Shattered (Koa #5)

30. Lila

Chapter 30

Lila

W hen I wake, I feel cold. Alone. I peel my eyes open, finding my lids heavy. I turn slightly, seeing Turner asleep in the chair beside me.

Asher’s gone.

“Turner?”

He opens his eyes and immediately leans in, entirely focused on me.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Everything hurts.”

He grabs the call button attached to my pillow and clicks it.

“Where’s Asher?”

“He left,” Turner says, though his expression is all wrong. Something happened. I know Asher didn’t just leave.

“You sent him away, didn’t you?”

“He left,” Turner repeats gently.

“Liar.”

“Lila, I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere.”

I shake my head, feeling dizzy. Angry. Why would Asher let Turner bully him out?

“He wouldn’t have left. I know you made him leave.”

“Lila-”

“No! You had no right!” Snapping at Turner takes all my energy, but it’s energy well spent.

“What happened is his fault, Lila. You nearly died. I’m trying to help you.”

“Well, you’re not helping me; you’re hurting me.”

He winces, wounded.

“I want you out. Go.”

“I’m not leaving you here alone.”

“You did that when you sent Asher away.”

He’s frustrated, but he won’t fight me. I can see it.

“I’m not leaving. You need someone here for you.”

“Then send someone else.”

I don’t expect him to fold, but something I said must’ve resonated because his eyes are filled with sadness and shame.

“Who?”

“Asher.”

“I don’t have his number and don’t know where he is.”

He’s lying, I know he is, and I don’t have my phone. So, who can I call? The answer is obvious: if she’ll ever forgive me.

“Macy. ”

Turner nods, happy with that answer. “I’ll call her and wait until she gets here.”

“You can wait in the hall.”

“Lila…”

When the nurse finally walks in to answer my call button, I look at her with pleading eyes as she approaches. “I want this man out of my room. Please call security.”

Turner stands up before the nurse can do anything, making his way for the door.

“Lila, I’m sorry. I’m just trying to protect you.”

“Yeah, well, prove it. Leave.”

Turner nods, his eyes filled with sadness as he exits the room.

With Turner gone, the nurse can tend to me. “Are you alright, Miss?”

“I need something more for pain, please. Did the other man who was here earlier leave anything for me? A phone number?”

“I’m afraid not. Let me get you something for that pain.”

I spend a few hours with my thoughts. Other than being interrupted occasionally by nurses, I’m alone.

I close my eyes, and I can hear Jared choking on acid. I can see the skulls lined on the wall. I can feel that serrated knife cutting through my skin and the torch that always followed. I can feel Rooney.

When I try to shove those thoughts down, too hurt to bear them, I come back to Asher. When I opened my eyes and found myself in his arms, I could feel his fear and grief. It was the most intense feeling I’ve ever felt, more than being cut up like a Thanksgiving turkey or drowned in a bathtub of scalding water.

I felt loved…

How could he leave me here?

I’m wallowing in sadness when a knock on the door startles me, and a familiar face peeks in. Her eyes are wide with fear.

“Lila?”

My name makes me break as I take in Macy, my sweet, small friend who has been through hell just like mine. When the dam of tears breaks, I open my arms, and it’s all she needs. She shuts the door behind her before rushing for me. When I find the strength to sit up, she wraps her arms around me, sitting on the bed.

“What happened to you?” she cries. Though she tries to let go and take a look at me, I don’t let her. I need her arms.

“Mace, I am so sorry for what I said. I’ve been horrible.”

Finally, I let her free, and when she pulls back, she’s crying. “I don’t care about that right now. I’m worried about you. What the hell happened? Turner wouldn’t tell anyone anything.”

I shake my head. “I don’t think I’m ready to say it out loud. Even thinking about it makes it hard to breathe.”

Macy nods. If anyone would understand, it’s her.

“Why won’t you let Turner in?”

“Because he went too far. Asher was here with me, and while I was asleep, Turner made him leave.”

I can see the conflict in Macy’s eyes, but she’s gentle without him in the room and with me being so broken down.

“Help me understand,” she pleads.

I know what she means. Asher.

I don’t even know how to make sense of it myself. Who could? What started as hatred morphed into competition to survive him, and from there, I don’t know how it happened.

“He’s not perfect, no one is. And yes, from the outside looking in, he’s probably a nightmare. I get that,” I start, my heart swelling as I speak. “But he’s just like any one of us. He’s just as broken and lonely as I am.”

“Do you think you can fix him?”

“He doesn’t need to be fixed.” And I think I’ve known that all along. He needs to address his leg so he doesn’t kill himself but beyond that… “What’s to fix? He makes me feel alive. And after all we’ve been through, I see him more clearly than ever. When he found me like this, he was shattered.”

He never would’ve leaked my sex tape. And if I had just called myself his dirty little whore, I have no doubt, he wouldn’t have laid another finger on me, I know that now.

“Are you sure you can trust him?” Macy asks gently.

“I do trust him.”

Macy nods with relief. And when she speaks again, I’m at a loss for words.

“Where can I find him?”

My lips part in shock. “You’d do that for me?”

She nods. “You were right before, and I’m sorry for being so cruel to you about Asher. No one has any right to make decisions about your life. If you trust him, and you need him, then yes, I’ll find him. Or, maybe someone else can, so I can stay here, and you won’t be alone.”

“Neela. She can bring him back.”

“Do you have any idea where he might be?”

“God, I don’t know. His best friend was killed…”

Macy nods, deep in thought. “If he cares about you, he wouldn’t leave you now. So how did Turner scare him off?”

“Turner told him I’d be better off without him.”

“Then, if he loves you, he’ll look for a way to be better for you.”

That’s when it clicks. I think I know where he must be.