Sin of the Saints (Between Delusion and Sobriety Duet #2)

Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

Hillel

“ I don’t know you. ” Her words echo in my mind, clouding my eyes once again.

My feelings are fire and fury. I throw a punch, missing Lilith’s face by mere millimeters and shattering the wooden wall behind her. Her mouth hangs open in shock as she gasps.

She looks at me as if I’m a stranger, an enemy, and I can’t bear it. It’s that damned girl.

I feel my skin burning, and I know I have to get out of here before I do something I’ll regret. I actually thought she couldn’t hurt me more than she already has, more fool me.

Why do I keep coming back for another dose of destruction from her?

Because you love her, idiot, the voice in my head reminds me.

I emerge from the barn’s entrance and start running wherever my feet will take me. Every step further from her makes my heart twinge in pain. It’s the price I’ve paid all this time while she was away.

When my vessel was being initiated at the Vatican, they made sure to bring up, again and again, that the source of all evil in the world is the primeval woman. The one they acknowledged, who had been stricken from the histories and scriptures. The Original Sin that led to the expulsion from the Garden of Eden, resulting in punishments that humanity continues to pay for, generation after generation. A sin caused by an insatiable woman, who committed the deadly sins of Greed and Gluttony.

They weren’t wrong, except that this sin did not originate in her, but in the envy of He whom they had served and worshipped above all others. He whose essence they sanctify in every aspect of their lives. He who created in us, in us all, that same envy.

He who stands in my way at every fucking moment.

I pause as I notice the lake. It gleams beneath the night’s full moon. God is so afraid of the dark that He stains even the night with light.

“Damn you,” I hiss as I approach the lake.

Barefoot, naked, my dark black aura spreading outward, I walk on the water’s surface.

“And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the water 1 ,” I whisper, and look to the heavens. “Some would call that a miracle, but I know it’s nothing more than an illusion,” I chuckle.

My bitterness overtakes me and the chuckle becomes a burst of uncontrollable laughter. Oh, the irony. He thought my fall to Hell was a punishment, but I found my Garden of Eden at Lilith’s side. She lived with me among the flames of our fiery passion, surrounded by our offspring, in a place we called home. Hell fell upon me the day she betrayed and left me. And now that we’ve found each other once again, she’s brought Hell down upon me once more.

Despite having awakened, she does not want me.

I know she’s fighting it, but her stubbornness is overpowering her urges. My heart pains me so, and I wish to know if what she feels for me is the same love I feel for her. And perhaps our offspring were right all along: Lilith cannot love, and thus does not deserve our love.

I kick the water as I make my way to the heart of the lake. I close my eyes, relax my body and dive into the water.

I release a scream so loud it makes the water tremble and bubble around me.

“Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it 2 .”

“And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good 3 .”

God created the waters because He saw good in them.

He created Lilith and named her Woman; in His eyes she was a consuming fire just as God was in the eyes of His creations.

And so she was, a consuming fire indeed.

So beautiful as she danced in His blooming fields, among His creations and creatures, so enchanted by her reflection in the clear water He had created for her. And the more the spark within her grew, the more He feared her.

The waters were good. The fire was good.

But the fire could quickly change its shape, and wield the power to destroy Creation itself.

God knew this, and surrounded His Garden of Eden with four rivers: Pishon, Gichon, Chidekel and Perat.

But He could not create enough water to put out the divine flame that burned within Him as well. To extinguish she who bore it, its primeval source to which all beings longed to be near, praying they could touch her and her heat.

Thus she was cursed in her loneliness.

Because they who dare to reach out to her are doomed to burn.

I emerge over the water and notice my demoness kneeling by the lake.

“It’s time,” I say, and swim to her.

I step out of the water and slowly approach her, her eyes widen at the sight of my masculinity. I caress her face and tilt her chin to me, happy to see that my light has withdrawn from my body and my touch no longer burns her. Now I know only darkness.

“You won’t fail this time.” She nods energetically, and I smile with satisfaction. “Lilith mustn’t know that your incarnation into the lands of Adam has been completed.”

“But—” she starts to say, and I cut her off.

“She mustn’t!” My command thunders, and she shuts her eyes tight, stopping herself from answering me. Stubborn as Lilith, yet still she knows her place.

She opens her dark brown eyes. “I apologize,” she says with difficulty, and her nostrils flare.

“Good girl,” I caress her head. “My Naama, my lovely child.”