Shattered (Koa #5)

40. Lila

Chapter 40

Lila

A sher helps me get ready after Turner sends out the text. After we’ve tidied up a little bit with Turner’s help, the last thing I need to do is wash my hair.

To my surprise, it’s a little easier this time. We use cold water again, and Asher distracts me by humming a rock song that I recognize from him and Bane on the deck. Before I get too overwhelmed, the worst part is over. I have more strength now, but I don’t offer to finish my hair for him. The tender way he brushes my hair and dries it is deeply comforting, a stark contrast to his rugged side. He’s so gentle as he works on it, braiding it like last time.

Once I’m ready, I motion Turner to unlock the door, opening my house to chaos.

“Ready?” Asher asks .

I take a minute to force myself to breathe, and when I’m ready, I nod.

Gareth and Macy arrive first. As Gareth’s eyes probe me, I feel myself shrink beneath his gaze and decide to march straight up to him to hug him. He wraps his arms around me gently, letting out a deep exhale.

“Thank god you’re okay,” he says.

“What’re you thanking god for? It’s us who saved her,” Turner jokes, instantly lightening the room.

Within half an hour, my house becomes a bustle of activity as everyone piles in. Edgar and Nash arrive next, sandwiching me in a hug of pure testosterone.

“You scared the sweet jesus fuck out of everyone, you know,” Nash says.

“You know those security systems don’t work if you don’t shut the door, right?” Edgar asks, biting back a smile.

“That’s the worst joke I’ve ever heard,” I chuckle.

Like our gatherings at Turner’s, my house quickly fills with food as people arrive. While Asher, Turner, Gareth, Neela, and Nash encourage me to eat with them, I don’t, and they don’t push. Asher mingles a little, keeping himself out of the spotlight.

The next to arrive is Juliet, and her expression breaks when she lays eyes on me. She charges me and nearly knocks me into Edgar.

“Easy, I’m still sore.”

“You’re okay,” she weeps.

“Juliet, I’m so sorry,” I whisper. “I made you feel like a bad friend, and you’re not. I was just hurting, and I lashed out.”

She releases me finally, shrugging .

“I don’t care about that right now. I’m just glad you’re safe. What the fuck happened!?”

“Not now.”

She leaves it at that, not pushing. “I’m sorry.”

The last ones to arrive are Ian and Allegra. Allegra approaches me first, wrapping me in a gentle hug.

“Thank you for all the food.” Asher told me she meal-prepped and filled my freezer, not that I’ve touched much of it yet.

“It’s the least I could do. I’m just so glad you’re okay.” As she hugs me, she gently runs her hands over my back. “You’re so tense. If you want a massage, let me know.”

“I’ll definitely take you up on that once some of the pain dies down,” I say honestly. I’ve had a few massages by her, and they really are better than sex.

Well, some sex.

Once Allegra releases me, Ian steps in. His eyes are filled with misery. “Can we talk?”

“Yeah, come into the den.”

It’s quiet in there, with everyone socializing in the kitchen. I think they can all tell I’m overwhelmed, and I’m glad they’re giving me breathing space.

Ian sits beside me on the sofa, studying my face with concern.

“I know this is a stupid question, but are you okay?”

“I will be.”

He nods, understanding. “I was so worried about you. Everyone was.”

“I’m sorry I blocked you all out. It was just so much to handle.”

“I get that, and you don’t have to apologize.”

That’s Ian. I knew he wasn’t giving me a hard time, he just wanted to show me he cares.

“Asher seems interesting.”

I chuckle. “Smooth.”

He smiles, but concern is still present. “Promise me he treats you right.”

“He treats me how I want to be treated.”

Ian and I haven’t spoken much since the divorce, especially not about sex. But he seems to know just what I mean.

“You’ll be happy?”

“I will. Once I get past this, I’ll be happy.”

He sighs with relief and leans in, wrapping me in a hug. “That’s all I want for you. Happiness.”

“Asher’s not perfect. But he’s mine.”

“Forgive me if I grill him?” he asks with a smile.

“There’s nothing to be forgiven, Ian. And thanks for the sunflowers.”

“A little obvious?”

“Maybe. Y’know, I still like them, but I think I’m gonna cover them up.”

“Really?”

I nod. “Yeah. They don’t feel like me anymore. I’ve changed. But I’ll probably leave that quirky one in the bathroom.”

“You realize the entire outside of your house is yellow, right?”

Oh yeah, fuck. I think it’s time to tone that down just a smidge.

“Shall we go grab some grub?” Ian asks.

I nod eagerly. For the first time in days, I actually want to eat.

All the socializing wears me out. Once everyone starts to clear out, I return to bed in the den. When I wake up, and there’s no more daylight coming through the curtains, I know it must be nighttime. A phone screen is lit beside me, and I follow the light to see Neela lying on top of the blankets.

“Hey.”

She turns to me, locking her phone so she disappears. “Hey. Need some pain meds?”

“No thanks.” The pain feels manageable right now. “Turn the light on, will you?”

She turns on a lamp beside my sofa, and the room lights up. When I look over, I see a sketchpad on the table beside the lamp.

“How about something to eat?” Neela asks.

I smile. “I ate lots earlier. Where’s Asher?”

“Bathroom.”

Looking over Neela’s shoulder, I see Asher’s sketchpad. “Could you pass me that?”

She reaches over to grab it and hands it to me with a soft smile. When I open to the first page of the one on top, I see some heavy scribbles, as though he let out all his anger on the first page, bleeding through and damaging several pages after. When I find the first actual drawing, I freeze. It’s a skull with two fucked up eyesockets. It’s Rooney. I can’t look at it, so I flip to the next page, finding a full-body portrait of Bane. He’s laughing, brushing his hair from his forehead. He looks so real. So alive. I nearly ruin it when a teardrop drips onto the paper in the white space on the side, and I wipe my tears .

“It’s so unfair.”

Neela nods sullenly. “I know.”

It’s hard to flip the page again.

The next page shocks me as I take it in, and it takes me a moment to realize that it must be me. I’m naked, on the ground, my eyes closed, and my cheek pressed into the floor.

“Is that you? When he found you?” Neela asks, her voice shaky.

“I didn’t know he does portraits,” I say with a nod, my heart rate rising.

“He doesn’t. He told me when I found him drawing. Flip the page.”

I do as she says. It’s me in this bed. The blankets cover me up to my chin as I take a deep, peaceful sleep. To my relief, he didn’t draw the huge gash on my face or highlight my burns. I look normal.

“I sat with him and watched him draw for a while. The way he looked at you was beautiful.”

I grab my own and pull the pencil from the wire binding, flipping to a clean page. There, I draw one of the purple flowers on Neela’s forearm. I start with one straight from her, and freehand the rest, filling the page with flowers that get more dead and wilted as they move further from Neela’s flower in the center. Despite how cryptic the design is, it actually makes me feel a little better. I finish the outlines first, and before I can start shading, the stark lines on the page give me an idea.

“I’ve been wanting to do something for Bane. Asher didn’t want a funeral, but Bane doesn’t deserve to be forgotten,” I say.

“I agree. I’ve been thinking about that too,” Neela says.

“I think I might have an idea, but I’ll need your help. ”

She nods eagerly. “Done.”

Asher wanted to come with me today, but I insisted on going by myself. I head inside alone, finding it hard to be by myself. The waiting room is empty, but another woman is sitting behind my desk.

“Good afternoon,” the woman greets me with a friendly smile.

“Hi, I’m here to see Dr. Parr.”

“Do you have an appointment?” she asks with confusion.

“No. I’m Lila.”

The woman’s eyes light up with surprise. “Dr. Parr asked to see you immediately if you ever stopped by. She doesn’t have a patient, so you can go on back now.”

“Thank you.” It feels weird to feel like a stranger in here.

I knock softly on the door, and after a moment, it swings open. Dr. Parr’s jaw drops.

“Lila!”

“Hey,” I say awkwardly.

She waves me inside, shuts the door behind me, and motions for me to sit in her patient chair before sitting herself.

“Are you okay? Your friend Neela said you were badly hurt but couldn’t tell me what happened.”

Neela told me she went to speak with Dr. Parr when she found out I was in the hospital. She tried to protect my job for me.

“I’m on the mend,” I say simply. “I really don’t want to get into it, though.”

“Okay, of course. The nurse out there, Pamela, she’s temporary. I hired her when Neela said you’d likely be out for quite a while.”

“She can be permanent.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not coming back. And honestly, I should’ve quit a long time ago. I’m so sorry. I’ve been slacking, and it hasn’t been fair to you.”

She frowns. “You weren’t happy working here, were you?”

“At first, I was. It’s kind of a boring job, but I get to see mothers and babies all day. I think after my divorce, it just made it harder to come here, knowing that I’m nowhere near ready to have this.”

She nods in understanding. “I wish you would’ve talked to me. I tried, you know.”

“I know you did. You’re not the only one. Thank you for trying.”

“Of course. I really wish you the best, hun; I hope you know that.”

I smile. “I know. Good luck to you too, Doctor.”