Second Chances with St. Nick

10. Regrets and Revelations

10

REGRETS AND REVELATIONS

M y eyes fluttered open as I woke to unfamiliar sounds. The pulse at my temple thumped and the side of my butt ached. I brought my hand down to rub my hip and winced at the bolt of discomfort. Damn, I must have come down hard on it last night in the hallway. My whole body went rigid, and I tugged in a breath. Last night. The hallway. Nick!

I sat bolt upright in the bed, automatically reaching out to the dresser. With trembling fingers, I closed my hand around my glasses and put them on. My vision snapped into focus, and I knit my brows tight together.

I swept my gaze around the room. Just as I remembered, the fire sat across from the bed. It lay cold and gray, and the finest ash hung suspended in the shards of sunlight from the window. The old leather couch sat empty, and there was no jacket draped over its back.

Nibbling my bottom lip, I glanced at the empty bed beside me. All I saw were crinkled sheets, and silence filled the air.

Winter moths fluttered in my belly as I pulled my robe around me. I’d slept on it, and the warm cotton hugged my body just as Nick’s arms had. I pushed off the bed and my feet dropped to the carpet. Where the hell was he?

Padding across the room, I found the door to the bathroom. The room layout was identical to my own. The only difference was the couch and the fireplace. Holding my breath, I leaned in, pressing my ear against the wooden panel straining to hear a sound from within. Nothing.

I poked at the door with my index finger, and it swung open, revealing empty space. My belly rolled. Just before I fell asleep, Nick said he’d disappear. I thought he was still playing Santa. But with the empty chill of the room, it felt like he’d never even been here.

A bitter taste rose in the back of my mouth. Who just ups and disappears after a night like we had? After we’d begun to build a bridge and reconnect?

I pushed into the bathroom and glared at my reflection in the mirror. A burn settled in my chest. My lips were red and swollen and Nick’s beard had left a blotchy patina on my skin. With my unruly hair and eye bags—thanks Mom and familial genetics—I looked hideous. No wonder he’d run off.

As I splashed icy water on my face, all the tenderness and familiarity I’d felt with Nick fell away. As if I washed off every last trace of him. Sure, he’d called me beautiful and filled my heart with more hope than I’d had in years. But we’d made no promises. Formed no plans. Hell, we’d only talked as “strangers.” I’d suggested the game, but my stomach churned at my foolishness.

I sighed. What did I expect? Even though we had history and danced together at The Timberline, I’d jumped into bed with him within an hour. A coldness crept through me, settling deep in my bones, and I couldn’t shake the hollow gnawing at my chest.

Rubbing my throbbing temples, my gaze settled on my purse laying on the side of the sink. I pulled up with a gasp. Hang on. Why was it here, in this bathroom?And come to think of it, I’d left my glasses on the nightstand back in my own room. But they’d been right by the side of the bed when I woke. I turned around to see my clothes neatly folded on the side of the bath.

The sound of excited voices outside the window broke through my galloping thoughts and I looked out to see a group of men shoveling snow from under the bus. My heartbeat quickened. They must’ve cleared the pass.

I brushed my teeth with the complimentary toothbrush, fixed my hair, and dressed, putting in the spare pair of contacts I always carried. Cissy and my folks would be so worried by now. They probably had no idea what happened to me and the thought of Mom fussing around the kitchen in a fluster made my chest ache.

Stepping back through the door, I ran my eyes over the empty room. Time to face reality, Abbie. My late-night encounter with Nick had been a dream. A fantasy. I’d taken full advantage of his kisses and pretty words, but now, I wanted to be back home as soon as possible. Safely away from the idea that Nick and I could ever be more than casual friends. I took one last look at the bed before picking up my bag and tramping out into the hallway.

In reception, I scanned the faces of the group of jostling people, searching for Nick. I don’t know why I bothered. Nobody was tall. Nobody had rich hazel eyes, and nobody would be capable of making my heart thump like he could.

Instead, I spotted the red-cheeked lady I’d spoken to last night. She handed out pastries and steaming hot coffee to the guests.

Shifting from foot to foot, I mentally rehearsed what I’d say. Nick hadn’t had a travel bag with him last night, so..

“Thanks for your hospitality. Have you seen a man in a red velvet suit?” didn’t sound remotely sane. She’d think I’d gone nuts.

“Good morning, dear. Merry Christmas,” she said, arriving at my side. “It looks like you’ll be able to head out now. The road is clear.”

I thanked her and took the offered croissant. The smell of the pastry filled my nose with its buttery sweetness.

“Let’s go and sort your room payment,” she said, putting down her tray and ushering me to the desk. “As mentioned last night, the charge won’t be much, just a few dollars to cover electricity, cleaning and laundry, and anything you had from the minibar.”

I swallowed, bracing myself for a heavy bill.

“What room did we give you?” As she spoke, she flipped index cards stacked neatly in a box.

I smiled. These small towns could be so old school. “Room 17, I think,”

The lady nodded and pulled out a card, cross-checking its information with a large book on the desk. She dragged one red tipped nail down the list of names and numbers, coming to a stop with a crisp tap to the page.

Her gaze flew up to mine, a tight smirk on her face. “It looks like someone’s settled your bill already.”

I shook my head. “No, I don’t think so. I don’t even have the key anymore. I ended up sleeping in…” My words trailed off.

The lady's eyes sparkled, and she threw me a conspiratorial grin. “Ah yes, that’s right. In fact, I have something to give you.”

She reached under the desk and handed me a plain white envelope. I took it with trembling fingers and turned away to open it. I held my breath as I tore into the thick paper. Inside was a small card bearing an old-fashioned picture of Santa Claus. With a breath in my throat, I read the message.

“Merry Christmas, Abbie. I know it’s a lot to ask, but if you still want to talk, come down to St. Jude’s, ward B. Love, St. Nick xo.”

A breath hitched in my throat. Hazy memories of our magical night played in my mind again, and my skin tingled as I remembered the way Nick touched me, his tender words, and his delicious body. As I laid in his arms, my heart felt complete. Like I’d been put back together after being broken.

At the thought of his trusting eyes and his sweet smile, my heart thumped like a boxer working the pads. I turned back to the lady. “Can you tell me something, please? What is St Jude’s?”

The lady’s eyebrows lifted. “St. Jude’s is the hospital in Pine Pass. Back down the hill. It’s not far.”

“Yeah, I know it,” I said, my voice almost a whisper.

“The bus already made the journey once this morning.”

My pulse skipped. “And the man who left this note, was he on it?”

The woman’s face erupted into a grin. “What, Nick? Yes, he was. Such a gorgeous man, in more way than one.” She wiggled her eyebrows at me. “You know, he dresses up as Santa every year for the children at the hospital.” She leaned on the counter and folded her hands together under her chin, like she was about to teach me algebra or impart some ancient wisdom. “Keeps himself to himself mostly, but he’s great with those kids. He got stuck on his way down there last night. He had to leave first thing. Needed to get there before the little ones woke up.”

My skin tingled as warmth spread within my chest. Nick hadn’t abandoned me. He hadn’t left me high and dry. He had a good reason to leave, and it was all I could do to stop myself from bouncing around reception in my boots. I turned to the woman. “Thank you so much, and Merry Christmas.”

She gave me a cheery wave as I picked up my bag. I stepped out into the startling white snow and stood outside the front of the Pines Lodge.

As people hurried to load suitcases and bags into the waiting vehicles, chaotic thoughts filled my brain. Thoughts of Mom wringing her hands when she found my bed empty. Thoughts of Cissy trying to keep her calm. And thoughts of everything that had happened in the last twelve hours.

Thoughts of Nick and I… together.

I had to get to him. Tell him how amazing last night was, tell him properly how sorry I was for everything I’d done. Ask if we could still be friends… or maybe more.

I checked the clock on my phone. I had time. Christmas dinner wouldn’t be on the table for hours.

The winter moths that’d earlier stirred in my belly took off this time, fluttering like a blizzard. Why shouldn’t I take a chance on what Nick and I had? What we could be?

It was time to take my life back. Reach for what I really wanted. What I needed. Love and acceptance. And to stop letting other people keep me down.

With a deep breath and a leap of faith, I pulled on my hat and headed toward the bus descending the mountain.