Shattered (Koa #5)

41. Asher

Chapter 41

Asher

I ’m told that Edgar and Nash are the men to talk to when it comes to formal attire, and Allegra is the best cook of the lot. I’ve never worn a suit a day in my life, and I haven’t got the first fucking clue. I borrowed one from Gareth, who’s roughly the same size as me. While the guys struggle to make a man out of me, Allegra and Ian drop off our meal. It still baffles me how kind all these people are. Two weeks ago, I was on their shit list, and suddenly, it’s like I’m the stray dog they adopted.

After thanking them all profusely, they clear out, and I’m left to wait for Sunshine to come home. I lit some candles that I found in her den and put either a curtain or a tablecloth on the table, I have no sweet clue which.

Sunshine left the house alone today for the first time since her attack. She wanted to speak to her boss and resign and said she needed to do it alone, which I was all for. When I hear her SUV pull in, I position myself in the center of the kitchen. Just as I suspected, the moment she passes the threshold, her jaw practically hits the floor as she lays eyes on me.

“Ash…” She turns her head to see her kitchen table.

“Welcome home, Sunshine.”

She smiles. “What’s all this?”

“Come sit down, and you’ll find out.”

When I roll over to the table and pull out a chair, she gives me a surprised smile as she lowers herself down and helps me push her chair in. Once she’s comfortable, I grab a single red rose from the counter behind me and offer it to her—Nash’s idea.

“Thank you.”

“Before you get too excited, I didn’t cook this. I asked Macy who’s the best cook of you lot, and she said Allegra. I would’ve cooked myself, but I’m a shit cook.”

“That’s really sweet of you, Ash. You didn’t have to go through all this trouble, but I’m glad you did.”

Oh, Sunshine.

She takes a bite of her cranberry pork, and by the look on her face, I’d say she enjoys the flavor. Once she’s taken a bite, I try my own. It really is good.

“Allegra’s an amazing cook.”

“And Nash and Edgar are great guys. They helped me into this monkey suit. Gareth loaned it to me. ”

She grins. “I wouldn’t say the suit matches your bad boy persona, but you do look handsome.”

My brows furrow. “What bad boy persona? I’m a perfect gentleman.”

She scoffs. “Yeah, right,” she says, amused.

I know she’s joking, but this is exactly why I wanted to have this dinner with her tonight.

“I have a million things to say to you, Lila, and I don’t know where to start.”

Her brows pinch together, and I see a wash of concern paint her face, which I remedy immediately with those three easy words.

“I love you.”

It brings her smile back and the light to her eyes. “I love you too, Ash.”

I take a deep breath, trying to find the words, but I don’t think there are any. The feelings I have for Lila are beyond words.

“We really haven’t had much time to get to know each other,” I start.

“You’re right,” she says, her smile disappearing. I hate that she’s nervous, like I’m about to drop a bomb on her.

“I’ve never loved anyone before, Sunshine.”

She frowns. “That’s sad. Why not?”

“I had no desire for it before. I was a playboy, I fucked anything with a pulse. Love wasn’t something I felt like I needed.”

“Everyone needs love, Ash. It’s so lonely without it,” she says, reaching across the table to take my hand.

“I can understand that now. Because now that I’ve met you, I can’t imagine losing you. There are no words for the freaking terror I was in when you were taken while I watched you go through hell, and I only had to watch. You had to live it.”

Bringing up her attack brings pain to her eyes, but I won’t dwell on it.

“Fear like that is crippling. I don’t ever want you to feel fear like that again. So that’s what this very long-winded speech is. I’m telling you that I’ve fallen in love with you, and I’m not letting you go. I’m here, you’ve got me, and I’m not going anywhere. You’re not my first love, Lila; you’re my one and only.”

My one and only Sunshine.

The look on her face takes my breath away as her eyes fill with tears and her lips curl up into a wounded smile.

“Our love story may not be perfect, but it’s ours. You may not have been my first love, Ash. But you’ll be my last.”

If I wasn’t already on the edge of tears, I am now. Once again, this woman brings the tears out of me. She brings out my heart. She’s right, our love story isn’t perfect. But it is ours. And in a way, that does make it perfect. What started as a neighborly spat turned into an all out war, and ended up a dark, twisted love story. She was hurt beyond belief, and I lost my best friend.

But we’re getting through it together.

When tears spill down my cheeks, Lila abandons her meal, approaching me. I pull my chair out so she can sit on my good leg on my lap, careful not to touch my bad leg, and she wraps her arms around my neck. Her eyes flicker from my eyes to my lips, and our lips meet. And every bad fucking wall around me comes crashing down, leaving only love.

She breaks our kiss just long enough to say my name. “Asher?”

I need one more moment with her lips before I can form words. The moment I let hers go, I want them back. “Yes, Sunshine?”

“Promise me we won’t lose the us from before.”

My smile takes over my face. “You think we’re suddenly gonna be not at each other’s throats? No. We’re gonna squabble just as much as we did before.”

She smiles. “Not just that. I mean… the sex. I want that again. I need that.”

I cup her head, stroking her cheeks with my thumbs. If she needs this, I’ll give her a glimpse of it. “If you think I’ll ever let another man touch you now that you’re mine, you’d be sorely fucking mistaken. I won’t be whoring you out ever again, that’s for fucking sure.”

“I think that itch is scratched.”

“I don’t want to lose that part of us either. We’ll take things at your pace, day by day, and eventually, we’ll get there again. For now, we both need to heal.”

Her entire face brightens. “I’m so proud of you, Ash. You’ve come so far.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you, Sunshine.”

The smile that lights up her face brings me a sigh of relief.

“Do you think we could go to the shop after we eat?” she asks.

“Sure.” I’m not sure what she wants, but I’ll never say no to her.

I drive us to the shop after she helps me into the driver’s seat. Once we arrive, she jumps out first, bringing my chair around .

“Thanks, beautiful.”

After I unlock the door, she helps me over the doorway and follows me inside. The moment I flick the lights on, I freeze.

The grey walls are printed in white, all tattoo designs. It only takes me a moment to realize that most of them are Bane’s.

The carnations he tattooed on Neela are behind the check-in desk. One wall is nearly all floral and greenery. Another wall is animals. The dragon tattoo he designed for Jared is up there, too, right beside the one I modified. And within some of the other designs on the wall, I see Sunshine’s, the mountain currently on my ankle, a butterfly, and cherry blossoms.

The skull and apple belonging to Jared that I designed is etched across the front of the check-in desk. But the one I can’t stop staring at is over the desk, front and center on the wall. It’s my sketch of Bane, his smile lighting up the room.

“Who did this?” I ask, breathless, as my eyes blur with tears.

“Neela,” Sunshine says. “It was my idea, and I picked most of the designs, but she made it happen. If it’s too emotional for you, we can take it down. We wanted to do some kind of memorial for Bane and Jared.”

I don’t know where to begin. Finally, I turn my head, my eyes meeting hers, blurred with tears. I grab her arm, squeezing it meaningfully.

“It’s perfect.”

She steps up to the wall where her designs are, running her hands over them. They’re so well done that they blend right in with the others on the wall, mine and Bane’s.

“She wasn’t supposed to put these up,” she says in confusion .

“I’m glad she did. You’re a tattoo artist now.”

She brightens as I approach and lowers herself right into my lap on my good leg, a position we’ve mastered now. There, she wraps her arms around my neck and leans in. My eyes close as our lips meet.

Before I met Lila, I didn’t know what love was. Now I do. Love is terrifying, fragile, and the best thing I’ve ever felt. Love is what makes everything else feel insignificant.

I think, when it comes to life, love is the entire point.