Shelf-Made Man

Chapter 5

Chapter

Five

S o it had not been just a very weird dream. When Tobias woke up in the morning, muscles stiff and joints crackly from sleeping on the couch, there was still an elf in his bed.

He couldn’t tell whether Alfie looked improved over the previous day, but he wasn’t bleeding and didn’t look worse, so Tobias counted it as a win. Alfie greeted him with a warm smile. “I must be keeping you from your regular life.”

“My work can wait.” That was true, although Tobias rarely acknowledged it, even to himself. None of his clients were particularly desperate to get anything from him at the moment, with the holidays upon them and lots of people on vacation. But when he kept his head buried in the job, he felt important and didn’t notice his loneliness as much. Today, however, he could accomplish those goals without his computer’s help .

“Do you, uh, need to use the mayo jar?”

Alfie glanced at the side table, where the item in question waited. “I was hoping perhaps I might be able to make it to the toilet this morning, with a bit of help.”

Although Tobias wasn’t sure that was wise, he understood Alfie’s desire to hang on to some dignity, so he nodded. “We can give it a try.”

Alfie managed to sit up with help and then twisted so his feet were on the floor. His face was tight with pain, but he gripped Tobias’s arm and slowly stood. “I’m normally very graceful,” he said through gritted teeth. “I’ve won ribbons for my dancing.”

“The last time I tried was in junior high when we had to do square dancing. I was awful. Stomped all over everyone’s feet, messed up the steps, couldn’t keep to the beat to save my life.” It had been acutely embarrassing, but then so was virtually everything else at that age. He’d tried hard to remain in the background of things, hoping nobody would notice him, but that became increasingly difficult once his growth spurt hit and he went from large to massive.

“I could teach you how, once I’ve recovered.”

Tobias thought about what private lessons might entail—lots of touching and attention to his physical self—and felt a rush of desire so strong that his knees felt weak. He had to remind himself that he was supposed to be supporting Alfie, not lusting after him.

“I’m probably a hopeless case.”

“No, I could teach you,” Alfie repeated confidently.

It took a long time to cross the room, walk the few steps down the hall, and enter the bathroom, and Tobias ended up bearing a good portion of Alfie’s weight. For once he was happy about his size and strength because they allowed him to help.

Alfie didn’t let go until he was seated on the toilet. “Thank you, Tobias.”

“I’ll give you some privacy. Call when you’re ready to walk back. Don’t try it by yourself.”

“You’re quite good at looking stern.” Alfie didn’t quite smile, but humor definitely danced in those blue eyes.

Tobias lurked in the hallway, marveling at the sudden strange turn in his life.

Alfie needed even more support on the way back, and both he and Tobias were relieved once he was tucked back into bed. “Do you have bathrooms where you come from?” asked Tobias while adjusting the pillow.

“Of course. We’re not barbarians.”

“I just thought… I don’t know. I didn’t picture elves with modern plumbing, I guess.” Somehow the folklore never seemed to mention elfin toilets.

“My chambers at the palace have a water closet with a toilet and bidet, as well as a bath room with a tub large enough to invite two or three friends to join me.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively, but then his face fell. “Had. I’ll never see the palace again.”

“Why not?”

Alfie spread his arms. “I’m here. I have no means to return to my world. ”

“Your world ? Wait. Let me go make some breakfast and then maybe you can explain a little.”

While Alfie dozed, Tobias hurried through morning ablutions, threw on some clean clothes, and prepared bacon, pancakes, and tea. He sat in the bedroom chair to eat while Alfie tackled his meal with enthusiasm. When Tobias offered to change the bedding, which harbored crumbs and a little dried blood, Alfie shook his head. “It can wait. You asked about my world.”

Ah. It was finally story time. “Is it really a whole separate world? Like a different planet or something?” Maybe elves were aliens.

“It’s more like… a different layer. Imagine two pieces of cloth, one floating on top of the other. They have much in common, but each is independent and self-contained. A bit of space separates them, and generally there is no interaction between them. But at certain times, one of the pieces curves so as to touch the other. This never lasts long, but while it does, those who exist on one piece can view those on the other.” He paused and cocked his head, clearly waiting to see whether Tobias understood.

Surprisingly, Tobias did. In fact, he remembered something Aunt Virginia had told him. The border between the possible and the impossible becomes more permeable. “Is later December one of those times?”

Pleased, Alfie flashed him a grin. “Yes! During the winter and summer solstices, our worlds can reliably be expected to touch. It’s less predictable at other times of the year, and sometimes it’s a particular event in one world or the other that causes the warping of the fabric.”

“So when this happens, you guys can see what we’re up to.”

“To a limited extent.” Alfie shrugged. “We see enough to have some notion of events in your world. And sometimes your people catch glimpses of us.”

Realization hit. “That’s why we have stories about Christmas elves, isn’t it?”

“I believe so. Your people have other lore that we’ve inspired as well, about brownies, goblins, pixies, and boggarts.”

Although all of this should have seemed like a load of nonsense straight out of a novel, Tobias had no trouble believing it. After all, he had an elf in his bed. Besides, the explanation made sense, like a math problem where both sides of the equation equaled out.

“How long does this, um, warping last? Do we still have time to get you back home?”

Alfie bowed his head and gave it a small shake. “I haven’t explained properly. We can see the other world, but we can’t move between them.”

“But—”

Alfie held up a hand. “I know. I’m here. What I mean is that very few of us can make this transfer. Powerful wizards are capable of it, and some of them can even transfer others. I imagine that’s what happened to me, although I don’t know why. Also, there are some beings who can sometimes do this. Trolls, for instance. Nixies. Selkies, grims, and the hafgufa.” He sighed. “Not humans, and not elves.”

Now Tobias had a better understanding of why Alfie had been so upset when he learned where he was. Ready to comfort him, Tobias had a rather shocking thought and he cleared his throat. “You know how I told you that, um, my aunt gave me a doll that turned into, well, you?”

“Of course.”

“Her second husband was a wizard and the doll, uh, well, you —dammit, this is awkward!—belonged to him.”

“That makes sense. He’s likely the one who transferred me.” Alfie sighed. “And you’re using the past tense, so I assume he’s deceased.”

Tobias shuffled his feet like a nervous schoolboy. “Um, yeah. Or disappeared maybe? And the thing is, he’s been gone for… a while. Before I was born. So it’s been a long time since you were transferred.”

To Tobias’s surprise, Alfie gave him a small smile. “You’re concerned for me. Thank you. But the temporal issue isn’t a worry. If I could somehow return, I would find myself at more or less the same place whence I left, and likely not more than a year or so later. Which would be problematic, actually, because I was very nearly killed. I’m guessing that your wizard’s intervention saved my life.”

That made Tobias blink a few times as the gears turned slowly in his head. “So you were injured before Aunt Virginia’s husband magicked you.” That was a relief. Not that he’d ever believe she was married to a villain, but the wizard could have accidentally hurt Alfie. It sounded, however, as if he had been trying to protect him. “But all those years when you were a doll, you must have been…. I can’t even imagine how awful.”

Another smile. “I wasn’t aware, Tobias. I didn’t suffer.”

That mattered to Tobias. Not that he generally enjoyed other people’s misery, but he found himself especially distressed by the idea of Alfie’s. Although Tobias hadn’t asked for the responsibility of caring for an elf, he took it seriously. And besides, he liked Alfie, who was doing his best under what must be devastating circumstances, and who was… nice.

Tobias wanted to know a lot more about how Alfie got hurt, who that Snjokarl guy was, and how Aunt Virginia’s husband had become involved. But there were more important things than simply satisfying his curiosity.

“You’re looking a little more chipper,” he said. “Do you want to get dressed?”

“Does my nudity bother you?” Alfie stressed the word and, in case Tobias hadn’t caught his meaning, waggled his eyebrows.

Although Tobias blushed, for once he didn’t stumble over his words. “Not bothered at all, but since you’re not in any condition for either of us to enjoy it properly….” Oh my God, he was flirting. With an elf.

And the elf was laughing, seemingly delighted. “ How am I so fortunate to have acquired a savior who is handsome, strong, kind, and amusing?”

Tobias’s blush intensified.

With some difficulty, he found a pair of navy-colored sweatpants that would probably work, at least for the time being. Alfie could tighten the drawstring waist, and the elastic bands around the ankles would keep the hems from dragging. He also gave him his favorite T-shirt, made of incredibly silky cotton the color of ripe plums. Alfie needed help putting it all on, but together they managed and then followed up with another bathroom trip. This time Alfie didn’t lean so heavily on Tobias.

Alfie brought them to a halt as they were returning to the bedroom. “May I perhaps spend some time out of bed?”

“Are you sure you’re up to it?”

“Lying around will do nothing but make me wallow in self-pity.”

It would also be easier to change the bedding, so Tobias led him into the living room and quickly dragged the sheet and blanket off the couch so Alfie could sit.

“Is this what I consigned you to by commandeering your bed?”

Tobias shrugged. “It’s a couch, not a torture chamber. It’s pretty comfy, actually.”

“For sitting, perhaps. But it’s far too small for a man of your impressive stature. You must have been miserable. ”

Actually, Tobias hadn’t slept well at all, but he wasn’t about to admit it. He had just opened his mouth to change the subject when there was a heavy knock on the door. Crap. It was possibly religious recruiters or a salesperson, or even more likely, his slightly off neighbor who liked to complain about the trees growing in front of Tobias’s house: three impressively large Douglas-firs. Tobias liked them because they were pretty and attracted birds, but the weirdo neighbor was convinced they were going to fall any minute and take out the whole block. He got especially nervous when the weather turned icy.

“Hang on.” Tobias strode to the door.

It wasn’t the neighbor. It was two men who didn’t look much like Jehovah’s Witnesses or solar panel salesmen. They were as tall as Tobias and as heavily built, with bushy blond hair and even bushier blond beards. Their clothing—tall black boots, dun-colored baggy hose, and taupe tunics—made them look like escapees from a Renaissance faire. Tobias noted the leather belts with knife sheaths at both hips.

The men looked surprised to see Tobias. “You have him already?” one of them growled. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“I think you have the wrong address.”

Tobias started to close the door, but they pushed past him and lunged straight at Alfie, who cried out in distress.

“Tobias, run!” he shouted as he tried to scramble away. But his leg was unsteady and the two men were on him at once, one of them slugging him in the belly while the other tried to wrestle him into a rough bear hug. Despite his injuries and the gut punch, Alfie put up a fight, squirming, kicking, and biting like an angry bobcat. He might have made some headway had he faced only one large assailant, but couldn’t manage two.

Just inside the front door was a small wooden table, on top of which sat a heavy marble statue of two naked Greeks wrestling. Without pausing to consider whether it was a good idea, Tobias picked up the statue, rushed a few steps closer to the melee, and threw it with all his strength at the nearer stranger’s head.

The man dropped to the floor with a solid thud.

Before Tobias could celebrate his success, the second man roared, let go of Alfie, and tackled Tobias.

The last time Tobias had been in a fight was in second grade, when a classmate named Logan Dankworth had teased him about not having a father. Both boys had ended up crying, Tobias had been sent to the principal’s office, and his mother had given him a long talk about avoiding violence unless absolutely necessary. None of that had prepared him to go hand-to-hand with an enraged giant.

But Tobias was equally as big, and his adrenaline was flowing. After a lifetime of holding himself back and trying to remain unthreatening and unobtrusive, it felt amazing to just… let go. If Alfie had been an angry bobcat, Tobias was a furious grizzly. He roared and squeezed and hit, and although the other guy was whaling on him too, Tobias didn’t feel any pain. In fact, as the two of them rolled around on the floor, Tobias almost wanted to laugh with the joy of battle.

And then something went thunk and his opponent slumped in his grip.

Tobias scrambled out from under him to discover Alfie standing a few inches away, face grim, the marble wrestlers clutched in both hands.

“Run,” Alfie pleaded. “Before more of them show up.”

Slightly out of breath, Tobias shook his head in an attempt to clear it. “More of who?”

“Trolls, of course.”

Oh. Of course. Tobias stared at the two unmoving lumps. “Are they dead?”

“I don’t know and I don’t particularly care. They would have taken me to Snjokarl if you hadn’t saved me—and gods, thank you, Tobias—but there are dozens more in his employment.”

Still trying to process the fact that he’d just fought a fucking troll, Tobias rubbed his head. “I should call the police.” He wouldn’t have to explain the troll part; he could just quite honestly say that they’d intruded into his home and attacked his guest.

“Will the police protect you when the next round of trolls appears?”

Tobias rather doubted that. He couldn’t exactly request a personal guard, and he didn’t have complete confidence that the cops would be sympathetic at all. “So what should we do?”

Alfie stood silently for a moment before shuffling back to the couch and collapsing heavily onto the cushion. “Leave. Come back in a couple of days. By then I’ll be in Snjokarl’s hands and I doubt he’ll bother sending anyone after you. You’ll be safe.”

“I’m not going to abandon you!” Tobias was indignant.

“Then I’ll go.”

Alfie started to stand, but Tobias hurried over and gently urged him back down. “Go where? I’m not going to just kick you out so you can….” Not quite willing to finish the thought, he waved a hand in the direction of the trolls.

“You’ve already done so much for me.” Alfie’s voice was gentle. “I’m not your responsibility.”

This had been the most confusing two days of Tobias’s life, but he was dead sure of one thing. He bent so he could look Alfie straight in the eyes. “But you are. Aunt Virginia gave you to me , and she did it for a reason. I’m not letting either of you down.”

Alfie reached up and stroked Tobias’s cheek, making him shiver with pleasure. “You are magnificent,” Alfie said.

Although Tobias would have very much liked to pursue that thought—and to feel that warm hand on other parts of his body—now was clearly not the time. There were two unconscious or possibly dead trolls in his living room, with more lively ones on the way.

He straightened, put his hands on his hips, and confidently announced, “I know what we need to do.”