fallen into that particular pit, I had no clue.

The topics that caught her interest were as varied as the colors of the rainbow—and she veered from one to the next with no rhyme or reason.

Early on, she’d had communication issues, which was actually what had led to her eventual autism diagnosis. At first, they’d thought maybe she couldn’t hear, but after months of tests, they’d finally realized her hearing was just fine.

Her processing was what was different. Not better or worse, just different. And being differently-abled was actually a gift, not a hinderance.

The same thing applied to our mother, despite her much different diagnosis. She had found her way back to us in the past year through occasional calls and letters. She was in treatment now for her bipolar depression and trying new meds, so me and my sister were both hopeful.

Hope was an important thing to have. And for too long, I hadn’t really had any. I’d just been going through the motions, living life by rote. As if I was a ghost in my own life. My modeling career allowed me to send nice checks home to my big sister, so she could take care of her little girl without the help of Amerie’s father. He wasn’t in their lives at all.

What a pair we were.

I didn’t do much to take care of my own little girl, because once I’d ended things with Travis, I’d sensed he preferred to be a solo parent. Had I ever asked? No. Just made assumptions.

So, I’d simply let him. He was so good with our daughter. He was a natural at parenting.

I was not. But maybe I could still learn.

Perhaps I wasn’t too late.

Hope was exactly why I was now parked in the very long line of cars in the circular driveway at St. Agnes. The trees around the grounds had turned out with their spectacular golds and reds with a sprinkling of orange. Leaves were already starting to fall, thanks to the windy day we were enjoying.

Kids streamed out of the double doors, their jackets a parade of colors as they rushed down the long flight of steps, giggling and yelling at each other. Some loaded onto busses and others scattered to find their parents in the pickup line. All of them living their carefree lives.

Had I ever been that innocent? That joyful? Right now, it sure didn’t feel as if I ever had.

Then I glimpsed Carrington, standing far too close to a taller dark-haired boy who kept shaking his over-long hair out of his face. Her face was tipped up to his and she was smiling at him in that way I knew all too well.

It hadn’t been that many years ago that I had looked the exact same way at her father.

And this afternoon too, as a matter of fact. I hadn’t seen the expression on my face, but I would’ve laid money on it.

Then the boy lifted a hand to her face, brushing her hair out of her eyes while she giggled. At once, I stopped observing and shot out of my car as if I was on a spring.

I slammed my door closed, and they separated as if I’d interrupted an intimate moment. Then Carrington did a double take. “Mom?” she questioned, forgetting all about the boy in her flight down the stairs right into my arms.

As if she belonged nowhere else.

My stomach went soft and liquid. “Oh, hi, baby.” I stroked a hand down her soft, wavy hair as my gaze swung over to the top of the steps where she’d just been standing with the guy moments before.

He’d already disappeared.

Typical male. Even when they were barely into double digits, they were all too similar.

She eased back from me, her beautiful blue eyes narrowing as she studied me. “I didn’t know you were coming to town, Mom.”

Was I imagining that slightly accusing tone? I had to be.

“It was a last-minute decision. A work thing,” I explained, easing back to grip her shoulders. “Did you get taller again since the last time I saw you?”

She rolled her eyes. “Well, duh. It’s been like months.” She added extra emphasis on the final word just in case I hadn’t grasped how very long we’d gone between visits this time. Then she angled her head. “Where’s Daddy?”

“Right here, princess.” His voice was like silk as he glided up to us and slid his arm between us to nudge her toward him.

And away from me. The gesture felt as abrupt as a slap.

Still, I made myself smile. The last thing I wanted was to upset our daughter. “Yeah, I thought maybe we could go to The Rusty Spoon? I always loved their milkshakes.”

Carrington glanced between us as if she was trying to figure out what exactly was going on. “All three of us?” She shoved her hair out of her face impatiently. “Like a normal family?”

Travis’s jaw audibly clicked as if he was trying to hold himself in line. That wasn’t what I’d meant at all. I’d hoped we could spend an hour together just us, since normally, Travis wanted to supervise every visit. As if he thought he couldn’t trust me not to abscond with her at the first opportunity.

I frowned. What if it was exactly that? Was that even a possibility?

I had never known Travis to ever be any other way than effortlessly confident in every situation.

But perhaps I had to read between the lines.

“Sure.” I flashed him a smile that he did not return as if we just hadn’t been intimate a mere hour ago. “Do you still love their coffee shakes?”

“Yeah,” he said grudgingly. “Do you still like the strawberry banana?”

“No idea. I haven’t had one in years.”

“Their best milkshake is chocolate with caramel swirls,” Carrington announced as she marched off a few steps then stopped and turned back with her hands on her hips. “Who’s driving?”

“I am.” We both spoke at the same time.

Travis’s lips quirked. “Flip a coin?”

“Nah, you can drive. I always liked your truck. Just let me park my car.” I ran over to my car, ignoring the narrowed-eyed stares from other people in the pickup area. I jumped in and pulled out of the line of cars, quickly finding a spot in the visitor lot.

They were still waiting for me, our daughter talking animatedly about some sort of science fair coming up. “Sorry,” I said breathlessly.

“No problem.”

I glanced around for his Jeep as we fell into step heading across the parking lot, with Carrington between us.

“That old Jeep went to the Cherokee junkyard in the sky many years ago,” he explained before I could ask.

Surprised at the disappointment that hit me hard, I tried to brighten my smile. “Too bad. That Cherokee saw a lot of good times.” As Carrington gave me a pointed glance, I cleared my throat. “So, what do you have now?”

“Chevy Equinox.” He hit the key fob to unlock a newer, hulking all-black beauty, and Carrington rushed to get into the back.

Travis lengthened his stride to open the passenger door for me, gesturing for me to climb in. “Only have 33 payments left,” he added in a low voice.

“Oh, is that all?” Quickly, I clicked my seatbelt into place and tried not to marvel at this even happening.

We had never had a regular meal together, all three of us. At least not while Carrington could speak in multiple syllable words.

Travis circled to the driver’s side and climbed in, then he put on his seatbelt, and slung his wrist over the wheel. The sweet, sharp memory of him driving us around after school in just the same way burned in my chest. How many days had we taken off after class to make out by the lake, or hit the diner for a plate of fries and shakes?

I clicked back in as he began questioning Carrington about school.

Many, many questions.

She answered each one with only a little sass, as if she was very used to this daily routine.

Yet again I was on the outside. Nothing new there. I was just happy to be included at all.

“No one could ever say you aren’t thorough,” I murmured a few minutes later when he finally took a break from the inquisition to search for a parking spot up the block from the diner. On a sunny, crisp fall day this close to the lake, every single spot was taken.

“I pride myself on that.” His gaze lingered on mine for a beat too long before he apparently zeroed in on a spot across the street. Before I could take a breath, he shot into a U-turn so fast I worried he’d take out the family of ducks currently crossing at the crosswalk at a sedate pace.

“Ooh, Daddy, duckies. Did you see?”

“I saw, princess. That’s Arlo in the back. He makes sure to guard them from behind as they cross.”

“Because that’s what daddies do.” Carrington didn’t have the slightest qualm in her voice. Because she knew that was a father’s job—to protect.

Whether it was a human father or duck.

My eyes prickled with warmth as I looked determinedly out the passenger window. Whatever I’d done wrong in my past—and the list was long—at least no one could say I’d picked a bad baby daddy. Travis adored our little girl, and he had from the very first day he’d known of her existence.

He’d never faltered. Never suffered from unexpected attacks of overwhelming anxiety. At least none that had ever been visible.

Of course he’d never had to deal with waves of hormones, either, nor been raised with anything but the securest of parental bases.

Despite myself, my hand crept over my middle under the guise of adjusting my seatbelt after his unexpected U-turn. I was still wearing his denim jacket, buttoned to cover my ripped dress. I’d wondered why Carrington had seemed so interested in what I was wearing when she’d first spotted me, momentarily forgetting that I still had on Travis’s snug jacket. But now it all made sense. She probably knew something was very up with us, thanks to my clothing situation.

Very up indeed. How would he react if we ended up in that very same situation with an unplanned child again?

Not like he didn’t know very well what had occurred between us. I mean, how did I know he didn’t make a habit of forgoing protection on a regular basis? How did I know how he did anything these days?

I didn’t. He was very much an unknown quantity in every possible way.

But his mom had been all too willing to give me background on what he was doing when I’d called to ask. No hesitation. She’d definitely not mentioned anyone serious in his dating life, either.

Clearly, me and Travis would have to discuss the lack of birth control. But not today. I didn’t know when or where or hell, even how I’d start that kind of conversation.

I know we had unprotected sex at the shoot, but don’t worry, even if I turn out to be pregnant, I won’t expect anything from you.

Or maybe it would be better to take a different approach entirely.

Hey, if I’m knocked up, I’ll just hand you this kid to take care of like I did with the last one.

But nope, I couldn’t do that again. In the future, I never wanted to miss a second with my child—or children.

Or Travis.

“Headache?” he asked softly as I realized I was rubbing my forehead. “Want some Advil?”

“No, thanks, I’m okay.” I smiled wanly. “A milkshake will cure everything that ails me.”

Not even close, but I’d settle for something sweet just about now.

After we parked, we crossed the street and headed into the diner. Unsurprisingly, the place was packed with the after-school crowd, families filling every single booth except one up in the front. It was a seat yourself kind of joint, so Travis led the way to the free booth. “This okay?”

Not as if there were any other options, even if I preferred some shadowy corner to being on full display.

I smiled again and slipped into the booth. “This is great.”

Carrington slipped into the booth opposite us and grabbed for one of the placemats, immediately starting to color what appeared to be a fun Halloween scene with the conveniently provided cup of well-used crayons.

As silence descended over the table, I was tempted to start coloring my own placemat. Before I could, the waitress hurried up and started to take our order—until she apparently recognized me.

“No shit. No shit.” Loudly, she smacked her gum. “No shit. Bridget Sheppard? Is that really you?”

I was tempted to say no. I really did not want to be on today. Though I’d already proved how unprofessional I was at the hotel, so I was probably overdue to smile and nod.

“Yes, I’m Bridget. How are you?” I looked at her name tag. “Polly?”

“A lot better now. Jeezum, you’re freaking stacked. God, my life would be so much different if I had tits like yours.”

Carrington started giggling into her elbow while I wished to melt into the floor. It wasn’t as if I was totally unused to being recognized since I’d done a couple high profile shoots and I’d even had a recent bit part in a movie, but I definitely wasn’t that well-known. But I was a hometown girl, so maybe that made a difference.

“All natural,” I added with a wink I so didn’t feel while Travis made a show of placing his napkin on his lap.

“Could we get a round of milkshakes, Pol? Strawberry-banana for the lady, chocolate-caramel swirl for the little lady, and coffee for me? And how about a platter of ranch and bacon cheddar fries for the table?”

I didn’t intend to moan. I really did not. Especially after just discussing my breasts. But I was far too hungry to control myself.

Right about now, I really regretted skipping breakfast.

And lunch.

But there had been no way I could eat pre-shoot with Travis. I’d barely been able to breathe.

Polly made no move to put in our order. She just kept staring at us, though I couldn’t be sure if she was staring at me or Travis.

“Oh, now I know what I remembered. You were a football god, weren’t you, back in the day? A couple grades ahead of me, so it took me a second to file it into place. But seeing you two together, I remembered how you two were back then. The beautiful people so in love.”

Carrington just kept coloring as if she wasn’t paying any attention to Polly at all. Since I had no idea how far she’d go, I hoped our daughter remained disinterested.

“Oh, what grade were you in?”

“Yep, I remember you,” she continued as if I hadn’t spoken at all. “You were always benevolent to us little people. Never snooty.” She pointed at me and cocked her finger as if it was a firearm. “Weren’t you the damn prom queen too?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Though I got the crown on a technicality.”

“What technicality was that? Being super hot and banging the hottest dude in school to boot?” As if she’d just realized Carrington was at the table too, she flushed and slipped away from the table, hurrying off into the back.

“Guess she didn’t want the answer?”

“Think she’s gotten her own answers a long time ago, if you know what I mean.”

I wasn’t sure, but I was so grateful to be able to share laughter with him I just nodded, chuckling softly as if it made all the sense in the world.

Travis leaned over the table to tap the spider crawling along the placemat’s edge that Carrington was currently coloring hot pink with black stripes. “I went by the Gideons today. Now I know why you want to make our place cool like theirs.”

“Not cool like theirs. Cool like ours,” she said definitively, raising her gaze to pin mine. “Do you want to go shopping with us?”

That question seemed far too weighty for the subject of Halloween decorations.

“Yes,” I said quickly, gripping the edge of the table with my long red nails. “Who are the Gideons? I don’t remember that name. Did we go to school with them too?”

“No. John is a fairly new transplant to the Cove. He’s a big contractor in town. Murphy works with him, actually. My brother?”

“Yeah, I remember Murphy. Moose has a million kids now, doesn’t he?”

Travis laughed. “Not a million but he and Vee have a good amount for sure. All my brothers have kids now. Except Penn, that ass.”

At Carrington’s pointed look, he shrugged. “I’ll put a five in the swear jar, cover all my infractions at once.”

Apparently, she was content with that, so she went back to coloring.

“His wife is fairly new in town too,” he continued. “John’s wife, I mean. Macy owns Brewed Awakening. The coffee shop?”

I nodded again, though I didn’t have the faintest clue what he was referring to.

All at once, my brief happiness faded away.

I didn’t know any of these people that were part of their community. They were all strangers to me, just as I was a stranger to them.

So much for going home again.