Sewn & Scarred (The Fated Creations Trilogy #3)

Chapter Thirty-SixSage

Chapter Thirty-Six

Sage

I swallowed the tears as I landed on the wooden floor of the loft and the portal shut behind me.

I wasn’t sure whether I was angry or heartbroken. Confused or mortified. Not only had Lauden been pretending, all this time, he’d been encouraged by my father. Gods knew how many private moments he’d shared with my father. Not intimate moments, but private information. Secret hopes and thoughts I’d had. Times I’d questioned my father.

And even Rominia. Gods, I’d come so close to trying to convince Lauden to stay with me. I’d been trying to find the courage to do so before we left for Correnti. To confess that I was giving up on my father and that I wanted him to give up, too. To stay in Rominia, to fight for the people who fought for the innocent.

If I had, he would’ve laughed in my face. Before he promptly figured out a way to tell my father.

My father.

Was there even any use for the term anymore? He certainly didn’t earn the right to the title. He’d never been a father to me, and this just proved as much.

That same beat of discord sang through me. The urge to leave it all behind. To betray my father, to betray Lauden. To leave everyone, everything, I’d ever known behind and stay here, forever.

The more I thought about it, the happier it made me. The more the anguish lifted from my heart.

I’d known that this was my heart’s desire for weeks. I’d known I needed to give up on my father—on Vasier. Because he had never, he would never, appreciate me. Approve of me. Love me.

And I was here, I was in the loft, and I wanted nothing more than to stay here. To run to tell everyone that I was sorry and that I would do whatever they needed to prove my loyalty again.

But I couldn’t. Not yet. Not without Evaline.

My mind whirled as I remembered the earlier conversations of the night, and I felt guilt churn in my stomach.

I was so worried about my own misfortune that I’d forgotten about Evaline’s.

Horror cooled my blood as I remembered Vasier’s plan. I knew I had to stop him from killing Evaline, but how in the Gods could I? She didn’t trust me, and if I tried to help her escape, who’s to say she would even come with me?

One thing was certain, I had to tell her, and I had to tell her quickly. But one thought did help to slow the pace of my heart.

Vasier needed me for this plan.

He’d kept me out of the loop, sure. And, yes, he didn’t have faith that I was helpful in any of his plans. But this one couldn’t be executed without me, he’d said so himself. It was time to tell me because he would need me soon. I was the only link he had to the Night. Evaline could go there, but not by herself, or she wouldn’t have needed me back in Correnti. How would Vasier get Alannah if not for me?

I turned to walk down the staircase, I’d portaled into the upper level of the loft again, and as I descended, I started to laugh.

Vasier had spent my entire life doubting me, using me, manipulating me. He’d convinced me that my worth was hinged on my ability to serve him and his petty cause, but now when his several-century quest was on the line, there was only one person in the entire world who could give him what he wanted.

Me.

And that thought, that irony, had me laughing so hard I had to clasp my hand around the handrail as I descended the stairs, so I wouldn’t topple over. It had me laughing so hard a stitch formed in my side and I stopped walking down the steps to lean against the rail.

He lied to me, he looked down on me, and now he needed me.

It was why he made Lauden try to come soothe me, and Gods how that had quickly gone awry after Lauden’s confession.

And where that thought should’ve made me angry, it made me laugh even harder.

I thought back to Evaline in the training center next door, when she’d laughed this hard, how I’d been so concerned for her when her laughter had turned to tears.

Because she was hurting over Maddox.

And that thought only drove me to laugh harder . Because the last several months had been spent deceiving so many people for Vasier, my one big mission that he’d finally let me go on for him, and it only blew up in his face because now I saw him for what he was. I saw Lauden for it, too. And this big task they’d sent me on to befriend Evaline once she’d arrived—the one they let me believe was my chance to prove myself—was truly just a masterful manipulation, too. This was never meant to be my big break, just another ruse because they needed me to portal Evaline in. And what better way to convince Evaline to portal with me than to have me befriend her?

I just don’t think they counted on me actually caring about her.

At that final realization, I couldn’t stop my cackling. My cheeks hurt and tears sprung in my eyes, not from hurt or pain but from how hard I was laughing.

I stepped off the stairs and turned toward the couches in Lauden’s loft and saw movement out of the corner of my eye.

“Sage?” Dean stood latching the door that blocked off the greenhouse to keep the loft soundproofed.

My laughter halted in my surprise, but at the sight of him, and the recollection that he was my mate, I started to laugh again.

He took a step toward me and I could see the concern in his eyes, but he smiled slightly.

“Are you okay?” he asked, eyes scanning my face.

I doubled over in laughter and nodded.

“Yes,” I wheezed, and then straightened and tried to breathe. “I just—” a laugh cut me off and he took another step toward me, smiling at me.

“What is it?” he asked, chuckling, and stopping to stand in front of me. “Are you drunk?”

I shook my head and laughed, wiping a tear from my cheek with the back of my hand.

“No, no. I just realized—” I tried to take a breath between giggles and Dean’s eyes followed every move I made, his smile still wide.

His eyes were bright, and his smile wrinkled the skin on either side of them. They fell to my lips as I laughed, and his smile deepened. And that flutter, it sprung to life in my belly again. The heat that his gaze always caused, crawled over my skin. My eyes fell to his lips, too, and even though I laughed, it started to slow. And I remembered the last time I’d been here. When he’d been sweet, and soft, and kind. When he’d listened to my troubles, when he forgave me, when he believed me. Believed in me.

The loft was dark, he must not have been planning to stay. There was no fire, and only moonlight lit the room. Moonbeams formed a halo of white light behind him, and it was almost as if the Gods were presenting him to me.

Here he is, dummy. He’s always been here. Didn’t you notice?

And of course, I had. But before, fear stopped me. Honor stopped me. But now, after learning of my father’s betrayal, of Lauden’s, the fear slipped from my mind. There was no reason to juggle the feelings of two men who’d only ever hurt me. There was no reason to hold their happiness over my own.

My laughter died now, and his eyes flicked up to mine, soft and gray and kind. And nothing, not Vasier, not Lauden, not the pain that sat in my chest always, could’ve stopped me.

Maybe it was reckless. Maybe it was foolish.

I did not care.

I reached up to his neck, wrapped my hands around it, and lifted onto my toes to press my lips to his.

I saw the look of surprise on his face before I closed my eyes. The way his widened, and for a single second I worried this was a mistake, that I shouldn’t have kissed him just by how shocked he’d looked, but before the worry could do much more than exist, I felt his hands raise onto my back, and he pulled me tight against his chest. I felt his body curl down into mine. Felt his lips open, snag my bottom lip between them, heard the soft contented sigh he released.

The kiss was slow and soft, and I didn’t want that to change.

It was unlike any kiss I’d ever received from Lauden, and for a moment I wondered if this was how it was supposed to feel. Like you were totally consumed by the other, like your breath began and ended with theirs, like their breaths depended on yours . And that was most definitely not how it had been with Lauden.

I lifted higher onto my toes, to push myself against Dean, and he groaned deep in his chest. I raised my hands up into his long, curly hair, and wound my fingers into it to pull him just as close.

Sage. I heard him whisper, and it took a second before I realized that the sound didn’t come from the quiet of the loft around us, but from inside my head.

It didn’t scare me like I’d thought it would. To hear him there, for him to take up space there.

Dean. I whispered back and his body shuddered. I felt what seemed like delight flutter down the bond, I assumed that was the thing I could feel pulsing in my head right now. How long had that been there? All at once, I couldn’t remember the first time I’d noticed it, but it had been there for weeks.

How long have you known? he asked without taking his lips from mine.

A while. Was my only response down the bond.

His hands moved over my body. One lowered to my hip, wrapped around the crest of it, and pulled me close, the other raised to hold my cheek and jaw.

I smiled into the kiss and opened my mouth, and he did too. I slipped my tongue against his, and his hand on my hip tightened.

His thumb caressed my cheek as he kissed me, and that small act, the small move, could only be described as a loving gesture. That thought reminded me that I’d never been loved, not really. Not by Lauden, not by Vasier.

And here Dean was, loving me. Even if it was the tiniest form of it, I was certain that’s what it was. Whether he actually loved me or not, didn’t matter. He cared for me, that much was clear, and that was enough.

Because it was far more than I’d ever been given before.

I felt the silent tears down my cheeks a moment before Dean pulled away slowly. When he saw them, his brows furrowed, and both hands lifted to hold my jaw. His thumbs caressed my cheeks, wiping the tears away.

“Are you okay?” he asked, eyes flicking between mine, pained as he tried to decipher my tears. “What’s wrong?”

A thousand things.

But in that moment, there was only one that was important. One issue I needed help with, and right now he was the only person I could turn to for help.

“I need you to help me save Evaline. Vasier lied to me, she’s not safe.”