Shattered Dreams (Dream #1)

Chapter Thirteen

Charlie

My eyes flicker open when I feel something tickle my nose. I feel weight on my stomach and then feel the heat from a body beside me. I blink a couple of times, looking down to see Autumn’s head on my chest, her arm over my abs, and her leg hooked around mine. My arm under her body holds her close to me. I put my head back and look at the ceiling, trying not to hate myself but failing fucking miserably.

I look over at the side table, seeing there isn’t even a clock on there to tell me what time it is. I look out the side window, seeing the sun is just coming up, so I have to get the fuck out of here before the alarm goes off again and wakes her up. I think about how to dislodge myself from her. At the same time, I want to turn into her and wake her up in a different way. My cock agrees with this plan while my head screams at me to get the fuck out.

I slide away from her, slowly pulling my arm from under her. It takes me a full five minutes before I walk over to the end of the bed, grab my boxers, and slide them on. This is somewhat like it was yesterday morning, but we aren’t telling each other how much we hate each other. I grab my T-shirt, putting it on before picking up my boots and walking out of the bedroom. “Next time, get dressed outside,”

she mumbles. I turn my head to look at her as she turns over from where she was lying, which was on top of me not five minutes ago, as she puts her hand under the pillow on the other side of the cover, just barely covering her, as my eyes go to her perfect arch of her back and up to her neck.

I take one final look before walking out the back door and slamming it. The struggle to go back in there and let her know this is never going to happen again is real, but instead, I go to sit on the step and put on my boots. Walking down the steps toward the path that goes to my house, my head is down, trying not to look over my shoulder. But right as I get into the forest, I make the mistake of looking back. I don’t know what I’m expecting, but nothing is there for me. Just the swing moving softly front to back, with the whiskey bottle right beside it.

Kissing her last night, I tasted it on her lips and knew I should have stepped away, but just like the day before yesterday, the pull to her was something I couldn’t understand. Seeing her standing there with tears running down her face, begging me to just leave her be, but because of the asshole that I am, I just pushed her even more. I didn’t even know why I was doing it; I just knew it was happening. Hearing her say I literally can’t give you anything else because I don’t have anything left to give, I felt like I was kicked in the stomach. The air left my body, making it harder and harder to breathe. We were all broken from that night, something I don’t think I ever admitted.

I walk through the forest, replaying last night in my head. The night before when I went to her, I was drunk, and when I slid into her and closed my eyes, I was expecting to see Jennifer, but not with Autumn. With her, I closed my eyes, and all I saw was her, which pissed me off. So last night I went to her without alcohol in my system, with her hips in my hands, slamming into her, I closed my eyes, and again, all I saw was her. Her staring at me, her moan ripping right through me to my dick, down my balls and back again. I have never fucked anyone as hard as I’ve fucked her before. Never has there been almost no foreplay, yet my dick was harder than stone. Never has there been someone who I want to go again with as soon as I finish. Never again have I struggled the way I’m struggling with Autumn. I’m usually in and out, with the promise of maybe calling them the next day but not actually doing it. That is what I’m used to. That is what I’ve become, but with her I’m not that person.

I walk into the clearing, making my way past the barn and toward my house. The sound of gravel crunching makes me look over to the side, seeing Emmett arriving while I’m walking up the steps to my house. I turn the handle, and at the same time, my phone blares from my back pocket. Taking it out, I turn off the alarm as I walk into the kitchen, tossing the phone on the counter before walking to the bedroom.

I pull off my shirt, smelling her around me as I toss it into the laundry basket before I add my jeans and boxers to it as soon as I take off my boots. Stepping into the bathroom, I turn the water on, and the cold immediately hits me as it warms up. I put my head back, letting the water wash over me. I get out, grabbing one of the white plush towels from the side to wrap around my waist. Then I grab another one and open it to dry my hair before tossing it on the hook beside the shower door.

Running my hands through my wet hair, I look into the mirror and wonder if I should shave or not when I see the bite mark. My hands come up to touch it as I look at it in the mirror. My cock stirs, and I drop my hand. I ignore the way my heart sped up seeing her teeth marks on me. I ignore it all when I turn and walk into the closet, grabbing a pair of boxers followed by a pair of my work jeans and a black T-shirt with the barn name written on the back of it. The socks are next, followed by the boots as I step out of the closet and into the bedroom. The bed hasn’t been made in two days, but it also hasn’t been slept in in that amount of time either.

My eyes go to the bedside table where the clock tells me it’s almost seven and also where Jennifer’s picture is in a frame. She is looking at me, smiling, and I walk over to the frame, picking it up. My finger rubs her cheek through the glass as I think about one of the last moments we were together.

“Hey, baby,”

I said when I walked into the house. The smell of something baking in the oven filled the whole house.

“In the kitchen,”

she called, and I walked down the small hallway to the kitchen, not seeing her there, but then she popped up. “Hey.”

Her whole face lit up when she saw me. “Guess what I’m making.”

“Whatever it is,”

I replied as I walked around the counter to her. My arms circled her waist, bringing her against me. Her arms wrapped around my neck. “It smells good.”

I buried my face in her neck. “Although, not as good as you smell.”

I nipped her neck, and that made her squirm in my arms.

“Charlie,”

she said breathlessly, and if I closed my eyes tight enough, I would always remember it. “Do you know how happy you make me?”

“Not as happy as you make me, baby.”

I kissed her lips. “Dance with me.”

I turned and played our song on my phone, putting it on the counter.

“Anytime, anywhere,”

she said as she swayed side to side. “Forever.”

“Anytime, anywhere,”

I say to the picture. “Forever.”

But I avoid looking her in the eyes. I put the picture down before turning and making my way to the kitchen.

I put the pod in the coffee maker before grabbing a mug and putting it under the spout and pressing the button. My phone rings from the counter, making me walk over and I see it’s my father.

“Hello,”

I say, putting the phone to my ear, “it’s not even seven.”

He laughs on his side of the phone. “I’ve been up since five,”

he tells me and then stops for a second, like he’s wondering what to say next. “What’s going on?”

I pick up the mug of coffee, bringing it to my lips and taking a sip. “What are you asking me?”

I turn to head to the barn, wondering if maybe Emmett said something but also knowing that he wouldn’t. Pulling open the door, I step outside. The sun is now high in the sky as I walk down the steps I just walked up. “I’m asking you if you are okay.”

I stop mid step. “Why would you be asking that?”

I say, my voice tight, and I have to wonder if he heard about Autumn and me. Not that there is anything with Autumn and me, but just that we were together. My stomach lurches, the guilt rushes through me, and I think I’m going to be sick. “Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

My voice is low, almost a whisper.

I hear him taking a deep breath in. “A couple of things.”

His voice is soft but tight at the same time.

I grip the handle of my mug even tighter. “Which are?”

“Well, for one”—my neck tingles with anticipation and nerves—“I heard that Autumn is back in town and—”

I want to be surprised he’s heard, but I also know that not a lot of things happen here that he doesn’t know about. It’s the way the small-town life works.

“You heard right.”

I cut him off before he even finishes, not wanting to discuss Autumn with him or anyone else. “There is nothing to say on that topic,”

I bite out, hoping it’s the end of this part of the conversation.

“Okay, we’ll table that for later,”

he backpedals, and I shake my head.

“We aren’t tabling anything for later,”

I say between clenched teeth, “because there is nothing to discuss about her. At fucking all.”

“I heard you two had a confrontation.”

My eyes turn toward the barn and straight to Emmett, who is drinking his coffee by the fence. His eyes are on Lilah as she races around the fenced area with her horse. She moves side to side on her horse as she pushes her harder and harder.

“Emmett tell you that?” I ask.

“Actually, he didn’t.”

My father tries to cover for him, or maybe he didn’t. It’s a small town, and anyone could have seen us talking to each other. Gossip spreads faster than a wildfire in a small town. “The other thing is.”

I put the coffee down on the counter before I reach a hand out and brace myself by gripping the side. “It’s almost the anniversary.”

My eyes close, and I’m expecting to see Jennifer, but it comes out black. There is nothing, no vision of her… nothing. Not a smiling face, not a sad face, nothing but blackness. “I think we should do something to celebrate her life.”

“I don’t know,”

I say softly.

“I know you don’t.”

His voice comes out just as soft. “It’s why I’m bringing it up now. We can talk about it when your mother and I visit in a couple of weeks.”

“Yeah, fine,”

I say, just to get him off the topic. “Let’s do that.”

Knowing I’m not going to agree to do anything they want to do.

“I’ll let you have that play also,”

he states, picking up on that. “Heard you got a new friend.”

My hand loosens from the countertop as I reach for my cup again, knowing the conversation about Autumn and then Jennifer has ended, at least for now. “You been hearing a lot of things for someone who doesn’t live in this town.”

I make the joke, and he laughs at it.

“You should know how this works by now.”

I turn to walk out the door. “Eyes are everywhere in a small town.”

I walk down the steps and wait for him to say the next thing I know he needs to say because he trailed off, and he always does that when he’s thinking of how to break the next piece of news to you. Like you have to brace for something. “I want you to be happy, Son.”

His voice is filled with worry.

“I’m happy,”

I lie to him, lie right through my teeth, “as a clam.”

I decide that it’s time to end this conversation. “Okay, Dad, as much as I love this heart-to-heart, I have to go and check on the new horses.”

“Is that your way of telling me to fuck off?”

He chuckles.

“I would never.”

I smile. “Tell Mom I love her.”

“Will do,”

he agrees. “See you soon. Love you.”

“Right back at you,”

I say, disconnecting the call, putting the phone in my back pocket, and going to the fence where Emmett stands. My eyes are on Lilah as she stops racing her horse. She brings her to a trot, leans down, rubs her neck, and whispers something to her.

“Morning,”

he greets, looking over at me. The scowl all over his face.

“Morning,”

I return to him, raising my cup and watching a couple of the ranch hands bring out the new horses.

“You need to tell her she’s not allowed to be riding her fucking horse alone without anyone here.”

He motions with his head toward Lilah. “It’s a security hazard.”

“A security hazard,”

I repeat the words because I don’t think I’ve ever heard that sentence before in my life.

“Yeah, like if she fucking falls and breaks her neck, she’s going to sue your ass, and then I’ll be out of a job.”

He tries to play it off, but my eyebrows just pinch together.

“You mean safety hazard,”

I tell him, trying to hide the fact I’m joking. “Just got off the phone with my father.”

I look over at him. “You been telling tales?”

His eyebrows pinch together before he glares at me. “You think I have time to be sitting around, twirling my hair, and talking about you?”

His voice is low as he shakes his head. “You better check your sources.”

I nod at him, not saying a word. “Could be the fact you walked into your house in the morning after spending the night God knows where.”

I don’t turn back to look at him. “I see the cat’s got your tongue.”

He turns his head toward the fence. “I have things to do”—he turns to walk away from me—“and it’s not sit here and discuss the shit you are up to.”

I watch him walk away without saying anything because, frankly, there is nothing to be said. The last two nights were a mistake, a mistake I will never repeat again. At least that is what I plan to do.