Sin of the Saints (Between Delusion and Sobriety Duet #2)

Chapter 23

Chapter Twenty-Three

Hillel

L ilith flees at remarkable speed, and I can’t help letting out a chuckle. When she disappears up the stairwell I pull out of Naomi and zip up my pants.

“You’re a selfish lover,” she grumbles. “I didn’t get to come.”

She forgets her place, and I grab a fistful of her hair and growl into her ear, “I’m not your lover.” She whines and I release my hold on her. “Call Othello. He’ll be pleased to hear you’ve awakened.” She winces at the sound of the name of the one who gave her his heart, and was left with broken remnants. Maybe it was the fate of all those who gave their hearts to demonesses like Lilith.

She walks over to the vintage phone standing on a wooden dresser and makes the call. She doesn’t wait long, and says: “Othello.” There’s a long silence. “Valentina’s training is at an end. This is Naomi.” Another silence torments me, and I approach the earpiece to eavesdrop.

“Naomi.” I hear Othello speak her name with a trembling voice.

I snatch the handle from her. “You’re summoned by your Creator. If you don’t respond, your end will be the same as that traitor Ashmedai.”

I hear him exhale. “Of course.”

“Very good. Spread the word throughout the castle, without Ashmedai knowing. Am I clear?”

“Yes, Father,” he hurriedly answers, and then his voice grows hesitant. “I thought I’d imagined it when I tasted your blood the day you came to interview for the position of lecturer, but my prayer was heard.”

“I heard it,” I answer. “Because no prayer is stronger than that of the damned.”

I plummet onto the couch, to gather my strength before I approach Lilith. Fortunately, Naama leaves me be.

Lilith is so different.

I can’t help remembering the first day I noticed her in the flowering field. Innocence was so beautiful in her, but wantonness was what made her a destructive, mesmerizing force of nature. And before I realized what was happening, I too was burned by the fire that was and remains her entire being.

Humans claim that people don’t change. Their human nature is meant to stumble into evil, which was always an advantage to my forces over my Creator. On the other hand, the other part of humanity is a light so bright that one beam in the darkness is enough to banish my corruptions.

But not Lilith. She is driven by light, despite the dark existence within her.

The way she looks to the heavens, especially at sunrise, expresses her secret longing. That which crushes me again and again each time. Because as the truth is revealed to me, I understand that it was never a matter of choosing Him or me. I might flow in her veins because she fed from me, but He is the one who controls her heart. We both covet her, and will continue fighting over her.

I’m not like Him, I don’t know the meaning of mercy or forgiveness. I want to punish her for her crimes, and conquer her all at once. And I find myself continuing to envy Him for that which has eluded me, and might perhaps never return: hope. He has an abundance of it, and it seems He ’s managed to pass it on to Lilith as well. On that first day my eyes fell upon her, I knew what truth and life were, and if I can’t have her, no one will.

“Are you ready?” Naama holds a hand out to me, waiting for my response.

Always , my heart responds. For her I’m always ready.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.But the greatest of these is love 1 .”

And so it has come to this at last. The moment he turned his back on faith, the moment his love turned her back on him, he was bereft of all hope. Loneliness was his only companion, even the beating of his heart slowed until it too abandoned him. Hillel brought his hand to his chest and felt nothing. Nothing at all. A miserable emptiness threatened to swallow him whole.

What is the point of immortality, unlife? A sentence second to none in its severity. The memory of her image hovers before him, as though haunting and tormenting him for what he couldn’t be to her. Was it foolish of him to still want someone who no longer wanted him? Perhaps that was the power of love. It makes lovers blind and dumb, sick and addicted, and they will do anything for one more ruinous dose.

“I’ll accept blindness, then, until the truth is revealed to me,” Hillel whispered again and again, in every incarnation into the lands of Adam.

Though he felt failure inscribed upon his flesh, he didn’t give up. An addict like him would know no peace until he tasted her again. He was reborn as a martyr, fate-stricken Bartimaeus, to be swallowed up again and again in the abyss of sacred light. Waiting patiently for his beloved to emerge from the darkness and redeem his agonized soul.

One more touch, one more taste, more soft longing that became a breathing storm.

Ex nihilo . Always there is ex nihilo . The birth of hope, until the day his prayer was heard. Because what is stronger than the prayer of the damned? Strong as punishments for the sins of the saints.

I open the door leading to the bedroom and find it empty. I run across the floor and open door after door to no avail, Lilith has vanished.

“Fuck,” I hiss. “That’s not good.”

Naama comes up after me, anxiety plain on her face.

“Damn it,” she says, “you pushed her too hard!”

“It was necessary! That girl won’t let go, just as my vessel was clinging to his stubbornness. But I know Lilith, she won’t be able to keep hiding from me forever!”

Naama chuckles and folds her arms over her chest. “The more you pursue her, the further she’ll flee from you, from all of us.”

I ignore her words, trapping the air in my lungs and trying to get into Lilith’s head. “She’s looking for Him. ”

Naama withdraws. “No.”

“If she’s turned her back on us, she must have fallen for His charming flattery. With His army of saints, Ashmedai and now us in pursuit, she’s desperate.”

“I told you over and over, she’s unworthy of our love!” Naama explodes. Her rage is understandable, and I don’t know what other lie I could sell her, or myself for that matter, to keep my hold on Lilith. “I hate her,” she hisses, casting her head back and bursting into laughter.

“Don’t lose your wits, we’ll find her. And this time I’ll set up a private hell of her own for her, to punish her for everything she’s done.”

“It’s about time.”

“And we won’t go without punishing Him for his involvement as well. He must understand that she’s mine and I can do with her whatever I see fit.”

Naama smiles wickedly. “I like the way you think. What do you propose?”

“We’ll put an end to this war. God created the world, and we’ll be the ones to destroy it once and for all. Lilith should remember that every angel is doomed to fall, even He who sits on high.”