Secrets in Pelican Crossing (Pelican Crossing #2)

Forty-four

There was no sign of Adele when Finn and Sandy arrived home. Leaving Sandy to play with Bluey, Finn peeked into his daughter’s bedroom to see her lying staring into space. ‘Hey,’ he said gently, ‘feel like getting up?’

Adele turned a tearstained face towards him. ‘I can’t stop thinking about Tim, Dad, about how only a year ago…’ She burst into tears.

Feeling helpless, Finn pulled her into his arms, surprised at how frail she felt, like a little bird. Had she lost weight? Why hadn’t he noticed? ‘I’m so sorry, sweetheart,’ he said, stroking her forehead like he remembered doing when she was upset as a child. ‘I wish I could make it better. But you have Sandy to think of. Tim wouldn’t want you to grieve like this and forget about his boy.’

‘You have no idea what Tim would want, Dad. You weren’t here!’ She burst into a flood of tears again. ‘I just want to be left alone.’ She turned her head away from him.

Finn backed out of the room, seriously worried about his daughter. Had she been bottling this up all year, only to have it explode today? Did she need more professional help? Suddenly all his own worries faded as his thoughts swirled around his daughter.

‘Mummy’s still tired,’ he said to Sandy when he joined him. ‘How about we two men make dinner together, then watch a movie till bedtime?’

‘Yay!’ This seemed to be Sandy’s current favourite term of enthusiasm. ‘Can we make pizza? ’

‘I don’t…’ Finn began. Pizza dough wasn’t one of the skills he’d managed.

‘Mummy sometimes makes it with pita bread, and we choose different toppings.’

‘Right.’ That, he could do.

‘And can we watch the Shaun the Sheep movie?’

Finn groaned. Sandy had watched it so often, surely he knew it by heart? But Finn guessed that was part of the attraction, especially tonight when the little boy didn’t understand why his mother had taken to her bed. ‘Of course we can,’ he said.

After Sandy had been tucked up in bed, and Finn had checked on Adele to see she had fallen asleep, he poured himself a much-needed glass of whisky and made the call he’d been wanting to make all day.

*

Liz had had a wonderful day with all her family around her. Only the thought Finn hadn’t been straight with her was a niggle at the back of her mind. When the phone rang as she was trying unsuccessfully to concentrate on a movie on television, and she saw his number, she gave a sigh of relief.

‘Finn, I’ve been hoping to speak to you.’

‘Sorry I’ve been out of touch. It’s been quite a day. It’s the anniversary of Tim’s death, and Adele isn’t coping. I’m worried about her. And I’ve had to entertain Sandy. How was your day? You were having your family over, weren’t you?’

Liz immediately felt a wave of sympathy for Finn. She could picture him, his forehead creased with worry, his hair dishevelled, his lips turned up in a rueful grin. ‘We had a good day. Everyone seems happy with the situation, though I guess it will take time for it all to settle down. I’m sorry about Adele. I didn’t realise it was the anniversary. It must be difficult for her… and you.’

‘It is. On top of everything else…’

‘About that.’ Despite her sympathy for Adele, Liz decided to voice her concern. ‘Mark mentioned something about the funding for the new paper. He said it might not reach the target; it might fail. You didn’t tell me. ’

There was silence.

Liz held her breath. She could imagine Finn dragging a hand through his hair as he did when he was worried.

‘He’s right,’ Finn said at last. ‘I didn’t want to worry you. It’s still possible we can make it.’

‘But you don’t think so.’ Liz’s voice was muted. ‘What does that mean for us? Will you have to leave Pelican Crossing?’

Finn sighed loudly. ‘I’m hoping it won’t come to that, but it is a possibility.’

‘What would you do?’

‘I’ve been approached by one of the regional television channels.’

Liz’s heart dropped. He was already making plans to leave town, and he hadn’t told her.

‘Oh!’

‘I’m sorry, Liz. I should have been honest with you. I didn’t want to spoil what we had together. I suppose it was selfish of me, but…’

‘I can’t believe you let me believe our relationship was going somewhere when all the time you were planning to leave.’

‘No! It wasn’t like that. It isn’t. Look, I need to see you. We can’t do this on the phone. I can’t leave when Adele is like this, but tomorrow. Can we meet for lunch?’

‘I suppose.’ Liz wanted to see him too. She’d be able to tell more from seeing him face-to-face, tell whether or not he was being honest this time.

‘ Books and Coffee at one?’

‘I’ll be there.’ She might need to juggle the lunch breaks at the medical centre, but she’d make sure she was free to meet Finn.

*

Liz’s stomach was churning as she walked to Books and Coffee . Was this meeting going to mark the end of their relationship?

Pleased she was there first, she smiled hello to Lou when she walked through the bookshop, oblivious today to the display of new releases she normally enjoyed browsing. As she entered the café, Denny greeted her. ‘Your usual?’ he asked with a grin .

Liz nodded, glad he didn’t offer one of his usual quips. She wasn’t in the mood for his humour today. ‘And I’ll have a small quiche with salad, thanks, Denny.’

She had no sooner taken a seat, than Finn appeared, looking flustered.

‘Liz.’ He leant down to kiss her cheek.

Liz couldn’t stem the shudder of yearning that shot through her as it always did at his touch. She swallowed. ‘I’ve ordered,’ she said.

He gave her a strange look. ‘Okay, I’ll put mine in, too.’

When he returned, Finn said, ‘I’m glad you were able to meet me. I think I’ve been all kinds of a fool.’ He gave a rueful grin, his lips turning up in the way Liz had come to know and love.

For a moment Liz was tempted to forgive him, to say it didn’t matter, nothing mattered. But it did. ‘Why didn’t you tell me what was going on?’ she asked. ‘You reassured me, allowed me to hope when all the time…’ Her voice broke.

Finn looked shamefaced. ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t completely honest with you. I didn’t want to spoil things. We’d agreed any relationship between us was fraught with difficulty given our family obligations, but things were going so well, I hoped… Then this damned thing with the newspaper.’ He shook his head. ‘I… we thought we could make the campaign work, raise enough to start again. And we still might. We still have a few weeks. But, you’re right, I should have shared my worries. You were caught up with your own family issues, with Julie and Mandy. I didn’t want to add to your worries, but it’s no excuse for keeping things to myself.’

‘No, it’s not. I thought we agreed to be honest with each other.’ Liz looked down at the table, suddenly noticing how scarred it was. It had been there for a long time.

‘Liz, look at me.’

She looked up.

‘Do you really think I would deliberately lie to you, after all we’ve shared, after all the wonderful times we’ve had together?’

Liz was torn. She wanted to believe him, wanted it so much. ‘I don’t know,’ she said.

Finn dragged a hand through his hair. ‘How can I make you believe me? ’

Their coffee and meals arrived, but Liz had no appetite. She pushed her plate away and took a sip of coffee. ‘I don’t know,’ she said again. ‘Maybe we need to take a break… until we know what’s happening. It’s clear to me that if the community fails to raise sufficient money to fund a new paper, you’ll be leaving Pelican Crossing, Am I right?’

‘I guess so.’ Finn sighed heavily. ‘It’s the last thing I want to do. Adele and Sandy need me here, and I believe you and I have something special. But if the paper folds, and we can’t fund a new one, there’s nothing else for me here. The television offer…’ He shook his head again. ‘It’s not something I ever sought or imagined myself doing, but it seems newspapers are becoming a thing of the past, and I may have to move on.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Liz was almost in tears. The future she’d envisaged with Finn was disappearing.

‘I’m sorry, too. You can’t imagine how much.’

‘Oh, I think I can.’ Liz smiled through her tears. Then she straightened her shoulders, took a deep breath, and wiped her eyes. ‘But we need to be sensible about this. If I’m going to be hurt, I’d prefer it happen now, rather than later.’ She hated to see how Finn’s expression changed, his shoulders drooped. She knew her words hurt him too, but she’d made up her mind. She needed to protect herself, and this was the only way she could do it. She had her family, and Mandy’s new baby to look forward to. It would have to be enough.