See Her (Turn it Up #1)

Chapter 12

12

JACK

“ B aby, it’s me.I know you’re upset, but I want to talk about this.Please call me.”

I’m such a fucking idiot. She’s been everything to me these last couple of weeks.She’s made me laugh, she’s listened, she’s been supportive, and she’s shared herself in return.She’s turned into some sort of fixture in my life that I didn’t know was missing.I’m totally consumed, thinking about how she must be feeling as I draw beers and pour shots.I’m also trying to figure out just why I’ve been such a fucking coward about playing in front of her.I couldn’t explain it to her because I’m not even completely sure of the reason myself, which is why I stumbled over words and couldn’t form any kind of intelligent response– because there is none.I’m on total autopilot an hour into my shift when I hear, “Are you trying to turn that glass back into sand?” I look up as Tyler sits down on a stool in front of me.

“What?” I ask, trying to focus on him.

“I think that glass was dry ten minutes ago, but you’re still rubbing the shit out of it with that towel.”

“Oh, yeah,” I say, racking the glass and throwing the towel over m y shoulder.“What are you doing here, man? It’s your Saturday off.”

He shrugs. “Nothing goin’ on tonight, believe it or not.”

“You’re shitting me,” I say. “No females you need to devote your services to tonight?”

“Nah,” he chuckles. “I think they’re all worn out.”

“Impressive,” I respond as I grab a glass and draw another beer for the guy next to him.

“What about you?” he asks. “How are things going with that little friend of yours?Mayzie, right?”

“Right,” I say, although ‘friend’ isn’t the right word.“And things are not great at the moment.”

“Uh oh, what’s going on? She getting too clingy? Trust me, I know what that’s like,” he says, rolling his eyes.

If he only knew that I’m the clingy one for the first time in my life.

“No,” I say resting both hands on the bar. “She’s just upset that she hasn’t seen Turn it Up play yet.”

“So why didn’t she stay last night?” He furrows the space between his eyebrows as he grabs at one of the cocktail swords and starts fiddling with it absentmindedly.

“Actually…” I say, lowering my head so my hair falls in my eyes. “She didn’t know about last night’s show. In fact, I’ve never let her know when we have a show. When we’ve played, I haven’t told her about it at all.”I hear silence in response, and when a few seconds pass, I finally look up again so I can gauge Tyler’s reaction.He’s staring at me with a deadpan expression, his mouth slightly open. And it’s not only his attention that I have. The patron whose beer I just refilled is staring at me with considerable interest. Finally, Tyler speaks.

“And the reason you don’t want her to see you play is…” he motions for me to finish his sentence.

“What about her friend you talked to yesterday?” I ask, straightening up and trying to divert him by bringing up Annie. “You couldn’t talk her into spending the evening with you? ”

“Nice try, fucker,” he shoots back promptly with narrowed eyes. “Why haven’t you invited Mayzie to see your band play?”

“She shot you down, didn’t she?” I stare him down with a cocky nod.

“Not important. Why haven’t you asked the girl you’re all fucked up over to see your band play?”

“I don’t fucking know, alright?” I exhale gruffly, dropping my hands to my sides. “My whole life has been my music, and now she’s here. I have this weird feeling that when both these things coexist in my life…” I lock my fingers together to illustrate my point, but don’t know how to further express what I’m feeling. I take a beat, breathing in deeply before the right words fall out. “She might be my life now, not just my music. And once those two things meet, I don’t think I’ll be able to have one without the other,” I voice, staring at the bar top, realizing I’m explaining things to myself more than anyone else. “If Mayzie leaves me right now, I’ll still have my music.”

“But the minute you bring them together, you won’t be able to live without either one,” Tyler finishes for me, before adding, “and once that happens, if you ever lose her, the music won’t be the same anymore.”

I drop my head again as the realization of what he said rolls over me.He hit the nail on the head, I think.

“I’m also afraid of what she’ll think of it. Our music. She’ll like it, sure,but what if she doesn’t love it? I’m afraid of how that would make me feel, man.”

Look at me. Afraid Mayzie will love my music, which would bond her to it, and afraid she won’t love it enough. I need help.

“Have you really thought about that? Like really given it some thought and really pictured her not loving your music?Because if you’ve thought through a scenario that ends with her not completely swooning over your music, I think you’re full of shit.”

I don’t answer because that’s the thing. I don’t know. Whenever I think of it, I can never seem to see how it ends up .

“So, what I’m hearing,” Tyler continues on, “is that this stupid fear of letting the two great things in your life come full circle is the only thing making you act like a fuckin’ pussy.”

My eyes quickly dart to the guy next to him, to see him still watching our exchange like he’s at a damn tennis match. I try not to acknowledge him and stay silent, refusing to let Tyler know he’s right.The noise in the bar rises a little, and I look up to see more people flooding in.

“Fuck,” I huff out. Time to really get to work and it’s fucking hard right now because I can’t get my head in the game. “I can’t deal with this shit tonight,” I say, taking a step back to watch the wave of customers taking their seats.

Tyler looks like he’s at war with himself.

“Tyler, you okay?” I prod. “What’s going on man?”He finally lets out a breath, and stands up abruptly.

“Dammit, Jack. Close out your fuckin’ tabs,” he says, looking like he’s making to leave.

“What are you talking about, where are you going?” I ask, completely confused, wondering what the hell he’s doing.

“I’m going to get my uniform out of my car. Go talk to Mayzie so you can quit acting like a jackass and get back to your life. I’ve got your shift.”I’m still confused and taken aback by what he’s doing, but at the same time, I’m feeling a small sense of relief. Not a complete repose, as things are still sideways with Mayzie, but knowing I don’t have to play nice for customers and that I can actually go and try to fix things makes me feel marginally better.When Tyler comes back about ten minutes later, I don’t know what to say to him.

“You sure you want to do this?” I ask.

“If it helps you get your head out of your ass, then yes,” he rolls his eyes. “And don’t worry about it. Working a Saturday night might get a few more ladies on my dance card.” He sticks his tongue out at me.

“Thanks, man.” I give him a look of gratitude as I walk around the end of the bar and head towards the back entrance.

Mayzie

I storm into Dance It Out, trying to keep my face neutral enough to give Emma a pleasant smile when I get up to the desk. She appears to be the only one here.

"Hi, girl," she greets me. "Whatcha going to do tonight? Work on some choreography?"

"Just need to move,” I say, handing my card over so she can process my payment.

"I hear ya,” she says, after handing it back to me. "Listen, can I give you the keys? It's dead here and I thought I'd duck out early. I'm going to hang around a little while longer, maybe an hour, but can you lock up?"

"Yeah, no problem,” I say, retrieving the keys from her.

"Have fun,” she says, as I head off down the hall.

Once I'm in the studio, I set everything down and grab my dance shorts out of my bag and duck into the bathroom to change. When I come out, I take a drink of water and sync the Bluetooth on my phone to the sound system. I sit down and do some stretches while I scroll through my music app. I know what I'm looking for. When we do classes, it's generally to some pop songs. That’s just how it is; they always have the right beats and they're crowd pleasers, but I like to go off–book sometimes, like tonight. I need something hard hitting and high energy. That calls for my Favorite Rock playlist. It has a decent variety, if I do say so myself; everything from Thunderstruck to Radioactive, and even some old “hair band" classics. It's amazing, the moves and choreography you can put to this stuff, making for a powerful dance piece. More importantly, in my case, it's awesome for working out some aggression and negative emotions. I find it and put it on shuffle as I get up to set my phone out of the way. I do a few more bends and stretches to loosen up my back, shoulders, and hamstrings the best I can. As I let the adrenalizing music set in, I step around the studio, sort of like a tiger pacing. I usually start this way, soaking in the music and letting it take effect first. And then, when I'm ready, I throw myself into it.