Sewn & Scarred (The Fated Creations Trilogy #3)

Chapter Thirty-FiveSage

Chapter Thirty-Five

Sage

I straightened.

“You what?” I asked, sure that I misheard her.

Evaline took a deep breath.

“I forgive you,” she said, and swallowed. “Your father has manipulated you in ways that I can never understand, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve forgiveness.” She shook her head. “And the truth is that it hurts too much to hate you, anyway. I’m stuck here, and there’s no point in wasting what little energy I do have on hating you.”

She sighed and stood and walked toward her bed with her hands clasped behind her, and I turned in the chair to face her, aghast.

“You forgive me?” I asked quietly, tears sprouting again.

She sat on the edge of the chaise that sat at the foot of her bed, folding her hands in her lap.

“Please don’t make me keep saying it,” she said quietly, and I noticed how her voice wavered. I jumped up and went to kneel at her feet.

“I won’t make you regret this, Evaline. I’m going to make it up to you, I’m—”

She pulled back and her brows furrowed before she lifted a hand between us and waved it and shook her head.

“No, Sage. You misunderstand.” My smile fell. “I forgive you because I can’t imagine living through what you have. But we are not friends. We won’t ever be again. Friends can trust each other, but I will never trust you. Ever again.”

My jaw snapped closed over the promises I was prepared to make her. The vows I was going to swear, and I nodded and got to my feet.

“I understand,” I said, moving to the table and gathering the supplies. I shoved the knife and jar into my bag. When I had the satchel looped over my shoulder I turned to her. “My father doesn’t want you attending dinner tonight.”

She snorted across the room. “Good.”

The door to Evaline’s room clicked behind me and it wasn’t a breath before I heard her move the armoire back in front of it.

I locked down my expression as I passed Broderick, nodded to him when he gave me a soft smile.

“Are you feeling better today?” he asked as I passed him.

I smiled. “Yes, thank you again for saving me.” I went to walk down the hall, but recalled the Vasi my father had in the throne room to watch the test today.

I spun back around to face Broderick and saw him cock a brow.

“What will he do to the new Vasi, if they can’t handle it?”

After the incident with me last night, and the way all the new Vasi, and even some of the older, reacted at the test, it didn’t seem like this newest cohort was adjusting well at all to their turn.

Broderick’s face drew grim as he looked at me plainly.

“You know what will happen,” he said, his voice low.

“I’d never seen him kill a Vasi before last night.”

Broderick’s eyes flicked to Evaline’s door, and then back to me.

“He’s waited too long for any of this to be ruined because he didn’t take care of a few Vasi who couldn’t handle it.” He tilted his head to the end of the hallway. “Go on to dinner now, Sage.”

I nodded and turned back to go down the hall. When I met it, I aimed for the dining room and all the excitement rushed back now that I was away from Broderick.

He was my father’s best friend, I couldn’t dare let him know how happy that visit with Evaline made me. He’d report it to my father, and he would become suspicious. He couldn’t know the truth.

Evaline forgave me.

She still didn’t trust me, sure, but I could handle that for now. Because trust could be earned, and I didn’t care how long it took. I’d earn her trust in whatever way was necessary in order to show her my remorse, and to show her that I truly was on her side, in whatever capacity I could be with my father and his plans.

I let the smile slip from my face before I rounded the entry of the dining room to see my father and Lauden sitting in their usual seats. Well, in Lauden’s new usual seat.

My father watched me stride forward to my chair and slip the satchel off my shoulder to loop it over the back.

“It’s her blood. I’ll take it to Rominia as soon as we’re done here.”

He nodded but eyed me for a moment longer than usual, and instructed the servants to come forward and reveal the dinner. That same guilt twisted in my gut at the sight of them all, at the many new faces that constantly cycled out as they were either killed through feedings or changed into Vasi for my father’s army.

My father instructed them to shut the dining room doors before they left, and when we were all completely alone, Lauden turned to him.

“So, what do you think? Can her body handle it?” My brows furrowed at the hint of excitement that lit his voice.

He wagged his head for a moment. “I think so. But we must be safe. I only have enough supplies to run this once, so we have to make sure she can handle it before we ever attempt.”

I shook my head and leaned toward them. “How will you force her to use her magic on the battlefield?” Then cocked my head in confusion. “And what does that have to do with her body being strong enough?”

My father and Lauden both laughed at the same time, and I felt my face break out into a flush as I realized that again, I was the butt of another joke between them.

My father shook his head and turned to look at me as his laughter faded. “Sage, we aren’t using her as a weapon.” He shrugged. “Well, not yet, anyway.”

I knew better than to be relieved by his words because it only meant they had far worse plans for Evaline.

“Then what?”

My father lifted his fork and took a bite, then chewed and swallowed, before answering.

“Sage, why do you think I wanted you to find Alannah for all those years?” he asked and I felt Lauden’s eyes on me.

My brows furrowed. “Because you wanted to get revenge on her. But once you discovered that she was already dead, and you couldn’t trap her here, you decided to get revenge on her by jailing Evaline, instead.”

My father ate another bite and shook his head. “You’re partially correct. I wanted Alannah for revenge, but that is not why I want Evaline. Not completely, at least.”

My eyes flicked to Lauden, then back to my father.

“Then what?”

My father set down his fork and knife and leaned back in his chair, then cocked his head.

“We’ve kept this from you thus far, because we knew you’d have a hard time balancing the truth, and your deception of the Kova and Evaline.”

A pit settled in my stomach.

“What’s your real plan?” I asked in a whisper.

He evaluated me for a moment. “Can you handle this? You’ve been undergoing such emotional turmoil, I don’t want this to send you over the edge.”

I ground my jaw. “I’ve been cooperating ever since she arrived, haven’t I?”

His eyes searched mine, and then he nodded. “We’ll need your help soon, anyway. So perhaps it is time.” He leaned forward in his seat, toward me. “We’re going to put Alannah’s soul into Evaline’s body.”

An odd fog shifted over the world at his words, and all the noise around me, the image of my father’s face, faded away.

“What?” I asked as I blinked rapidly.

He rolled his eyes and threw his hand up. “See, this is why you are always the last to know our true intent. You’re too emotional.” His eyes flicked to Lauden. “Sometimes I wish it was you who had the portals.”

Lauden smiled at him and nodded. “Me too.”

My brows furrowed as I looked to my partner, and new tears sprouted from his betrayal, but I forced the selfish hurt away as I turned back to my father.

“That’s impossible,” I said, my voice defiant.

My father shook his head. “Nothing is impossible. I’ve done my research, and Lauden reviewed it, too. We’ve discovered the incantation to make it possible. All we needed was a vessel, and it just so happens that Evaline looks remarkably like her mother. And with her far superior magic, she’ll be the perfect body for Alannah. Then, I have Alannah for my revenge on her, and Evaline’s magic for my revenge on Kovarrin.” A smile widened over his face. “It’s as if the Gods wanted it to happen this way.”

The disgust on my face had only worsened with each word he said, and by the end of it, I realized my error. Again.

He was going to hurt Evaline. He’d promised me he wouldn’t, but he was going to.

He’d done this before, with the Kova. With Dean. With Maddox. He’d promised me he wouldn’t hurt them. But he tortured them and then changed Maddox.

I’d been stupid enough to believe my father’s promises, again.

And again, someone else was going to pay the price.

“If it’s Alannah, then how would she have Evaline’s magic?”

My father rolled his eyes.

“Well, it won’t really be Alannah, Sage. Gods. It would be Evaline’s body, her magic-filled blood , and Alannah would be able to access her magic.” Then he nodded to Lauden. “And Lauden has just spent weeks training Evaline, and thus can train Alannah to use her new magic once Evaline is gone.”

Gone.

My head tilted down to stare at the tabletop as the word reverberated through my mind. I couldn’t believe it had taken me this far into our conversation for me to realize.

He wasn’t going to hurt Evaline.

“You’re going to kill her,” I breathed, eyes widening as I stared at my plate.

Evaline was going to die because I’d brought her here.

My father waved a hand of dismissal. “No. Think of it as what happens to a Kova when a Vasi takes over.”

My tear-filled eyes moved back up to him, widening. “How is that better?” I asked in disbelief.

He seemed to think about that for a moment as he picked up his glass of wine. “Well, it’s not. Just a more accurate way of describing what will happen.” He tipped his glass toward me. “You were inaccurate. She won’t be dead, just gone. Those who are gone don’t go to the Night. Those who are dead do.”

I shook my head, clenching my eyes shut, and struggled to take a breath.

I turned to look at Lauden and leaned toward him.

“How could you keep this from me?” I asked quietly.

Before he could speak, my father’s commanding voice interrupted him. “Because he is my soldier before he is ever your partner.”

My jaw fell into a look of disbelief as the words shook through me. I looked down at the table again as I processed it all. And I realized that this was absolutely the last place in the entire world I wanted to be. I gave a small scoff and shoved the heels of my hands against the edge of the table to push my seat away.

“You lied to me,” I spat at the space between them.

Where I’d hoped Lauden would speak up with an apology, my father’s groan cut the air around me.

“I am a leader, and I am at war. It is not lying to withhold war strategies from you.”

I stood from my chair in a flourish, my hands clenched into fists at my side and turned to him.

And finally, I said the words I’d been thinking for years now. I said the words that someone should’ve said centuries ago. I said it because no one else had the courage to.

“Revenge against a woman who rejected you is not a war strategy. It is pathetic!” I screamed and felt the hatred that seeped from my body, from the look in my eyes that was pinned directly on his.

He didn’t budge. Not his body, not his expression.

“And what would you know of war strategies?” he shouted and I tried to stop my wince, but I was too late.

He stood slowly, and kept his eyes on mine the entire ascent, until my head was angled back to look at him at his full height over me.

“I think it’s time for you to go back to your room, to think about what you’ve just said. To remember where you were, what you were, when I saved you.” He bent a fraction closer to me. “Before I send you away, and you lose the only family you have left, and truly are exactly what you fear becoming. An orphan,” he snapped the last part, but I didn’t miss the way his hands shook at his sides.

It was not the first time he’d been cruel to me, and surely it would not be the last. But where before I’d cower away, or sink into myself, or whisper a quiet apology, I did none of them.

I gave him one last look, my jaw strong and my eyes alight, before I spun on my heels and ripped the satchel off my chair, and aimed for the door.

I knew the note was in there, knew he would probably want to read it, but didn’t say a word.

I was heaving one of the doors open as I heard my father speak to Lauden, so quiet he must’ve thought I couldn’t hear.

“Go.”

But I did hear it, and could’ve laughed at the desperate shuffle of feet I heard behind me.

“Sage!” Lauden called behind me as I stormed through the halls toward my bedroom.

“What?” I shouted over my shoulder but I did not slow.

“You know he didn’t mean that!” he yelled again, but then I heard him curse under his breath and run ahead until he was at my side as I walked. “He loves you, you know that.”

I shook my head. “You have no idea what love is,” I hissed back, and only after I said the words did I truly understand that they were true. That I’d never consciously understood that Lauden didn’t love me, until this very moment. Until I could pull myself from all of his, and my father’s, past manipulations.

My feet stopped below me, and it was a moment before he noticed because he was rolling his eyes and prattling off another string of lies, another confirmation that of course he loved me and I was ridiculous for suggesting otherwise. And “Why would he still be here if he didn’t love me?”

But my father was right about one thing.

Lauden would be a soldier of the wrong First before he was ever my partner.

His love for Vasier overshadowed his love for anything else, and it always would. It always had .

“He’s right,” I said quietly and that was when Lauden seemed to notice I was not striding beside him anymore, because he spun to face me, a few paces away. “He’s right. You are his soldier before you are ever my partner.”

Lauden started to roll his eyes, I saw it, but then quickly tried to play it off with a shake of his head.

“It is my duty, Sage. I am loyal to Vasier.”

I nodded slowly as another realization formed in my mind.

This chapter of my life, this part that had been spent in love with Lauden, was over.

That we were over.

That I would never again be able to sleep in the same bed as him, to kiss him, to know what I know now, and still pretend that it was okay.

“If your loyalties lie with him,” I said softly into the gap of hallway that separated us. “Then you will not lie with me.”

Tears slipped from my eyes despite the fact that I knew this was what was right. Despite the fact that I knew I couldn’t do this anymore. I’d maintained so many facades, worn so many masks, that I couldn’t shoulder this one, too.

“What are you saying?” he asked, eyes widening as he took a step closer to me.

I swallowed and tilted my chin up.

“I’m saying that you should get your own room here. I’m saying that I can’t do this anymore.”

Lauden took a step toward me and I could see confusion curl his face. “I don’t understand.”

“I don’t want to be with you anymore, Lauden.”

His brows furrowed before he shook his head. “You’re just upset, you don’t mean it. We’ve been together for years,” he said, taking another step for me.

I tried to shed the waver from my voice as I spoke.

“We have been together for years. For six. And I’ve loved you longer than that. But you have never loved me.”

“That’s not true. I have, I do.”

He stopped in front of me and pulled my hands into his. His brows were furrowed, his lips downturned into a frown, and even when he spoke, his voice wavered.

But there were no tears, no sign of remorse or care.

“No,” I whispered. “You loved what being with me got you. And that was access to my father. His respect. His attention. But you did not love me.” My head tilted. “Your actions prove that more than your words ever could.”

I watched as his eyes shifted. I watched as he shed the mask he’d been wearing for Gods knew how long.

His face tightened and went cold. His eyes fell into a look of disinterest, and his jaw clenched.

“You’re ending this,” he said the words as a statement, and let go of my hands.

But before I could answer, he laughed. He laughed and he took a step away.

“Lauden,” my father’s voice sounded behind us, and I jumped, turned to see him at the door of the dining room. His eyes were pinned onto Lauden’s, and his tone had been a warning. “ Don’t .”

I turned back to Lauden, confusion pulling my brows, as Lauden laughed.

“You can’t leave someone who never cared in the first place,” he rushed out, and I heard my father move. Heard him run for Lauden.

“I said stop!” my father screamed at him, landing beside me and planting two hands against Lauden’s chest, throwing him back until he was skidding across the floor on his back. Not hard enough to kill him, just to stop him.

My father turned to me, grasping my face in both of his hands.

I tried to turn to face Lauden, but my father wouldn’t budge. My eyes strained for Lauden when I heard him continue his chuckle down the hall.

“The only reason we’re together is because your father commanded it,” Lauden sneered and my blood went cold.

My eyes flicked up to my father, whose own looked angry as he met mine.

“Sage, it’s okay. Listen to me,” he began, but the tears were heavy and they were fast.

Because all of it began to make sense.

My father had brought Lauden here when I was twelve, but he barely even acknowledged that I existed. We barely ever interacted, because I was a child and Lauden was being trained by my father as he’d trained other Sorcerers before.

When I became a teen, I had a crush on Lauden and knew my father could tell. There were only so many times a young teen could accidentally interrupt their training sessions before it became obvious. And even when I came of age, when I could be with whomever I wanted to, given the small pool of men in Mortithev that didn’t want to drink my blood, still, I could’ve chosen anyone.

But at nineteen I became even more rebellious than I had before. I questioned my father’s strategies, I refused to work on my magic.

And then, my father started inviting Lauden to our nightly dinners. And instead of Lauden’s short remarks and his inattention to me, even when I’d grown, he was talkative. He smiled.

I shook my head in my father’s hands, tried to pull away from him.

My father crafted my relationship as a new means of controlling me.

And I felt so incredibly stupid to have only noticed it now.

The tears were violent in my eyes, slashing down my cheeks.

My father tilted my head to face him again, and I met his hard gaze, or at least tried to through my tears. I could barely even see his face, let alone his eyes.

Lauden continued down the hall, detailing how my father had encouraged him to be with me, requested it, really. That he wasn’t initially interested, but I was pretty, so why not?

My father’s hands tightened a fraction on my face. I knew he was angry, but he was speaking. His words were soft.

But still, I could barely see through the thick tears that flooded my eyes.

“Everything is okay. Let’s just calm down and forget that this happened. Okay? Forget this.”

Lauden took a breath to continue, and my father let go of me and ran to him. In one move, my father punched Lauden until he’d passed out, and my father gently set Lauden’s head on the floor.

A breath shuddered through me and my hand was moving in front of me before I realized what I was doing, and a portal bloomed to life.

I tightened the strap of my satchel, full of Evaline’s blood, over my shoulder.

“I need to go drop off Evaline’s blood,” I said, breathless.

My father was kneeling beside Lauden and nodded. “Okay, we will see you when you get back.”

I looked up at him as the tears thinned and in my peripheral saw the portal shifted into a pale blue as the sound of ocean waves lapped softly through it.

“No,” I said softly. “He needs to be out of my room. Or I need a new one,” I said, and my father looked up at me, confusion in his eyes.

“I said you need to forget.” He said the words as a statement, but there was a question in his eyes.

“I could never forget this.” I shook my head and wiped a hand over my eyes, clearing them completely. “Any of this.”

My father’s eyes widened and he stood. “Sage—”

But I was already stepping through my portal.