Shattered (Koa #5)

34. Lila

Chapter 34

Lila

C oming home doesn’t feel real. As Macy pulls into the driveway of my house, I glance at the one next door, black as death, and my heart pangs for Bane.

“Everyone cleared out. They didn’t want to crowd you when you came home. You know we’re all here for you,” Macy says.

I nod sadly. “Is Asher here?”

“Yes. Neela’s in there too. We’re going to stay with you guys in shifts since you’re on the mend, and he had surgery. We just want to make sure you’re both okay. We won’t be in the way.”

“Asher needed surgery?”

Macy smiles. “Go. You need to speak to him. Do you want me to come in for a bit?”

“No. I’ll be fine… Thanks, Mace. ”

She smiles softly. “Of course. You know I’d do anything for you. I know you may not be ready to talk about what happened, but if you think it’ll help, I’m here to listen.”

I know Macy will be at the top of that list when that time comes. She knows what I’ve been through better than anyone. “I will.”

Macy helps me out of her truck since it’s a significant drop. I’m steady on my feet now, though a little slow. I’m still on medication for pain and anxiety, which have kept me drowsy, so I take my time, careful not to fall.

I find a wooden ramp over my steps and another into the house. I’m too tired to consider what they’re for as I approach the door. It’s locked, so I have to knock. I hear hurried footfalls on the other side before the alarm disables and the door swings open. Neela takes one look at me with her wide eyes, and tears begin to fill.

“I’m so glad you’re okay!” she cries.

When I open my arms, she gently falls in, and I inhale the sweet smell of her hair.

“Thank you for everything, Neela.”

“Of course. I was just with Asher; he’s waiting for you in the den when you’re ready to see him. We moved his bed there, so yours is still upstairs if you need space. Do you want something to eat?” Neela asks.

Space? Space is the last thing I need. “No thanks, I’m fine.”

Neela shuts the door behind me while I enter the kitchen, and the first thing I see is the mountain of flowers on the table. There are cards as well, already unwrapped and perched on the table.

While some part of me is scared, I still head straight for my den. I stop in the doorway, and there he is.

He’s in a wheelchair .

Other than the chair, he looks okay. He’s facing me in the middle of the floor, wearing a T-shirt and sweatpants, and I don’t see any marks on him. He looks okay.

When his eyes meet mine, I find myself frozen. There are a hundred things I want to say to him, but right now, I don’t think it’s words I want.

“What do you need right now?” Asher asks, his voice gentle. I glance at the bed behind him, the king bed taking up most of my den.

“Will you get in bed with me?”

“Gladly.”

The quick way he agrees makes me pause, and pain washes over his face.

“Lila, I won’t lay a finger on you until you ask me to. I promise.”

There’s no doubt in my bones. I trust him.

I turn around to strip off my T-shirt, toss it on the ground, and then drop my sweatpants, leaving me just in some underwear. I look hideous. My head is painted in pink, like a horrid sunburn. The rest of me is bandaged almost everywhere. There are cuts and burns on the inside of both my thighs, calves, stomach, and my chest. They’re everywhere, and they still hurt, even with the pain medication. It’s the first time all my wounds have been in his face since he found me, and I hear his sharp intake of air behind me.Without saying a word, I pull back the blankets on my bed and get in. After sitting in the car for three hours, the bed feels like heaven as I settle on my side. Asher gets in beside me, fully clothed, and keeps some space between us. For a while, he’s silent as he waits for me to come to him. Though I hesitate a little, eventually, I scoot over to him and snuggle into his chest. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me in tight. It feels possessive but in a comforting way.

I haven’t had much time to process everything that happened. While in the hospital, I spent most of my time asleep, recovering, or just blocking out the world. I think the King of Avoidance is my greatest asset right now.

“I’m so glad you’re home,” he whispers.

“Me too. How’s your leg?”

“I had a couple of rebreaks while rescuing you, and I had surgery.”

My heart swells for him. “I’m sorry.”

He smiles. “It’s the price I was happy to pay, Sunshine. Your friend Turner may have kicked me down to rock bottom, but at least he threw me a rope.”

Anger boils in me as I remember. “What did he say to you?”

“He said you’d be better off without me. And he was right. So, I did something about it. For what it’s worth, he did me a favor. He cares.”

“He wasn’t right. Even when you refused to accept your leg, I was never better off without you.” I pull away to look at him as I speak. Sadness swells in my chest alongside something else as he takes me in. He’s pained.

“You survived,” he says. It’s almost cryptic.

“What did you mean when you said you were with me the whole time?”

He hesitates, and when his eyes soften on mine, they’re like ice.

“I saw the livestream… ”

“I thought they were lying about that…” I didn’t think he’d actually watch.

“Except for when they burned off your tattoo, I saw everything. I called…” Tears flood his eyes, and I hold him tighter.

“I figured they were screwing with me with the phone calls… Once you knew that too, I figured you would’ve turned it off if you were watching.”

“I couldn’t. As long as I could see you, I knew…” his voice breaks, his eyes filled with visceral fear. “My phone died right when they took you out of the dungeon…”

That’s when Asher falls apart. He pulls me in closer, holding me tight to his chest, and I let out an exhale, molding against him. Here, in his arms, I’m safe.

“Lila, if you want to talk-”

“I don’t.”

A deafening silence fills the room.

“It might help.”

Something in his words strikes a nerve, and I turn my head to stare him down. “Don’t preach to me about dealing with my problems, Ash.”

I can’t tell what he’s thinking. Asher seems just as lost as I do. I feel like he’s looking through me. Everything’s so fucked up. I still haven’t told him how I feel; I can’t. I know that what happened to me wasn’t my fault and that I’m not tarnished. I’m fucking shattered.

And after everything that happened, I’m not sure I can be glued back together again. Who could?