Sine Qua Non

Chapter Seventeen

“You know you can’t force me to love you.”

Jay was wearing one of her old band tees from high school and these little terry cloth shorts, both worn and a little ratty. He knew she was doing it to show him how little all of this mattered to her, and he told himself he didn’t care. If she wanted to dress herself in rags like some sort of LA Cinderella, she could. All her clothes came off anyway when it was time to fuck.

He folded his arms behind his head and affected what he hoped was a look of careless disdain. “What are you talking about, Jay?”

“You might be able to blackmail me into having sex with you—but you can’t make me love you.” She slid off his bed, one long leg at a time, looking around his room with a dismissiveness that cut far more effectively than his own because she was so achingly lovely. “Maybe one day, when you’re on your third wife, you’ll understand why.”

Nicholas didn’t miss how she stumbled back from him when he stood up. Third wife. Was that what she fucking thought of him? Could she be that clueless? “I don’t plan on getting married,” he lied. “And if I wanted forgiveness, I’d be in a church. But I’m not in a church, am I, Jay? And you know there’s only one place in this house where I like to kneel.”

She bristled so obviously in distaste that his anger spiked.

“What’s the matter, little bird? Your pussy’s too good for me now? You were happy enough to let me play with it when I was tongue-fucking you so hard you couldn’t breathe.”

“I hate you.”

“Show me.” He took a step closer and when she jumped away again, he told himself again that he didn’t care. Fear was better than love—his father said so. Being feared didn’t make you weak. But the way she was looking at him now scored him so deeply that he found himself thinking very briefly that if this was strength, he didn’t want to be strong. “Get on your knees and show me.”

The unhappy noise that she made was like a knife in his chest. She reached for the hem of her shirt and he felt the belated pang of conscience. “No, I don’t need that. Just your mouth.”

“You’re disgusting,” she said quietly.

He felt disgusting, in that moment. And for the first few seconds, as she knelt down and began to do what he was forcing her to do, he hated himself more than he had ever allowed himself to hate his father. But the hatred made it easier to let this go on, too. Because the more Jay ripped at his heart, the more he could tell himself that this was what he wanted all along.

(you’re disgusting)

His eyes snapped open and he breathed in sharply, his heart keeping pace with the throbbing pulse in his neck. The dreams were receding, leaving behind a heaviness that had become as familiar as a lover. During those nine years that she’d been away, he had woken up hollow and gasping, holding nothing but empty air; and then the memories of what he’d done to drive her away burrowed like flechettes beneath his skin as the coolness of the sheets beside him salted the wounds of her loss.

What if there’s nothing? He thought wildly, his body already bracing itself for that familiar rejection and emptiness. What if she’s gone?

He rolled over and brushed something firm and warm.

It felt as if a pressurized catch inside his body had just been released. Oh, thank god.

Nicholas traced her lips, which parted under his thumb, before touching her cheeks, her nose, her throat—whatever he could reach, working his way down her body like a blind man struggling to remember. Then he gripped her hand until he thought her ring might draw blood.

“Nick? What are you doing?”

“Looking at you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re here.”

“Wow. Okay.” She laughed, drawing the covers up to her breasts as she rolled over to face him. There were lines around her bright eyes and slight brackets around the corners of her full, upturned mouth. They gave her beautiful face a comfortable, worn-in air that made looking at her feel like coming home. She looked at him warily. “Good morning to you, too.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I lived to excess and have regrets.” She looked at the empty champagne bottle, pressing her fingers to her temple. “You’re like the devil.”

“If am, it’s only because you were begging so sweetly for my corruption.”

“We’re going to be late for work,” she said, when he rolled her onto her back.

“I could be persuaded to let you work from home.” The sheets rustled as they were crushed by their bodies. He grinned down at her wickedly. “As long as you wear a slutty uniform.”

Jay glared up at him. “Get off me, creep.”

“Stockings.” He smoothed his hand over her hip as she struggled and failed to maintain her composure as he traced feather-light circles on her inner-thigh. “A sheer blouse. No underwear.”

“Absolutely not .”

He thrust his fingers inside her, all the way to the second joint, and she groaned.

“Fuck .”

“I love that little buzz.” He ground his thumb over her clit. “It’s so fucking cute.”

Jay writhed beneath him and he tightened his grip, resting his chin on her shoulder as she made those little sounds that drove him wild. She was still the girl who slept beneath a canopy of sunflowers while dreaming of men with cruel hands.

But now she belonged to him.

“Come for me,” he growled. “Come for your husband.”

Her body tautened beneath his before going limp, her chest heaving beneath the thin layer of sheet. With her hair falling richly around her flushed face as her head fell back, she looked so decadent that it took his breath away.

“You’re going to kill me,” she said, still breathing hard. Her face was all flushed. “God, what time is it? Oh my god.” She stared at the phone screen in disbelief, wriggling free from his body. “We really will be late now. It’s almost nine.”

“At the company I own.” He reached for his own phone, scrolling through the emails as he gave his cock a few tentative strokes. His fingers were still wet from her arousal and that dampness slicked his skin, blending with his own. “Take your time.”

“Easy for you to say,” she grumbled, turning her back on him. “You’re not angling for a new position.”

He half-smiled, looking up appreciatively at her retreating form, but his teasing retort remained unspoken as he noticed that his private investigator had finally gotten back to him.

Spotted a man leaving her apartment at 3am.

Did you get an ID on him?

No, got the license on his car. Having a buddy of mine at the DMV run the plates. Shouldn’t take too long. He owes me a favor and I told him it was for an extortion case.

Good. Put the bitch through the wringer. Make it hurt.

Nicholas collapsed back against the sheets as Jay appeared in the doorway, wearing a prim little button-down blouse and high-waisted trousers.

“You’re still in bed?”

“Mm-hmm.”

Jay flung his pants at him. “I thought you were an early riser.”

“I am,” he said deliberately, his smile widening with wolfish delight at the way her cheeks reddened when she looked away from his waning erection.

She threw a shirt at him. It sideswiped his face.

As he got dressed, he was aware of the little glances she shot his way, pelting like hail against his skin. He grabbed a silk tie from his drawer and purposely fumbled it, and just as he’d hoped, Jay stomped over and reached up to fasten it properly around his throat.

“You’re hopeless,” she told him, giving the knot a final cinching tug.

“Hopelessly in love with my beautiful wife.”

She faltered, staring at him.

“This is the part where you return the sentiment, Jay.”

“I’m in love with my beautiful wife,” she echoed, and he spanked her, making her jolt forward.

“Bad girl.”

Jay ducked her head but not before he saw the brief smile breaking through her serious appearance like a crack. And he thought: Got you.

They held hands on the way to the car. When he adjusted the rearview mirror before backing down the drive, he noticed her looking out the window and followed her eyes past the garden, to the bare, denuded earth. His father hadn’t seen much point in gussying the yard up for the deliverymen, and now the path was choked by weeds and native scrub. It had been like that for so long that he’d forgotten how it might look to an outsider.

“It’s not much to look at, is it?”

“No . . .” She looked from him to the window and back. “It’s pretty barren. It was like that even back then, wasn’t it? I remember it flooding whenever it rained.”

“You can do the yard however you want,” he told her. “The interiors, as well. I can give you the names of the people who did the furniture and the décor when I last remodeled, and we can sell any of the art you don’t like.”

“What? Oh no,” she said. “Nick, I was just teasing you about the jellyfish in the museum.”

“No,” he said firmly. “This is your house now. It should look the way you want it to.”

“I really don’t mind it the way it is.” She fidgeted with her broken purse. “I’d be happy to see to the landscaping, but you don’t need to gut your house for me to want to live in it.”

He wondered if he ought to reiterate that taking his money wouldn’t come at the cost of her independence. But then he remembered her words— you don’t have to give me things to make me like you —and hesitated.

At various office parties, he’d heard the society wives talk as he circulated the room. They turned their homes into passion projects, invested in their appearance the way their husbands did in mutual funds, and spent their husbands’ money just because they were bored. He was not entirely sure how to deal with a woman who didn’t want to spend any of his.

“You’re going to need a car,” he said eventually.

Jay glanced at him. “Yeah. I suppose I will.”

“Another Honda?”

She looked surprised. “I’d love that. Thank you.”

“You mentioned your license expired. We can get it renewed this weekend. Depending on how long it’s been, they might make you take the test again.”

“I guess that’s a good thing. I’ll need one with my new name, anyway.” She leaned back against her seat. “I should email HR today. Meghana is going to love that.”

“You’re a Beaucroft, Jay.”

“Your name can’t protect me from everything.”

“Then I will. You don’t need to worry, seriously.” Nicholas threw the car in park. “I’m going to take care of you. Say it.”

“You’ll take care of me,” she breathed.

He leaned over the console to kiss her and felt her lips part beneath his. Yes, kiss me, kiss me like you can’t get enough of me, undo me thread by thread until I just come fucking loose .

“You like that?” he whispered, and she nodded, looking a little drunk.

He ran his knuckles up her shirtfront before stroking her throat. He’d gotten so used to the necklace, it was strange to see her with her throat bare. I should get her a necklace. She gripped the back of his neck as she leaned away, her eyes unfocused. Collar her. Make her mine.

No one is ever going to fucking hurt her again.

“How’s my lipstick?”

Nicholas tweaked her lower lip. “All gone.”

“Shit.” She took a tube of lipstick out of her purse and begin filling in her full mouth with a dark plum. “You don’t have to wait in the car for me anymore,” she added. “People seem to suspect we’re together, anyway. I heard some people from Acquisitions gossiping about how you’re probably sleeping with me a few weeks ago.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“Because I knew you’d be angry.”

“I’m not angry,” he lied, feeling a surge of warmth when she leaned into him just a little as he stroked her warm cheek. At you , he added silently. “We can discuss how we’ll conduct ourselves in public later. Just do whatever feels most comfortable for now.”

“Okay.” She tugged her blouse down and centered her waistband as she stepped out of the car. “I hope you can maintain that mindset going forward because they’re going to talk about us a whole lot more now. Marriages are part of the public record.”

“I could always issue some Q4 layoffs,” he muttered.

“Please don’t do that. If you fire anyone who looks at me funny, people really will talk.”

They shouldn’t be looking at you at all , he thought, though he smiled and nodded for her sake.

Let her think she’d won. She wasn’t ever going to see any of that paperwork.

Jay turned and headed into the building at a brisk clip that she must have adopted in the city. A man held the door open for her and Nicholas rolled his eyes as he wiped her lipstick from his mouth. Her little fan club would be very disappointed when they found out she was off the market.

He took the same path as Jay— my wife , he thought, which raised goosebumps on his arms—stepping aside to dodge an intern who was padlocking her bike. The usual clutch of kiss-asses from sales and marketing were hovering by the door, comparing numbers, though they swarmed him like lemmings when he came in through the door, eager to schmooze.

Nicholas maintained a bland look and nodded until he didn’t feel like nodding anymore, and then he made an excuse and left. Stacey was on her way to get her morning coffee and shot him a wary look before hurrying down the hall with her mug, her face slightly pinched.

He watched her with a lifted brow and then grimaced when he saw something worse coming down the hall—Harold, his least favorite executive.

“Mr. Beaucroft, hey—how was your weekend?”

“It was fine,” he said, with a note of irony only Jay would have understood.

“I spent the weekend in Malibu. But I’m sure yours was much more eventful.”

Was it supposed to hurt that he wasn’t burning the midnight oil in overpriced surfer hell like a burner frat boy with a trust fund? “The weekends just fly by.” His smile thinned. “Was there something you wanted? I have a meeting in twenty minutes.”

“I just wanted to check in. If I need something, I’ll ask your secretary.”

“That’s what she’s there for,” Nicholas said, adding silently, for now .

He headed for the stairs, and on his way to the office he saw the man swagger over to Jay and Annica’s station. He leaned over to talk to Jay, and whatever he said didn’t appear to please her, because her shoulders tensed and the smile vanished from her face as she responded.

Nicholas sat down at his desk and drew in a breath as he looked around his domain. The room still smelled like the lemon carpet cleaner the janitors were so fond of. Usually, he was able to ignore it, but now it stung his sinuses like a brand.

His eyes went to his computer. He frowned. A newspaper was tented over the keyboard, arranged so that even the mouse was covered. It was The Hollybrook Herald . That was even stranger. It was a puff-piece pamphlet paid for with city dollars by people who thought that local change was terrifying. He never read it if he didn’t have to. Why the hell was it on his desk?

Maybe one of the janitors was reading it , he thought doubtfully.

Then his eye caught on the title of one of the articles.

LOCAL CEO CAUGHT IN TABOO SCANDAL

Hollybrook, CA—Early last week, an anonymous source revealed that Nicholas Beaucroft, local philanthropist and CEO of Beaucroft Assets, has allegedly been involved in a clandestine relationship with his older stepsister, Justine Varens, for the last nine years.

This revelation sent shockwaves through the community, particularly in light of his father’s sexual misconduct, for which he stood trial for several months following multiple allegations from his employees. The anonymous source, claiming to be a part of the young CEO’s inner-circle, hinted that the affair began with the family’s tacit knowledge, albeit against their approval.

Since Varens is an employee at her stepbrother’s firm, the nature of this relationship has sparked concerns on the morality of Beaucroft’s actions and the implications of his perceived nepotism with regard to how it might potentially affect the running of his corporation. This is not the first time that this concern has been raised. In 2015, an ex-employee of BA wrote an open letter to the CEO, alleging that BA was a hostile work environment with little to no amenities.

One employee, who did not wish to be named, said of the incident: “When she [Varens] first came here, nobody knew who she was or how she’d gotten the job. She started as [Beaucroft’s] secretary, but then they swapped her out to the CFO. Now, she’s vice-president. A jump up the corporate ladder like that doesn’t just happen. Other people’s careers have been toppled just so she could glide ahead. But I guess some people don’t care who they stop on as long as it means they’re climbing to the top.”

A shareholder, who also wished to remain anonymous out of fear of retaliation, said: “As someone with a stake in the company, who has relied on his investments in the past, this news is incredibly distressing. CEOs are supposed to be the figureheads of the companies they lead. They’re the face that everyone sees. If Nicholas chooses to conduct his personal life with such a flagrant disregard for his own reputation and conduct, that, to me, raises serious red flags about his ability to steward his own corporation. But then, he’s always been a little too comfortable strongarming people into handshake deals.”

The news has caused other shareholders to wonder if Mr. Beaucroft ought to step down. The anonymous shareholder continued: “We have an expectation that company executives are always operating in good faith. If a CEO’s behavior compromises that public face in any way, even during their so-called private lives, the shareholders have a right to know these details because the effects can be so public. When an executive’s personal life impacts corporate governance and throws his moral and ethical values into question, he’s saying he doesn’t care about the rules or the people he's dealing with.”

Beaucroft Assets became a multinational corporation earlier this year, but the anonymous employee hinted that there are whispers of clients who have already begun pulling out due to the allegations of their CEO’s conduct. When we attempted to reach out to BA for a statement, we received an email from their HR department claiming that they would be “looking into these allegations.” Nicholas Beaucroft and Justine Varens could not be reached for comment.

*****

Hi Meghana,

Nicholas and I got married this week and I didn’t see a name change form on the company’s internal Wiki page. What is the procedure for getting my last name updated in the system?

Also, do I need to notify someone else besides you? We want this to be above board.

At least, she did, thought Jay, as she signed her name to the bottom of the email and sent it off before she could second guess herself. It would have to do for now. If she had made a mistake, she was sure Meghana would correct her.

She twisted the ring on her finger. Nicholas must have had it resized since he had attempted to present it to her nine years ago. At thirty-one, her fingers were no longer as slim as they had been when she had been a young girl fresh out of college. That should have disturbed her and it did a little, but it wasn’t that much more invasive than anything else he’d done.

Keeping her childhood bed because he’d fucked her in it, hiring a PI to stalk and photograph her, blackmailing her into being his mistress by filming her getting off—even when he was a boy, he had lacked both boundaries and restraint.

That morning, he had been holding her like he thought she might be taken from him. Touching her with such aching tenderness that she had feigned sleep so that he might do it longer. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had touched her like that, with so much longing.

Like she was their whole world.

“Do you think you can make these copies for me?”

Jay looked up. It was that marketing executive that Nicholas had chased away. Memory of his authority had apparently faded in his absence. “I’ll see what I can do.” She didn’t bother to mask the sharpness in her tone. “It might be faster to do it yourself. I have a full morning with Mr. Hartwell.”

“And you don’t do what you do for your bosses for other people?”

The wording of his question gave her pause. “I’m Mr. Hartwell’s assistant. Not the office secretary. I’m happy to show you how to use the copier later but if I do, it’s going to be a courtesy and not because that’s my job description.”

“That’s funny,” the man—Harold, she remembered his name was—said. “From what I hear, you do plenty of things outside of your job description for your stepbrother.”

Jay stiffened, shooting a sidelong look at Annica. Did she hear this? But she kept her face angled pointedly towards her own screen, in a way that suggested bomb blasts could be going off and she wouldn’t notice. Either she had the best-noise cancelling headphones in the world, or she wasn’t going to lift a damn finger to help.

“I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean,” Jay said at last, opting for a cold, no-nonsense tone. “I don’t work for Nicholas.”

“Just under him,” she thought she heard Annica say, but when Jay whipped around to look at her in shocked anger, the woman still had her eyes on her screen.

“Look, I don’t have time for this,” Harold say, with a nasty smile that suggested he’d heard what Annica said, too. “Just make the copies.”

Just do this, do that, I thought you were a good girl.

People were always telling her how to behave and what to do, and expecting her to just roll over like a beaten dog. Anger flared through her, hot and dangerous.

She picked up the sheaves of paper, allowing the man one beat of smug satisfaction, before ripping them right down the center with a neat twist of her hands.

“What the fuck .” Harold dove to his knees to salvage his precious documents while Jay turned to her desk, her hands shaking as she put them in her lap. I can’t believe I just did that.

Harold stood, his posture menacing—familiar. She stared at the screen until the bluish light wavered, remembering a time not so long ago when her stepfather had put his fist through the wall.

(if you want to keep that pretty face)

“You’re as crazy as your whole fucking family.”

Jay jumped when her computer chimed. God, shit. She plugged in the jack, silencing her computer as Harold walked away with a shake of his head. Her heart was still beating a mile a minute and there was a high-pitched ringing sound in her ears.

HR had sent her an email. Wow, that was fast . Jay was vaguely surprised that Meghana was responding to a request for a name change personally, when she had an entire staff at her disposal.

Please come see me in my office at your earliest convenience.

Dread sank into her gut like a falling stone. Had Harold run to HR? And—what? she mocked herself inwardly. Complained that she’d ripped up the documents after he’d made vaguely suggestive comments about Nicholas and her family?

It’s probably about Nicholas . She darted a look at Annica as she rose up on shaky legs. It’s always about Nicholas. The trek to the office felt longer than normal as he brain spiraled with worst-case scenarios and doubts. Who was the sadist who had designed this building so that you had to parade yourself across the entire floorplan just to get called on the carpet?

And then she realized she knew the answer. It would be Nick’s father, of course.

He was already there, standing over Meghana’s desk. Looming, the way he always did. She wished he wasn’t doing it now. Even if the HR director seemed immune to his tactics, any threatening behavior would make whatever was about to happen worse.

This definitely isn’t about the name change form.

“Oh good.” Meghana spoke in a tone of decisive calm as Jay shut the door behind herself. “Since you’re here, we can all begin.”

“Begin what?” Taking a cue from Nicholas, Jay didn’t sit down, either, remembering how helpless she had felt last time when she had been forced to remain seated while castigated like a child in front of all that yarn. She held onto the back of the chair as if it would buoy her. “What’s going on?”

Meghana held up a newspaper. Jay recognized it. The Hollybrook Herald —the one she’d been on the cover of just a few weeks before, not that she went out of her way to read it. Damon had thought it was gossipy trash and her mother didn’t read anything that wasn’t in Vogue , and Nicholas seemed to get all of his news from his phone—

“What,” she began, confused, until her eyes focused on the first page.

There was a picture of her and Nicholas there, printed in black and white. Not a recent one—not one of those pictures. Not even the one of her in that silvery dress that she’d hated.

No, it had been taken on the night of her stepfather’s holiday party.

The night she had run away and never come back.

LOCAL CEO CAUGHT IN TABOO SCANDAL

“Oh,” Jay heard herself say, her voice cracking.

“This was on my desk this morning. I don’t know who put it there and to be honest, it doesn’t really matter.” Meghana set the paper down beside her colorful yarn decorations. “Someone took the liberty of circulating copies around the office. At this point, I think it’s a safe bet to say that everyone has either seen it or heard about it.”

Jay stared at that photo of herself in the rose gold-colored gown that she’d hated. The look in his eyes . She hadn’t imagined it—Nicholas as a young man who didn’t know how to mask his obsession. It was there on his face, plain to anyone who cared to see it.

She supposed that there were plenty of people who would.

“The copier needs credentials to work,” Nicholas said. “Did you check the log?”

“Yes. Someone used the interns’ code from the supply office.”

Jay made a sound. Nicholas started to go to her and the sight of him visibly checking the impulse—for her sake, she assumed—had her sinking into that stupid chair, after all.

“Given our last conversation on this subject and your litany of legal issues, I had hoped that we had seen the matter of corporate malfeasance reach a close. But it seems Jay’s new role in the company has now raised concerns about favoritism in the workplace.”

“Spare me the pearl-clutching,” Nicholas said. “We’re all adults here.”

Jay started to glare at him and then did a double-take. “Wait—my—my new role?”

“We were going to announce your promotion today. Mr. Hartwell made a very strong case for your lack of experience in light of your other considerable achievements. But now that this is out, we’re considering either deferring the announcement and your promotion to the next payment cycle, or until the blowback from this situation dies down. Or—” She hesitated. “Going with another candidate. There were contenders.”

They don’t want you , that nasty voice in her head whispered. They never wanted you.

“Don’t punish her for what I did.” Nicholas had moved. Now he was standing right behind her, gripping the back of her chair. She could feel the warmth of his fingers through her blouse. “There’s no need to denigrate her contributions. It’s all above board.”

“Nobody is denigrating anyone,” Meghana said. “But we have the company to think of. And I apologize for sounding harsh, but when you fail to disclose a relationship that impacts the work environment, the situation is very much not above board, Mr. Beaucroft.”

“It doesn’t matter. Jay isn’t going to be taking the fall for this.” She felt him lean forward, both hands bracing on the back of her chair now. She imagined he looked like an angry-eyed panther, ready to spring. “I raised this company from the ashes. If you go through with this decision, I won’t just step down. I’ll gut it. That could mean pro bono consulting with every single one of our competitors, or it could mean a lawsuit for retaliation. I got this position by being creative, and I plan on getting even more creative if you force me to leave it before I’m ready.”

A look of panic flashed over Meghana’s face, as if she were considering the damage an angry and inspired Nicholas could wreak. “Let’s not be rash.”

“I’m not being rash. How did news of her new role get out in the first place? We hadn’t even announced it to her yet.”

Oh my god. Jay’s hands fisted in her lap. He’s right.

“Arthur and I were the only ones who knew the names of the applicants. And I only know because he discussed it with me briefly, in passing. This suggests that there was a breach—or someone was given access to Arthur’s office or files that shouldn’t have.”

His tone said very clearly who he blamed for that.

Meghana nodded stiffly, accepting the strike. “We’ve already considered that possibility and have our security team looking into the situation.”

“Are you? That’s interesting. Because I should have been informed of this slanderous hit piece before you gave yourself the go-ahead to deliver a canned response to the press.” His voice turned cold. “When I find out who violated their NDA to go crawling to a reporter, they’re going to be fired—and sued—regardless of their position with the company.”

“Security is reviewing the footage from Mr. Hartwell’s office and the legal department has already signed off on dealing with this as a violation of the company’s NDA. As soon as we have this vetted through the proper channels, you’ll be consulted on every step of the outcome.”

“Let me make one thing perfectly clear.” The chair creaked as Nicholas leaned forward again. “As long as I’m doing my job and the numbers look good on paper, the perception of the slack-jawed public doesn’t really matter to me. We’re not brokering auto shops and church bake sales here. I could not give less of a flying fuck what John Q. Public thinks about how I conduct myself with my wife when I’m making the company billions. They don’t hand out your paychecks. We do. I suggest,” he finished, with a slight growl, “you remember that.”

For the first time since Jay had met the woman, Meghana looked surprised. “I’m sorry, did you say—wife?”

Nicholas reached down and grabbed Jay’s left hand, holding it up like a trophy. Meghana’s brown eyes drifted from Jay’s hand to Jay herself and then over her shoulder, to Nicholas. Jay cringed at the thought of what his expression must look like right now.

But a small part of her thrilled at his fierceness.

“We got married this week. Clearly, the informant didn’t know that. They got Jay’s name wrong.”

“I sent you an email.” Nicholas was still holding her hand and she made no attempt to free herself, although she did shoot an uneasy glance at Meghana. “This morning.”

“I didn’t see it,” Meghana said. “It’s been a busy morning.”

“Too busy to check your emails. That is concerning.” He stroked the inside of Jay’s palm with his thumb. “Especially if you have the time to schedule superfluous meetings that could have been proactively handled by reading them.”

That was enough. Jay spread her fingers, gently breaking Nicholas’s grip, aware even as she folded her hands in her lap that she was free only because he had allowed her to be. “I told you in my email that we wanted this to be above board—and we do,” she added, hearing his quiet scoff. “We were hoping to keep this quiet for at least a little while but now it’s affecting the work environment, you’re right. But a lot of that is because of the paper being circulated. Someone made a suggestive comment to me before I’d even settled down at my desk.”

“I’m sorry,” Meghana said, after a pause. “That’s unacceptable.”

“Yes, it is. Listen to your VP. She knows what she’s doing. And unlike me, she’s going to be a lot more understanding about you reading the gossip rags instead of doing your job.”

He let go of the chair and pivoted towards the door. “I expect to have an email before the end of the day telling me how you plan to deal with this in detail. Assuming we’re both still here.”

Way to drop that bombshell without diffusing it , Jay thought, her frustration blending with concern and—yes, a little schadenfreude, too. Nobody had ever defended her like that, not so viciously. She thought she might like it. Too much.

“I’m sorry,” she said, as much as for Meghana’s sake as herself, before hurrying after Nick. “Nicholas, wait,” she called out, and his steps slowed, allowing her to catch up to him in the hall outside the HR office. Employees from the Acquisitions department were beginning to trickle in and they were getting a few sidelong looks. “I need to talk to you.”

“In my office.”

His office? Jay eyed the people who were making a very poor attempt at disguising their interest. If she went into a room alone with him, there would be talk. But on the other hand, there already was.

She had a flash of following him in there before, terrified that he would use her as his little office whore but bound to follow anyway. He pressed a button on his desk and the windows automatically became opaque. Jay startled.

“I didn’t know they could do that.”

“Well, they can.” He leaned back against his desk, hands braced on the surface. “What do you want, blue jay?”

The affectionate nickname softened the impatience in his voice. “You can’t give up your job for me.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s your job . You’re good at it. You enjoy it. I’ve seen your face at those all-hands meetings, Nicholas. It lights you up.”

One of his eyebrows had lifted challengingly, but as she spoke, she recognized the stubborn set to his jaw as he pushed off from the desk. “It’s not my job that ‘lights me up.’ It’s you. You’ve given up so much for me. What if I want to be the martyr for once?”

“Because you can’t fix the past by . . . by martyring yourself on it.” Jay shook her head desperately. “Is this about what you said by the pool? Your idea of a big sacrifice? I don’t want that.”

“Do you want the job?”

“Not at the expense of your career!”

“No, I’m asking you, Jay. Do you want the job?”

She glared up at him heatedly. “Stop trying to make me punish you. I told you I wasn’t going to co-sign your stupid decisions!”

“This isn’t punishment. They’re not going to let me go without cutting me some kind of deal. We’re a multinational corporation and I’m me. Do you think those shiny new deals I brokered are going to last if the CEO suddenly disappears? Meghana’s probably on the phone with Legal right now, trying to conjure up some golden handcuffs to bind me to them right now.”

“My god,” Jay gasped. “You’re evil .”

“It’s a fuck or get-fucked world out there, Jay. I didn’t get where I am today by letting people bend me over a table. You, on the other hand, insist on seeing the best in everyone, even when your ass is in the air.”

“Nicholas!”

“It’s a very cute ass.” He flicked her nose, his smile widening into a grin when she smacked his hand away. “I’ve seen people here fall over themselves trying to please you. I think they’ll try even harder when they come crawling to you for comfort after dealing with me.”

Jay wasn’t sure whether she wanted to laugh or scream. “Please tell me you didn’t threaten Arthur into giving me this job.”

“Of course not. Just a strongly worded suggestion.”

“Oh my god.”

“You deserve it. You’ve always worked harder than everyone else. Three times as hard—isn’t that what you told me?” His eyes flicked over her. “I can believe it.”

“I didn’t ask you to do this.” She shook her head. “I didn’t want you to do this.”

“Look, I told you that hard work didn’t matter, but that was before. Back when my father was buying me off like some kind of insurance policy. Bailing out this company like a sinking ship changed my thinking. I don’t want some corporate pencil-pusher managing my operations division like it’s just another rung on the corporate ladder. I want someone who will fight.”

“What if you lose your job?”

Nicholas shrugged. “Then I sell the house and buy you a vegan bakery or something.”

“You can’t do that.” She felt as if she were speaking through a mouthful of Novocain. “You can’t just sell your house and leave, just like that.”

“I don’t think you understand how much money I actually have, Jay.”

Oh god, Jay thought. He’s right.

“You know,” Nicholas said, lowering his voice confidingly, “half of it is yours. Or do you still not realize that?”

“I realize that,” she snapped.

“Because you’re acting like you think you still need to budget for a tiny little apartment with bars on the windows.”

He’s so arrogant . That entitlement was like something out of another age, when men could own land stretching beyond what the eye could see.

And then Jay thought of how he had defended her, and his unshakable faith in her. She wasn’t sure it was warranted but it still made her feel good, because nobody had ever told her that it was okay to yearn for things that seemed beyond her reach.

Before she was quite aware of doing so, Jay closed the distance and wrapped her arms around his slender waist. The muscles of his back stiffened beneath his suit.

“What are you doing?” he asked, in a careful voice.

“Hugging you, idiot,” Jay mumbled, hugging him harder, burying her face in his throat the way he did, whenever he inhaled against her hair. “Even though your plans are stupid and I think you might be insane, the way you defended me today made me want to kiss you.”

“Of course I defended you.” His arms folded awkwardly around her body, in stark contrast to the smooth elegance of his usual gestures. “Anyone with eyes can see how hard you work.”

She managed a brave smile. “Part of the reason I worked as hard as I did was because sometimes it felt like that was the only thing keeping me afloat. I was so afraid . . . that no one would step in to save me if I stopped flailing.” She paused. “But you would.”

“Every time.” His lips brushed her brow. “Until my heart stops.”

Jay nearly shuddered when he pushed her gently back.

“I thought—when she showed us the paper, I thought it would be the photographs.”

The gentleness vanished from his face like evaporating mist. “Yeah, I think we’re going to have to talk to your mother about that. I had a PI looking into her. The same one I used for you. He’s thorough, and he told me she’s seeing someone.”

The same one he’d used for her. He said it so casually, so shamelessly.

“Who is she seeing?”

“I don’t know. But she’s not smart enough to come up with anything this elaborate on her own, which probably means that whoever she’s with lit a fire under her ass.”

“You want to confront her,” Jay said, reading his expression.

“Do you not want me to?”

“No.” Jay realized that could be taken for denial and shook her head. “She made her choice a long time ago. The weekend she let me think she was dead so she could hook up with your dad—that was the day she made it clear that she would never choose me. If she is behind this—” Jay steeled her shoulders “—if she sent me those pictures, I will never forgive her.”

“Don’t worry. She knows she won’t get her money if we think we have nothing left to lose.”

“Was that why you did it?” Her voice was quiet. “When you blackmailed me?”

Nicholas studied his tinted office windows with his wintry eyes, folding his arms. “I thought you didn’t love me anymore. And I wanted you . . . so badly. I didn’t want you to leave.”

“I never understood what made you want to hurt me.”

“I thought if I made you stay, I could force you to love me back. But the more I took from you, the emptier I felt—and the more you shoved me away.” He laughed bitterly, shaking his head at the blinds. “I really was a waste.”

“You were a cruel and vicious boy who got everything he wanted. Someone was going to have to say no to you eventually.” She leaned back on the edge of his desk, crossing one foot over the other. “I hate that you made it be me.”

“I’m not a nice man, Jay. But I love you. And I want to do for you what neither of our parents did for us. Protect you, take care of you.” He stalked closer, making her suck in her breath. “And now that I know that you love me back, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

“I know,” she said, a little anxiously. “You’ve told me. I believe you.”

“No.” He bent slightly, so they were face to face. “Not just in the office. Anyone who has ever kept you up at night, I can destroy.” She gripped the desk tighter as something too dark to be arousal blazed through her veins. “Do you want to get back at your mother? Your friends? You’ve only seen me at the very best of my very worst. I can show you what I’m capable of when I’m not holding back—and I will win.”

Jay had a piercing realization of what the serpent must have sounded like while cajoling Eve into tasting the apple; it must have tasted like the sweet violence he was promising her now.

She turned her face away, conscious of the closed door and the buzzing silence and the slight kiss of arousal on her inner thighs. Even in this steel and drywall bubble, they were not beyond judgement.

“I don’t want to hurt her,” she said uncertainly, still turned away.

“You don’t need to hurt her to make her hurt.”

She thought of all the times her mother had made her feel worthless. She might not have raised a hand to her, but her words had been like the slow death of a thousand cuts. And she had swallowed down all those insults like bitter medicine, thinking that her mother had surely known best.

And then she left me alone. She hurt me on purpose because it made her feel bigger when I was small. She treated me like I was nothing. And then she sold me—like I was nothing.

She looked up at the man her mother had sold her to. He looked back at her, and she saw that radiant chill in his eyes thaw by just a few degrees, like a teasing glimpse of sun in a storm.

Then he bent to her ear and whispered, “Let Daddy take care of it.”

“Okay,” Jay said, sounding only a little shaky.